20 Questions: 30 - Exercise

Today’s 20 Questions revolve around the idea of exercise. Thanks this week go to Belsum, JACoppinger, the Em, ZingerZapper, Atmikha, and JW.

Disclaimer: Exercising is an absolute necessity for me. My joints necessitate a certain level of maintenance. I have a degenerative condition on my left knee that activates when I am woefully out of shape. This injury is due to my left leg overcompensating for my right leg’s crappy assed knee. I have hyper-extended the right knee on multiple occasions. I have strained the medial-collateral ligaments on my left knee. The degenerative condition on my left knee was stated to me as “patella-femoral agitation,” where basically my left knee-cap slams into my femur when I straighten my leg (unless I have been strengthening my leg, so it won’t occur: ergo the exercising). I have a bad ankle and a worse ankle. I can dislocate my right shoulder at Will (Will hates this). My elbows have a bit of hyper flexion. Finally, I am generally one of the poppiest, creakiest, crunchiest people I have ever met. Maintenance exercise is an absolute must for me, and at the tender age of 32, I really need to start paying serious attention to my skeletal/muscular health issues.

All that being said, I absolutely hate exercising. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. I have mentioned before, and I will again. I. Hate. Exercising.

To the questions!

1 Does Tetris count as exercise?
Sadly, for some it is their only form of exercise. Does it elevate the heart-rate? Yes, as the levels fly by and the game speeds up there is definitely a bump in the heart rate. Does it keep the heart-rate elevated for more than 15 minutes? If one is very good at it, then “yes.”

2 What time of your life were you in the best shape and why?
It is a tie between High School and College. In HS I was in better cardio-vascular fitness due to HS Soccer, but in college a combination between the Club fencing team at Kent State and the group of guys I was lifting with, I was in better strength conditioning shape.

3 Health clubs vs home gyms vs exercise DVDs?
This is a matter of personal preference. I think I would like an exercise room in the house of my dreams, because I don’t really like people when I am exercising. As it is, a health club/gym seems to be the best bet for me. Exercise DVD’s are too easy to stop.

4 What’s your favorite aerobic activity that you’re totally embarrassed to admit you even know about?
That I know about? hmmmm… as long as we all understand that it is not something I have done, but that I merely know of its existence. I would have to say the “exerslide” or “bodyslide.” The fun of Olympic speed skating in your living room!

5 How come extreme runners always die of heart attacks?
That is a really good question. I think it has to do with the fact that they can wax eloquent about their “runner’s high” and “how good running makes them feel.” They tend to like running and they also tend to tell others how much it helps their life. Basically it is a Karma thing. I hate exercising, and that hate will sustain me for a long bile filled life. Stupid happy runners!

6 Did the devil invent sit-ups?
Yes. Sit-ups are the exercise of the The Dark One. Old Scratch likes crunches. Lucifer is known for his six-pack. Mephistopheles has a washboard. El Diabloà El Abdominal. I abhor ab workouts. Can’t stand them. All incarnations. All of them. Hate them.

7 Large women in spandex at the gym – your opinion?
Large anyone in spandex anywhere is really a no-no. Spandex as an outer covering for anyone is a questionable offense.

8 No pain no gain, or: “screw it, I’m watchin’ the tube!”
I am not much for pain. If it hurts whilst doing it, it stops getting done. Sadly, this does not apply to pain 30 minutes post exercising, and especially does not apply to pain 2 days after exercising. I do love me some tube watching though…

9 Weights or Cardio?
I do both. At least 30 minutes of cardio and then I head to the weights. The light weights, I just ran for 30 minutes people. Give me a break.

10 Stupidest exercise machine on the planet?
The exercise gliders/rockers/riders that hit the market in the mid 90’s. Those things are horrid. You cannot sit your way to a better health. I don’t think anyone is making them anymore, but you can find them at thrift stores and ebay aplenty (“just like new!”). I remember the commercials though… Bunch of in-shape women dry-humping exercise equipment. Oddly, when I worked at NordicTrack, we never sold one of their rocker machines to a guy. Were they mis-marketed or was it marketing genius?

11 Do you think it's possible for the people who really hate to work out to ever find a way to get in shape that they like?
I do believe there are exercises out there for everyone. Alas and alack, I have not found mine, unless World or Warcraft is considered “exercise.”

12 Why do you hate working out so much? Maybe it will explain why I hate it so much.
I hate working out because I find that I feel like I should be doing something better with my time. You know, like rearranging my sock drawer. I am not able to remove myself from the task at hand when I am exercising. When I am on the elliptical, I am acutely aware of time passing rather slowly. People who enjoy exercise, often lose themselves in the exercise and are surprised when they are finished. I have not found an exercise where I could do that. Exercise should be like a good movie. It should transport you away from your life for a short amount of time. If the exercise you are doing does not “take you away” it is more of a laborious chore than a past-time.

13 If you could repeatedly run over (on the bike) or stampede (while on the eliptical) any person’s body parts who would they be and what body part would you choose?
Sadly exercise bikes and ellipticals don’t move, so the person and their body parts could easily get away.

14 Do you glimpse at other fitness addicts (much like yourself) and compare your muscles?
Number 1: I am not an addict. I really could walk away from exercise really easily.
Number 2: I don’t compare myself to anyone whilst at the gym. I am incomparable.

15 Whatever happened to those gorgeous spandex, thong unitards? Man, they should bring those back. Nothing inspires like shiny fat rolls.
For laughs, you should do a Google image search on “unitard.”

16 If you were a knight, how would you train, and for how long every day?
I would do the elliptical with my cuirass, greaves, gauntlets, bevor, and sallet for at least 1 hour a day, then I would swing cinder blocks around on chains for another 30 minutes. Then I would spar with a dragon. Who wouldn’t want to spar with a dragon? If I were a knight that would be my job, so it could take up most of the day. No sit-ups though…

17 Why can't achieving and maintaining a "socially acceptable" body type-according to Men's Health, and Cosmopolitan magazines be easier?
Because our society is set up for convenience, and convenience is easy. Exercise, on the other hand, is not easy.

18 Why is it necessary for women to spend more time on their appearance going to exercise than their actual workout (That is, if they're really working out to begin with) -courtesy of the lovely wife
Honestly, I don’t understand that either, but I am partnered up and have been for a long time. After college, there are few places that people can really meet these days. I would assume that people who are getting all duded up for the gym are going for mate finding as well as exercise.

19 Why do I want to eat EVERYTHING that's HORRIBLE for me AFTER a workout?
Because you have earned it! What is the point of exercising if not to allow oneself to indulge in fatty goodness?

20 Worse form of torture to you during gym class- the wall peg things you had to pull yourself up with, or the rope that hung from the ceiling?
I was never able to do either, so I hated them both. Hated.

To recap:
I am sore today
Badly sore
Okay, not that bad, but I am still sore
Maybe I will do some sit-ups tonight
Maybe I won’t
Yeah, I won’t
Thinking about sit-ups is enough
Good thinking, Papa! (I love getting validation from a 3.6 year old)
Speaking of in-shape women dry-humping exercise equipment (Question 10), isn’t that what guys loved about ESPN 2 in the mornings in the ‘90’s?
I could watch a replay of Sportcenter, or I could watch these women exercise... hmmmm
What to do? What to do?
R.I.P. Maggie Moo’s in Columbus
Hippos reek from the odor of fear and the stink of destiny

20 Questions Tuesday: 29 - Valentine's Day

Ah, Valentine's Day is tomorrow, and I am stunned at the amount of people on the questioning list who sent in questions. Since Valentine’s Day is such a singular event, I am not going to push this topic on to 2 weeks, so instead of answering every question I got (51 questions in total), I am just going to answer 20 of them that pique my curiosity. I will also answer the few common questions that everyone seemed to ask. These questions are:

What was your worst Valentine’s Day/Valentine’s Day gift? Pretty much any of the Valentine’s Days when I was in High School would suffice. I was unpaired and lonely and acutely aware of that loneliness because I was an angsty teen at the time. As far as gifts go, I have never really gotten a Valentine’s Day gift so “no gift” would be my answer.

What was your best Valentine’s Day/Valentine’s Day gift? 11 years ago was the best. Wifey and I had gotten engaged the previous week, and that Valentine’s Day was just special and nice. As far as gifts, it was 11 years ago as well, when Future Wifey said, “You know, the engagement is more special than this holiday, let’s not celebrate Valentine’s Day and remember the engagement instead.” In one fell swoop, I no longer had to think about Valentine’s Day. Yippee! Love you, Wifey!

Is Valentine’s Day a “real” holiday or just one manufactured by Hallmark? Valentine’s Day is a real “event.” I hesitate to call it a holiday because no one observes it by not doing stuff. There is some actual history to it, but I think a bunch of the history ascribed to the day is more lore and legend than actual historic fact.

Valentine’s Vs Sweetest Day? I had honestly not heard of Sweetest Day until I moved to Ohio in 1992. Never. Heard. Of. It. Sweetest Day is the definition of a “Hallmark” holiday, because it was manufactured. I hate the mere existence of Sweetest Day.

Today’s Questions are from (in order of receipt): Lord Pithy, Lsig, Peefer, The Em, ZingerZapper, Dr Civil, Bomber, Info Diva, Allrileyedup, JW, and Atmikha. If I did not answer a question you asked, I apologize, but paring down the questions to a measly 20 was difficult. To the questions!

1 What the hell does my husband really want for VD? Are silk boxers ever an appropriate gift?
I think, based on a conversation with you this morning, he wants you to stay away fro Valentine’s Day. Silk boxers are always appropriate. Always! They just make it nice to walk around. In fact when I wore silk boxers, I would walk around a lot, for the sheer umm… enjoyment of them.

2 Why does it amuse me so much to refer to the day as VD?
Because it is tragically funny. I think VD actually made the medical community change Venereal Disease into Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s)

3 Nougat or nut-filled? White, milk, or dark? Chocolate, that is. What's your favorite Valentine's day confection?
Nougat, White Chocolate, I am not terribly partial to any day specific confection.

4 How many times can the average person see the same, stupid Valentine's-themed jewelry store commercial and not kill someone?
437 ... I am at 267

5 Is there any implication to the fact that we give our loved ones bits of chocolate in a box shaped (symbolically, anyway) like an internal organ for this holiday? And why does a Valentine's heart look nothing like a real heart?
People like treats, ergo the chocolates. The heart shape is more aesthetically pleasing than an actual heart shape. I mean, really, how do you put lace on the aorta?

6 If you were Cupid, where precisely would you aim your arrow? And why?
For lust? A kill shot to the inner thigh, hoping to nick the femoral artery.
For love? A kill shot to the Carotid Artery.
I think the reasoning is self-evident

7 You are a woman. (Go with me for a moment.) Did you appreciate your gift of lingerie?
I am not sure I like where this question is going. I am not some cheap floozy whose physical affections can be purchased with some frilly lacy undergarment… although, they do make me feel pretty…

8 I love the new anti-V-day parties and such that are happening in recent years for the singles. What's your take on it?
Ah, Single’s Awareness Day. I think it is a great idea. Those sad sad un-coupled masses trying to take control of the singular loney existence

9 What's your favorite love song?
"Tainted Love", by Soft Cell. Sure it wasn’t originally done by Soft Cell, but their cover is easily the best

10 What do you do on a VD date when your date spends 85% of the time talking about his dead mother and how he was forced to fly to England to bury her and he is still bearing the cost of the funeral? You know, they weren’t that close…(blah, blah, blah)
a. End the date on the sentence, “My dead mother…”
b. Refuse to return his calls even after he tells you what a great time he had
c. Tell him at the door that you hope his mother haunts him in his dreams
d. Marry him
Definitely A

11 I recently read that men spend on average 17 million dollars on VD, while women spend half of that amount. Is it because men are trying to make up for the other 364 days in one fell swoop, trying to get a little loving later on, or sincerely want to show their partner how much they love them with a big, honking diamond? Just curious.
Sorry, I stopped reading after “VD.” Men spent $17 million on Venereal Disease? I’m sorry what was the question again? Oh, yes…I think if a singular honking huge gift such as a diamond didn’t work to get men laid, they would not continue that attempt.

12 What was the most appropriate message on the little heart shaped candies? The most inappropriate?
You decide which is which

13 If you were to give out drugstore "themed" cheapy Valentines to your coworkers (like all the kids do - you know Sponge Bob, Cars, etc.) - what character/cartoon would you choose?
Law & Order SVU Valentines!

14 If you were forced to watch a chick flick romantic comedy on Valentine's Day (so not your genre!), what movie would you choose?
Shaun of the Dead. Hey, it is classified as a "romantic comedy."

15 My married friends don't celebrate Valentine's Day anymore, but they did when they dated. What's up with that?
Married people are dead inside…so so dead…

16 Valentine’s Day Clichés: I was at the Mall on Saturday and I saw men with glazed over expressions at the jewery counters looking for engagement rings. Should guys use Valentine's Day to pop the big question or not? By the way, giving a woman flowers and chocolate. Cheesy or traditional? Who actually gives or wants to receive the oversize stuffed animals of fluffy white bears holding a red heart-shaped pillow?
I think the Valentine’s Day/New Years/Christmas proposals are a bit too cliché. There is no originality in them at all.
Flowers and chocolate are a cheesy gift.
I have no idea about the teddy bear and pillow thing.

