20 Questions Tuesday: 12: My So-called High School

Ah, for lack of better judgment, I have decided that today’s 20 questions will be centered around the topic of high school. Which means it will be centered around my high school experience. So, gather the kids around and listen to the answers of my High School. Imagine that it is way back in 1990 again, and everything will be okay.

Some disclaimers. I hated HATED high school. I am a Hewitt Trussville High School class of 1992 grad, and since high school graduation I haven’t looked back. Why a high school in Alabama would choose a sled dog for a mascot, I am not sure. Anyway… my school was a good school, but not the best. Much like most Alabamian high schools there was an insane drop-out rate. My freshman class was about 750-ish (if I remember correctly) and my graduating class was 365. That is a goodly amount of people who “dropped out” or just didn’t finish on time. I was not hated by anyone that I know of, but I wasn’t popular either. I never truly fit in with any one particular group and constantly longed to be more popular. Of the 365 I graduated with I only keep in contact with 2 and I am only remotely curious as to what happened to maybe 4 other people. Some of my responses today will probably seem jaded, because, well, I am jaded about the whole high school situation.

Thanks this week to The Em, ContinuityGirl, Dustin, and J.A. Coppinger. (A special “Thank you” to Wifey for her last minute questions.)

1. What is the point of having a homecoming king and queen? Popularity isn't accentuated enough without it?
The whole idea of the homecoming court was to really make the marginalized feel even more so. Actually, I think that was a big part of the whole high school ritual in general. High school really helped to marginalize the marginalizable and popularized the ones willing to conform. High school was a Petri dish of polarization.

2. Everybody had that one teacher in high school that everyone made fun of or was totally wacky. What was your's like? And how are people like this even allowed near kids?
Mrs. Eyslande (not her actual name. I don’t want her googling this post). She was my Sophomore chem. Teacher. She was flighty and really scatter-brained. Made for interesting labs. One time whilst she was doing the “electric pickle” demonstration, she knocked the pickle over and then picked it up bare-handed. Clarification: for those of you who do not know, there are a boat lode of salts and minerals and electrolytes in pickles, so much so, that if you attached the wires from a plug to each side of the pickle it will light up and buzz and hum due to its ability to conduct electricity. This makes the pickle, in effect, an exposed wire that is plugged into an outlet. Her picking up the pickle did not go over well with her whole “I don’t like to get shocked” philosophy.

3. Most high schoolers participated in some extra curricular activities, what were yours?
Hmmm… Other than the Honor Society and ΜΑΘ (the Math Honor Society), which were less activities than things that they made me go to, I was a member of the varsity soccer team, scholar’s bowl (Quiz Bowl), the Physics Club (they had good breakfasts and I enjoyed annoying that sponsor/teacher), I think that was it.

4. You were voted "mostly likely...." what?
If I had tallied any votes it would have been for “Most Likely to Get the Hell out of Alabama.”

5. What's your best moment/memory of high school?
I have mentioned this before, but one time the aforementioned sponsor/physics teacher said to me
Teach: SRH, do you know what your problem is?
Me: No, what?
Teach: You’re apathetic.
Me: So…
I am not sure she really even got the pithiness of the response, but it was at that moment I decided top join the physics club.

6. Which John Hughes film most closely resembles your time at school?
This is a really good question. If you subtract the love interests, science experiments, the ability to pull off a gigantic party, the creation of a hot chick from 1980’s with crappy computer systems, and the transformation from Geek to popular at the end of the movie, I would say “Weird Science.”

7. When you were at school what did you want to be when you grew up?
Up until my senior year I was gunning for being in the US Air Force. WTF was I thinking?!?!

8. Did you eat school dinners (lunches) or bring your own in, in a brown paper bag?
Funny thing. I actually only went into the cafeteria, I think, maybe 10 time during the entirety of my high school tenure. I found ways to get 2 half period study halls to replace my lunch period. I didn’t eat lunch in high school, brownbag or otherwise.

9. What's the worst thing you ever got caught doing? and the worst thing you got away with?
Hmmmm, I got caught with a gas mask in my locker. Let me clarify, I had an old Mark V gas mask (a black mask with 2 air filter canisters on the mask) in my locker that I stored a whole bunch of Skor Bars within. Mmmmmm toffee and chocolate… And I guess during one of the random locker searched they “confiscated” the mask, but they also took the Skor bars, the Bastards!

That I have gotten away with? I actually got out water colors because I was tired of just sketching in my Latin class. The teacher found it better for me to be occupied than fully engaged.

10. What is it with High School lunch ladies?
Honestly, they were one of the reasons that I avoided the cafeteria. That and the fact that the “salad bar” had three colors of “salad dressing” but they all tasted the same.

11. What is the funniest High School mascot you've ever heard of?
Why anyone would name their high school mascot the “Mighty Trojans” and be angry about the eventual condom jokes that ensued?

12. Did you ever have a crush on one of your HS teachers?
Nope, I wanted to crush a few of them, but I never had a crush on any of them.

13. Private or Public...which is better?
From a pure cross-section of humanity preparation for the real world aspect, I would have to go with public. In public school, you sometimes had to put effort into making the learning experiences happen.

14. Do all male PE (Physical Education) teachers have excessive back hair (i.e. is that a job requirement)?
Furrowed brow is a requirement. I never saw my PE coaches’ backs without their shirts on. Are you trying to tell me something scary and private, Dustin? If the big back hairy man did something to you, you can tell me.

15. Were you a prep, jock, burn-out, or a geek?
Most definitely a geek

16. What was you best HS moment?
Being done with it

17. What was the most embarrassing HS moment?
I will wait and see if Capt. McArmypants and B-dawg want to weigh in on this one. I honestly have nary a memory about embarrassing moments in High School, but that could be because I have blocked them from my memory.

18. Would you –for any price- return to HS?
There is a price for everything. I have not put much thought into what price that would be.

19. Compare your feelings about your hair in high school versus your feelings about your hair now.
I absolutely hated my brillo pad-esque hair in high school. Straight hair was in and curly hair was something to be tamed. My hair was untamable, and I hated it. I like the curls now (even though I just got them cut). All in all I like the hair sitch, I just wish that I did not come into this comfort with my hair after I started graying and balding.

20. Would you have dated your wife in high school?
Well, there are a couple of things that we need to clarify in this question. Knowing who I am today I would have, but we are talking about the “me” of around 15 years ago. 15 years ago I was a white 17 year old in Alabama who was non-popular. My wonderful wife is black-white biracial, so the superficial-17-year-old-why-don’t-people-like-me SRH would not have found Hottie McHotness (Wifey) attractive due to the color of her skin. I grew a whole bunch between graduating from high school and my junior year in college.

All that being said, and removing the skin tone from the equation, I would not have wanted to date Wifey in high school. See, she was a cheerleader, class president, president of the Honor’s Society, and super popular while I was merely a jaded geek. I would have disliked her due to envy, and therefore probably not talked to her much. Flip that coin and she probably would not have dated me either. I was not in the “in crowd” enough to have made it into the realm of her possible datees. She too grew up a bunch in college.

To Recap:
High school sucked
Finger feels fine today
I miss my cats
I had a big lunch today, but I am still hungry
Not sure what will be for dinner tonight
I am loving Tool’s 10,000 Days
But I have a thing for Tool anyway
I am sore today because I started at a new gym last night
Wow, I am sore
I was sore before I left the gym
That is NEVER a good sign

20 Questions Tuesday: 11 - 80's part 2.

20 Questions Tuesday: 11 is the continuation of last week’s 80’s TV questions. Special thanks this week to Peefer, JW, Bomber, and Ksig for their insightful questions. Been in meetings all day, so sorry about the tardiness and lack of linkies. These things don’t write themselves, people!

1. The Facts Of Life: Whom would you most like to impregnate? You must provide an answer in the form of a character's name. No weasling your way out of this.
It would be either Tootie or Jo. A Tootie/Jo sammich might actually be called for.

2. The Dukes Of Hazard: Would you ever in a million years call you child Enos?
I have a child and Enos did not even make it near the list of choices. I did know a kid named Hezikia while growing up. He went by Hezzy, and was quite an annoying glue eater.

3. B.J. And The Bear: Did you watch it for the women or the monkey?
Yes, I watched it for the women and the monkey.

4. CHiP’s.: I can't remember a thing. Please ask and answer your own question.
Ponch and John: Was there something more there than friendship?
Well, I think they were “partners” if you catch my meaning… wink wink nudge nudge…

5. Knight Rider: To what is this an allegory?
Ah, the Allegory of the Talking Car. This story is the prototypical story of the good champion versus evil. The champion is the everyman who has to rely on the tools of his trade to overcome evil. He has no real skills himself except for his over average height and more than average curl curly hair, so the real heros of this show are the technology associated with and within the Knight Industries Two Thousand. Because of the tools surrounding the hero, everyone could become that hero. It also helped that they always had a hot chick as a mechanic.

6. Who do you think got more umm... action? Mr. Belvedere, or Mr. Drummond?
Mr. Drummond. He has money. Mr Belvedere was a butler living with a middle class family. Butlers get play, but butlers for people without money? Please…

7. Given there is a live action version on the way, who is your favorite Transformer? (Autobot or Decepticon)
Soundwave. He was the coolest. Although I think he was more than just Megatron’s lieutenant, if you know what I’m sayin’?

8. Does anybody besides me remember Danger Mouse?
Yes

9. What in your opinion what is the WORST 80's animated show?
Silverhawks was a pretty pathetic excuse for a cartoon. The 80’s really started the trend of trying to mass market a toy prior to it being popular. This concept is the result of toy manufacturers having crappy ideas and then deciding that if they shove it down kids’ throats with a crappy cartoon, a breakfast cereal, and underoos it will become popular. What manufacturers did not seem to realize is that no matter how you market a crap idea, it is still crap.

10. If you had to push one off a cliff-who would ya push? Webster/Punky Brewster?
Webster. He was an annoying “wanna be” Arnold and should have never made it to TV.

11. If you could sit and get hammered with one character from "Cheers", who would it be?
Norm, I could put my drinks on his tab and no one would be the wiser.

12. Where were you when you first watched the premiere of Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video? It was an event.
I was at home. It was very satisfactory to my young self. MJ in his early solo career was very good at not looking like an insane idiot.

13. Why, oh why, do "some people" insist that "The Facts of Life" was and still is great television?
You know, I honestly am not sure. I thought The Facts of Life was a fine show, but I do not swear by it.

14. What did you love most about the show "WKRP in Cincinnati" and would that show ever work today - or are we too P.C. now?
I think since the Simpsons and Futurama and The Family Guy and Malcom in the Middle have been on TV, WKRP in Cincinnati would be airable, but I am not sure it would even seem edgy anymore.

15. In 1982, if Webster and Arnold Drummond got into a fight to the death, who would win and why?
Arnold. He needed a kidney more. In fights to the death, you really gotta want it. Take it from me… ummm forget that last part. I SAID FORGET IT!

16. Everyone loved the original Voltron and the 5 lions, wtf was up with the inter-galactic Voltron made up of spaceships? Do you know of anyone that even liked that version? Why would they mess with the lions?
Multipart questions will not earn you extra points. 1. Jumped the shark. 2. Toy manufacturers. 3. Needed a new line of toys since everyone had purchased the lions.

17. What do you think happened to the kid from the PSA who spouted “ I learned it from watching you, alright!” Personally I have to believe that he got into harsher drugs, contracted hiv from a needle, got busted robbing a convenience store for $50 to buy some more crank and is now serving 20-30 in the California penal system.
Nope, he went straight into the porn industry, got clean and sober and is now speaking at elementary schools about the dangers of PSA’s.


18. If you dropped He-Man, Lion-o, and Space Ghost in the middle of present day Compton, with no vehicles or allies, what would the outcome be? Most likely to survive? Most likely to be pimped? Etc…
Hmmmm, well, Lion-o is at least a minority, so he might survive, but his choice in wardrobe (skin tight half uni-tard like Billy Blanks wears while hawking his Tae-Bo workouts) might get him pimped out for “furry services.” Space Ghost can turn invisible, but his in-ability to keep his yap shut would get is ass shot. He-Man would have the most issues, because the “Power of Greyskull” did not deem it necessary to clothe his white ass in anything more than a furry loin cloth or give him a “gat” to “represent the Eternians,” as it were.

19. Wrestling peaked in the 80’s with the beginning of Wrestlemania and it’s monthly Saturday nights main event on NBC. Who was your favorite wrestler, your favorite move, and your fondest match/event you remember from 80’s wrestling?
I was not into wrestling. Sorry.

20. You “weren’t into wrestling?!?!?!?” Didn’t you grow up in Alabama?!?!?!!? Everyone in ‘Bama was into wrestling!
Ummmm… George the “Animal” Steel, and I loved it when he ate the turnbuckle.

To recap:
Meetings make me cringe
I have had too many today
By “too many” I mean 2
But they were long ones
Really long ones
My apologies to ksig for making him wait for his free entertainment
Pre-school Day 5 today
Sounds like it went well
Not sure what is for dinner

20 Questions Tuesday: 10 - 1980's TV Edition

Today’s focus is on 1980’s TV. It is a topic near and dear to my heart. It is also a topic that is near and dear to my questioners hearts as well since I got over 40 questions to choose from. Next week will be 80’s TV the continuation. Thanks today to Wifey, Dustin, and B-Dawg.

1. Do you think that chimps as side kicks will ever come back in a big way on the small screen?
Sadly, I do not see many more uses of a great ape sidekick in modern TV. Alas BJ and the Bear, we knew you well.

2. On Diff’rent Strokes, why we didn’t know that Willis (Todd Bridges) and Kimberly (Dana Plato) were getting it on throughout the show?
Well, I did not put that 2 and 2 together to get 4 partly because by the time the show was cancelled in 1986 (for the second time) I was only 12. Not really where my mind was back then. Now, looking back on it with my adult-ish eyes… Let’s see, teens spending tons of time together getting high and drunk… oh, they were so doing it.