17 If cupid is a boy, then why do people freak out at you if you dress your baby son up as cupid for pictures?
I don’t know, but people thought I was weird last year for having this up on my computer.

18 Do you think Valentine's Day is a good day for internet couples to meet for the first time?
I think picking a day with less expectations and seasonal weight would be a better choice. There are just too many strings attached to the idea of Valentine’s Day to make it the first physical meeting – in my non-internet dating opinion.

19 Are you a fuddy-duddy who claims that Valentine's day is just a commercial ploy to get people to spend $, or are you the type that uses the day to celebrate the person you love just a little more than you usually do?
I am quite the fuddy duddy on this one, but I do not think it is a commercial ploy as much as I think it is a day that holds no significance to me or Wifey.

20 Does your Valentine like funny wife cards, dirty wife cards, or does she like the mushy, gooey, sentimental wife cards that make you want to throw up in your mouth?
She likes the mushy cards. I don’t get it, but those are the ones she likes

To Recap:
The roads are really crappy today
I will probably be leaving work early today
Around 4-ish
Tacos for dinner
Wifey and I had to go to the grocery store last night
I was surprised at how many college students were there buying beer
Then I remembered (what I could) my collegiate years
Snow, beer and college mix well
I could have omitted snow in that last line

20 Questions Tuesday: 28 - the 2nd Style Edition

For some reason the people I canvas for questions really seemed to like asking me about style. Why? I am not too sure. Anyway, today’s installment of 20 Questions Tuesday is brought to you by: Belsum, Toadman, Atmikha, and Dr B-Dawg

On to the questions!

1. "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" with Robin Leach: good memories or 80s dreck?
Why does this have to be an “either/or?” I submit to you, fair readers, that these 2 categories of “good memories” and “80’s drek” (nice frelling use of the word “drek” by the way) are not mutually exclusive categories. Something can be both a good memory and 80’s drek at the same time. For your consideration I give you “The A-Team.” So to answer Question 1, I say “Both!”

2. What are your feelings on the newest Bravo show to use the Project Runway format: Top Designer?
I have not watched it, so I can’t really give much of an educated opinion about it… but that has never stopped me before. Therefore, I say that I am tired of these shoestring budget reality TV shows. I understand that production budgets are not terribly huge, but I would rather the mega conglomerate media corporations reduce the sheer number of stations that they won and make better overall programming. Instead of weak crap 90% of the time on 140 channels, I would much rather deal with weak crap 60% of the time on 80 channels.

3. On “trend” versus “stylish:” can you successfully explain the difference?
I think it is easiest to distinguish between the 2 by defining how the 2 intersect. Stylish typically has some trendy elements to it, but has a more timeless quality to it. If something/someone is truly stylish, they transcend the trend at the moment. Trends tend to be more ephemeral and cheap. Style can be made from trends, but tend to have more of a timeless quality about it.

4. Do you pay any attention to clothing/grooming styles and if so, what are your sources?
Sadly, I do not pay that much attention to clothing/grooming styles, but I am always happy when cargo pants come back into style.

5. Space leather or clingy pajamas: which future clothing style do you prefer?
Space leather. The pajamas really did not seem all that utilitarian. Even in the future, people still need pockets

6. What's with the giant sunglasses already!?
I have no idea! I don’t get it, I just don’t get it. I would understand more if this was not a fashion trend that hadn’t already been thoroughly explored. This is not new territory people.

7. Would you rather wear a dress made of condoms, or cardboard?
Cardboard

8. What does it mean to be "cool" nowadays anyway?
You are asking the wrong guy. I guess “cool” for me is more of a state of mind than anything else.

9. Why do so many people use the word "random" these days? Is that a new style?
Random is the new eclectic. Both, in my opinion, are crap (or drek, if you prefer). What it says to me is that the person who defines their sense of style as “Random” or “Eclectic” has not thought much about what their sense of style actually is.

10. Why can't we bring back the 70s?
People are too fat now. 70’s style only really seems to work with skinny skinny folk

11. What is the difference between style and affectation?
Style is an ascot (not really), affectation is holding you pinky out whilst taking a drink

12. If you were asked to represent your state at a national conference, how would you communicate "Ohio style?"
Well, that varies from region to region in Ohio itself. Ohio is kind of a crossroads. In the northeast (Cleveland area) you are dealing with the Western edges of the rustbelt. Southeast Ohio is in Appalachia. Southwest Ohio is pretty much an extension of Kentucky. Northwest Ohio is basically Michigan. Sadly, all that leaves is Central Ohio, but Central Ohio is only one area. But I will give it a go, today’s style is basically bundled up for warmth.

13. Whose style do you admire and aspire to?
This is a very interesting question. I do not really have a style icon that I follow. There are people out there that I think are quite stylish, but I do not look to them for my style direction. I guess I am a style maverick. I do my own thang!

14. In engineering, the term "Elegance" to describe a process with the least possible number of steps. How are you elegant?
I have 2 steps. Tres elegant, n'est pas?

15. What are the key elements of the SRH style?
A wink and a nod

16. What has been you're all time favorite fad - and did you wear it?Z Cavaricci’s. The narrow high waist with the flaring pant that you had to peg. You had to wear a super skinny braided leather belt with them that was 4 sizes too long. Oh, that was one of the best fads ever. Sadly, I succumbed to this fad, but luckily the picture references from the time seem to have gone missing.

17. Although this doesn't deter me, but it has been pointed out a few times to me: why does black, gray and brown clothing clash?
I think a bunch of this has to do with the flavors of black, gray, and brown. First of all there is no true black in clothing, so black is always tinted with some other hue. Grays can be cool grays (blue tinted) or warm grays (brown tinted). Browns are also tint towards a cooler and warmer set. The problem with mixing these colors is that very often you end up wearing a yellow tinted brown with a blue tinted gray and a red tinted black. Very very rarely will yellow, blue and red go together in a fashionable combination.

18. Why is the waist of men's clothes measured in single inches, yet the length of the pants are measured in even increments of inches?
That’s easy. You only have one waist while you have 2 legs, duh!

19. What do you think is the reason for the obtuse system used for the sizes of women's clothes?
I have no idea what the hell that Machiavellian system of numbers is based on, or how to navigate through it. It is illogical, irrational, and completely arbitrary.

20. Do the Scots make wool so itchy just to demonstrate how tough they are?
Scots don’t make the wool itchy, sheep make the wool itchy. I can only guess that the sheep make the wool itchy for the Scots past, present, and future, shalle we say, "transgressions."

To recap:
Looks like I will be making Orange Rice for Little Man tonight
It has been an entire week since we last made it
By “we” I do mean the royal plural
It has been an entire week since the realm and I last made the Rice of Orange
Yes, yes that sounds more regal
Somebody gets root beer for pooping on the potty -
It’s not me
No pre-school for Little Man today
It is too cold for the pre-schoolers
Little Man looks mighty cute in his cold weather gear
Heck, Little Man would look mighty cute in a burlap sack
I need a haircut
Unfortunately, my selfish hairstylist went and had a baby
Diet Mt. Dew makes me feel less guiltyThat’s why I got fully leaded all sugar filled Mt Dew
I like the guilt

20 Question Tuesday: 27 - the 1st Style Edition

Here we go with 20 Questions Tuesday: 27: the 1st Style Edition. Thanks this week go to Lord Pithy, JA Coppinger, WV Slim, and Lsig. Also thanks to everyone else who sent questions, I will get them in next week’s edition “The 2nd Style Edition.”

On to the questions:

1. When designing your henge, do you prefer sandstone, marble, or granite? Wait, you said "style" not "stele." No matter, let the question stand.
The outer ring would have to be rough hewn marble while the inner was all Dolemite! Oops, I meant Dolimite. My bad.

2. Would you, man o man, wear tan shoes with pink shoelaces?
Umm… Only with a polka-dot vest? Did I get that one right?

3. Zoot suit, raccoon skin coat, or bell bottom jeans with a Brady Bunch shirt?
Zoot Suit. I have always dug the stylist angular lines of a well oversized Zoot Suit.

4. Who's your favorite queer? (On "Queer Eye," not in your everyday life.)
Ted, because he seems to have the best sense of humor and I am more of a foodie than a fashionista, coifferouse, cultural maven, or interiorologist. And we all know that you’re my favorite “queer”, Pithy, that’s why folks at the office talk about us all the time.

5. If you suddenly discovered yourself being chased by zombies into a marshy cemetery, would you take a moment to kick off your stilleto heels, or would you press on, hoping you wouldn't trip and tear your long white nightgown?
My character in that genre of B-horror movie would have been the one whose grisly death frightened said stiletto heel wearin/ nightgown clad femme fatal.

6. Tell the truth: did you ever do the Greg Brady look, ala: bell bottoms, platform heels and see through shirt open to the navel?
Lots of folk wish I had Brady-ed up as a kid. The worst thing I can remember are the polyester red, yellow, black, and white plaid pants with the silk brown, orange, and yellow paisley shirt and sandles. That counts right? Sweet Rhino Molars! I think my Mom hated me.

7. Finest piece of clothing you ever saw on a woman that made you sit up, rub your eyes and say: “Dang!”
That is an interesting question. I do have to say that my wife’s wedding dress made me do the whole double take thing. Absolutely exquisite… but too schmaltzy. In fact I am now limiting the question to people I have actually seen who I am not married to (she’ll win every time), and I am sorry ladies, nothing is coming to mind. You need to work on that. Come on… impress me. Might I suggest something skimpy?

8. Same as above for the worst you ever saw.
Again, and interesting question. Hmmm… I grew up in Alabama… in the 80’s… there are many a thing to talk about there.

9. Writing Style: Steinbeck, King, or Fitzgerald?
They all got style. I have read both Steinbeck and Fitzgerald, but I have never gotten into any King. His typical subject matter just doesn’t “thrill” me. The Stein beck reading and Fitzgerald readings were so long ago, I don’t remember much about them. Where would you place me? You guys are the ones reading my blather.

10. Most embarrassing hairdo you ever wore?
I think I mulletted it up for 7th grade, but my hair was too curly to really tell. At least that is what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.

11. How would you describe your "style"
My style is he had a kid within the last 5 years style. Meaning, I have not bought any clothes for myself in 3.5 years. Otherwise I would say Utilitarian Camping Chic or Derelicte.

12. Do you think Zane will adopt your style? Has he exhibited behaviors of finding his own style?
I think he will start out by emulating it and then branch off on his own. His only style right now is being willing to wear any and everything with trains on it. Had a big fight this morning about taking off the Thomas jammies.

13. What do you have to say about your shoe fetish?
What can I say I love me some shoes. Now I have not purchased any insanely expensive footwear, but I am not saying that I would or would not. So far $150 for a pair is about as ‘spensive as I have gotten.

14. Would you say Wifey has more style than you?
Most definitely. She is entirely more put together than me… in many many ways.

Did you really have to ask?

15. What memory of your past do you remember feeling the most stylish? A date... a dance...
Hmmmmm… I have to say that rarely, if ever do I think of myself as “in style.” I like to skirt around the edge of style in the “not hideously out of style” bracket.

16. Must one have money to have style?
It is definitely easier to stay in the style game with money, but not absolutely necessary. Without money one has to really work for it though. It takes effort to really look for the bargains and such. Effort I do not have. So I am neither rich nor industrious which means I have no style.

17. When all is said and done, does style even matter?
I think to a certain point it does matter. If one looks at style as a tasteful presentation of one’s outward appearance to indicate personality, then, yes, style does have some substance. If it is merely being “trendy” then I don’t think so. One can have style and not have to be trendy.

18. I've heard people describe fashion-followers as shallow and superficial, and I've also heard the opinion that those who care about such things are actually more evolved, sophisticated humans. Your thoughts?
Yes to both. I think it’s entirely possible to be both shallow and superficial AND evolved and sophisticated – look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They’re Hollywood stars (shallow and superficial) who do humanitarian projects (evolved) while wearing the coolest chinos (sophisticated).

19. Do clothes make the man?
They can. The clothes have to be appropriate for the person wearing them though. It is kind of a nature/nurture argument though. I think the clothes make the man to a certain extent and the man makes the clothes to a certain extent.

20. Who is the most stylish person that you actually know?
Aside from Wifey I would have to say WV Slim.

To recap:
Busty, busty, busty today
Err… I mean “busy”
Yes, definitely busy
Not “busty” at all
Really? No comments from yesterday?
Everybody gets comments when there are fart jokes…
Wifey is home sick today
I know way too much about Hollywood gossip
For that I blame Wifey
She’s also to blame for my shoe obsession
I take full responsibility for my WOW obsession
Kind of
Getting slammed at the office today

20 Questions Tuesday: 26 - Hobbies

So today’s topic is hobbies. Which led to some interesting questions for me here at work. Anyway, thanks this week to Lord Pithy, ACW, WV Slim, Bomber, Allrileyedup, and Nadolny.
On to the questions.