3. Since Alyssa Milano was your first crush, does that mean that you watched Who’s the Boss regularly?
Sadly, Yes. Tony Danza is not really what many would call a comedic genius. It was a bit painful to watch the comedic stylings of Judith Light and Tony Danza, just so I could (to use the modern vernacular) crush on Ms Milano.

4. Why did they get rid of Tootie’s roller skates on The Facts of Life? And why did they make her wear her head gear on the show? Certainly they could have taken it off when the camera rolled.
Ah! Tootie. She was my favorite. I think they might have made her wear the headgear to have someone on the set who was a typical kid at school. The rollerskate were probably confiscated by Mrs. Garret for being too distracting in class.

5. The appeal of Mr. T?
He was a bouncer who became a TV/Movie star because he embraced his campiness. Plus his animated form can swing an animated alligator over his head and still drive a United Colors of Beneton Gymnastics team around in a bus to solve crimes! ‘Nuff said.

6. Who would win in a fight between Mad Murdock (the A-Team) and Alf ?
Mad Murdock. Alf didn’t really have insanity going for him. He just ate cats. Little known fact, Alf’s name back on Melmac was Gordon Shumway. I always got that confused with Gordon Sumner, but that is, of course, Sting.

7. Could Fred Dryer's (Hunter) balding forehead have been anymore shiny?
Nope, but a better question is Could Stefanie Kramer’s hair have been more indescribably 80’s?

8. Whose bar tab was bigger on Cheers: Norm or Cliff?
Norm’s was larger. I remember seeing him actually finish a drink and call for another round. Cliff always nursed the same old beer.

9. Is it wrong to think that Richard Dean Anderson's hair-do in MacGyver (a mullet) made him look sexier than his short hair does now?
It is difficult to incorporate into one’s psyche that a mullet could be a better hair cut than any other that you have seen on someone, but it seems to be the case.

10. Umm… so were Smurfs asexual or what? I mean there were never any children Smurfs (or Smurflings) until their last season when they added the shark jumpers (Grandpa, Snappy, Slouchy, Nat, and Sassette).
Since the introduction of the Smurflings and Grandpa was to boost waining ratings, I will only speak to the bulk of the Smurf’s TV run. I for one always thought that the Smurfs were a commune of gay blue sprites. I mean, come on, Hefty, Handy, Grouchy, and Jokey were all doing it. The only one that wasn’t consistently getting any was Brainy, and heck, I bet he was getting some play from the no-names trying to get closer to Hefty. There wasn’t even a female Smurf until Gargamel made a brunette version of Smurfette to try to entice the Smurfs into his pantry. Later the Smurf magic made the frumpy brunette Smurfette into the perfect blonde Barbie-esque “hag” (if you will), that the show kept. So there are 3 distinct possibilities. 1. the Smurfs are entirely asexual and Smurfette is merely window dressing. 2. The Smurfs are a Homosexual sect of the species Blue Sprites (Caesius Lares Minimus) and Smurfette was their Hag. Or 3. Smurfette was a ho. I choose option 2.

11. Silver Spoons had Ricky Schroeder as its teen idol, but if Erin Gray had dressed like she did on Buck Rogers, could Silver Spoons have brought world peace or would it have pushed the world to the brink of destruction?
I just don’t know. I don’t know. Had Erin Gray dressed like her sexy Wilma Dearing self, men of fighting age would not want to fight incase they might anger their Spandex clad Para-Military Goddess Then again, there could have been an implosion due to the “Teen Idol Quantum Singularity Principle.” The 9 to 14 year old girls would have watched the show for the adorable Ricky (Please for the love of god call me “RICK”) Schroeder and the 9 to 89 year old males would watch and hope that Erin Gray “accidentally” dropped something and had to pick it up. That is such a delicate system, it really could go either way.

12. Would Sledge Hammer! defeat Tackleberry from the Police Academy in a shootout?
I think Sledgehammer would do more collateral damage (eventually leading to Tackleberry’s demise), but Tackleberry would wing him to death.

13. In the long range view of things, did The Cosby Show and The Jeffersons help or worsen race relations.
I think they may have hurt more than they helped. The Jeffersons, while dealing with touchy subjects, did tend to reinforce some pretty harsh racial stereotypes (not All in the Family harsh, but harsh enough), and The Cosby Show while trying to be a positive role model minority family caused many white folk to think that the minorities didn’t have it so bad. “Heck, black people are doctors and lawyers and live in spacious brownstones. Why do we even need welfare….”

14. Better instrumental theme song: A-team vs. Magnum PI
Miami Vice. Not really, Jan Hammer sucked. The A-Team’s theme song seems to dominate most other 80’s instrumental themes. For example, CHiP’s theme song can morph into the A-Team’s, but the A-Team’s cannot morph into Chip’s. The same is true with Battlestar Galactica (the original series). In truth, it was Magnum P.I. I sometimes have that theme song run through my head when I am late for work and driving like lives were on the line.

15. Better vocalized theme song: Fall Guy vs. Greatest American Hero
Greatest American Hero because I think the Fall Guy’s was actually sung by Lee Majors.

16. Why didn't the Diff'rent strokes gang ever take a trip out of NYC? They never went to Europe or even Boston or LA?
Mr. Drummond was never even seen in public with his “charges.” He wouldn’t sully himself by even being seen with Arnold and Willis in New York City. What makes you think he would deign to be seen in London, Paris, Boston or LA with them. He had money and decided to lift up 2 kids from the street, but he still kept them at arm’s length and never fully integrated them into his family. Sure ever episode would end with him telling Arnold how he should tell the truth, but Mr. Drummond never told the truth about his family. He said he loved them, but he didn’t. He only used them to feel like he was doing something nice. If anyone on this show should be considered evil, it is Mr. Drummond.

17. Do you think the Manimal ever ate someone?
I know if I were Manimal, I would have munched on somebody at some point and time. It would have been a perfect crime. No one would suspect that the guy with a British accent turned into a panther and ate someone. Not even Grissom on CSI could smurf that one out.

18. If you found an ALF, would you let it eat all of your food and cats without a problem? Leading to the further question: is it possible that ALF was actually vicious enough to eat the Manimal?
ALF was all talk. Never once on the show did he actually eat a cat, while Manimal, on the other hand mauled the hell out of bad guys every show.

19. If you were to be stranded on a desert island with either Jessica Fletcher or Miss Garrett, which one would you choose?
Miss Garrett. Angela Landsbury’s voice makes me want to claw my eyes out.

20. On the playground, which A-team member were you?
Howling Mad Murdock, of course. I WANT SOME TRASH BAGS!!!!

To Recap:
People pull out the stops for the 80’s TV
What?!? No questions about Automan?
I am still hungry
I think I will have to come up with 20 Question Tuesday’s Topics from now on
It seems to help
I still need to exercise.
Initially Little Man could not hear the difference between “poot” and “poop”
Therefore a “poop” in his eyes is merely farting
Whilst a “dirty poop” is… ummm… how shall we say… productive
3rd day of preschool, I’m sure all hell broke loose.
Not going to Boulder, CO for a wonderful trip with Wifey, that sucks.
I have a bad attitude today
Hobbitsies are tricksy!!!!

20 Questions Tuesday: 9

It is 20 Questions Tuesday: 9 so I would like to thank Nancy, Wifey, Bomber, and ksig for their questions. Without you guys, this would be a crappy post of lots of question marks and much drooling.

1. Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Oddly enough, I wear Boxer Briefs. I am the exception to the rule. I scoff at the world’s bi-variateness! "Scoff," I say! "SCOFF!!!"

2. Your choice: Creation vs. Evolution?
Hmmmm… trying to get me into some politically hot water are you? Well, I think Creation is an allegorical story about man’s dominance over the world, and how we are supposed to be the stewards of this planet. I think if one truly believes in the Genesis story one must truly become a natural conservationalist and a rabid environmentalist because the whole point of the creation story is to indicate that humanity is the steward of the world. If the story is to be believed, then people are responsible for up-keep of the world. That being said, Evolution is a fairly robust over-arching theory because it is based on the more provable theory of natural selection and adaptation over time. Both of those things in mind, I tend to choose Evolution over Creation just because of the non-stewardship tendencies of most creationists.

3. Favourite Sesame Street character and why?
Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster very recently has started having an adult edge to his humor.

4. Best fictional book you and read, and why?
The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. It is a Sci-Fi book that has actually has changed some of my personal philosophy and faith. Really, it is a stunning book.

5. Who is Suri's real father?
With the pics in Vanity Fair, I honestly have to say that it is Cruise. That poor little girl looks strikingly like Cruise. Now, a better question to ask would be “How was Suri generated.” My guess is a turkey baster.

6. What is your earliest childhood memory?
I was 3 and sliding down a slide in the housing of Gunter Air Station in Montgomery, Alabama when this little jackass bit my nose because I slid down the slide while he was trying to climb up it. Keep in mind, these are 1970’s technology slides: incredible pitch, made form polished steel, and slippery as hell. No 3-year old has any business trying to climb a 60°, super slick slide when there is a line of kids waiting on his pathetic ass... not that I'm bitter or anything

7. Are you a glass is half full or empty kind of guy?
I am a .5 glass kind of guy. Half is half. It is both half empty and half full, at the same time.

8. Do you prefer fact or fiction?
In court: Fact
In books: Fiction

9. Who has a bigger penis? Superman or Spiderman?
Interesting question. While I am not really privy to the comparative anatomy of Superman and Spiderman, I do know that Superman is more of a dick. Methinks he is over-compensating. Therefore I say Spiderman. Plus his alter-ego is “Peter” Parker. Come on…

10. Do you have any phobias? Please share
Spiders

11. Last thing you did only because your wife wanted you to?
Slept in this morning to help with Getting Little Man ready for his first day at pre-school. Okay, I wanted to stay as well.

12. Do you like any dessert with nuts or is wifey destined to disappoint you with her baked good for the rest of your married life?
Her family has a recipe for this insanely good pudding desert that has both walnuts and pecans in it. It is made from pudding, cream cheese and whipped cream. De. Ca. Dent.

13. In grade school, homemade Halloween costumes or the plastic Ben Cooper kind from the drugstore with the suffocating plastic mask and the rubber snappy string to hold it on?
Oh, my family was a family of hybridization. See question 1. Mom would have us pick out a “costume” (Why would R2D2 hear a plastic shirt with a picture of himself on it?) and make a costume that was completed by the store bought mask.

14. If you were a superhero, what would your name be? Actually, give me your 'everyman' name and hero name - Clark Kent to Superman...
Hmmmm…. Trevor Whistledown is the Golden Parakeet! His powers? Well… they are secret.

15. What was your most embarrassing hairstyle? PLEASE tell me you had the Flock of Seagulls 'do in high school...PLEASE!
I had a proto-mullet in 7th grade. Oh, God! Kill me now! It never really achieved mullet status due to the amount of curl

16. Grits or oatmeal?
Between the two? Oatmeal and hating every second of it. I am much more of a cold cereal kind of guy

17. Which fast food chain makes the best and the worst French fries, and why? I know that it is second nature to you right now, but do not let food allergies play into this question. This is about your preference.
Best fries are McDonald’s. They have the best flavor and are even pretty good when they are no longer piping hot. Although, if you can get Wendy’s fries directly out of the fryer and into your mouth they are to die for. Still consistently McDonald’s are the best. Worst are cold Ralley’s fries (and they do not come any other way).

18. Can you please explain the difference between the cover 2 defense and the cover 3. which do you prefer and why?
Cover 2 you only have 2 in deep cover. The field is broken down into 5 underneath zones and 2 deep zones. This is prone to “giving up the big play” since there are only 2 cover backs. The “big play” is typically found in the seam in the middle of the 2 deep backs coverage, or by a safety tripping.

Cover 3 is similarly named because it employs 3 in deep cover. This coverage is typically used on obvious passing downs due to its better coverage of the deep threat, but it leaves openings for shorter plays.

I think the Cover 2 is the more useful of the coverage schemes because it offers more protection on running plays, but, if an offense’s precision is high enough, it can become a liability.

I am sure there are nuances that I am missing, but I think I covered the basics.

19. Is cheesecake the nectar of the gods or is it the work of the devil?
Yes… and yes

20. How big of a TV is too big? I have recently bought a plasma HDTV for our new house but have yet to tell the wife exactly how big it is.
Well, I am a big believer that a TV needs to fit the room that it is in. Oftentimes people just get the most ginormous they can afford and damn the consequences, but TV’s should fit the room they are to be viewed in. For some rooms, even a 32 inch HD is going to be on the big to too big side, then again, some people have finished basements that could work with a 62 incher. It depends on the room.

To Recap:
Little Man had pre-school day one today
It went well
Wifey and I are worried about his allergies in that un-controlled environment
Normal post tomorrow
Next weeks 20 Questions Tuesday is going to be all about 80’s TV
Wha’chu talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?
I just dated myself with that reference, didn’t I?
I have a nasty headache right now
I think it is due to lack of sleep and crappy weather

20 Questions Tuesday 8:

As it is a new Tuesday I have the newest installment of 20 Questions Tuesday. I would like to thank JW, Peefer, ZingerZapper, and Wifey for the questions today. Without further ado, the questions…


1. Have you ever licked your way to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Nope, I have never been interested to either.

2. If you, or someone you know has, pray tell me- How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
I come from a blow-pop area. There weren’t no Tootsie Roll Pops in my neighborhood

3. List in their order the 3 things that make you go "Ain't life grand?"
Thing, the first: Wifey
Thing, the second: Little Man
Thing, the third: Vanilla Bean Cheesecake

4. Chuck Taylors or Jack Purcells?
Chucks, most definitely Chucks.

5. If Weezer and Cake Got into a fight, who would win?
This is an interesting proposition. Initially I would put my money on Cake mainly since there are more of them, but there is a sense of depression with Cake’s music. So there is the possibility that they could just curl up and take the beating Weezer would bring. Cake would then write a song about overcoming that adversity and a song about how they were done wrong, and, ultimately they would triumph over the beating. That being said, Weezer doesn’t look like it is comprised of many bruisers, so to speak, and I think a few of the Caketians might have been a few scrapes. This is a difficult question. Difficult indeed.

Okay, Cake in round 3.

6. How many hours a day do you work? No, I mean "really"? No, "REALLY"?
Umm… currently? Or on average? It has been rather slow as of late, so most of my current “work” is trying to get work. On average, over my 7+ years at my position, I would say I work about 32 hours of the 40 hour work week. Over the past month or so… considerably less.

7. What is your favourite colour and why?
Forest Green, because I am woodsy at heart. (notice I left the Canadian spellings, how's that for cultural sensitivity?)

8. What stresses you out more: a child playing with permanent markers, or Hallowe'en?
Oh, the permanent marker most definitely. Little Man with a Sharpie is just asking for marred goods.

9. In a world without Mountain Dew, will it be coffee, tea, or me?
Definitely you.

10. What word is the most different (semantically) from "puppy"?
Tajikistan or possibly zarf

11. Which do you prefer? Crappy gray rainy day, blizzard snowed-in day, or burning up hot and un-breathable day?
Crappy gray rainy day, because well, there are less external factors that typically wil adversely affect one’s health.

12. What is your favorite color in a rainbow?
The issue with the electromagnetic spectrum is that, when shown simultaneously it is nigh impossible to isolate any one particular color. Every color blends and bleeds into the next until the colors span the entire spectrum. Plus, some color that we can generate with inks and pc’s are not perceivable in a naturally occurring rainbow, due to the refraction interference of the collective water droplets in the atmosphere. This causes much of the spectrum to seem muddied and dull.

Ummm… what I meant to say was green.

13. In honor of Steve Irwin, what is the scariest animal and the most loved animal in the world of SRH?
Scariest: Vampire Bears
Most Loved: I really am a cat person at heart, so cats.

14. Sandals with socks or without?
If the sandal is open toed, no socks, if they cover the toe, socks are acceptable.

15. If Arby’s went out of business where would you eat on Wednesdays?
Actually we have not been to Arby’s for a while. After 5+ years of almost constant Wednesday Arby’s consumption, my little Wednesday luncheoneers and I decided that it was time to branch out. Now we eat at many different eating establishments.

16. Why don’t people take the time to read emails – and then they call to ask you stupid questions that you already answered in the email or they don’t show up to the meeting because, duh, they didn’t read the email?
People are essentially lazy. Why read something when someone can tell you over the phone.

17. What’s your most annoying habit?
Hmmmm… this is a question best left for those around me to answer. Any answer I give would be pure conjecture. I am sure I will get an earfull in the comments section, but if I had to hazard a guess it would be that I sniff and snort instead of blowing my nose.

18. When was the last time you laughed so hard you snorted?
When Little Man decided to be a cat and “cleaned” Wifey’s face by licking her cheek. Good golly, that was hilarious. Now he attempts to do it while she weakly fends him off while uncontrollably laughing. It is a sight to snicker, guffaw, and snort at.

19. Most favorite shoes/brand of shoes? Why?
For consistency I would have to say Clarks , but Keen Footwear is starting to make a name for me. Merrell is typically good, but I would still have to say Clarks.

20. Why do people keep hassling you to breed again? They don’t like you – why do they want the world populated with your spawn?
They… they don’t like me? But… but… but my blog was even quoted in a major newspaper in a fairly substantial market. Sure it wasn’t the major newspaper of the market but still… Really? They don’t like me? I don’t know what to say……….

To Recap:
In answer to Question 20: Because Little Man is soooo darn cute
Went to a Train Expo this weekend
It was nice
Little Man now has a DVD of 1 hour and 48 minutes of trains going across the screen
I want to poke my eyeballs out or pop my eardrums
Actually, the imagery is not nearly as bad as the noisescape
Trains are noisy bastards, and 1 hour and 48 minutes of trains is enough to drive a papa bonkers
If you want invest a boat load of reading for very little to no reward, might I suggest the Bitterbynde Trilogy by Celia Dart-Thorton
No, I did not just get finished reading this trilogy
It has just taken about a year so I could start talking about it
Good lord it is horrible
Sometimes wonderful imagery followed by a horrid meandering plot with no resolution

20 Questions Tuesday: 7

Thanks for the questions everyone. This week’s interrogators are lsig, the anonymous poster who loves Wifey, Nadolny, and Bomber. I have even more questions from folk that will be answered next week in 20 Questions Tuesday: 9. To the Questions!

1. Aside from your own, what is, in your opinion, the best blog ever?
Currently the one that I am most enamored with is Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog. A couple of caveats here. Caveat the First, I am not a Chaucer fan, I barely made it through 2 of his Canterbury Tales in high school. Caveat the Second, I find it insanely difficult to read Middle English. Keeping these 2 caveats in mind, I find that blog dreadfully amusing. The amount of effort that must go into the posts is staggering. I assume the author has to write out a post and then painstakingly translate it into Middle English, and the posts would be humorous even if the author just kept them in Faux Middle English. Considering the work that goes into the posts, coupled with the humor shown, Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog is my current favorite blog. Next week… maybe something different. I am fickle like that, or “Ich am fyckel lykke that.”

2. Why do people still like Shakespeare?
Shakespeare pretty much codified most of the archetypal characters. While there were bunches of prolific playwrights prior and post Shakespeare, he did the most thorough job of fleshing out the primal characters that everyone bases their modern characters around. I am not saying that Shakespeare invented or even perfected the “Tragic Hero” or the “Scheming Villain” he just was very good at fleshing those characters out.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how cool are you?
I need more information, does 1 = “uncool” and 10 = “cool?” What is the population? the world? the US? my company? My Cubical? Hollywood? Def Jam Recording Artists? Origins Gaming Convention? What are we talking about here? Who’s definition of cool? Mine? A typical 13 year old sub-urban kid? There has to be more of information. I cannot work from the collective definition of coolness because it contradicts itself waaay to much. But by that logic, we would all get a 5.

4. If you had to do it over again, would you major in something different in college?
I am not sure. I might have gone for Architecture, but that is a really difficult program to work through, especially when one sees what the typical new hire and mid-level architect has to put up with. I am fairly happy with my major at the moment. I found out that undergrad degrees show employers that you can study, master’s level degrees show you can do research, and doctoral degrees show you don’t know when to let the sleeping dog lie.

5. What would constitute a "perfect day" for you right now?
One with a nap. I mean that in a very Zen way, I would like to be One with a Nap.

6. Where were you August 4, 1962?
I wasn’t.

7. What would be the benefits of crocheting a "monitor cozy" for your computer, much like the crocheted doll toilet paper roll cover you have in your bathroom?
Are you questioning Wifey’s bathroom décor? At your own peril ask this question…

8. How much French could a Frenchman French if a Frenchman could French French?
Umm, if one defines “French Kissing” as kissing with use of the tongue, then to “French” should be to tongue something, and when ordering salad dressing one’s choices are often Italian, House, Ranch, or French, for the purposes of this question, “French” shall be defined as the salad dressing. This makes the original question translate into: How much salad dressing could the Frenchman Lick if the Frenchman could lick salad dressing? Ummm, I need a time period. I will arbitrarily choose the time it would take a Frenchman to like a bucket of French Salad Dressing.

The answer is then: A bucketful.

9. If a picture paints a thousand words, than why can't I paint ewe?
Lack of talent.

10. If Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Jerry Springer's audience all died at the same time, by how much would the world's mean IQ raise?
Actually not that much. There are a whole boat load of people in the world, and even if those people are the most outlying of statistical outliers, the mean would not change noticeably.

11. Is there a professional society for cartographers?
At least in North America there is, the North American Cartographic Information Society, or NACIS.

12. What pet/s do/does your family have?
We used to have 3 cats, Lenny, Señor Don Gato, and Charlie Baltimore. Alas with Little Man’s allergies we are without pets.

13. Why do the nets inside of mens’ swim trunks make your butt itch?
I believe you might be wearing them incorrectly, or are abnormally hairy in the nether regions.

14. I am a little infatuated with the idea that glass isn't truly a solid, nor a liquid. Over time, it appears that windows "melt". What do you think of the physics of this?
Glass is considered a metastable liquid. Over time it will indeed, start to slowly pour out of window panes. I think the physics of the solidity of the Twinkie vex me more.

15. I mentioned to a friend the other day about having seen sneakers thrown up on electrical wires and how that had always confused me. I mean, who the hell would think to do that? Anyway, he said that it was an indication of a house selling drugs. Is this an urban myth?
I have always been intrigued by the sneakers on the power lines. I have no idea why that would happen, and I have not heard the explanation of sneakers on a wire indicating a drug house. I would think that the police would smurf that one out after a while.

16. Your take on the following - southern hospitality vs. midwestern friendliness.
Many many times southern hospitality is merely politeness. There is not any underlying hospitality associated with it. Much of southern hospitality, in my opinion, is about appearance and not about substance. Now, midwestern friendliness is a bit more genuine, but, to be sure, there is a level of politeness for politeness’s sake going on for it as well.

17. What's your favorite comfort food?
Totino’s Crisp'n'Tasty Frozen Pizzas

18. Since you enjoyed the last one so much, what's your ideal vacation destination - probably two answers - one with just wifey, one with wifey and Little Man.
I love me some mountains. The Rockies would be a bunch of fun, but so would some nice trips to Europe. Ooooooh, Mountains in Europe…

19. Favorite 80's song?
There are soooo many that I could choose from. Ummm…. I am not sure if I could choose just one. There are Billy Idol songs that come to mind, The Cars, The Police, oh so many to choose from. If there were an 80’s song on endless repeat, what would I be able to stand? Hmmmm… I would have to say Murry Head’s One Night In Bangkok, Sugar Hill Gang’s Rapper’s Delight, Men at Work’s Who Could it Be Now, Midnight Oil’s Beds are Burning, anything off of U2’s Joshua Tree…. I really cannot choose just one song.

20. If you could attempt any profession other than your own, what would it be?
I think something in the marketing field.

To Recap:
Little Man is a bit under the weather today
Wifey and I are at Asthma DEFCON 2
The living room is all painted
Deciding between Sloppy Joes and Tacos for dinner tonight
I am not sure which one is the lesser of the 2 evils
Really I am kind of focused on the whole Asthma DEFCON 2 thing
Hopefully I will have something witty tomorrow
It would help if I slept well tonight
I am rather tired

20 Questions Tuesday 6:

Here we are with 20 Questions Tuesday part 6. Today’s questioners are Dustin, Der Kieselbach, ACW, Kim, Wifey, and the Anonymous poster from Thursday’s post. Without further ado, the questions…

1. Why are Vanilla Frosties the devil?
Because they are ever so tempting…

2. Is it wrong to take pictures you find on the web that were created by other people, download them, and then alter them with Photoshop for your own personal benefit?
Firstly, if “own personal benefit” is defined as “monetary profit,” for shame! When one “steals” (uses without permission) images from the Internet, one should credit the source of the original image. If the original author of the image asks you to remove the image, you should also do that as quickly as possible.

3. Why do some people insist in this day and age that they still don't need cell phones?
I am not convinced that all people do really need cell phones. That being said, I do think that most people could benefit from having them, or if they have them, making sure they are charged and on.

4. Why are cats wonderful?
Cat’s are wonderful because cat owners know that any and all affection from cat to person is because the cat has deemed the person worthy of affection. Cats do not need people (they knead people, but that is a different story), and that independence is what makes them wonderful. People who dislike cats dislike the fat that they are not necessary to the cats.

5. Why do people always say "I wish I hard curly hair" when they have no idea how much trouble it is to maintain?
Grass is always greener. I remember as a kid wanting straight hair so I could rock the feathered bangs, like that blonde shark-jumping replacement guy had on the last couple of seasons on CHiPs.

6. Knowing your distaste for hippos I have to ask, have you ever seen Kozo the dancing hippo?
Sadly, Yes.

7. What are the odds that the vanilla frosty is here to stay?
Pretty good. I have heard of other regions having them as well as Central Ohio. So far Northern Virginia, Michigan and a couple other places have the delicacy as well. Hopefully they will not make this one of those “suck you in and leave you hanging” limited time offers.

8. How long will it be until Little Man is asking to go back to Chicago to see his trains again?
I am not sure he will ask about Chicago again. He has multiple train DVD’s that he enjoys watching over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

9. After seeing a trailer for a movie where a comedian runs for president and wins, do you think there is a comedian out there who could handle the job?
I think there are many people out there who are imminently qualified to be President of the United States. That being said, I do not think that there is any comedian out there who has the political connections to get anything to work in the government. Do I think there are some comedians out there who could win via their popularity? Most definitely. Would they be good presidents? Heck no. Who would I like to see as President? Bobcat Goldthwait.

10. Which do you think gave a more accurate representation of the sport it makes fun of: Talledega Nights or Dodgeball?
Dodgeball

11. Are kids like gases? No matter how much time you give them they still take the full amount of time to get ready.
Kid’s are like gasses in many many ways. No matter how much you give them, they can always take more. No matter how much space you have for them, they fill it up completely. It is amazing especially when you think about how small young kids are…

12. If you were one of the seven dwarfs, which one would you be?
Was Sarcastic one of the dwarves? If not, I think I would be Snarky.

13. Why are gouchos popular right now? I mean, they only make women look shorter and wider.
Fashion these days is not about making the body look better. There are soooo many fashion trends out there right now that accentuate the wrong aspects of people’s figures it is disturbing. The really bad thing is that these fashions are being recycled from previous trends. More specifically, Gouchos typically hit women at the wrong part of their leg so it shortens them, and since they are usually short-waisted and flair at the bottom, they lengthen the torso and highlight the width of the woman’s hips. These pants force people to focus almost exclusively on places that women typically do not want others to focus. Ladies, when a pant makes a mannequin look hippy, this is not a good style for you.