1. (This question was posed by more than 4 individuals that I work with. Some sent in questions, some didn’t, but it seemed like this was a question on everyone’s mind) Is masturbation a hobby?
Okay… I am going to the dictionary on this one. Let’s very precisely define past-time and hobby. From Dictionary.com

hob·by’ [Origin: 1325–75; ME hoby(n), prob. for Robin, or Robert, used as horse's name, as in Dobbin] —Related forms hob·by·ist, noun hob·by·less, adjective
–noun, plural -bies.
1. an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation: Her hobbies include stamp-collecting and woodcarving.
2. a child's hobbyhorse.
3. Archaic. a small horse.
—Idiom
4. ride a hobby, to concern oneself excessively with a favorite notion or activity. Also, ride a hobbyhorse.

So, by definition 1: check, check, and check : yes
So, by definition 2: ummmm you sick freaks, I hope not : no
So, by definition 3: ummmm nope
So, by definition 4: ummmm gonna go with check on this one : maybe

1.5 out of the 4, but a big old yes to the primary definition, so I would say that I now have a “new” hobby.

2. If you were a LARPer, would you admit it publicly?
LARPer = Live Action Role Player. Heck NO! I so would not admit that in public… if it were true, which it’s not true at all.

3. What attracted you to role playing games: the shared-world experience, the use of imagination, or the really cool dice?
The dice, most definitely the dice. I am a duo-decahedron-o-phile

4. If you could earn a living being involved with any of your hobbies, which would you pick?
Ummm… definitely not question number 1. Nope not that at all. I would go with drawing

5. Do you feel that hobbies, in general, are being pursued by older Americans as opposed to the young Gen Ys?
Yes, I do. The Gen X-ers and Gen Y’s and subsequent generations rely on the pc for their past-times. Leveling up their respective toons in their hobby, along with really tight arena style combat with team based games tend to be the “new” cyber-hobbies.

6. In the absence of this enjoyment of hobbies, do you think the Gen Y’s will adversely suffer as they get older? (I hope so...)
You are a bitter bitter person. I think there will be an eventual back-lash to the computer only hobbyists. They will, after some time, decide they need to unplug and do something in the “real” world (other than question number 1).

7. Besides WoW do you have any hobby-like pursuits?
Occasionally I draw. I need to do this more often though. When the weather is nicer, Wifey and I enjoy hiking. Let’s just ignore question 1 for now…

8. When does a hobby become an obsession?
When the hobby starts to invade other aspects of life. If all clothes worn by an individual refer to a hobby, if all conversation eventually leads back to the hobby, if the only people the person can truly relate to are involved with the hobby those are good signs that the hobby has transitioned to obsession. (for question number 1? When chaffing occurs)

9. Do most people use their hobbies to escape their significant others or do they actually enjoy
them?
As far as I can tell, most people actually enjoy their hobbies. This may be because their hobbies vex and frustrate significant others, but that is just a side benefit. Most people’s hobbies were there prior to the relationship with the significant other. It is the hobby that turns to obsession that tends to make relationships suffer. Sometimes hobbies are actually done with the significant others, such as the aforementioned HIKING (not question 1. All of you minds are in the gutter. ALL of them.)

10. I think knowing every stat of every player on every team is absolutely ridiculous. Do you think that kind of hobby is a waste of time?
I believe that has passes over into obsession. When someone knows the stats for a relief pitcher of a mid-sized team, that is a problem. When they can quote year of graduation and university of a sub corner-back for a crappy team, that too is a problem. These, however are not problems if the person’s vocation is an announcer.

11. Isn't something that passes time really just a waste of time, or without them would we go mad?
I think to some point, without hobbies we would go nutso. People need an activity that relaxes them but is still intellectually stimulating (still thinking about question1, aren’t you? Gutter dwellers)

12. What past-time or hobby do you really hope Little Man enjoys as he gets older?
I would like for him to enjoy something artsy. It would be nice to see him do some sort of creative release.

13. Does Wifey have a past-time or hobby that really annoys you or that you just don't get?
Wifey’s primary hobby is reading. All other hobbies tend to be pushed to the severe margins of her schedule beyond reading.

14. Do you think people past the age of 10 who still collect stickers are weird?
Yes, but there are levels to the weirdness. Are these adults collecting NASCAR stickers or are they collecting Power Rangers?

15. If someone collects bottles of beer, should they drink the beer and keep the cleaned out empty bottle or keep the bottle in its entirety?
Both. 1 empty (to show that the beer has been consumed) and 1 full because true collectors like things to be in mint condition.

16. If a random hamster somewhere managed to become a human being, do you think that person would store their coin collection in their mouth?
No, because mouth storage would not keep the coins in mint or near mint condition. The coins that the hamsterman stored in his mouth would be purely for vending machine purposes

17. Do you keep any of the hobbies you had when you were a kid? How about the hobbies you had when you had in college?
Let’s see as a kid I drew a lot and collected comics. In college I drew a lot and collected comics. As an adult I drew infrequently and play World of Warcrack Warcraft

18. What hobby are you most embarrassed to admit?
18.1 Come on, you can't say you’re embarrassed to admit it, fess up?
18.2 I mean it fess up.
Ummm, aside for the hobby posed in question 1? Let’s see… ummm…. I really don’t have too many hobbies. I guess the paper and dice role-playing games. It don't get dorkier than that, well Live action role-playing games are dorkier, but that is a different story

19. How much soccer do you watch on TV?
I would say that during the MLS season I watch 2 to 3 games a week, and during the non-MLS season probably 1 a weekend. So 2 hours a pop. In MLS season 6 hours. Out of MLS season 2 hours. Wifey will have a different opinion of my viewing habits, but keep in mind these are just averages (only watched 20 minutes of soccer this weekend).

20. What do you think of mountain climbing as a hobby?
Mountain climbing is a hobby that can only be undertaken by the truly privileged. As far as hobbies go, it is rather blasé. One could get the same cheap adrenaline thrills by running across a moderately busy street and have the same life expectancy. Just my opinion though.


To recap:
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
Lots of work to do today and very little motivation
I need to clean up my work space
That will help my motivation
No really
I need some new pics of my Wife here at work
Speaking of pics
Here’s Little Man
Thanks to Jgoenar for the pic
Now both Wifey and I have used it publically
I probably should have moved Question 1 to Question 20
I am going to get so many visits today because of the word “Masturbation”
I bet it will rank up there with “Turtle Porn”

20 Questions Tuesday: 25 - Winter: "The Deuce"

Ah Winter: the Deuce. Who would have thought that Winter would have garnered so many questions. Thanks this week go to Toadman, Dustin, Allrileyedup, Der Kieselbach, Dr B-Dawg, and Atmikha.

On to the questions:

1. Do you think Bears have it right, regarding their winter sleep? Do you wish you could go into hibernation this time of year?
I think bears mostly have it right in their efforts to get ready for the big winter nap. The gorging of foods. Mmmm foods. While I like sleeping, hibernating is a bit much. Bear “denning” is more my style, except I do like to eat during the winter. Heck, who am I kidding, I just like to eat.

2. What is this "winter" of which you speak? Am I the only one who is upset over the lack of snow this year?
2006-2007’s winter has seemed rather non-existent for anyone in the US not living in Colorado. I need winter to hit soon. This autumnal weather lingering on since August is killing me. I would love snow. I would love cold. I would love pretty much most weather other than rainy and grey.

3. What is the best drink in winter, dark frothy beer, or hot buttered rum?
I am a frothy beer guy. Rum does not agree to well with my delicate system.

4. Do you engage in any winter sports?
Nope, unless watching the EPL on Fox Soccer Channel counts as a winter sport.

5. Where have all the flowers gone?
They are waiting for the sun to come out.

6. Why is it "Old Man Winter?" Why can't it be "semi-attrative-twenty-something Winter?"
If “semi-attractive-twenty-something Winter” is near the end of his life. Hey, wait a second, you may be onto a better marketing push for winter. Just imagine…

WINTER

(if I had a say though, winter would be a chick)

7. What's the difference between snow and hail?
Hail is the accumulation and agglomeration of tiny ice particles into larger ice aggregates due to severe weather systems with really strong up-drafts. As the ice particles accrete in size they become too heavy for the updrafts to hold and fall out of the clouds as hail. Hail typically occurs when the outside temperature is above freezing. Snow is the formation of crystalline water structures because the air mass that the cloud is sitting in is below freezing.


8. Does Little Man like snow?
He has not had much exposure to snow. Little Man year one was cold and snowy, but year 2 and year 3 have not been terribly cold and/or snowy.


9. Snow ball fights...yea or nay? What is the longest that you stored a snowball in the freezer to smite someone with later?
Yea! 2 years


10. Ever built an igloo?
Nope

11. When they sing “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” in the world of “Alice's Wonderland”, do they change the words to "a beautiful sight, we're happy tonight, watch out for that crazy Jabberwock?"
I believe those lyrics are not quite absurd enough. Maybe “a beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, daffodils and monkeys love to fly…”

12. How are people supposed to enjoy the season of winter when it is also a word that means the final phase of life?
One should also enjoy their final phase of life. Although, “final phase of life” sports doesn’t sound nearly as interesting as “winter sports.”

13. Has the phrase 'winter of my discontent' transcended from memorable phrase to annoying cliché yet?
Boy howdy, and then some. Whilst clever in its usage by Steinbeck in ’61, it has definitely lost its panache.

14. If Seasonal Affective Disorder only happens in the winter, why don't they call it Winter Affective Disorder?
The only reasoning that I can come up with as to why it is not called “Winter Affective Disorder” is that the seasons in the Southern Hemisphere are opposite of those in the northern. What I am not sure of, however, is whether the seasonal names are consistent through the calendar year, or by weather. So, it is currently winter here in the Northern Hemi, but experiencing summer-ish weather in the Southern Hemi. What I do not know is whether or not in the Southern Hemi they consider this Winter or Summer. Any Southrons out there who are willing to clarify?

15. Why do the ice skaters get the most attention during the Winter Olympics? What is your favorite winter olympics event?
Skimpy outfits and ice. People dig that. I, however, love me some bobsled. 2-man… 4-man… it don’t matter. I love the starts when they push the sled and yell.

16. Which is the better sled type, the long ones that you can put more than one person on or the saucers?
I am a fan of the runner sleds, but they tend to work best only in icier conditions. The saucers are really good for lots and lots of snow.

17. During the winter driving season, that means snow on the roads, do you think the number of bad drivers increases due to lack of experience driving in snow, or that their IQ's drop in a proportional relationship with the amount of snow on the ground? What do you do to "Winterize" your house/car?
Honestly, it is only the first few days of snow driving where people suck. It is as if they have completely forgotten how to drive on snow. After that, things get a bit better. As far as winterizing the house and car… I turn the heat up.

18. How do you like your hot chocolate - without marshmallows, with a couple floating about the top, or a rich layer of them? How can something so scrumptious as a marshmallow have that kind of name- it sounds like something that you need foot medicine for?
I actually like hot chocolate with those little de-hydrated mini marshmallows like you find in Swiss Miss packets. Otherwise I am much more of a whip-cream in the hot-chocolate guy. Oddly with the name marshmallow, I immediately conjure up swamp images.

19. Jack Frost - has he gotten an unfair reputation? If Winter were a person, what would that person look like?
Well, Jack Frost is kind of a jerk, really. I mean the other fairy tale characters put up with him, but he really is an insecure jack-ass (get it? Jack Frost… Jack-Ass. I kill me!!). I mean the Easter Bunny and Mother Nature are always rolling their eyes when it comes to Frost. If you ask me the guy who is completely mis-represented is Robert Frost. A baby-eater is I ever saw one…

If I had to picture what winter looked like it would be the current aged looking Clint Eastwood with a long white beard.
Ahhh… there we go

20. What is the difference between Winter White, and regular White?
If I remember correctly Winter White is a hint of blue in it, while “White” is the absence of additive color. Perceptually, people think Winter White as more white than true White. True White looks to yellowy to the casual observers. It has something to do with the degeneration of the rods and cones in the human eye over time.



To recap:
People are idiots
Wifey and I agree on that
No particular reason for the statement
Yet…
I found a gray nose-hair yesterday
A GRAY NOSE-HAIR!
How flippin’ old am I?
That’s it, I am dyeing my nose-hair now!
Don’t ask how I “found” it
It is really best not to know

20 Questions Tuesday: 24 - Winter

Ah, Winter. It seems like the late October early November weather is finally here. It is a bit late, but here for the moment. I hope that it sticks around for a bit, because well, my sinuses hate the autumnal weather, and it has been autumnal weather since August of 06 (sounds more impressive that way, doesn’t it?) Ergo, today’s topic being “winter.” Just as an FYI, it looks like next week’s topic will be “winter” as well. Anyway, thanks this week go to Bomber, Lsig, Belsum, ZingerZapper, and JA Coppinger.

On to the questions:

1. Have you ever stuck your tongue to frozen metal, a la "A Christmas Story?" I know you grew up in 'Bama, so maybe this isn't relevant. I did it once - on the monkey bars at recess - painful!!!
Nope, I have never stuck my tongue to a metal object. I have, however, touched wet fingers to frozen door handle. I lost a little bit of skin that way.

2. So many of my questions are related to food, but what food do you crave, that comforts you when it's cold outside?
There are a couple of cold weather foods that I love during the wintertime. Cinnamon Rolls are near the top of the list. I love me some cinnamon rolls. That is where my mind wanders for sweet cravings, but for savory, a winter only treat are the meatballs found in this book (pg 72).

3. Do you suffer from seasonal affective disorder here in grey Ohio? If so, fret not, there's help: http://www.sada.org.uk/
Nope, I do just fine during the grey winters here in Ohio. I come from a stock of people who are quite used to grey autumns, followed by grey winters, followed by grey springs, that transition into gray summers.

4. Let's say you won an all-expense paid wintertime trip to somewhere fabulous - where would you and Wifey go to beat the winter blues?
I am not sure where we would end up going to “get away” from winter. We are not really beach people, So I would have to say… Australia. Start in Sydney or Melbourne and see where whimsy takes us.

5. Do you like the Tori Amos song titled “Winter?”
I do like the song. Tori Amos has an amazing ability to sing a melody that is incongruous with the music she is playing on the piano. That and the lyrics of the song are beautiful. Using the lyrical hook or “When ya gonna make up your mind” is brilliant.

6. "Winter"? Have we reached the bottom of the 20 questions barrel or something?
Yes, I am scraping the barrel. If anyone out there has any ideas for 20 questions topics, please let me know. I am dying here. Another thing that influenced this topic of winter is that I did not think of asking people for questions until after lunch on Monday.

7. Is there something "wintery" from your childhood that Little Man will miss out on because of living in a different state/climate?
Aside from abject fear of snow and all things snowy, nope. Alabama is not really known for its wintry composition.

8. Ohio is pretty dismal in the winter. Anything good to say about it?
Not this year. I have been stuck in my autumnal sinus hell for far too long to complain about winter. I need it to be cold and dry for my aching head.

9. Which is worse, extreme cold or lots of snow?
Actually the combo of the 2. If I had to choose between the two, I would choose extreme cold over lots of snow. Lot’s of snow has a higher potential for loss of power due to downed lines. Extreme cold is just plain annoying.

10. Snowflake sweaters and other winter “themed” clothing is surely a sign of the devil, right?
The devil or a second grade teacher.

11. What’s your favorite line from the Empire scenes set on Hoth?
Not much interesting is said on Hoth, but here it goes:

Deck Officer: Your Tauntaun'll freeze before you reach the first
marker.
Han Solo: Then I'll see you in hell!

But my favorite Imperial exchange in the movie is:

Admiral Ozzel: Lord Vader, the fleet has moved out of light-speed,
and we're preparing to... Aaagh!
Vader: You have failed me for the last time, Admiral. Captain Piett.

Capt.Piett steps forward, as the admiral moves away, slightly confused,
touching his throat as it begins to constrict painfully.

Capt. Piett: Yes, my lord.
Vader: Make ready to land out troops beyond the energy shield and deploy the fleet so that nothing gets off that system. You are in command now, Admiral Piett.

Admiral Ozzel falls to the deck dead.

Admiral Piett: Thank you, Lord Vader.

12. Mr. Freeze (Batman) vs. Iceman (X-Men)? Movie versions or comic versions?
Mr. Freeze baby! He is cold and detached. Definitely the comic version as well. Movie Freeze sucked.

13. What’s your drink of choice after a day of sledding?
Land-o-Lakes Hot White Chocolate. Wow, is this stuff good.

14. Hockey is clearly superior to football, basketball, and baseball; why does it not have the same following?
Unlike football and baseball, hockey is a very fluid and evolving game. Americans don’t tend to like fluid games. They like build up, action, then reaction. Basketball, which is a fluid game, is tolerated because it is relatively high scoring.

15. Why is it that snow makes “normal and sensible” people into complete morons when driving?
One is assuming that prior to snow people were not moronic. There is the fallacy in your logic.

16. Do you prefer the beginning of winter (late Fall weather) or the end (beginning of Spring)?
Of the two, I prefer the end of winter, because it is not the Fall.

17. Skis or a snowboard?
Never done either, so I do not have a preference.

18. Do you shovel or snowblow? Does Wifey help?
I am a shoveler. We do not get enough snow, nor have a big enough walk to use a snowblower. I am the sole shoveler of the household, pretty much for anything that needs shoveled, snow or otherwise.

19. Favorite drink after clearing the walk?
Oddly enough the very same Land-O-Lakes White Chocolate. Mmmmm….. I wish I could find a link for it.

20. What was the biggest snow-fort you ever built?
As I have stated before, I grew up in Alabama. We never got enough snow to make a “snow-fort” although I heard fanciful tales of their construction.


To recap:
Maybe my sinuses will calm down for a bit
I might replace Australia with New Zealand in Question 4
Problem is: we would want to stay
I am sore today from last night’s workout
I ache a whole bunch
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
Wifey needs to get rid of her gall-bladder
And fast!
Little Man has learned some passive resistance techniques from somewhere
I am more whiney than resistant
Wifey and her friends are the non-violent people that I know
So, I put the blame squarely on them

20 Questions Tuesday: 24 - New Years

Today’s auspicious topic is “The New Year.” Yes, I know it sounds daunting, and yet cliché, but let’s look beyond those 2 sticking points and simply enjoy the majesty that will be 20 Questions Tuesday: 24 – New Years.

Thanks this week to Lord Pithy (I don’t make up what people wanna be called), Dustin, The Em, Info Diva, ACW, and Atmikha. To the questions---

1. Do you say "oh-7" or "aught-7"?
I wish I could pull off saying “aught-7” but I am not quite old enough just yet for that to sound right. I think I will start leaving the “oh” off and just call this year by “seven.”

2. Knowing of your obsession with Paris Hilton, what is your New Year's wish for her? Summarily, if Paris Hilton shaved her head, became a Buddhist nun, and withdrew from public life this year, would your contempt for her change?
I combined 2 people’s questions here. It seems that people have picked up on my distaste for Paris Hilton. Anyway, I could explain my distaste for her, but that would take too long, and no one really cares. So, I really wish happiness for her. True happiness. Now, I am under no delusion that she would understand if happiness came up and bit her ass, but I do wish it for her. (I typed “ass, but” tee hee)

The second part of the question: my contempt for her would change most definitely, because most of my contempt for her, is truly contempt for American society for making her into something.

3. "2007" on an upside-down calculator is "LOOZ." What portents for the New Year do you see in that?
I don’t know, but I cannot wait for the year 58008. That is going to be a great year!

4. Will this be the year your greatness is discovered?
Sadly, that year is 58008

5. What will Little Man's New Year's resolution be?
I asked him, and it had something to do with a crossing gate.

6. What the heck does "Old Lang Sine" or "Od Leng Fine" (or however you spell it) really mean anyway?
Okay, technically it is Auld Lang Syne. It translates directly as “old long since” and has been used more to mean “long ago,” or “days gone by.” “Old Lang Sine” I believe has something to do with the ratio of the length of the opposite side of a triangle and the hypotenuse and “Od Leng Fine,” I believe, is gibberish.

7. Is Dick Clark human? When Dick Clark's cybernetic exoskeleton finally gives out in the year 2145 AD, who will replace him?
No, Dick Clark is not nor has he ever been human. He is starting to falter though. It is kind of like going to the Hall of Presidents at Disney World right now. It is sad to see Abe all jerky and out of sync. The presidents are starting to look like the crappy animatronic animals a kid’s pizza place. Anyway… the Clark-bot has been going for a while, and could do with some over-hauling. That being said, he seems to have been all but replaced by the 2005 model Seacrest-bot.

8. Have you ever gone or want to go to Time's Square for New Year’s Eve?
Nope, and nope. I do not so much like people, and vast quantities of drunken people all tightly packed is even more of a dislike. One might even consider it something I loathe.

9. Do you remember your first New Year’s Eve kiss at midnight? We want to scoop.
Actually, it is pretty tame. My first New Year’s kiss was with Wifey during our first year of marriage. I just have not really been coupled and in the same city during the Holiday Season.

10. Of all the planned events and things that go on for New Year’s Eve, what's your most memorable one?
Sitting in the basement with 3 cases of water, 2 shotguns, and some Twizzlers to ring in 2000. I kid, I kid. We didn’t have any Twizzlers.

11. Do you think the traditional New Year's baby in a cloth diaper should be updated? Why isn't he/she in Pampers?
Some things don’t really need to be changed. In truth, cloth diapers are on the comeback, although there is not a diaper service in Columbus, Ohio. We looked into it when Little Man was a wee one. We are environmentally conscious, as long as we don’t have to clean up the mess.

12. Resolutions. Do you make (and keep) them?
I really don’t make resolutions so much, mainly because I don’t keep them. Last year my big resolution was to drink more water. Well… I am parched and have been so since March. So… Thirsty…

13. Any truth to the old wives tale that if you're single whoever you spend New Year's Eve with is who you'll spend most of the following year with?
I have not heard that old wives tale before. I do not put incredibly much credence in old wives tales though. This lack of credence is due mainly because my mom is an old wife and her tales suck, but also because her mom was an old wife and her tales were even worse.

14. Staying in to watch Dick Clark or shaking your booty out on the town? Will you let Little Man stay up ‘til Midnight?
Actually, Wifey and I went to a wonderful little party to ring the New Year in. We watched a grand total of 3 minutes of the “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.” It was actually a little bit sad. Dick Clark was 2 seconds off from the count-down. He was still on 2 when the ball lit up. Little Man was asleep when all of this occurred. The only times that he has seen midnight are when he is sick.

15. Any traditions that you celebrate for the New Years that you wish to share with us?
I don’t really have any New Years traditions. It has become I sort of tradition to go to the party that we went to, but that is about it.

16. Do you prefer football or futbol on New Years Day?
I caught most of the Man City vs. Everton match up. Good Lord! That game was flat until Man City opened it up. After that, it was a pretty enjoyable game to watch. I saw a little of the Man U vs. Newcastle game, and I think Newcastle should be very happy to have escaped with a point.

17. What skill or possession would you like to acquire in 2007?
I could use some good ninja skills. That skill where the ninja sets off a small smoke bomb and then disappears, that is the one I want.

18. What happened in 2006 that you would like to take with you into the future?
Better relations with the Yeti. We are family, and should work to make a better life together for our children. Well, for Little Man and his gap-toothed drooling hairy half-cousins.

19. What ended in 2006 that you hope never to see again?
Joey

20. How close or far are you from the vision you had in 1995 of yourself at this age?
There is not enough room on the intertubes to go into how different my life is from what I envisioned when I was a junior in college.


To recap:
Happy 2007 everyone!
I have 3 non-resolution life changes I am working on
Pending on how they go, you might hear about them
Then again, you might not
Some of you might notice them on your own
I just got an email from Amazon.com offering me a special Weight Watchers… um… offer
Just what are they trying to say?
Not sure what is for dinner tonight

20 Questions Tuesday: 23 - Christmas, the aftermath

Ah, Christmas, you have come in and gone like a thief in the night. I trust everyone is doing well and those of us who celebrate Christmas came out like the robber-barons of yore. Today’s topic is about the aftermath of the holiday. The big sigh after a feast. Thanks this fine New Year’s Eve’s Eve’s Eve’s Eve’s Eve go to IC Yellow, ACW, Pithboy, Popo, The Em, and Wifey.

Here come the questions:

1. How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa?
I honestly do not remember. I would guess around 6 or 7, but I probably started suspecting around 5. Kindergarden does wonders for a kid's knowledgebase.

2. What time did Little Man get you up Christmas morning?
Little Man let us sleep until 8:30. We think his natural schedule is asleep by 10:00 pm and awake by 8:30 am. Sadly, that is not the schedule that he is usually on. My sleep schedule would be 2 am to 10 am, but being in the daytime workforce puts the kibosh on my natural schedule.

3. Why do kids think they are entitled to everything they ask from Santa?
Because they are kids. Little Man got a new spiral train track, 3 engines, 7 freight cars and 1 caboose yesterday, and all he could ask was “Where Norfolk Southern engine?”

4. Why/how can one gift (bad) change the mood of a kid, when they really liked everything else?
Kid’s are fickle. They epitomize the “What have you done for me lately” credo. While most of the presents could be kick-ass, one crappy pair of burgundy socks from their grandma in Florida when all they really wanted was some McDonald’s gift certificates. I mean come on Grandma… I was 10 years old. What 10 year old wears burgundy socks? Couldn’t you have at least gotten a color that is useable? Burgundy? Don’t waste your money on socks that I will never wear, that just doesn’t make any sense… ummm next question please.

5. Are you spending anytime this week returning gifts?
Nope, but both Wifey and I are awaiting some presents to be delivered though.

6. Did Little Man receive anything that would break his obsession with trains?
I am not sure such a thing exists.

7. What was your favorite gift this year (and not "time with the family eating")?
Everyone wants to know what the favorite gift was, and what the worst gift was. The thing about Christmas when you have a kid who starts to get the whole idea that he is getting gifts, is that the best gift I got was seeing Little Man open up his gifts. How's that for a schmaltzy father answer?