14. What was the last book you read?
Trickster’s Queen by Tamora Peirce

15. What addictive element do you think McDonald’s uses in their French fries?
Molybdenum

16. What’s the best age to get married?
For me, it was 23.

17. What’s the best age to get divorced?
I do not think it is so much an age as a time frame. That being defined by as soon as you know that your relationship is irrepairable.

18. If you buy life insurance, aren’t you just a pessimist?
More of a realist, I would say. We are, by definition ephemeral beings. We do not live forever and therefore it is only prudent to take measures that could potentially help those left in the wake of one’s passing

19. If you don’t buy life insurance, aren’t you just a frivolous freak who deserves what happens to you and your family?
No, people who don’t buy life insurance are optimists.

20. Do you remember sleeping at all?
Interesting question. Now I know that it was originally posed to add doubt in my mind about the whereabouts of my wife whilst I slept in Traverse City, but I am going to respond to it in a much more general sense. The whole point of sleeping is to let your mind rest and recuperate. So in answer to your question, “No, I do not remember sleeping, but I do remember that I did sleep.” For the record, I slept in front of the inwardly opening door just making sure that Wifey did not go “meet” you on our vacation.

To Recap:
Had to hodge podge a bunch of loose questions together to get 20 today
I will send out requests for next week’s questions probably on Thursday
I will post about the vacation sans Little Man tomorrow
“I will, I will, I will…”
All you people get out of me are empty promises
Just me and the boy this evening
Wifey has some board thingy that she is going to
I think it will end up being some “bored” thingy
Every single time I have typed “think” today I have missed the “h”
I tink my keyboard has a Jamaican accent, Mon

20 Questions Tuesday: 5

This 20 Questions Tuesday is being brought to you today courtesy of Dr. Clean (‘cause Mr Clean don’t have his PhD, Biotch), I.C. Yellow, Nadolny, and Jude.


1. What is the color of your sky in your world?
Let’s see typically in Columbus, it is dull and gray, but right now it is a beautiful azure

2. Why is 42 the universal answer?
Because 6 • 7 is the universal question

3. If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
Boabab, I mean who wouldn't want to be a baobab tree?

4. Assuming it takes one second to throw a 1 kg ball. How much force is necessary to throw that ball at 90 meters/second?
Hmmmm… let’s see if Force = Mass • Acceleration and one is bringing the object from a resting state 0 mps to full velocity 90 mps in one second. The acceleration would be 90 meters per second per second or 90m/s². The mass is 1 kg so the equation is 1kg • 90m/s² = 90 Newtons (joules per meter) or 9000000 dynes, 20.2328 pounds force

5. Why are bald guys just so damn sexy?
Ummm… I really am not best equipped to answer this question. (due to your bald lack of sexiness)

6. Do you think it's possible that Barney's parents left him by the side of the road as a child and that's why he's obsessed with singing "I Love You...You Love Me..."
Seeing as how Barney is a purple dinosaur and all, I am sure his parents died a horrible painful burny death when the Mass Extinction Event hit at the end of the Mesozoic. Barney is clearly insane with the loss of his species and much like a tortoise with no aging gene. He is obsessed with singing bad songs to kids, because he is nuts.

7. What possible explanation is there for "Weebles"? Who wants a toy that when you smack it around, it just keeps popping right back up again? Talk about frustration!
Don’t think of it as not staying down so much as letting you smack it again. And they eventually stay down, you just have to use a hammer.

8. If people used more than 5-10% of their brains, what common ability do you think would show up first?
Common Courtesy.

9. What is the oddest nickname for someone at work that that person does not know about?
Hmmmm… There is the Chipmunk on Crack and Dr. Dorkathy, but those are not nearly as odd as Captain Snugglumps. Of course I am not privy to the names people use to refer to me. I am sure those are really good ones.

10. How many times can you use the word "that" consecutively in a sentence and still be grammatically correct?
That is an interesting question that I shall endeavor to answer (just getting warmed up here). Okay here we go:
That “that” that you are referring to is to which that “that” that “that” also refers.
My guess is 4, but my grammar may be off on this one.

11. Is little man excited about the impending pre-school start?
Little Man is ignoring us whenever we mention preschool, and we are not talking about it too often. I think we may not quite be ready to start thinking of Little Man as a school goer.

12. How many times a day do you drop to your knees and thank the greater powers that your wife married you (for me it's at least once a day)?
At least once, usually twice

13. How bad would it suck to still be dating at this point in your life?
Great googly moogly!! I do not even want to think about it

14. Do you think the ivory billed woodpecker, which was recently "rediscovered", really does exist or is it a myth like the yeti and bigfoot?
I do think that particular woodpecker exists, as do the yeti and bigfoot.

15. If it does exist, how much wood could it peck?
Well, seeing as how it has evaded human detection for a goodly amount of time, I would expect that it does not peck all that much wood.

16. What's the most distance you've covered jumping on one foot?
Firstly, I have never measured. Secondly, does being on crutches count? Thirdly, did it always have to be the same one foot. Are we talking collectively or is this a one jump occurance? Fourthly, if it is how far in a single bound, could I run with both feet and just launch myself from just 1? This question is too vague.

17. When is a lot of smoothie too much smoothie?
When during the consumption of said smoothy, one burps up said smoothy

18. Would you consider couples' therapy with the yeti to sort out his nasty habits and your commitment issues?
Since the Yeti and I are not a couple, I would not consider “couples’” therapy with the yeti. I do, however, suggest that he have some therapy, the wacked-out nutter.

19. Do you love a good polka as well as the next man and can you tell me which movie this comes from?
I am not that big on the whole polka scene, and alas, no, I do not know the movie of which you ask.

20. Have you ever actually lay down and done nothing but stare at the ceiling for a prolonged period of time, or is it just a figure of speech to you?
Pretty much a figure of speech. If I lay down for too long now (30 seconds or more), I will fall asleep. As a kid, if I was just laying down and looking at the ceiling, I would be counting bumps on the ceiling or some other such trivial exercise. It really was a sad existence.


To recap:
Thanks for all the questions folks
I have 15 in the bank for next week
T minus 4 days till vacation
Leftovers for dinner tonight
I think I will have some salad
I had to remember high school physics for this set of questions
I have forgotten so much
Like I forgot my lunch today
I will try and steal some pizza from a group meeting
I shall be victorious!

20 Questions: 4

Thanks to Lsig, Mimma, B-Dawg, and Wifey for today’s 20 questions.

1. True or False: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
False. “Fear” is technically not something you can fear. The thing causing the fear is fear-worthy, but fear itself is not something to fear. That would be like falling in love with love.

2. How do you account for the incredible "Harry Potter" phenomenon?
Kids were thirsty for updated literary figure. Rowling has done a good job of creating a world in which kids can relate, yet not be a part of. Since the publishing of her first novel, young adult literature has soared. Some of it is complete drek, but there are some author’s who have basically been given a new lease on publishing because of the Potter Phenomenon.

3. In your opinion, what percentage of happiness is based on prosperity?
25% You can still be happy without it, but it takes more effort

4. What upcoming movies, if any, are you looking forward to?
I have watched all the trailers that I can find online, and the only movie that I am really looking forward to is Transformers. I am not looking forward to it in a sense that it will be something incredible, but more from my childhood memories of the cartoon series.

5. If you have to explain a joke, does that automatically mean it isn't funny?
David Letterman’s career is based on explaining unfunny things until they become funny, so… No.

6. If you could relive one year of your life over (no changes), which one would it be and why?
Little Man ages 0 through 1. There is so much of that time that I just cannot remember. It is all a blur. No sleep... midnight feedings... no sleep... change diaper... no sleep...

7. Ducks or Geese?
This is a tougher question than one might think. If I am in the circle I really don’t want to be “Goose” because then I will have to run around until I get the guy who called me “goose” or until I can cause an open spot for me to sit again. Then again, if you are always a duck, you never get to prove your duckiness. Duck, Duck, Goose is such a culturally significant game.

8. Will you or Wifey worry most about Little Man on your upcoming weekend away?
I think I will.

9. If you had your choice of killing a hippo or a yeti, which would it be?
I would kill a Hippo with a Yeti’s freshly torn off arm, 'cause a Yeti without 2 arms is soon to be dead anyway.

10. Do you park in the same spot everyday so that forgetting where you parked can't happen?
Ummm… where are you getting at with this question? Are you implying that I cannot find my care if I park in a different spot.? That would just be plain silly. I could find my car. I could. I would just wait here until 7 in the evening until there were only 5 cars in the lot and choose which one looked most like mine. I gotta plan...

11. Were you involved in the recent study of Columbus about geographic flood levels (or at least cited from your MS)
Nope. I do not believe that anyone has ever cited my thesis, except maybe as an example of how to not conduct research and/or how to come to nothing conclusions using an un-scientific method.

12. Do you think it is time we modernized the US flag? And if so, how would you change it?
Honestly, we have one of the more “modern” flags. It is not simply a tri-color or a tri-color with seal. It is not a simple cross or combination of simple crosses. It is a very unique flag. With how things are going right now, world diplomacy wise, I think the addition of the words “America: Fuck YEAH!!” should be embroidered on the 4th white stripe from the top.

13. Do you ever plan to get a pilot's license?
Nope, I hope to hire a private pilot with my soon to be immeasurable wealth.

14. What is the last illegal act you performed?
Going 55 mph (88.51 kph) in a 50 mph (80.47 kph) zone. I live on the wild side!

15. What are you most proud of?
Honestly? The answer is disturbingly schmaltzy, So if you are disgusted by schmalz, skip to question 16. I am extremely proud of my relationship with my wife. We are both committed to our relationship and we are both willing to work at keeping it as strong as possible. My relationship with her is what allows me to try and be a good father. It allows me to believe in myself more. Yep, that is what I am most proud of. Not my grammar, that I am not proud of. I guess I should say that “Grammar is not the thing of which I am most proud.”

16. What is your favorite Monty Python movie?
Whilst they all crack me up, I have to go with my favoritest, Monty Python and the Holy Grail which, oddly enough, is only one year older than me.

17. So Mappy McCartographer, what’s the best map that’s ever been drawn?
I would have to say the map depicting Napoleons troop strength on his march to and from Moscow during the aptly named Napoleonic Wars. The map is by Charles Joseph Minard and is entitled “Carte figurative des pertes successives en hommes de l'armée qu'Annibal conduisit d'Espagne en Italie en traversant les Gaules (selon Polybe). Carte figurative des pertes successives en hommes de l'armée française dans la campagne de Russie, 1812-1813.”

I grabbed a thumbnail from this site, but Blogger is posing some problems for me. I will try to upload the image on Wednesday.

18. I work in a system where you have a working title and an official title. Your official title determines your pay grade and is determined by HR, but your working title can be whatever your boss deems appropriate. What working title would your boss give you?
Funny you should ask. I am actually a Cartographer III, but since no one knows what the heck a Cartographer is, much less one that is a 3^rd degree black belt in the fine and deadly art of mapping, my business card has Senior Cartographer/GIS Coordinator printed on them. I have mentioned it before, but I wish they misspelled the cards to say Señor Cartographer/GIS Coordinator.

19. Who are the people in your neighborhood? Where? In your Neighborhood? Where? In your Neighbor-hoo-ood?
Well, there are the people next door who bought a house because the attic over there had knotty pine paneling. They chose knotty pine over a huge deck with a hot tub in it. Then on the other side of us is the guy who sells Johnnie Walker in his full kilt regalia. I could go on, but it just gets more ludicrous from there.

20. The Official SAT Question of the Day™ (for Monday August 7, 2006)
Choose the word or set of words that, when inserted in the sentence, best fits the meaning of the sentence as a whole.
Barbara McClintock’s systematic examination of corn demonstrated the transposition of genes, a finding that overturned entrenched beliefs and proved that ------- study may produce brilliant insights and ------- change.

a) haphazard . . radical
b) inherent . . controversial
c) improvised . . startling
d) methodical . . revolutionary
e) derivative . . gradual
Ummmm… d?

To recap:
I am at home with Little Man today
I have not had a solely Papa Day with him in a good long while
I am sure I will be craving adult conversation by 3 pm today
We will be back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow
If you want to get on the mailing list for asking me questions, leave your written out email in the comments
By written out I mean spelling “dot” instead of just “.” And spelling out “at” instead of “@”
I don't want any SPAMBOTs to find your email address and send you all sorts of crap
Please, someone want to ask me questions
Wifey is getting tired of coming up with inane questions
Don't do it for my sake... Do it for Wifey!
It is technically Tuesday here in Ohio, So I am going to post and head to bed

20 Questions Tuesday 3

Here we are again at a 20 Questions Tuesday. The third in our on-going series of looks into my answering abilities.

Thanks to Nadolny, Dustin, Denick, and Der Kieselebach for today’s questions.

1. What is your favorite color?
Green, but kind of a mossy, sagy green, and not so much of a forest or Kelly green though

2. How hard is it to deal with your naturally curly hair in regards to grooming time?
Not hard at all. This stuff is pretty much wash and wear, Baby! I shower (wash and condition the hair), towel dry, work in some medium hold gel, and walk out the door, briskly walk back in to door, get dressed, walk out the door, apologize to the Elementary School Bus Driver and load of kids for the aforementioned walking out nude, and go to work.

3. What frequently heard phrase in the English language annoys you?
Did you see (insert name of reality TV show of the moment here) last night? I couldn’t believe it when (insert annoying reality show personality here) did (insert annoying thing here)!

4. COSI or the Columbus Zoo?
Little Man is quite enamored with the Columbus Zoo, but COSI is a close second, and will win out in the winter.

5. How goes the house sale?
Poorly, we are getting ready to take it off the market, re-fi, and sit out at least 2 more years. We are in a very lucky position that we do not have to move. Our house is a good one, and all we will end up doing is increasing out equity and building more value prior to our next move. It is just the wrong season to be selling a house.

6. Tell me, if we give peas a chance, won't the lima beans feel left out?
Honestly, I think the Lima Beans always feel left out. Even more honestly, they are being left out for good reason. You see, they suck.

7. Being the super geek that you are, what, in your opinion, is the greatest sci-fi / fantasy movie to have never spawned a sequel?
This is an easy one. Tron

8. I am thinking of something blue. What is it?
A vase from a Tom and Jerry cartoon. See Jerry is trying to run away on a table, but Tom is pulling the table runner under Jerry’s feet. The blue vase was the center piece but has been slowly moving toward Tom as he pulls the runner under Jerry’s frantically running feet (it is a looooong table that only exist in cartoons and Versailles). Jerry jumps over the vase and at crashes into Tom’s head. His head is soaked, shards of blue vase are on the floor, and Jerry has gotten away. That Tom and Jerry, comedic genius.

9. Why does it seem that "bad bosses" outnumber "good bosses?"
Why do storm troopers outnumber Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie? It is a simple law that the ratio of good guy to bad guy should be horribly skewed towards the bad guy. Simple narrative laws… simple narrative laws.

10. What would you do for a Klondike Bar?
Not much, seeing as how I do not particularly care for them.

11. Who would win in a fight between a pirate and a ninja?
No one wins when pirates and ninjas fight. No one.

12. Where do ideas come from?
The idea fairy, duh.

13. Is it wrong to waste cheese cake (i.e. take a whole piece, eat 1/3 of it, and then throw the rest away)?
You, Sir, are dead to me!

14. After seeing some teaser trailers before movies this year should it be considered pathetic that I am really looking forward to movies that don't come out for another year?
Well, since none of the movies coming out right now look good, and they are already teasing us for next summer, it onl;y makes sense.

15. Best mug shot, Mel Gibson or Nick Nolte?
Nolte, hands down, but Gibson went much nutser than Nolte did. Nolte looked like crap and was a little belligerent, but Gibson went all anti-semite misogynist. Who calls a law enforcement official “Sugar Tits?”

16. Since it is now being called official what is your take on Heath Ledger as the Joker in the next Batman movie?
(Quick Photoshop of Heath from Brokeback)
I know there are a bunch of people who will probably disagree with me on this, but I think he will work just fine. It is good that they decided to make a younger more vigorous joker. I think he could be a nice foil to Bale’s Batman.

17. Can it be considered a slow news day when a video story of a 4-year-old driver makes the top stories on CNN?
It is not a slow news day, Americans just don’t want to hear about what is going on in the world. The mid-east is a powder keg, just aaiting to go off. Afghanistan is still active because of the resurgence of the Taliban, Iraq is still nuts. North Korea is still acting like a loose cannon. Iran is still actively pursuing nuclear tech. Castro is ailing. All of these stories could and should be first page stuff on Cnn.com, but the vid of the 4 year old driving is on the page.

18. Favorite mindless stress reliever at work, solitaire or spider solitaire?
Spider Solitaire, easily

19. What will you be doing when the apocalypse comes?
Can you give me a more specific time and date? I will let you know when I have more information and can check it against my schedule. My schedule? Sheesh! Who am I kidding. I got nothing planned.

20. Soccer, for some reason, is not very popular in the US for people above the age of 12. Why do you think this is and how would you fix it?
Here is the answer that snooty American Soccer fans always tout: Americans don’t understand the tactical aspect of the game. They just don’t get it with their stupid American brains.

This excuse is complete crap. Americans can and do understand soccer, they just don’t tend to like it.

Number 1: Soccer is a tactical game that has very few breaks in the run of play. Due to this relative few number of breaks, and fluidity of play, most people who watch baseball cannot get into it. Baseball fans are all about the slow tactical nature of the game, but they get by because they live for statistics. Soccer is not a game of statistics. Again it is a fluid game that doesn’t have many breaks but the field is gigantic compared to hockey and basketball. So the scoring is always much higher in hockey and basketball games. Those fans are not going to fall in love with soccer immediately as well. American football is a very static game. It is set play after set play after set play with high scoring (although if they made a TD worth 1 pt, the extra point worth .1 points and field goals worth .5 less people would like it. 7 – 0 sounds more impressive than 1.1 – 0.) The low scoring and fluid nature of the game being played on a rather large field really hamper American cross-over fan appeal.

Number 2: The US is not the best in the world, or really able to compete as the best in the world. America only wants to win. Period. Anything less than being Number 1 compared to everyone else means that the game is stupid and shouldn’t be played. Until the US teams are consistently pushing the top-flight national teams, and US club teams are consistently winning against the international powerhouses, soccer will not be popular in the US.

I am not going to get into what I would do to change it today. Maybe later though.

To recap:
Tomorrow we are back to my inane ramblings
Little Man finally ate a piece of pizza last night
It was made of Pilsbury Pizza Dough, Ragu Pizzaquick Pizza Sauce, ham, mushroom, and some soy derived mozzarella-ish cheese-like product
He liked it very much
It is difficult to make pizza that is dairy and egg free, but it turned out okay
I am tired
Enjoy

20 Questions Tuesday: 2 Little Man's Birthday

Today is Little Man’s mighty 3rd birthday. Please refrain from telling him this because he will want even more presents. Anyway, as a birthday treat for the little boy of the day, he shall answer all the questions. I will also give some explanation of his responses. Everyone knows that 3 year olds need interpreters.

Special thanks to KimM, Jude, Continuity Girl, B-Dawg, Peefer, and Wifey for their contribution of questions for this week.

Here are the 20 questions.

No Papa turn, Little Man turn
Yes, Yes, it is your turn Little Man.

1. Now that you have been blogging for sometime...if you could change the name of your blog (Under Construction), would you? and to what?
Papa… PAPA… PA-PA!!!
Okay what he is trying to get at here, is that he is not the one who blogs, but I do. I have toyed around with the idea of changing the title of the blog, but I have come to see "Under Construction" as an okay title, so it shall remain.

2. Why is it so absolutely delicious and pleasurable to eat (yummy stuff, of course)? Shouldn't we be bored by the endless, endless repetition; the interminable habit of putting stuff in our mouths and chewing? Clearly it's a survival of the species built-in thing; but shouldn't it be possible to harness that same capacity for routine for other boring necessities, such as working and getting up in the morning?
I chicky tenders. Ketchup. Hot Dog! Dinner! Orange Rice. Toast, Nilla Toast, Ta-co, yellow chip...
Okay, Little Man is giving you his lexicon of food. PINK JUICE BOX! What he is trying to get at is that even at the tender age of 3 he has a goodly amount of things to choose from for food. PINK JUICE BOX! The choices for eating are pretty much endless, but even with those endless possibilities, people do still get into a rut of food prep. Since eating is a sustaining and pleasurable event, PINK JUICE BOX! it is much more enjoyable than working or getting up . I think that is the difference. There would be very very few obese people, if eating were distasteful but necessary. PINK JUICE BOX! Fine, I will get you a pink juice box.

3. Sweet or savory? perfect red baby strawberries with fresh whipped cream on a buttery, crumbly shortbread; or super-smooth, slightly spicy guacamole with incredibly crisp salty nachos? (I'm hungry)
Straw...berry
Little Man would merely go for the strawberries and then probably eat some nachos, so in answer to your question, both.

4. Reading or writing?
Read, Papa. No write.
Little Man really does not like it when I write things down, but he does enjoy a good book. By good book I do mean about 10 pages, made of cardboard with simple sentences. Beat that Grisham!

5. Who would make the better father Superman or Batman?
Papa
It seems that he thinks I would make a better father than Superman or Batman, and I actually tend to agree.
Firstly Superman: he is from another planet, but more than that his dual identity would get in the way. He could not really be there for a child as a true father whilst keeping his day job at the daily planet and saving the world from nefarious super villains.
Secondly Batman: Aside from the same issues that Superman would have being an absent father, every time this man has taken charge of a kid’s well-being, he has dressed that child up in tights, made them wear a mask, and shown them the “Secret Bat Cave Entrance.” I don’t think I need to go into just how icky that is.

6. Did you have a pet as a child?
Kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat. 3 cat.
Little Man had three cats when he was born, but we had to find new homes for them due to his asthma and allergies. I miss the kittens terribly

7. Which fictional character would play you in a film about your life?
Little Nut Brown Hare
Looks like he would like his part played by a little brown rabbit, and, honestly, who wouldn't

8. What’s your favourite type of pasta?
PASTA!
He really likes mafalda

9. Who was the best James Bond?
Pip and Pop
His favorite characters on Bear in the Big Blue House are the otters Pip and Pop. Tutter a mouse. He also likes Tutter. Ojo… Yes and Ojo the little bear as well. Bear! That pretty much is the entire cast, Little Man. Anyway, he doesn’t really know about Bond as of yet.

10. How do you feel about "grok" from Heinlein's stranger in a strange land being listed in the dictionary?
What grok?
There is a certain appeal to such a guttural sounding word

11. Will you be disappointed if in the new wonder woman movie, she doesn't spin to change identities like Linda Carter.
Little Man spinning
Yes, yes, you are spinning. Luckily when Little Man spins he does not change into an Amazonian warrior princess. Sadly, I do not think that that will be part of the movie.

12. Is “spin in circles” redundant like “tiny little” and “great big?”
It a Big Big World, it a great big world…
Yes, it truly is a big, big world. Anyway, I think one could spin in an elliptical path, so it does make some sense unlike "little tiny" and "great big."

13. Does it surprise you that meerkats have to be taught how to kill and eat scorpions? And could they teach us how to do it?
Cat?
No, a meerkat, Little Man. I have a 3 year old who is ripe for the training in the killing and eating of scorpions

14. Could you handle the pressure of being "a gangster of love"?
I luv you.
I love you too, Punkin. Being a “Gangster of Love” is much easier than being a “Gansta of Luv.”

15. What is your favourite style of carpet: Berber, shag, or hand-knotted and sheared by a child labourer?
Wood floor
He likes his allergen free hard wood floors, personally, if I have to choose a carpet, I want to make sure my choice helps a child start out their career.

16. What is the true answer to life, the universe, and everything, not to be mistaken with the most-often quoted answer to life, the universe, and everything, which is "forty-two"?
Red caboose at back, orange tank car, yellow hopper car, green cat car, blue gondola car, purple boc car, black tender, black STEAM engine
I, unfortunately cannot disagree.

17. What is the proper usage of the ellipsis?
…
… indeed

18. Will you ever post a picture of yourself on this blog?
Little Man, Papa
I am near the bottom of the post.

19. What is the brightest and/or most blinding light you have ever seen?
Sun in sky
Yep, I think the Sun is about as bright as it gets

20. What would make a great band like Weezer think about breaking up?
Weezer, WEEZER, W-E-E-Z-E-R!!!!! MORE LOUD!!!!
I think they may be thinking about giving up the idea of the band, because they have never met their biggest 3 year old fan.

To recap:
Thanks to Little Man for the help on today’s post
Happy Birthday to Little Man
It seems like just yesterday that he was born in some ways
In other ways it seems like non-parenthood was a lifetime ago
I guess it was Little Man’s lifetime ago
For a more heartfelt and less glib tribute to my little boy, go here
I did not write that one, but most of the sentiments still apply (except for the whole job thingy, oh, and I was not the one who bore him into the world)
I just bore him now
Tomorrow I will be posting solo again
For good or for ill

20 Questions Tuesday: 1

Okay, I have been getting blogger’s block way too much lately and, honestly, I am not sure if I consistently have 4 days worth of blogging in me a week. I do lead a pretty boring and dull life after all, so from now on (until I tire of the concept) we are going to have 20 Questions Tuesdays. I always enjoy doing these 20 questions blogs, and I have heard that others enjoy it when I do them.

For those of you who sent in questions that did not make it this time, I got 20 questions within 2 hours of sending out my question requests. So, those question that were not used have gone into a "question bank" for future usage. Also, if you read this here blog fairly often and would like to be added to the 20 questions request, just write out what your email is in the comments section. What I mean is substitute the “@” symbol with “at” and the “.” with “dot” so the email spammers don’t get you. I switch up who I email from blog to blog so I do not overtax any one particular person. If you did not get an email from me this time, and you have in the past, I will most likely get to you again.

Without further ado, the 20 questions:

1. Shouldn’t you add blogger into part of your job title?
There are many things I should add to my job title to give a better impression of who I am, but Senior Cartographer/GIS Coordinator/Blogger Extraordinaire/ Snarky Bastard is not that catchy of a job title.

2. Why is life so complicated, and dependant up on how much money one has??
I think life is more complicated depending on how much money one does not have.

3. Movie you are most looking forward for??? Can you say transformers???
I am definitely looking forward to the Transformers Movie. Is it just me or is there something there that is more than meets the eye?

4. Do you love Pound Puppies????
Nope, I have never understood the appeal of Pound Puppies.

5. What city do you want to visit that you haven't been to yet?????
That is an interesting question. Currently, I would have to say Honolulu.

6. Charcoal or gas?????? And can you really tell the difference??????
Gas. The emissions are cleaner, in general. And one can definitely tell the difference by both smell and feel.

7. Is the ‘Little Man’ you keep referring to any relation to the movie out right now by the same name???????
Sweet mother of God, NO!!! I am disturbed that this movie got a green light. I guess there is a market for crappy movies like White Chicks!

8. Hey cartographer boy, this is 2006. I am tired of excuses about Greenland’s size being exaggerated on maps. What are they really trying to hide???????? I am 32 and have no idea if the actual size of Greenland is more like Vermont, Indiana , or Russia????????
Greenland is distorted on most American maps because the Mercator projection map was used given for free by the US Government during the cold war years to make the Soviet Union absolutely gargantuan and foreboding. If you notice on most of those maps, if they used a 4 color theory for the countries, the USSR was always the pink color, because that was the most noticeable. Greenland and Canada were unfortunately caught up in that distortion as well. Greenland is just a bit smaller than Mexico as seen in these side by side Orthographic projected images provided by Google Earth.