8. I got a glass kiln for Christmas. Now I can begin different fusing and slumping projects. I know this isn't a question, but I'm very excited about it. How annoying do you expect me to be about it?
Does one really need a kiln to start slumping? I am currently slumping happily away in my chair with nary a kiln in sight.

9. Yes it's pretty, but don't you hate the new mylar wrapping paper? It just doesn't rip and tear like the traditional paper of my youth.
I think it is a tragedy when one cannot rend their paper into unrecognizable tatters. Mylar takes scissors to make tatters.

10. If you could have found one lost toy from your childhood under the tree this year, which would it be?
Hmmmm… this is a tough one because my toys were kind of crappy. My brother and I did get a nice TYCO rail-less race track though. I would have to go with that.
11. If you had found world peace under the tree, what would it have looked like?
I am sure it would have been furry and cuddly, but probably not house-trained.

12. What gift would you have liked to put under Paris Hilton's tree?
A son of a Greek shipping magnate. Eventhough I think she is symptomatic to what is wrong with our society, I hold her no malice. If more money would and aa rich Greek jerk would make her happy, I think that is what she should get for Christmas, especially if it would keep her out of the limelight so I don't have to hear or see her ever again.

13. Why am I sooo tired right now after Christmas, shouldn't I be well rested???
Christmas is a like alchohol. It is great fun to celebrate, but if you have too much, things can go sour and fast. Everything is merry and bright. Gifts are shiny and lovely and it is great fun tearing into the packaging to reveal the love that has been given to you. So right now you are having the Christmas hang-over. Sounds like you had a great Christmas!

14. Why do we use so much darn wrapping paper for Christmas presents????
It is pretty.

15. When wrapping is a bow really necessary or does it just get in the way of the paper carnage?
To me, it depends on how long the package is going to be under the tree. If one is going to go through the trouble of really decorating a gift with all sorts of fancy schmancy bows and ribbon, and sprigs of holly and such, then that gift should be under the tree for as long as humanly possible. Conversely, if you are wrapping ht e night before… bow is not necessary.

16. What time is the proper time to open gifts...right after midnight or in the morning?
Midnight is technically “in the morning.”

17. Why do people ask what "your favorite gift" is? You have had them all under 24 hours, sometimes under 24 minutes, and you are already suppose to pass judgments on each gift....unless its money which automatically wins! What is the PC way to answer when all the gift givers are in the same room???? AHHH!!!!
People always think their gift was the best and just want to hear that. I think it is a bit cruel of them to put you on the spot like that. I would look at the person who asked you and say, "All the gifts I got were pretty good except {insert name of the gift the person gave you here}." The PC answer is, “Oh, I don’t think I can choose just one, all of my gifts were all so thoughtful and wonderful.” ** Author's note: That one was hard to even think, much less type out.

18. Why is it that after hours and hours of shopping and wrapping and sooo much build up that Christmas is over in a matter of minutes?
Isn’t that the way of many things. One must be careful not to over-hype their own holidays, lest they become a Dean Devlin Godzilla.

19. Why am I at work the day after Christmas? We get the day after Thanksgiving off, I think the same should go for Christmas.
At least where I work, if people have the hours in their PTO bank, they are not here. Most people, if they can, tend to take off the week between Christmas and New Years. I hate Those people, but it is a hate born of envy, not loathing. That makes it okay, right?

20. Anything you regret getting Little Man this year?
Not yet, but I am sure there will be something that will come back to bite me in the ass.

To recap:
This was a difficult Christmas Eve and Christmas night for Little Man
In exchange for Santa giving him gifts, Little Man had to give Santa all his pacifiers
It was not pretty
Mimma is a saint
I am tired and this weather is giving me a pounding headache
Next week’s 20 questions will be on the topic of New Years
I have to get back to work
Right after I eat some lunch
Shrimp Fettuccini
mmmmmmmm

20 Questions Tuesday: 22 - Not Christmas

Here we are with 20 Questions Tuesday again, and since we have already spent the previous 2 weeks of December on Christmas, I have decided that today’s topic will be non-Christmas. Not necessarily Anti-Christmas, or Un-Christmas, just non-Christmas. Thanks this week go to Pithboy, Belsum, Dr B-Dawg, Dustin, JW, and Nadolny. I had to be kind of selective for the questions this week because next week will be all about New Years, that and there were 30 questions. I am sure some of you will cry “foul!” but since this is my blog, I get to make the rules.


1. If gay marriage became mandatory, which of you (Wifey or you) would get a sex-change?
It would probably be me, but I will not go into specifics!

2. If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, did it really happen at all?
Not outside of Vegas. Kind of like marriages that happen in Fiji typically stay in Fiji.

3. Would you rather have fire ants and honey poured into your underwear or be stuck on an elevator with Rosie O'Donnell?
Wow, umm…. Fire ants. I grew up with them in ‘Bama, I think I could survive that more than the Rosie encounter.

4. What is your ratio of work-related to family-related items posted at/on your desk/cube walls?
Let’s see… the ratio is 5:1 family to work.

5. Bill or Ted? Station or Reaper?
Ted Theodore Logan and “You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the Reaper.”

6. How many prematurely canceled FOX shows are you still bitter about? Which ones?
The one I am most ticked about was the Tick live action show.

7. Surefire proof that the End of the World is nigh?
Andy Dick.

8. Why do so many people unnecessarily stop at yield signs, but will roll through stop signs?People are not that bright. The same people who stop at the yield and roll through the stop go 65mph (about 105 kph) in a 55mph (about 89 kph) construction zone while only going 60mph (about 95 kph) in a normal 65 mph (about 105 kph)zone.

9. Why is global warming so disregarded?
Because stories about global warming tend to come out in the winter when people are happy about it not being so cold. The news stories in the summer tend to focus on high cost of energy and air-conditioning woes.

10. When you make a PB and J, do you coat both slices of bread with the PB or do you smear one with PB and the other with J?
I slather one piece of bread with the peanut butter and then clean the knife off on the other piece of bread. So it is kind of like peanut buttering both sides, but not really.

11. Would you ride in a zeppelin across the ocean?
No, I don’t think so. I think the day of the re-enforced airship are over. I also am not a big fan of the transatlantic cruise.

12. What's your favorite Hanukkah game?
I, sadly, do not have a favorite. I love them all. And by all I mean spinning the dreidel.

13. How come every talks about Kwanza, but I've never met anyone who actually celebrates it?
You know, I am in the same boat. To be culturally edifying, it is important top note that Kwanza is not a holiday celebration like Christmas or Hanukkah, it is a celebration of heritage for (in many cases) a people whose heritage has been stripped from them.

14. Does mistletoe grow as a tree or a shrub?
Mistletoe is a parasitic plant that is neither tree nor shrub.

15. Do you think Egg Nog was an intentional creation, or an accident gone deliciously wrong?
Anytime one adds eggs to milk and alcohol, it was no accident. Hey, wait a second, this questions is kind of Christmassy…

16. Which, in your opinion is the best board game for parties?
Hmmm…. I am not much of a board game officianado. I would always go for Trivial Pursuit, but that is because I am a big old dork. The person to ask this question has his blog here.

17. What's the last Comic/Graphic novel you've read?
The last one I read was The Ultimates part 2 anthology graphic novel. It is the collection of The Ultimates issues 7 through 12. The story is basically a “more realistic” story of the Avengers. It was a fun read.

18. If these were the only choices you had, which would you drive? Yugo or Chevy Chevette.
The Chevette. G-Money had a 1976 Chevette for a long time and there are some fond memories from my youth associated with that car.

19. Why a not-Christmas theme at Christmas time? Are you a marketing scrooge in disguise?
I already did 2 weeks of Christmas questions, I just felt that 3 would be overkill. So in answering your second question, ummm… Not that I am aware of. Hey, this is another Christmassy question…

20. Wouldn't a post about Christmas knots be better? Imagine the joy of the children as they learn to tie a "taunt line eggnog hitch" or a "gift square knot".
And the “Rudolph 2 half hitches.” The “Christmas Bowline” Ummm… How could I Christmas up a Clove Hitch? There just has to be one there.

No, I don’t think the children would want to learn Christmas Knots. Christmas Don Knotts? Maybe



To recap:
RIP Joe Barbara, my childhood would have been even emptier without your cartoon studio
Only 6 more days to Christmas
Mmmmmm left over steamed chicken for lunch
Tasty!
All we have left are stocking stuffers for the gifts
Lots and lots of stocking stuffers
Only 5 more days before the Christmas food traditions commence
I love me some food
Especially Christmas food
Great, now I am hungry again
I think it is time to break out “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” as a bed time story

20 Questions Tuesday: 21- Christmas Time is Here -- Again

Here it is, Tuesday again, and we are all Christmassy. Thanks this week go to Nadolny, Dustin, Wifey, Atmikha, and Peefer.

On to the Questions!


1. Do you put up a tree? If so, do you have a tradition on how you hunt, kill and return the tree home?
Our home is all treed up. We have our Christmas tree in the dining room this year. It is in the back corner and overflowing with Little Man presents.

2. If you could “buy” a positive personality trait for Christmas, what one would you get for yourself? Wifey? Little man?
Myself: Cleanliness (that is a personality trait, right?)
Wifey: She is perfect (did I answer that one right, Wifey?)
Little Man: Patience. He is all about the instant gratification thing

3. Do you have the same types of food for your Christmas each year?
Oh, most definitely! We are food obsessed traditionalists. On Christmas Eve we typically have a shrimp dish that is oooooh sooo tastey, for Christmas morning we have Cinnamon Rolls, and for Christmas dinner I will refer you to Question 8.

4. What have you decided to tell or not tell Little Man about Santa?
We are firm believers in lying to our child to get him to behave better for small amounts of time. If a story of an immortal fat guy living on the Arctic polar ice sheet with a bunch of elves who make toys will keep him in line, then of course we use it. Just like we use Magnur, the Summer Solstice troll to keep him in line for most of May and June. Really, we play up Santa to him, but since he knows (and we constantly reassure him) that he is a good boy, we do not lord it over him.

5. Do you think that little man will play with anything besides his new trains? Did you even try to tempt him with other toys? Why bother trying? (this is all one question, btw)
Train stuff will be the bulk of his Christmas gifts, but we do try to get him interested in other toys as well. There are these magnetic toys we are trying to get him interested in. It is a fruitless hope, but still a hope.

6. Does your family drink egg nog?
With Little Man being allergic to eggs, nope.

7. Gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
We give 1 gift on Christmas Eve, and it is always pajamas. They are the special Christmas Pajamas for the year. The rest of the presents are opened infuriatingly late on Christmas Morning.

8. Ham or Turkey for Christmas dinner?
For Christmas Dinner we have a standing rib roast. Mmmmmmmm Beeeeeeef. It’s what’s for dinner.

9. Is their Christmas Caroling involved?
Sweet mother of God, NO!

10. Do you set mistletoe traps in the house?
Yes, and one day, oh, yes, one day I will trap, kill, skin, tan, and wear the hide of the elusive mistletoe! It really isn’t as if there is a mistletoe infestation in the house though, so setting traps hasn’t seemed to work. Maybe if I set the traps with the succulent meat of the pink bellied snipe bird, the mistletoe could be enticed into the traps. That’s it! A snipe hunt it is! If I could only find my yard or shoreline…

11. When your son comes back home from First Grade one day, looking shaken, and asks you if Santa Claus is true, what will you tell him?
Oh, Magnur the Summer Solstice Troll, is going to be sooo unhappy!

12. Which claymation Christmas Specials best captures the True Spirit of Christmas?
I like the story of Santa Claus one. Where Santa starts out as a svelte red-headed young man. Basically I like watching Santa age, it makes me feel better about my slower wasteline expansion.

13. How long has it been since you have tasted a Dolly Madison cupcake?
A very very long time.

14. What is your earliest Christmas memory?
I would sleep on my brother’s floor on Christmas Eve and we would stay up talking well into the wee hours of Christmas morning. He was typically the first person that I would say Merry Christmas to on Christmas Morning.

15. Which is your favorite of your mother's Christmas ornaments?
Hmmmm… I imagine you are asking me which, of all the home-made ornaments I made for her, do I like most. Honestly, there is one that is framed in popsicle sticks with a pic of me when I was 4.

Yep, that's me at 4. That one makes me smile whenever I see it.

16. Why is there a tree in your house? Seriously: there is a TREE in your HOUSE. It's not even real. It's a synthetic representation of a tree in your house. Think about it.
I believe the faux tree in my house is there to hold the Christmas tree lights. Duh, what else it is for? It is a delivery mechanism for small incandescent bulbs. Although the new LED lights ar4e pretty cool (from this geek’s perspective, not cool enough to purchase mind you, but cool nonetheless).

17. Caspar, Melchior, or Balthazar. Who is the most wise?
King Thaz! Baby! That guy was a wise ass beyond compare. He was the life of the nativity party. Not the drunk shepherds, like most people think. Did you know that the movie Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo is loosely based on the life of Balthazar. It was ‘Thaz that first said, “The Kings of Kings is Whack!”

18. At what point in life did you realize that the manger is just an eating trough and not the whole A-frame shack?
It was fairly early on because I saw a few Nativities that did not include the A-Frame barn that is so often… umm… framing them

19. What did Christ do after Christmas? You know, for the first twenty-five years or so.
My bet is that until about 13 he exclusively annoyed the crap out of Mary and Joseph. After that, he was making cabinets and tables and annoying Mary and Joseph.

20. What is the farthest North you've traveled?
Edinburgh, Scotland. That is the furthest north I have been. Capt. McArmypants and I were there in June, and it was light until about 11 pm. Crazy stuff.


Top recap:
Capt. McArmypants is 33 today
I need some sleep
Orange Rice for dinner tonight
Little Man will be quite pleased
I am not sure, as of yet, what next week’s questions will be about
Probably something not about Christmas at all
I still need to find some new music that I like
Almost ready to post something new on the Drawing Board
It is raining today
In December
In Ohio
Rain?!?!
WTF?? Come on Weather. Get your act together!

20 Questions Tuesday: 20 - Christmas Time is Here

Here we are in December. The Holiday shopping month. The month that contains within its mere 31 days, Christmas. Without getting into the mythos of Christmas or whether it happened the way the Bible tells the story or not, or whether one is Christian or not, everyone has to acknowledge the fact that this is the Christmas Season and respect the amount of hoop-lah that accompanies this season. So without further ado, thanks to Capt. McArmypants, Info Diva, Bomber, and Dr B-Dawg. Here come the questions.


1. Secret Santa? WTF!?!?!?
I know, everyone gets Ted’s name in the Secret Santa program. I think we should stop letting Ted put the names in the hat.

2. Why doesn’t anyone wassail anymore?
I think it is due to the fact that one really only goes wassailing among the leaves so green,” but there are few places in the Northern Hemisphere during December that have green leaves. Heck, even in ‘Bama the leaves have fallen by that time.

3. “Scrooged” or Capra/Jimmy Stewart's masterpiece, “It’s a Wonderful Life”?
Honestly, I like Scrooged better. It is funnier, and that is why I like it more. One cannot beat the upbeat ending associated with It’s a Wonderful Life though. Well, except for the fact that Scrooged the song number, Put a Little Love in Your Heart, with the Solid Gold dancers.

4. Is it really the thought that counts? I mean. Sure in some circumstances, but as a universal maxim?
Typically the people who hold true to the maxim, “It’s the thought that counts,” are of 2 ilks. The first are the people who really didn’t put much thought into the gift and just threw something together. The second people are the ones who got a less than wanted gift but decide to be gracious about it because the gifter really did try. So for the first, no, and the second “Yes.”

5. How do you feel about the tradition of hiding pickles on Christmas Trees? Why pickles?
I am not big on that tradition, I think it is German in origin. Ummm… having Wiki’ed it, It is not German. For a run down of the tradition without speaking to its origins: On Christmas Eve the parents put a glass pickle ornament on the tree, and the first of the kids who finds this ornament on the tree on Christmas morning gets a special present.

6. Why do guys not like to buy jewelry as presents for women? What's so hard about picking out a bracelet or necklace?
It can be rather expensive to buy real jewelry. I think that is part of it. On top of that there is also a reluctance to purchase an expensive gift ( I am assuming you meant “real jewelry” and not costume) and see it relegated to the special occasions box.

7. When is a person too old to sit on the Mall Santa's lap for a festive photo?
When they are older than Santa. I would say that is a good rule of thumb.

8. Why leave cookies and milk for Santa? Does a kid get better gifts if the snack is pizza? Or an adult beverage?
I imagine Little Man’s presents under the tree would be better if he left a Mama Mimi’s: Mama’s Favorite Chicken Pizza and some Killian’s for Santa.

9. I love 80s music. But what possessed Billy Idol to record a holiday album?
The Christmas Spirit grabbed Billy Idol, whilst he was dancing with himself, no doubt, and shook the album out of him. I do not know whether or not he adds a hard edge to the songs, but he seems to have made it for his friends and family.

10. What's your favorite Christmas movie/cartoon/special?
This is a tough one, but I think 2 of the three can be summed up with How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I love the TV Special and the Boris Karloff version of the song. The Ron Howard movie from a few years ago was quite weak.

11. Adam Sandler's Hanukah song...your thoughts?
I think Adam Sandler is a bit over-rated. By “a bit” I do mean, vastly. All of his songs are not impressive to me. They really do tend to be mediocre at best. His shtick is to be sophomorically amusing, and it does not translate well into his ode to Hanukah. His forced rhymes are not funny, and his falsetto voice is annoying. He is unable to keep a straight face during his musical interludes because he either feels that they are incredibly witty, or (more likely), he can’t believe that people find his shit funny.

12. What's the best Christmas gift you received as a child? As an adult?
Child: One I remember clearly to this day. I was probably 6 year old when I got a Godzilla bendy toy. I loved that thing all the way to the point where his head torn free of the wire “skeleton.”
Adult: Hmmm, I would have to say the Looney Tunes Chess Set given to me by my parents my super-Senior year of college.

I have to clarify this a bit though. You see, my parents are quite possibly the worst gift givers ever (as long as I do not consider my grandparents from my dad’s side of the family). I believe I have expounded upon their gift giving prowess before and how it is necessary to open their gifts prior to Christmas morning so that the rest of the Christmas Day is not completely ruined. I typically get every thoughtful and wonderful gifts from Wifey and Mimma, but I, alas, have come to expect reasonable to wonderful gifts from those 2. It makes it difficult to choose one of their gifts, whereas the vinyl pike smoke infused green table cloth gift givers actually sending something nice…. It was a surprise to get something that I actually wanted.

13. What puts you in the holiday spirit (if you get "in the spirit" at all)? It's okay if your answer is an alcoholic beverage!
An alcoholic beverage… Well, actually it is seeing Wifey get into the spirit of the holiday. She and Mimma really love Christmas, and that tends to buoy me up as well.

14. If you could be anywhere in the world on the morning of December 25th this year, where would you be and who would be there with you?
My house with Wifey and Little Man - and that is what I am doing.

15. To settle this matter once and for all (unless you supply the wrong answer), who sings better Christmas songs, Bing Crosby or Burl Ives?
Honestly (and I await the vitriol filled diatribe about to be heaped upon me by Capt. McArmypants) I find Burl to have a better catalogue of songs. Although, as a caveat, the duet of Bing and Bowie for Little Drummer Boy is out of this world surreal goodness.

16. Do you use an angel or star to top the tree?
A star but sadly not the Death Star. I have always wanted to say, “This is not merely a tree topper. Now witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station!”

17. Real or fake tree?
Fake, too much cleaning associated with the real ones.

18. As a kid, what was more likely on Christmas morning, opening a gift to be ecstatic that you got what you wished for or opening a gift and wondering if some stranger crept into your house and switched your gifts for things you would have never asked?
Not so much that, but I never understood why my grandparents would think that getting maroon socks was appropriate. I was a kid for goodness sake! Just a KID! Kids should get toys for Christmas, not maroon socks.

19. Pro or anti egg nog?
I loved the pre-made egg nog that the local milk distributor in Birmingham, Alabama made. Barber’s Egg Nog was amazing. I could take down a full quart of that in one sitting. I have not been able to find anything that comes close to the taste. It is one few things I miss from Alabama.

20. What do you use as your seasonal slogan: Season's Greetings, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas....
In person I tend to say “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas,” but in written correspondence I tend to stick with “Happy Holidays.”


To Recap:
I definitely have enough questions to carry this topic forward to next week as well
Overheard from Little Man: It’s okay, Leopard. I know you want to play on the bed, but we’re going downstairs now
Leopard is his favorite stuffed animal
Wifey’s on me to get cracking on designing the Christmas cards
Helluva good dip is evil, even when it’s dressed up in pretty holiday packaging.
I’m having trouble developing my Christmas gift list
No such trouble is being had by Little Man and Wifey
Looks like we are having faux pizza for dinner tonight
That means I need to go and get some faux cheese
Happy Holidays!

20 Questions Tuesday: 19 - Little Man

So to round out the 20 Questions Tuesdays about my family, today we will focus on Little Man. I would like to thank Zinger Zapper, Nadolny, Dustin, Belsum, the Em, and Peefer for their thoughtful and tasteful questions regarding Little Man.

Here come the questions:


1. If you could choose an obsession for Zane, other than trains, what would it be?
Mopping or some other cleaning activity

2. If Zane lost his allergy to one particular food group what would you prefer it be?
I think I would like him to loose the peanut allergy. That one is the one that would most likely result in a really bad anaphylactic reaction and/or death. That one scares the absolute beee-jeeezus out of us.

3. What things is little man actually allergic too? We hear there are a variety, but what specifically?
Okay, I will list out the ones he is allergic to currently and the ones he used to be allergic to.
Current: Dairy, Eggs, Tree Nuts, Peanuts, and pet type animals
Past: Soy, Tomato, Potato, Green Beans, Peas, and Carrots
Those are the ones I remember, I am sure that Wifey can add to list, and I encourage her to do so in the comments section.

4. How is he on bath nights? Our little one isn't too keen on water over her head and raises a fuss.
Actually he has a bath every night. It is part of his evening ritual: The slaughter of the Chickens (Chicky Fingers), the prayer to the Craven Images (trains on YouTube), the ritual cleansing (bath time), the reading of the scriptures (books before bed), the polishing of the fangs (tooth brushing), the recitations (stories before sleep), and the all encompassing battle of will (allowing himself to go to sleep)

5. What are his favorite three toys?
Currently in order, Amtrak F-40 Deisel Engine, CSX Deisel Engine, and Santa Fe Deisel Engine.

6. What is his favorite ethnic food?
I would have to say his love for Lentil Soup. But keep in mind what one group considers to be “ethnic food” another group just considers “food.” In China his favorite ethnic food is fat back green beans.

7. Does he like tater tots?
He does indeed, but he tends to like Crispy Crowns more. It is like the best parts of the tater tots combined into one delectable morsel.

8. Have you ever picked out (fro'd) his hair?
Occassionally he gets some rather tight curls near his head, so we have to untangle that hair and pretty much fluff it out. He lets me preen him like I am a big old silverback. He just sits in my lap and lets me pull out his “tangles.” He has not had a true afro (his hair is just not thick enough) but he has definitely had an “Einstein.”

9. What's the funniest thing he's said in the last 24 hrs.?
Mama, No go to Potty! Mama Chair! (He was sitting on Wifey’s lap and she needed to go… umm… well… potty (Giblets and Gravy! I sound like a parent. She had to pee! She had to use the facilities! Add to the toilet water! Potty?!?! I am really losing my ability to relate to non-parents.) ahem… she had to go to the bathroom, but Little Man really liked her as a chair.

10. How did you choose his name?
We went through an insane amount of baby name books and finally came up with 2 names that we both liked. An odd fact about Wifey, she will read a baby name book for fun. Infact there are usually at least 3 baby name books out and about in the house at any one given time. Anyway... we waited for the little tootsa to be born and decided which name fit him best.

11. What is his favorite cartoon/toy/song that you can’t stand?
Oh, there are so many… I would still have to go with Higgly Town Heroes!

12. What do you secretly (or not so secretly) hope that he will be when he grows up?
Rich! Stinking RICH!!!

13. What’s the most “testosteroney” thing he’s ever done?
Lately he has really enjoyed climbing the doorjamb, but have I mentioned his love for trains?

14. What is the name of his blog?
He has 2 that he occasionally has his duo of ghost writers pen for him: this one and this one

15. Now that Little Man is getting older, does he ever communicate a dislike and/or unfairness of how many allergies and breathing problems he has?
He has not really been socialized enough to realize that he is missing out too much. It also helps that he really is not that willing to try new foods.

16. What's the most shocking thing Little Man ever said or did? (good or bad)
Hmmmm... I believe it would be pantsing (to remove someone else's pants without permission in a public space) Wifey in the Library

17. I heard ANOTHER man refer to his wife and child as Wifey and Little Man respectively, so I Googled "wifey AND 'little man'" out of curiosity (which also made me realize that I should get a life). Do you realize you are result #4? Which begs the question: Why "Little Man?"
He is male and small. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Eventually, I imagine that I might have to alter his moniker.

PSYou need to get out more…

18. Does Little Man know about your blog?
Not so much. I am pretty sure that one day he will be unhappy with its existence

19. Please describe Little Man's love for trains.
It is an all consuming passion brighter than the sun. The fire of addiction burns in his belly much like a junkie craves heroine. He simply cannot get enough trains. It is impossible. I hope it passes because I don’t really want to set up the basement as a big old train layout.

20. What are the top two traits Little Man gets from you? One good. One evil.
Good: He really is pretty laid back and go “with the flow” about his schedule
Evil: (From Wifey) willfulness. That and the inability to use pronouns – your whole “SRH will be cooking dinner now, and SRH will be going to bed now” - has set a terrible – nay, evil –precedent at our house.