9. If you found yourself constantly daydreaming about a friends’ hot wife riding a horse, wearing a slinky Indian costume and singing a bad 70’s song, would you tell your friend?????????
Umm…. Never, although I do have this friend in Virginia whose wife is a fiery redhead who is known to wear a classic mini skirt Star Trek uniform on occassion…

10. What is the most horrible thing you have done to break a law but were never caught?????????? (ie speeding – how fast?????????? Stealing – what was it?????????? Murder – anyone I know??????????)
I have traveled through the entire state of Tennessee (all 118 miles {189.9 km}North to South) in 1 hour and 15 minutes. (I had to slow down in Nashville). I only did that once though

11. Why doesn't SRH have gmail???????????Honestly, I am a bit of a technophobe

12. Is Google hiring History majors????????????Not that I can see

13. Why do shorts make my legs look fat?????????????I am not sure it is the shorts, Tubby.

14. Is downloading Photoshop illegally something that will keep me out of heaven?????????????? I am sure that it is not the offense that will tip the scales.

15. Why does everything (yes, everything) taste better with ranch???????????????
Because Ranch is God’s gift to food

16. What do you get out of the whole "blog" thing? Why do you continue it????????????????
This blog is a nice creative outlet for me. It has been a way to start me writing almost every day. Sure sometime the writing sucks, but it is still writing. Since I started this here blogarooney, I have started drawing more and writing more stuff other than the blog. All in all this blog was created in an effort to help me express myself.

17. Why was the chicken so all-fired anxious to get to the other side, anyway?????????????????
Have you seen its side of the road?

18. How's the house-hunt progressing??????????????????
Not so good, we are thinking of just refinancing the current house and staying for a few more years.

19. Did you get any reply from Wheezer???????????????????
Nope, and I am a bit afraid I will not

20. How do you really feel about Cher, anyway????????????????????
I think there comes a time in every artist’s career when they need to realize that it is time to hang it up (I’m looking your way Madonna), and Cher should have done this about 10 years ago.



To Recap
Thanks to Monkey, Anon: if that is truly who you are, Dustin, and lsig for this week’s questions
When the Mayor’s staff asks for 3 maps in 3 hours, you are obliged to do your damndest
Sorry about the late posting today was absolutely nasty at work
Sloppy Joes for lunch today
Is this day over yet?
Next Tuesday will be 20 Questions Tuesday 2
I have to catch up on the rest of my non-fire-drill work now
If you have additional questions, feel free to ask them
Sweet Jesus, this day was freaking nuts

20 questions v 5.1

Okay, here we go with the latest installment of 20 questions with SRH. I am traveling for work today to sunny, Hudson, Ohio to look at digital asset inventorying systems for their water utility. Are any of you jealous? I didn’t think so.

Again, thanks to everyone who submitted questions. This time around I got some q’s from across the Pond and south of that Panama Canal. I am an inter-continental answerer now.

1. If the Collective Unconscious, according to Jung, really exists, is it ineffective because there are so many people who want so many different things? If we culled the population (90% or so) would it work better?
I think the Collective Unconscious will never be useful because even if the population were only 10% of today’s pop, 90% of those people would still be self-absorbed jack-asses.

2. If you could only eat one type of food for the rest of your life what wouldit be - Give examples?
I would only eat cooked food. That is a type, right? As for examples, braised, roasted, broasted, grilled, sautéed, flambéed, stir fried, deep fried, pan seared, baked, I could go on and on…

3. Who was the best James Bond and why?
Sean Connery. Far and away the best Bond of the bunch. He set the bar. Plain and simple

4. Which would you rather live without Books or Television?
I no read so good, but most TV is based on books. Crap, I would give up TV. And Damn you to Hell for making me say that!

5. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I just wanted the Hell out of Alabama! I didn’t care if I was flipping burgers at a fast food joint, as long as I was far far away from ‘bama. Ummm… upon further reflection a swashbuckling swordsman Jedi ninja.

6. Finish creatively: "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water..."
Jill realized that she was not really all that necessary for this trip and decided to let Jack do it himself. She now has to live with the guilt of Jack’s death by “Broken Crown.” Why Jack? Why?!?!? You were so young….

7. “Reddish Rain Water” was falling in India in 2001. Is this an alien invasion? If so, isn’t it about time?
It is the precursor of the alien invasion, not the invasion itself

8. If you had infinite mind-influencing power; would you, or would you not, create a scary cult dedicated to the adoration of Little Man?
Already starting to form the cult as I type. You know he is soon to be your leader

9. What came first, sunset-s or sunrise-s?
Sunrise

10. Which Superhero would make the best father - Discuss?
Definitely not any of these weirdos

11. Why is it that Chicago is cool and Detroit Sucks?
I found my trip to Chicago to be most un-cool, so I am not the person to answer this one for you.

12. Why do people make fun of the statement “It is not the heat, it is the humidity.” When it clearly is the humidity?
People like to make fun of clichés for being trite. Clichés exist for a reason people…

13. Which is a worse death? Falling from a plane or being poisoned?
Snakes on a Plane ‘nuff said

14. It appears that in dolphin conversations, the dolphins self identify with every phrase in their whistles and clicks (for example, “Flipper swims fast. Flipper likes to eat. Flipper this and Flipper that. Flipper sure is into himself…). Why is it that their “names” that they identify themselves with seem to more closely resemble their mother’s more than their father’s?
Turns out that the dolphin social structure is rather fluid, much like the medium in which they live. Mothers and calves stay together for the calves’ early life while the father goes out drinking with his buddies. I would say that the moms actually name the little tykes and the dad has very little to do with their offspring. That is why.

15. Who knew?
Only the Shadow knows…

16. Since the DaVinci Code is not really that original of an idea, and really not that well written of a book, why is it so popular and shouldn’t the people who made it so popular just read more?
Yes, they need to read more and better books

17. Whatever happened to Estelle Getty?
I have no idea, but you can still catch Golden Girls re-runs if you need your fix. I think the networks are a bit afraid of doing a “Where are they now: Golden Girls” because there is a good chance they are dead.

18. How do you think Harry Potter is going to end?
I really think Harry is going to win. He will vanquish Voldemort and in doing so Gryffendor will get 10 points which is just enough to put them above Slytheryn for the House Cup. Yep, Harry will save the freaking world and Gryffendor will get 10 measly points.

19. What college experience do you regret and why?
I went drinking one night after an all you appetizers meal. Turns out I ate a whole bunch of chicken fingers and then drank a whole bunch, and then saw how many chicken fingers I ate a whole bunch.

20. What is your favorite thing about Little Man?
Right now, this very instant? His laugh. Not his fake laugh, the real one that only comes out occasionally, but is oh so worth it.

To Recap:
Going to Hudson to look at pipes on a computer
I think I have done this before somewhere
I know you all are extremely jealous
I just know it
It is the only thing that will keep me going today
Have a great weekend
Good Luck to the English v T and T, they are Dynomite

20 questions with SRH

Okay, I am traveling to Cincinnati for work today, so here is the most recent installment of 20 questions with SRH. Again, these questions are compiled from people I know and some I don’t.

1. Do you recycle or do you assume that by throwing away aluminum and glass and “recyclable” plastics with your regular trash that is sent to the landfill, you are creating a future industry where long lost landfills are sought out and mined for their invaluable resources. I mean the whole nine yards. I am thinking 1000’s of years from now, like after some sort of nuclear holocaust with a complete loss of technology where maybe just maybe, genetically modified dwarves would be used for mining. So… do you recycle or not? Think about the future….

Okay, let me get this straight. Your question is if I recycle or not. My answer is somewhat. Wifey is much better at the whole recyling thing than I am. So half of our household recycles. So, imagine the number of genetically engineered mining dwarves with Scottish accents (it is a known fact that all genetically engineered mining dwarves have a Scottish burr) cut in half.

2. So why won’t socialized medical care work? I am not asking if it will or won’t that is a bit far out there and I am hoping for genetically modified dwarves, so what do you think its down fall will be? (and don’t say people, that’s just cheating.)

Ummm… people. I ain’t above the cheating

3. So what do you miss most about caffeine? Is it the magic button like instance of going from sleepy and dull when you wake up to full swing in just one can OR is it the 2-3rd hour after lunch that has you so close to coma that you fear for your safety that could be so easily cured with just one or two delicious sips of everyone’s favorite xanthanine?

I have a confession to make. I have not been completely faithful to the strict “no caffeine” stand that I was on earlier. I have found there is only so much Sprite and Sierra Mist I can take. The methadone (caffeine free Mt Dew) isn’t hacking it as much, so I have let an occasional Pepsi or Coke slip into my gullet. So, I am typically caffeine free. What I hate the most about being mostly caffeine free, is the let down around 2:30 pm. The “post lunch lurch,” if you will.

4. So I can’t help but notice that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were on a recent People magazine, does that mean US Weekly is winning?

Oh, US Weekly is totally better, regardless of TomKat coverage. They know what they are, they do not try to fool anyone with manufactured stories of ordinary people overcoming adversity to tug the heart strings. US Weekly goes straight for the celebrity gossip. I respect that. I respect that probably more than I should.

5. So that 70’s Show and Malcom in the Middle are both gone in the same week. Is CBS going to make a comeback!!?

Probably not.

6. How is it possible for your 2.8 year old son to eat 12 chicken fingers at one sitting?

I imagine he has to have some hollow cavities other than his stomach in his tiny frame that fill up with food matter. It is the only way… Although last night he did yarf up some of his stomach contents...

7. Was Reagan right, is ketchup really a vegetable?

I am not really sure that Reagan was right about anything. Other than his spending policies which toppled the Soviet Union, I cannot think of one thing that the man did “correctly” other than speeches. Like him or lump him: the man was an incredible speaker.

8. If you could magically change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My complete and total lack of super-powers.

9. Does your mother-in-law meddle? Give example.

My Mother-in-Law reads this here blog, and I am fairly sure you, the question maker, knows that. So, in answer to your question, “no comment.”

10. If you had to move from Columbus, Ohio, where would you like to live?

I would have to say someplace either nestled in the mountains, or someplace close to mountains. I love me some mountains.

11. You find yourself in a winner take all cage match with the Yeti. Assuming neither of you possess any martial arts skills and the arena is only equipped with a wire hanger, a used tissue, and a whoopee cushion, how will this fight turn out?

Well, first of all consider the whoopee cushion completely trashed (don't ask. It isn't pretty). Needless to say, it is now completely unusable. The wire hanger is busy hanging up a new Yeti coat in my closet, and the cleaner portion of the used tissue is to wipe the seat off my brow.

12. What are the current contents of your pockets? If you are not wearing pants, please explain why. Oh, God, Please be wearing pants, please be wearing pants…

A cell phone, some keys, my wallet, sunglasses (‘cause I am cool like that), and a 0.7mm Pentel Mechanical Pencil (‘cause I am not cool like that)

13. The answer is 3. What is the question?

What is the maximal digit in a quatrinary counting system where a 0 exists. I covered the fact that I have a mechanical pencil in my pocket, right?

14. In your opinion, what is the best board game of all time and how has it shaped you as an individual?

Good question. I will have to say Battleship, and not that crappy can’t cheat at this game electronic Battleship either. I did mention the whole "Not above cheating" thing, right? It taught me that if I randomly shoot enough rubber bands over my cube wall, I will eventually win…

15. A monkey runs screaming down the hallway of your place of employment. Is this odd?

Which monkey? I mean, the whole premise rests on which one of the monkeys is screaming and running willy-nilly. They have such different reactions to such different stimuli. Plus, merely a “typical” scream , or is it an “alert” scream? One invokes the phrase “That silly monkey,” with a slight shake of the head. While the other causes me to burrow under the carpet in my cubicle.

16. Do you prefer cold, sunny weather or warm, rainy weather? (in other words, what wins - temperature or lack of precipitation?)

This is a potato/potato (add the voice inflection yourself) situation. As long as it is not “bitter cold and sunny or stupid blazing hot and rainy” I am fine. Typically I gravitate towards the cooler weather though…

17. Since your Yeti Conversation post, have you heard from the Yeti?

Not wrinkly hide nor stinky hair. I think the Yeti has tired of his pursuit.

18. How does a one-hour conference call leave me two hours behind on my work?

Typically conference calls hurt one's head? If this is so, maybe you needed and extra hour post conference call to decompress from the inanity of the call itself. Or maybe the call resulted in more work for you to get done. It is hard to say when I was not privy to the call.

19. How many slides are too many for a powerpoint presentation?

20

20. Are you pondering what I am pondering?

I think so, Brain, but where are we going to get 2 penguins, a rubber chicken, and 4 boxes of duck tape at this time of night.



To Recap:
See you guys next week
I am traveling to Cincinnati
I hate work travel
Thanks to all those who submitted questions

20 questions, cause I am uninspired

Okay, due to lack of motivation, I will be doing 20 questions again. Stop grumbling

1. Is there a type of question I could ask that would guarantee my inclusion?

Well, responding to my call for questions puts you in the running. Responding quickly boosts your chances. Responding first… guaranteed.

2. Oday ouyay eakspay igpay atinlay?

Atwhay, inay ethay Ellhay isa isthay apcray? Iyay antcay eadray isthay…Ohyay, itshay, ownay iyay amyay oingday ityay.

3. If there's a story of a broken heart for every light on Broadway, does that explain population spikes following power outages?

Well, not exactly. If all the lights broke during the outage, then sure, but just because the power goes out does not mean that the lights were broken. Now there is typically a baby boom 9 months after a major outage. I think it is due to people have idle time on their hands, if you know what I mean, /wink /wink /nudge /nudge a wink’s as good as a nudge, KnowwhatImean? KnowwhatImean?

4. If you could ride shotgun in the mind of anyone from any time, who would you pick, and why?

Ride shotgun or place shotgun against? Oh ride… ummmm… that is a toughy. I already have the other list prepared. Well, I would have to pick an English speaker, because I don’t want to be couped up in anyone’s skull and not speak the language. That certainly narrows it… I would choose him...

5. Eggplant or pi?

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993753...
but eggplant is purple... 154269854782236985422365311578964565...