To recap:
SRH is done with this post
I really don’t refer to myself in the 3 rd person all that much
I am, however, wearing a purple shirt today and therefore will be using the royal “we” for a while
We have no idea what we shall be having for dinner tonight
We still need a royal nap
We wonder if the King of Pirates would employ the royal “we” in their pirate speech
Then… we drift of to another subject
You can all imagine the dismissive waving of our royal hand during this recap
We are now finished with our posting for the day

20 Questions Tuesday: 18 - SRH part the second

It seems that enough of my background and sense of “who I am” must not come through very clearly because I got sooo many questions from people for the 20 Questions Tuesday focusing on little old me, SRH. So today I would like to thank IC Yellow, Dustin, Lsig, JW, and Atmikha. Everyone who has ever sent in questions, again, thank you sooo much. Without you I would be at a loss as to what I should write about on Tuesdays. On to the questions.

1. What is your very first recollection of meeting "Wifey"?
I am sure I “met” her previously at a party that an old roommate of mine invited me to, but I met tons of people that night and remembered less than I should have, so we will ignore that party. I truly met my wife at a meeting for a college honor society. Our nerdiness brought us together, but our dorkiness kept us there.

2. What was the worst fight you and your brother got into as kids? Who won?
Hmmmm, I don’t remember what the fight was about, but I won because I had a hatchet. He backed down like a chump.

3. What is your biggest pet peeve?
People with a ranking system for their pet peeves. Ooh that really chaps my hide, but not so much as people running their nails down a chalkboard…

4. What is your best quality? Your worst? Can we answer this one?
Best: How laid back I am about things.
Worst: How laid back I am about things.
Can you answer the question: I require it!

5. If you could be the king of any country, what would it be and why?
Scotsylvania, because it would rock! Vampire Highlanders! For teh win! “Ack! I gonna bite you-ur neck, lassie.”

6. You find $500,000 in cash on the street. Do you keep all it, some of it, or none of it?
Ummm… I don’t know what you are talking about. I only found $200,000.

7. What kind of shaving utensils doth thou usest?
A Mach 3 shaver by Gillette. I hear Gillette is the best a man can get, which really is kind of sad when you think about it.

8. What's your general feeling concerning neck ties?
I absolutely hate neckties. They serve no useful purpose anymore and I find them greatly disturbing. I understand why they were invented and what purpose they served when they started out, but they have no use in modern society. And they get hot and uncomfortable and make me feel like I am choking all the time. Heck, I am the wrong person to ask. I cannot even wear turtle necks because of a “choking incident” in 4th grade. Stupid kid's name was Bobby, and he was quite the oafish brute of a 9 year old. Downright Neanderthalish.

9. What is the main difference you've found between the state you grew up in and the state you live in now?
Well, there is a huge disparity between the State of Denial that I grew up in and the State of Change where I am now residing. Denial was pseudo comfortable but stagnating, while Change is a bit exhilarating but somewhat tremulous.

10. Discuss your feelings regarding "Magnum PI".
One of the most perfect TV shows ever. It had action. Magnum would get in 1 to 2 dust-ups per episode. It had romance. Every week Magnum would get the hook up. It had humor. There was a whimsical sense to the dialog and interaction between Rick, TC and Magnum, not to mention the comradery-esque tension between Higgins and Magnum. It had intrigue. He was a private eye afterall. There was also the on-going intrigue associated with the whole Robin Master’s issue.

11. Is there anything (realistic) that you wish you'd done/seen/accomplished before you became a parent?
Interesting question. I can’t say that I have any real regrets prior to the introduction of Little Man into our household. I would have liked to do more traveling with Wifey, but we were not financially stable enough to do world travel frequently. So, I would have liked to travel more, but it really wasn’t the kid holding us back as much as it was the wallet.

12. If you were to be abducted by sci-fi aliens, which would you choose and why? (Wookies, Cardassians, E.T.s, etc.)
That alien race that Vanessa L. Williams played on that one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Yowzas!

13. Because we have the technology to rebuild a man better... faster… stronger... what ONE bionic capability would you have?
Jaw. It would come in handy, but not be hampered by lack of supporting issues. One strong leg makes one run in circles faster. A strong arm with no back support is bad. Super hearing would get annoying. Sight would be cool, but there are enough vision engancement gadgets out there. Biting through shit! That wuld be the stuff.

14. Which of little man's dvd's would you consider rolling over with your car/rubbing with sandpaper/warping with an open flame/flinging across the room/and snapping in half- then lying about what really happened to it?
Luckily he broke the darn thing himself! It was a DVD of just trains around Ohio.

15. What is your most prized possession?
My sense of humor.

16. What annoys you most about family gatherings?
My family.

17. What is the THIRD luckiest thing that has ever happened to you?
Hmmm, the annals of history might have missed this one, if you had not asked. 1 and 2 are notable due to Wifey and Little Man. I would have to say the 3 rd luckiest thing would be the time I found $20 just sitting in the ATM machine. Wow, I need more lucky things to happen to me. That was pretty pitiful to rank number 3.

18. What is your earliest memory?
I got bit on the nose by some kid trying to climb a slide while I was trying to slide down the slide properly. The little jerk! It was at Gunter Air Station in Montgomery, Alabama. I was 3. Oh the trauma! Oh crap. Little Man is 3! He could, 30 years from now, potentially remember things currently happening.

19. Is your Celtic heritage important to you?
It is a common link between my wife and I, so yes, it is important. Would I feud with someone from a different clan’s lineage? Nope, but I do identify heavily with my Gaelic heritage.

20. Is there a particular work of art which has fascinated you?
I have always been haunted by this work by Caspar David Friedrich.


To recap:
Wifey gets home today
Capt. McArmypants gets into town today
I am neglecting work as we speak
Little man wasn’t too keen on preschool today
Until he got there
Then it was hard to get a kiss goodbye
Grandpa R had a surgical procedure on his nose yesterday
He has raccooned up quite nicely due to the procedure
I am not coming into work tomorrow
I might try to do some stuff around the house with Capt. McArmypants
By “stuff” I mean: lounge around
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
I am sure it will be good though
Little Man is done with the Orapred
Hopefully he will be back to an even keel by tomorrow
He is going to be all over Wifey tonight
He = Little Man
He ≠ Capt. McArmypants
I think Capt. McArmypants is a bit scared of Wifey
He should be…. He should be

20 Questions Tuesday: 17 - SRH part the first

Turn about is fair play and all, so this week’s 20 Question Tuesday is, well, all about me. I sent out my typical email asking for questions and so far I have 45 questions. So, next weeks 20 Questions Tuesday will be about me as well. I am one of my favorite subjects after all, and it seems that I am one of yours as well. Anyway… Narcissism aside, thanks this week go to Anon in love with Wifey, J.A. Coppinger, ACW, and Bomber. I just went in order of receipt, so everyone else will be take care of next week. Here are the questions and answers.

1. If you could be spokes-model for any non-food product, what product would you choose?
Clarks Shoes. I love me some Clarks shoes. Although I am wearing Merrell’s right now. That would probably get me fired from the spokesperson job.

2. If Wifey had said no, who was your backup?
I had no back-up. All my eggs were in one basket. It was all or nothing. I would have been plinking freshmen off from a bell tower, ummm…. Strike that last comment. I would have been plinking freshmen off from a bell tower Good job, Blogger!

3. What is your favorite Broadway musical number to fantasize about restaging, starring yourself?
Ummm… I am not sure how or why I would restage it, but the animal procession in The Lion King is my favorite. So I guess I would probably make it look very similar to how it is now, but the spotlight would be on me whilst I did my 90’s hip-hop dancing in Hammer Pants. I would love to tell the Rhino, "Stop! Hammer Time!"

4. Do these jeans make me look fat?
No, there are other factors at play.

5. If you couldn't do what you're doing now (as a job), what would your dream job be?
My dreams have nothing remotely jobby about them. My dream job would be independently wealthy philanthropist.

6. Name the person from history you’d most like to eat lunch with.
When I first read this one, I read “Name the person from history you’d most like to eat for lunch.” And I thought, "This is an odd question." Then I re-read it and was much less confused. So I will answer both. Whom I would dine on and whom I would dine with.
On: Middle Years Henry VIII (late 20’s to 30’s)
With: Salma Hayek. She is historical, right?

7. Why that person?
On: He is still moderately fit, but starting to put some weight on. So he is not too gamy but fat enough to be flavorful… mmmm kingly fat
With: Do I really need to explain this one? If I must: Hawt!

8. If you could live in any time period other than this one, which would you choose?
The Star Trek future. Everybody on Terra gets along just swimmingly.

9. Character of the opposite sex -from a novel- you’d most like to meet?
Sofia from The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell.

10. Six words that best describe you (individual words, not a sentence!)
Sarcastic, Sardonic, Acerbic, Cynical, Caustic, and Laid-Back

11. How much soccer did you play? Favorite position(s)? Any championships/titles?
I started playing soccer when I was 4, and I stopped playing when I was 17. That breaks things down to playing for 13 years. In those 13 years I played every position on the field and even keeper. I would have to say that I was best at playing either stopper or sweeper in a 4-4-2 or 4-3-3 scheme. When I was 14, my team won our state tournament and basically promoted ourselves into a stronger league. That year I scored 21 goals from the sweeper position. I was the leading goal scorer on the team. 15 of those goals were from un-assisted corner kicks. Bend it Like Beckham my ass. Bend it Like SRH. At 14 goal keepers weren’t able to cover the back corner very well. In U-16 soccer I only scored 5 on corners. In high school, I sat on the bench. I peaked waaaay too early.

12. Why did you really attend Kent State? I believe KSU is too far away from Alabama to be known.
My parents are both originally from Northeastern Ohio. My mom is from Stow and my Dad is actually from Kent. I got an alumni scholarship there and the rest is history. Actually, I can think of 7 people from my family who graduated from Kent.

13. What weird twist of fate bought you and Wifey together? (If you really think about all the decisions that had to be made for the first meeting even to take place)
Honestly, the watershed event of my life had to occur for my compatibility with Wifey to actually be possible. If that had not happened, things in my life would definitely be different.

14. What about "little man" part 2 - when is the happy family becoming a foursome?
You know, Wifey is at home today with a sick Little Man. He has a fever and a bit of a cough. We need to have his hearing evaluated to make sure that there is not some kind of hearing deficiency going on there. We are still dealing with multiple life-threatening food allergies. He is in his full-blown bad asthma season. We are giving him at least 3 breathing treatments daily, when he isn’t sick. Ummm… You tell me, should Wifey and I load that genetic gun again? This one is a tough enough case to deal with.

15. What are your current hobbies? Hobbies that you wished you stayed active in?
I draw somewhat, I write occasionally. I play World of Warcraft way too much. I wish I had kept up with my drawing. Those skills are quite rusty.

16. You seem to be an open book, so confess something that most people don't know about you!
I, ummm… this is a more difficult question than many would think. I am pretty open on this blog without being a completely “naked blogger” (one who writes everything that they feel, good bad, ugly, pretty, emotional, etc…) I am pretty open about foibles and what-not. I guess I would have to say that I am not nearly as knowledgeable as many people think I am. I speak and write very confidently, and this is how I get through life. Basically, I am a sham.

17. Borrowed from "Inside the Actor's Studio"..."If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?"
There’s nothing to see here, move along. Move along…

18. When you've had a really crappy day, what movie is guaranteed to make you laugh?
The frying pan scene from Throw Mama from the Train. Anne Ramsey (this crodgety old woman) is Danny Devito’s (Owen) mom, and Billy Crystal is an acquaintance of Devito’s.
Ramsey: Who are you?
Crystal: I’m Owen’s friend.
Ramsey: Owen doesn’t have any friends. He’s fat and he’s stupid.
DeVito: You lied to me!
{Whacks Billy Crystal in the face with a frying pan}
I laugh every time.

19. Someone else asked what person from history you'd most like to have lunch with...I want to know what you'd eat - where would you go and what would you order?
Actually I like me some Costa’s Famous Bar-B-Que in Birmingham, Alabama. Best damn B-B-Q I have ever had. Although, if the meal was with Salma, I would want it to be at some place that has 8 to 10 courses so she could not run away too quickly.

20. If you could move to another country...name it.
Without really knowing that much about really living there, Scotland.


To Recap:
Little Man is sick today (as mentioned in answer 14)
I got waaay more responses to questions about me than I though I would
I would have thought reading my constant blather would get tiring, but you like me, you really do!
Spaghetti for dinner tonight?
Had to layoff one of my intrepid cartographers this week
That sucks
It really really sucks
Did I mention the suckitude associated with this?
Cause it Sucks

20 Questions Tuesday: 16 - Wifey

Okay it is Tuesday again, so that means it is 20 Questions Tuesday… ummm.. again. I actually got a request to do 20 questions in regards to my lovely wife, so here it goes. I would like to thank B-G, Double E, M, ZingerZapper, and lsig for their questions regarding my wife. I will answer them as best as I can.

Although I think that SRH did a great job navigating the landmines inherent in writing a post about me - that man lives on the edge I tell you - there were just a few things that I thought I'd add. And since I know his bloggy password, I thought I'd add it this evening while he's upstairs paying bills. Sucker!