6. Is Easter becoming the spring version of Christmas with respect to gift giving?

It kind of is. Let me clarify, At Christmas time people do not get each other things for the Spring to come. A spring gift shouldn’t be given in December. Also since there are now “easter trees” that folks decorate with eggs and baskets hold as much as stockings, we’ve pretty much gotten rid of the religious significance of this holiday as well.

7. Why is it so hard for people to see beyond their abusive/compulsive relationships/lives?

People typically do not enter into a relationship that is abusive and/or compulsive because it is abusive and/or compulsive. They get into the relationship for other reasons, and they stay due to those other reasons as well. As for why people can’t see beyond their lives, well in general it is difficult for a whole bunch of people to look past themselves.

8. Am I in denial?

Yes, about what, we do not know….

9. "Hot Italians" - why do people like them?

I think any sub sandwich is just as good as the next one. If you like salami, capricola, provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato, and peppers on a sandwich, good for you.

10. Is it okay to eat bread that you have seen a spot of mold on, but removed that portion?

God, I hope so… Although, there was this one case where a lady died and in the autopsy they found bread mold on her brain. Yeah, and another case where this guy died because he had bread mold on his heart… You see, the mold actually reaches much further than just where the spot is visible, and clearly human organs are perfect hosts for bread mold. The 2 ideal places for bread mold: Bread and human organs

11. Is it worse for a lady to have visible leg hair or armpit hair stubble?

I would have to go with the pit stubble. Visible leg hair denotes a conscious decision, stubble denotes poor time management and sometimes lack of conviction

12. Would you or have you ever dressed up in a super hero costume?

I am not at liberty to say (the government records are still sealed)

13. What is your biggest challenge right now? (and don’t say getting enough sleep, we all know you’re tired)

The Yeti… he knows why

14. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?

Ummm, sure, whichever one is in stock at the moment

15. crick or creek?

Personally, creek, but I grew up in an area where it was almost always crik. A crik is something I get in my neck

16. Why is it that networks are always so worried about decency on television when they allowed a show like the Flintstones to run for so long without the men wearing pants?

I don’t think the networks are worried at all about decency on television. They are worried that they will fined for what they show. Completely different motivation – they are trying to protect their assets and interests, not the public good. You know it’s hard out here for a pimp…

17. What posses someone to look at a rottweiler and a dachshund and say I wonder what their puppies would look like?

Is his name Bubba? I mean, “Does it say Bubba on his birth certificate?”

18. Why is it when an animal kills someone we trap it, kill it, and test it but if a person kills someone we sometimes kill them but don't test them?

For what would we test them? Rabies? Cholera? Or would we test things on them such as cosmetics? If we were to test them for rabies and an eyeshadow called Midnight Rendevous, I am all for it.

19. If person A and person B both leave the same destination at the same time but person A travels at 95mph and person B travels at 65mph how long does it take for person B to quit looking at the accident caused by person A and resume traveling at normal speed?

Better yet – does person B have a loud muffler? That will cost you a $100 in court.

20. Food question: car-mel or car-a-mel? mustard or ketchup? (or catsup)? salt or pepper?

a. Car-mel
b. Ketchup
c. both - live together in perfect harmony – side by side on piano keyboard, oh lord, why don’t we?


To Recap:
I am soooo not wanting to be inside today
I think it has something to do with the weather…
Mmmm Calzone for lunch
I need a nap…. Outside
Little Man has discovered ants… and is now afraid of them
Is it bad that we drape a blanket around Little Man’s shoulders and march him to the bed while humming the Imperial March from Star Wars?
Little Man loves this
We think that we have created a monster

You will pay, Yeti...

You

Will

Pay

Hindsight is 20/20 questions

I do not want to think today, so here are 20 questions. Thanks to all for submitting. You guys are da best. Without further ado:

1. Which would you choose, if you had to- an exciting, intellectually challenging, socially meaningful career at a tiny tiny salary, or a boring, frustrating position making more than you could ever spend?
Currently, I would take either. Right now I have a frustrating position making not that great of a salary

2. Do you like jelly? What is your favorite variety of jelly?
Honestly, I like Smuckers Concord Grape Jam
Mmmm Concord Brake Jam

3. What is your favorite task at your job? Least favorite?
Hey, that’s 2 questions. 1. Ummmm, doing the final print of a map and 2. Getting a string of edits that lead back to the original design

4. Why are mandatory meetings always scheduled when you have insane deadlines?
It is the way of things. The best way to meet a deadline is to take everyone off the project and talk about strategic planning

5. Why do Ohio sports teams always end up choking? WHY?
Let’s be clear, not all Ohio sports team choke, some just plain suck

6. Why are weatherman always wrong? ....Huge snow storm, 3-5 inches my ass!
Well, meteorology is an in inexact science to begin with, and the talking heads on TV are just the meteorologists who have camera prescience. The real wiz-bang meteorologists are sitting at a desk somewhere working for the National Weather Service.

7. What's your favorite breed of dog?
I am not really a dog person. Much more of a cat person, so I would have to go with whatever dog out there is most cat-like.

8. Do you have any hobbies?
I like to draw, but I do not make the time to do it. Other than that there is my fixation on World of Warcrack… err. Warcraft

9. How come you ruin so many cars?
I tire of vehicles quickly. Actually, the string of a car a year is over, thank God! I am terribly unlucky. I had a rear wheel blow out on a rear wheel drive car, a hydroplaning incident at a mall entrance, an engine fire, and a failure to yield right-of-way. So I am on my 5th car with only 16 years of being in driving age. That is a car every 3.2 years. Maybe leasing is the way for me?

10. Will the snow we are getting today, the first day of spring, stick?
My bet is that it will not stick all that great, mainly sense I think most of it looks like it will go to the north of Columbus.

11. Why does Little Man mimic a drunk leprechaun so well?
Yes, mimic

12. What do you want for your birthday?
Honestly, the birthday is not until June, so I have not really thought about it too much. If I had to choose right now, time off from work

13. If parents have their child’s asthma “managed” successfully – doesn’t that just mean their kid has a wussy case of asthma? Just wondering.
A wussy case of asthma or vigilant parent/s, I guess, those are the 2 options. Little Man’s asthma requires 5 daily medicines (some of which are required twice a day) with an additional 2 during “bad breathing episodes. I would say he has a monumental case of asthma for a 2.6667 year old. Granted, there are worse cases out there, but in general, I would say our case goes to vigilant parent/s. In our case, most of the acclaim goes to Wifey. You da best baby!

14. If a cheese cake and a cream pie were to get into a fight, who would win?
I would. Mmmmmmmmmmm creamy cheesecake pie

15. Why do people love the Sopranos?
I honestly don’t know why it is such an American cultural phenomenon. None of the characters are likeable, and it glorifies a criminal lifestyle. Sure bad things happen to the shows characters, but all in all it normalizes the lives of a criminal element and makes it more acceptable to the mainstream.

16. What is silliest reason someone you know stopped dating someone?
Smelled like cabbage. Not really a bad reason to break up with someone, but it does sound rather silly.

17. Why does anybody still care about the Oscars and how can they imagine that it is actually or noteworthy to approach “controversial” subjects when the entire Hollywood “society” agrees with you entirely and there is no actual risk of retribution or public disfavor! I mean speaking out against the war or speaking up for homosexuality!!! GOSH! You must be sooooooo courageous to risk your career like that!!! OOOOOOHH! AAAHHHHH! Mumble mumble……..
I am simply going to avoid eye contact and back away slowly…

18. Where did I put my pen?
Have you looked in your supply closet? I find multiple versions of the pens I have misplaced in there. They are often in a box with the missing pen’s picture on it, so you may have to open that up.

19. I can’t find my clam clipper deally thing either. Any ideas?
Ummm, I am not really sure what a “clam clipper deally” thing is, but have you tried your coat pocket?

20. Why isn’t dizzy bat an Olympic event? It would be twice as funny as a Winter event with the ice and all.
For all of you out there in cyberland who do not know what “dizzy bat” is: to the best of my knowledge Dizzy Bat is more of a race than a baseball like game. One bends over and runs in a circle whilst apply one’s forehead to the end of a regulation MLB baseball bat for three interations as fast as one can spin. Then said, player tries to round the bases being all dizzylike. On ice it would be hilarious. That being said, it would be more interesting than curling.

To recap:
I felt lazy today
Sorry
Had New York style pizza for lunch today
It was yummy
I have a meeting to get to
More tomorrowBlogger is doing weird stuff still, please be patient
Cheers

20 Questions, yet again

20 questions day 'cause I don't feel like coming up with crap today


1) Who is your favorite Bond villain? (Assuming you have one)
Emilio Largo from Thunderball…mainly because Tom Jones sings the title theme.

2) What is the longest plane ride you've ever been on?
Munich to New Jersey

3) Do you have a favorite pair of socks?
Nope, I wish I did. I only have a drawer full of socks I hate. Stupid Bastard Socks!!!! I Hope you Rot in Hell!!!

4) What is the fundamental difference between working hard and hardly working?
Perspective, it is all about relativity baby.

5) You have ten minutes to grab whatever you can from your house before going into permanent exile (your family is safe and will be going with you). What do you take?
Wedding photos and my PC (mainly due to the digital media on the PC) everything else is pretty much replaceable.

6) What's the biggest challenge being married?
Staying married

7) What's the funniest thing your son has said?
So far the best thing he has said is “Shalsha.” He likes to put shalsha on his ta---co. Currently, his favorite phrase to say after doing anything is “I’m Sorry.” He says “I’m sorry” to his socks when he takes off his shoes. He says “I’m sorry” to his toes when he puts on his socks. IT is rather cute.

8) Are you a good daddy?
I like to think so, but time will tell

This picture says, "No."

9) If you could live anywhere in the world, other than where you live now, where would that be?
I am really not sure at all. There are so many cool places in the world. I guess I would have to go with a subterranean bunker with enough supplies to live for at least a year. Not that I would need to live undrground for at least a year due to alien invasion or some such nonsense. I mean, that would be plain silly. Forget I even mentioned it.

10) Jesus and Ghandi met at a dinner. What did they discuss?
Oddly, they spoke about the Orlando Magic. One would think they would have been talking about the whole Shaq/Kobe feud, or at least the death of spiritualism in Western Culture. Go figure

11) Why do computer geeks drink Mountain Dew?
Well, there are many reasons.
Reason Number 1: It is green, much like alien saliva
Reason Number 2: Prior to the mega caffeine drinks, Mt Dew was the most caffeinated soft drink on the market. Still not as caffeinated as coffee, but more immediately tasty
Reason Number 3: Umm, I am not sure why it is soooo geek chic

12) If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
I believe you have successfully failed in you failure to succeed.

13) If a Major is not a higher ranking officer than a General, then why is a major illness more serious than a general illness?
A better question is, “If you are a Major who majored in college in General Studies, do you generally study Generals?” Or “If you are a General, do you do the same things on a day to day basis, generally?”

14) Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
If I were built like a superhero, all I would ever wear would be spandex, but not yellow spandex. No one can look good in yellow spandex.

15) I noticed a “Dan 666” written in the office ceiling ductwork. Question - who knew the Devil's name was Dan? Or is it his initials? If it is his initials, I bet his middle name is Albert - that would cause him to wreck universal destruction.
I think you mean a “unified theory of destruction.” Only the Devil’s closest cadre of friends actually know that his name is Dan. I heard it from a friend of a friend of a friend of the devil’s gardener.


16) Why do the ladies keep their hair long to lure in a man, but cut it short as soon as they're married? False advertising I say! False Advertising!
Ummm, wow, uh, it seems you are harboring some deep seeded resentment of your wife shearing her long flowing locks. I am pretty sure that any response I give your emotional question will not be adequate, so I will say, “Lice.”

17) Why do fireworks and rednecks spell disaster?
Rednecks can’t spell “Disaster” so your question is un-answerable

18) How is it being mouse-free in the office?
Our office is now free of mice? That is great; I can start dumping my food onto the floor again.

19) Why is it so nice to snuggle with your own kids?
Cause the neighbor’s kids get really weirded out when I snuggle with them

20) Which was your favorite Rocky movie? I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII? (or whenever it may have ceased... I think they may be actuallty working on a new one...)
Rambo III, he beats those Russians into submission in Afghanistan

To Recap:
I will be out of the office tomorrow,

EDIT Not Tomorrow, I will be out of the office on Thursday Tomorrow's blog will be haphazard just like usual (thank you Mimm)
So no Thursday Blog
Leftovers tonight at Chez SRH
Getting people to give questions can be like pulling teeth
The doctor says I will live
There was much lamenting and gnashing of teeth at this announcement

20 Questions, all over the place

I have little time today to create a post of my own, so it is 20 question time again. Thank you to all who contributed to this list of questions. If I did not use one of your questions, please feel free to be offended. They were questions for a blog, get over yourself.

1. Eskimos have been living in ice houses called igloos for a LONG time.This is what they do. Why do people think it is so spectacular that magician David Blaine lived in a block of ice for a week. Is this really 'magic'? What happened to pulling vermin out of a hat and sawing ho's in half? Is magic as we know it dead?

To the first part of Question 1: People like David Blaine because he is soft spoken and has smooth baby soft skin

To the second part of Question 1: There was an ancient Babylonian prophecy surrounding the followers of Marduk that stated, “As goes Dug Hennig, so dies the magic of the world.” So, I can only assume that Magic is dead since Doug Henning is no more. That and the magician who showed how to do all the tricks on Fox.

Why can’t prophets spell things correctly?

2. If money was no object, do you prefer Kraft Mac’n’Cheese, or Velveeta Shells’n’Cheese?

Even with money being an object, Kraft all the way. Velveeta Shells’n’Cheese has a bad aftertaste.

3. Who, in their right mind, doesn't want to be known as a "dingle dorkus"?

Robert Dingleton Dorkustein III, that’s who.

4. Why would anyone give their bologna a first name? Let alone a last name?

People have an odd fascination with anthropomorphizing their food and then eating it. I think it harkens back to our hunter gatherer days in the Stone Age. We gave animal totems god-like qualities and then ate them. It all has to do with power over what you are consuming. By eating this bologna, I, in some ways gain power over some man named Oscar Meyer.

5. If geeks traveled in large groups, what would they be called? a gaggle? a pack? a horde??? And would the same word be used to describe a large group of nerds? You can buy large quantities of nerds...they taste good! I don't think you can say the same thing for geeks, or can you???

I think it depends on what geeks to which you are referring. In general, for alliteration purposes, it should be a “Gaggle of Geeks.” Most times when there is, indeed a large group of geeks, it is called a “Gaming/Comic Book/Computer Convention of Geeks.” So, aside from the alliteration reasons for “gaggle,” it should be a “Convention.” Unless it is 40 computer geeks, then it is a “Raid of Geeks.”

A large group of nerds is considered a “Murder of Nerds.”

If Willy Wonka made geeks they would taste great, but alas… Oddly, this is not the first time I have been asked this.

6. Why is blue a rare color in nature? I'm not talking about the "blue" one gets with light refraction through air/water.

It is not so rare, naked Scotsmen are pale blue, and there are a bunch of those fuckers.

7. What is the most annoying sound in the Universe?

Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc- kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk- ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo- wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

8. If history repeats itself, does that mean that time is circular? Everyday is repeated but on an infinite number of time planes? Is every Jan 17th being repeated as we speak?

Funny you should ask. No one has really demonstrated conclusively that time is in fact continually propogating from one point onto infinity in the opposite direction. It could very well be that much like height, width, and length (the 3 dimensions that we are most comfortable with) time could, in fact, double in on itself to create loops and other complex geometric “shapes.” Much like height, width, and length seem to vary, I think time does as well. It would explain why dejá vues occur as well as why some days seem to fly by, and some days seem to drag on and on and on. So while I think time is not necessarily linear, I also do not think that "every Jan 17th" is "being repeated as we speak," so to say.

9. If you started a single elimination - to the death - tournament, consisting of all land mammals, who would win and why? I know lions are the king of the jungle but could they really take out a grizzly bear? My money would be on the wolverine. small but deadly.

While the wolverine is a good choice (“The only one that kills for pleasure!”), my bet is on Chuck Norris. To steal a phrase: Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep… he waits.

10. Why does asparagus make your pee smell funny? and can't they use technology to make it smell like roses?

I don’t eat asparagus, I have no knowledge of what you speak. I would imagine that asparagus, in this sense, is much like BASF. It doesn’t make you pee stink, it makes your pee stink more.

11. Would you rather have a magic food machine by your desk or a manservant to fetch whatever you wanted?

Manservant, most definitely. I would name him Wentworth. “Wentworth, my soup is cold.” Yeah, a manservant named Wentworth.

12. Favorite Cake?

Motorcade of Generosity, followed closely by Fashion Nugget

13. Telekinesis or ESP?

Telekinesis Baby! I would love to shoot mind bullets!

14. What's your favourite celestial body, not counting our sun or moon?

Sirius, the Dog Star. It is the Dog Star, ‘nuff said
--edit-- This just in, I have been instructed to say "Wifey."--edit--

15. Let's assume for a moment that you're off this silly kick of not ingesting caffeine. If Mountain Dew was no longer available anywhere on the planet, what would be your substitute?

Umm, next question please, next question!!!

16. Who cut your hair? Why did you get it cut that way?

Jay cut my hair, and he is surprisingly heterosexual, go figure. I got it cut this way because I was tired of it being longer.

17. Is there a philosophical reason why the weather in Central Ohio sucks?

Philisophically, no. Meteorologically and geomorphalogically, yes.

18. Someone has arranged for you to marry one of two people who are soon to undergo a gender-transformation procedure: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Rudolf Giuliani. You live in a state where polygamy is legally permitted. In fact, it is encouraged. You have no choice but to marry either, or both; otherwise, you will be put to death by the cumulative effects of wasp stings administered at pseudo-random intervals for the next twelve years. Whom do you choose?

Giuliani, for sure, he will die sooner. As God as my witness, he will die sooner!

19. Are you gonna have more kids or what??

Whilst Little Man is quite the cute and loveable child, Wifey and I have a loaded genetic gun that gives us great amounts of trepidity. See, Wifey contributes asthma, and I contribute food allergies. More kids for us? Definitely not at the moment.

20. Favorite piece of playground equipment?

Swings

To Recap:
Busy, busy, busy today
Thanks for all the questions
I have renderings to do
Cheers
Feel free to answer these questions on your own, or ask me some

20 questions revisted

Questions for today, just because I do not have enough time to come up with a real post.

1) The mini fridge!??!?!?....fantastic in college, but are they really necessary in the office?

Sadly, they are necessary in the office. Who hasn’t had some food eaten by the office gremlins

2) Why has the Asshat not gotten fired yet?

He has underlings to take the fall for him… you should know that. It is the way of things.

3) You enjoy watch cartoons with Little Man, don't you?

Somewhat, the issue is that the cartoons that he is into at the moment are still a bit young. Higglytown Heroes makes me froth at the mouth and want to vomit, and the lack of pace in Dora the Explorer makes me want to smash my head against the wall. When he is a bit older and watching cartoons like Justice League Unlimited, oh yes, we will be enjoying them together. At the moment, I only like watching these things because they make him happy and giggle. His laughter is magical.

4) I'm about the only person I know that still keeps in close contact with high school and college friends...why is that so out of the ordinary?

Because people grow in emotional intelligence at different rates. As you separate from your childhood and college friends, you start to experience different life events. Those events in turn mature you differently. This difference is where the drop off in contact occurs. I keep up with only 2 people from high school and 1.5 from college.

5) What's your favorite ice cream flavor and why?

I would have to say Vanilla. Mainly because it is the basis for most ice cream treats. Most ice cream sandwiches require vanilla. Most sundaes are based with vanilla. Vanilla tends to not overpower other flavors, that is why it is such a good base.

6) Who's your favorite action figure/cartoon hero? why?

Growing up I loved the smaller G.I. Joe action figures that were released in the mid 80’s. They were great to start out with because they seemed rather realistic. They were just an elite fighting unit. Then they started having characters with neon orange colors and big, stupid, improbable weapons and such, that is when I stopped buying them. Interesting not, I just sold my old G.I. Joe stuff for a nice little sum on EBay. Someone is always willing to buy crap.

One thing has always surprised me though, is the complete lack of appropriate Bat-Man action figure. They always have to tie into the current movie/cartoon. Someone needs to take the merchandising bull by the horns and just make some good Bat-Man stuff.

7) What’s your favorite color?

Green, a kind of soft green, like rubbed sage

8) What color is your toothbrush?

White with yellow accents

9) Why isn’t your toothbrush your favorite color?

Well, technically, I did not actually buy my toothbrush. It was given to me by my dentist. I had no choice in the matter. Additionally, green reminds too many people of algae and bacteria for them to put a green toothbrush in their mouth.

10) If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Knotty Pine, baby! If you know what I’m saying, heck, I don't even know what I am saying

11) If you didn't have to work tomorrow, what would you do instead?

I would stay at home with Little Man, maybe go to the zoo.

12) Where did you go on your best childhood vacation? Would you go back now?

When I was 10 I went to a soccer camp in Manchester, England (Bobby Charlton School of Soccer). It was tons of fun, and my team acquitted themselves fairly well. We did not win any games but we showed them that the yanks were coming up.

13) What is the biggest difference you've found between Alabama and Ohio?

I would have to say the general mentality. Alabama does not place much emphasis on education and that is saying a whole bunch coming from Ohio, where education is clearly king.

14) Do you have a favorite cartoon? (Which one?)

Original Looney Tunes. They are timeless.

15) What's the biggest thing you miss from your days before you had your kid?

The ease of which we could do things… especially with Little Man’s food allergies. I miss the days of, “Hey, Wifey, you wanna grab something to eat?” and then walking out the door.

16) If you could have sex with any animal what animal would it be?

Ha, nice try. I am not falling for the “could” in this question. I believe it would be a “have to” or “must” situation. Not merely a “could,” because, hey, I’m hawt and all the animals want me. I “could” have any number of animals at any time.

17) What is best in Life?

To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!

18) The following sentence contains either a single error or no error at all. If the sentence contains an error, select the one underlined part that must be changed to make the sentence correct. If the sentence contains no error, select choice E.

Today photography is (A) widely recognized (B) as a fine art featuring them (C) in art museums, discussed by critics, and studied in (D) art history courses. No error (E).

Umm C, it should be “featured” instead of “featuring them”

19) Favorite shoe brand?

I think I would have to go with Clarks. They seem to be consistently nice shoes.

20) Shouldn’t you be leaving to pick up Little Man at the care giver’s now?

Yes, yes I should.

To Recap:
Potential energy is dangerous
Die! Smurf! Die!
That's German, for "The Smurf, The"
I am outta here.

20 Questions Redux`

Again, I have lost all ability to come up with topics of my own, so I have enlisted the help of some people that I know tread this here bloggerooney, and asked them each for 5 questions. So without further ado…

1: Would Jerry Springer represent Ohio well as a politician?

The last Presidential Election in Ohio already seems to have a Jerry-esque feeling to it due to the political fighting that this state endures during the whole silly season of elections, so I honestly think that Jerry Springer would fit Ohio well.

So yes, I think he would “represent” Ohio well as a politician. Do I think he would be good for the state? That is a different question, and that answer is a resounding, “No.”

2: Would you rather spend 2 days in a tent in: a) New Orleans wearing a 'I hate black people shirt' and a KKK hood or b) downtown Bagdad?

I am going to go with “a)” on this one primarily since the city is nearly completely evacuated at the moment, and only about 40% of it is still under water. I am fairly sure I could evade most of the people who are left in N.O. but Bagdad, I would be a sitting duck.

3: Are you more a) space cowboy b) gangsta of love c) Maurice and why?

I am going with Space Cowboy, because I am an Interstellar Maverick, baby!

4: Who would you rather bang? She-ra, Josie (from the pussycats), a human size Smurfette, or Leela (Futurama)?

She-ra! For the Honor of Greyskull!

5: You live in middle of country. Do you feel more affiliation to the east coast rappers or the west coast rappers? (Biggie or Tupac)

I think I would have to go with Tupac, mainly cause you can hear how obese Biggie was just in his voice. Although… I do love it when they call me “Big Papa.”

6: Why do I see people speeding through neighborhoods crowded with kids, while their own child of similar age sits in the back?

People are stupid, I believe I have covered this before.

7: Why doesn’t anybody give the wave anymore?

There are still a few hold-outs who give “the wave.”

8: Mark Twain once pondered, if the world was run by intelligent people who are just putting us on or if it was run by dumb people who really mean it, discuss.

Mark Twain had a bunch of time on his hands.

9: Nature vs. Nurture?

Nature by 10, it will be a close game until late in the 4th. An onsides kick leads to a touchdown. Then a fumble recovery on the Nature’s 23rd yard line leads to a field goal from Nuture’s 35

10: Why do most movies suck?

Really, I think this has to do with the sheer amount of movies that are being made today. Back when there were only 3 major studios, fewer movies were made. Since fewer movies were made it made it seem like there was less absolute crap being shown on the screen. I am not sure if the proportion of crap to non-crap is any different. But the vast quantities of movies these days seem to be crap.

11: Is there always dysfunction when more than one person gets together? I mean, it seems to me that there is. More than one person in a group cannot get along or act civilized for a very long amount of time.

Dysfunction comes in sets of 3. Don’t ask me why, it just is that way.

12: Do all human beings move to self-actualization and growth? Do ANY human beings move toward them?

I am sure that some humans move to self-actualization and growth, but while they are self-actualizing, the rest of us are taking over the place

13: Whatever happened to phone etiquette? I have talked to several service professionals this week, and every one of them has been Rudey McGruff at every turn.

I think this boils down to email. Etiquette has taken a back seat ever since instant/near instant communication has become the norm. Messages have become more and more terse. The messages are not necessarily meant to be negative, but their mere brevity makes them seem ruder than they were intended. This phenomenon has migrated over to the phone as well. We, as a culture, are forgetting how to communicate effectively.

14: Which of your friends has the most miserable life right now? Did they bring it upon themselves?

Right now? I would have to go with B-Dawg. He just went on a Sceince Field trip at the age of 31. In general, I would go with G-Money. He don’t cotton well to takin’ orders, and he is in the US Army.

15: Do people who have homicidal phobias of “river horses” ever get over their affliction and learn to love themselves?

I believe you mean “water horse” and my obsession with their extermination, I will love myself more when they arte no longer an affliction blighting my world. As it is, I like myself pretty well anyway.

16: Why don't you want to write about “Angry Kitty?”

Actually, I would like nothing more than to write about “Angry Kitty,” but, alas and alack, I have not found a way to strip the .gif image from the email I have received and embed the image in my blog, so that talking about it makes any sense. I currently have a crack team of experts trying to lift that particular ".gif" image from an email so that I can put it up for all to see.

17: Is “Angry Kitty” the best thing EVER?

I am not too sure about the “best thing EVER,” but Angry Kitty do make me giggle every time I look at it. Every time

18: Is General Tso's the greatest Chinese restaurant ever...on Bethel Rd.?

Easily. I used to be a Panda Inn guy, but their health code violations seemed to ruin them for me.

19: Can you believe that “Toy Story” has been out for 10 years!?!?!

Good Lord, I am old

20: In World of Warcraft are paladins or warriors better?

In my opinion, Warriors are better mainly due to their agro management. The Paladin has many “get out of jail free” cards that allows that class to stay alive nearly indefinitely, but as a hybrid class, it does not heal adequately enough to keep other party members alive and does not create enough threat to actually be able to tank. Keeping that in mind, as a solo class the paladin can do wonders, but since most of the later game content is so group dependant, I think the warrior is the way to go. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule.

Tomorrow I will be back with some real blogging.