1. So, in what major way has she changed you? You can talk about all the deep ways but I also need something nice and shallow.
Hmmm… Let’s see. Since being involved with the lovely Wifey, I have learned to communicate much more effectively but more than that I have learned not to touch my teeth with a spoon or fork whilst eating for fear of the “Stop scraping your teeth on that {fork or spoon}.” I am pretty good about it…

Wrong. The most major - and shallow - change I have made in SRH is to increase his appreciation for shoes. He really digs them.

On the other hand, I do really appreciate his ability to eat without scraping his teeth on the fork/spoon.

You hear that Mimma? I appreciate him NOT scraping his teeth with a fork/spoon.

2. Do you secretly move your graham crackers over to touch her food when she’s not looking?
I feel it necessary to explain a bit here for those of my readers who do not really know my wife well. She dislikes graham crackers so much that on the odd occasion when I put them in the grocery cart, she will make sure the box is not touching any of “her” food in the cart, lest it be tainted by the grahaminess. So to answer the question: No, I honestly do not have graham crackers in the house very often, so there is not much opportunity to infect her food with graham cracker cooties. Of course, Little Man has come over to the dark side now by liking graham crackers, and I bet he’s going to love creeping his mama out by making her actually watch him eat them.

Graham crackers are the work of the devil.

3. Okay, spill it, what does she really do that drives you batty? Something of which she is unaware drives you to battiness.
She oftentimes makes me move from where I am sitting. She always has a reason for the move (wants access to the heating pad, coasters, etc…), but it happens way too often to be coincidence. It may not be a conscious effort, but it is more than random chance would allow.

You know why this drives SRH batty? Because he HATES to move once he's settled in anywhere. This is in keeping with his whole "economy of motion" life philosophy. So if he's been sitting someplace for two hours and I want to sit near the reading light, for instance, he huffs and sighs like I'm asking him to figure out world hunger when I have simply asked him to move 16 inches over.

And I don't do it on purpose. But it does happen a lot - because he always sits in dumb places. That I want to sit in.

4. Who has the bigger shoe obsession/inclination? You or wifey?
Wifey, but in all fairness, women have different requirements for shoes. Some have to look good with suits, some with skirts, some with pants, some are dressy, but they need to be different colors, etc… Guys have dress shoes and casual shoes in brown and in black. Done.

True.

5. She is stranded on an island…with one person….she can’t go alone, can’t kill/harm the person to get rid of them--would she choose Tom Cruise or Rush Limbaugh? Why?
Even though he is bat-shit crazy, Tom Cruise. He is fit and more likely to assist in survival activities. Sure one would have to learn to deal with the Scientology proselytizing, but I bet she could tune him out after a while. She is rather pragmatic that way. The only reason she would have Limbaugh there would be to leave him for dead.

Also true.

6. She’s only allowed to bring one food onto that deserted island …she is of course given a plentiful supply of graham crackers and cheese, what would she choose cherries, olives, steak….?
Steak. Hands down steak. Really this one is a “No brainer.” She must have her red meat.

Yep.

7. If you spent 100 dollars on a beautiful, designer, cashmere, asymmetrical sweater…….would she wear it…even out of love for you?
Nope, asymmetry is a “no-no” for her. No matter what.

No defense needed on this one. Asymmetry is stupid.

8. What personality trait is most annoying to your wife?
She absolutely hates manipulation, and can sniff it out like a bloodhound. The second she gets a whiff of manipulation usually keens the death knell to the inter-personal relationship where the manip was attempted. She has walked away from pretty strong friendships due to some attempted manipulation.

He makes me sound so cold. I simply think that if a person is willing to manipulate you instead of being honest and up front, then they aren't a good friend. Therefore, you should not waste one more moment of your time with those sorry losers. (Reason #89 being a therapist wasn't a good "fit" for me).

9. What television/movie character’s personality is most like your wife’s?
I’m not sure that there is a character who is outwardly cute and spunky but is inwardly a seething, whirling dervish of sarcasm and disdain, full of contemptible anger against any and all who consider her petiteness to be anything other than a very effective front for the beat down they are about to get.

Anyone seen a character like that?

I'll take this one. The outwardly "cute and spunky" is problematic, but I appreciate that he understands my complexity.

10. Who makes her swoon (other than you)?
Eddie Vedder, LL Cool J, LOTR Viggo Mortenson (not 28 Days Viggo, or Hidalgo Viggo), Post Fresh Prince Will Smith, and at one time Prince (pre-artist years) (No, I don't understand this one at all).

SRH didn't give you good pics for this one, but here are a few betters ones.
Eddie Vedder - here and here
Viggo Mortensen - here
Will Smith - here
LLCoolJ - here and here
Prince - here - can you see it even a little bit?

11. How do you (SRH) really feel about Coal Miners Daughter?
It is a fine movie, I just don’t get into it. It is the equivalent to my Tron so I understand the role it plays in her catalogue of movies.

He especially likes it when I recite lines from this movie, dont' let him fool you. Especially the one about "Time's just going too fast. First I was married, then I was having babies. Then I was up here singing for y'all."

12. Name all of the foods that start with “C” that she hates.
Cheese, Cinnamon, Coffee, Carrots, Capers, Coke, Clams, Calimari, Crab Legs, Crab Cakes, well… Crab in general, Crawfish, Chili, Cashews, Caramel, Coconut, ummm, that’s all that I got

Okay, this is where I start to seem a little crazy. But in my defense, lots of food start with C. So if you are a picky eater, which I am, then you are bound to hate a few C foods. And while I do not care for caesar salad, candied corn, or cap'n crunch, I do like chicken, couscous, corn, cherries, cranberries, and chocolate pudding dessert. (pay attention i.c. yellow)

13. Was wifey's love for Clash of the Titans an attraction or a deterrent in your pursuit of her?
It was an attraction. Luckily she didn’t watch it for the scantily clad Harry Hamlin.

Definitely an attraction, but to the beastial appeal of Calibos!

14. Prince, Lionel Richie, and you…three people she loves. What's the common element?
Assless pants or the fact that she could take each of us at least 2 bouts out of 3.

I don't think there is a common element. I can't think of one. It's all very random, and I love them all in different ways. Prince in an adolescent crush boy. Lionel Ritchie in a commodores kind of way. SRH in a he's the best thing that ever happened to me kind of way.

15. What's something she likes but would never buy for herself?
Real gemstone jewelry and flowers.

Yep. Hey, SRH, how about buying me some jewelry and flowers?

16. You two seem very compatible in many ways. What's one thing in which your taste is wildly, widely divergent?
Dessert choices. I like desserts, she doesn’t

Not a big dessert fan. I like a few, but I have never gotten into the whole eating-dessert-after-a-meal thing. It just doesn't flow for me, except for the aforementioned Chocolate Pudding Dessert. I would sell SRH to medical testing companies for a full pan of Chocolate Pudding Dessert.

17. Describe wifey's occupation in five words or less.
Helping women through institutional change.

Okay.

18. If there was a steak eating contest between you, Wifey, and Homer Simpson, who would win?
It would be a tough race between Homer and Wifey. Sadly I would have to bet on Homer. He is a cartoon afterall and would not have to succumb to our reality’s laws of nature.

Okay. I am not beyond the laws of nature.

19. All other factors aside, what would high school SRH say to high school Wifey?
Honestly, I would probably attempt to make her laugh, and secretly dislike how popular and motivated she was. That is how I was as a high schoolie though.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

20. If Wifey wanted to make you really uncomfortable, would she:
a) talk about the first time she saw you naked;
b) publicly discuss your sex life; or
c) rent porn
I am going to go with B.

All of the above. SRH is quite modest.

To recap:
I am not sure which answer will get me in hot water, but one of them will
If you live in the US, go vote today
I don’t care if you are for or against what I am for or against, just vote
Not sure what is going to be for dinner tonight
I imagine that Wifey has some rebuttal
Just remember, Wifey, this was not my idea
It was your friends’ idea
YOUR friends’
If anyone else has questions in regards to Wifey, I will entertain them in comments
I need some sleep
Got our first phone call for Little Man last night. Fortunately it was from his preschool teacher, not someone offering him a credit card

20 Questions Tuesday 15: The Halloween Blogaversary

Okay for the 2 nd Blogaversary edition of 20 Questions Tuesday I cast the question net as wide as I could. So this week I need to thank the following people: I.C. Yellow, Bomber, Capt. Mc Armypants, ACW, Peefer, B-Dawg, the Em, Lsig, Nadolny, Der Keiselbach, Dr. Civil, and Belsum.

Here’s to many more years and 20 Questions Tuesdays

1 Has anyone ever startled you with their knowledge of your blog? Someone with whom you had not shared the "link"?
There was one person at work that I had not given the address to that found out about the blog. He is not necessarily a bad person, just someone that I don’t really know well enough to let him into the inner circle of those who are “in on” the whole blog thing.

2 Have you ever gotten into any kind of trouble over something you've written?
I do my best not to write anything controversial, but there was a post that really bothered one of my wife’s friends. It caused some tension for a little bit, but is resolved now.

3 Do your parents or other family members read your blog?
No one from my family of childhood reads the blog. I have said waay too many disparaging things about them, for me to tell them about it.

4 If your blog were to be published, what would the title be? No using "under construction"!!!
Ummm…. I would go with my much unread tagline, “Musings of a Life Less Extraordinary.”

5 So men can dress up. Women can dress up. Women however are voluntarily split into two separate camps. Sexy and and just plain dressup. So I understand the sexy cop, sexy vampire, sexy nurse and most of the other "sexy" whatever costumes. Its Holloween whatever. My question is Sexy Mummy? Maybe this is just a Fruedian thing, but this just does nothing for me. Why would you go try to go for decaying undead sexy when you could go with eternally young undead, aka vampire. I mean who thinks they have the chops to go for Sexy AND decaying undead. Its one or the other RIGHT?!?
I believe you are correct, there is no such thing as a sexy mummy. No such thing.

6 Have you matured as a blogger these past 2 years?
I would like to think so, but I believe you, the readers, are better able to gauge that

7 What can we expect from the next year?
Expect nothing, and I will not let you down.

8 You spend many hours in life rendering beautiful pictures (or at least your computer does). So why is your blog layout so plain?
I have never made the time to really get into the nuts and bolts of how the frames and set up of the template works. I might see about doing something up for the whole template thing this year. It has become a little on the stale side.

9 Do you ever blog drunk? Which is to really ask: do you ever drink at work? Why the hell not?
I wish! Drinking would make the work day go sooooo much faster with all the passed outness. I am afraid of what would be scrawled on my face with indelible marker though…

10 Do you ever feel the burden of writing a regular blog, knowing that an expecting public will be checking for it later that day?
It actually is an issue that I have to deal with. There is an expectant public, and they expect me to be funny and post early. They are typically horribly incorrect.

11 Has the blog made you more of a sexy beast?
You have to ask? You bet your Sweet Bippy I am more of a sexy beast now! Blogging just exudes sexiness!

12 Can we expect any great changes in the blog given the turn of a new blogging year?
I think a new template is in order.

13 Do you admit to people in your real life that you blog? (Wifey doesn't count)
If blogging comes up in regular conversation, sure. But I don’t go out of my way to tell people about my blog.

14 Has this 20-questions thing really made it that much easier?
In some ways “yes,” and in some ways “no.” Sometimes the hardest thing about this blog is coming up with a topic. The 20 Questions Tuesdays allow me to just bounce off of others’ questions instead of making up a topic in a vacuum.

15 How many people regularly read your blog (same peeps)? what is the average number of readers per day (regulars and others)? Which Countries are now represented in your readership? Any from Transylvania? Where are the mythical beasts from your blog located (Country)?
There are about 40 people who visit Mondays through Thursdays when I actually post, on Friday trhough Sunday I am lucky to get 20 hits per day. Of all of those, I would say that I have about 25 people who consistently visit and I would consider “regulars.”
US, Canada, England, and Uruguay are what I would consider my consistent reading nations. I have been looked at by tons of different countries though, but nothing repetitive like with those 4.
I have only had 1 view ever from someone in Romania.
The Yeti is from Nepal.

16 If everyone wore costumes to your blogaversary, what would some of the regulars dress as in your little mind?
Hmmm:
I will go through the list of folks who sent me questions for today:
IC Yellow = A man, baby!
Bomber = Cosette from the Broadway musical Les Miserables
Capt. McArmypants = A spider monkey. Not a chimp, a little annoying spider monkey
ACW = Part-time hobby store employee
*Peefer = an otter (don't know why, but that is how he would come dressed)
*B-Dawg = Buckaroo Banzai
The Em = Probably a cheerleader
Lsig = Enterprise A crew member
Nadolny = Teddy Roosevelt (except with a cigar)
Der Kieselbach = Ram Man
Dr Civil = a caber tosser (compensation perhaps?)
Belsum = Enterprise D crew member
Wifey = Sex Kitten (but that isn’t a costume)
Oh, and I take offense to your phrase "your little mind." Tons of offense.

17 What do you feel your crowning achievement in blogging is?
My blog got quoted in a paper.

18 What will you do now that you are no longer the number one search result for hippo enemy?
Besides sulk? Well, even if I am no longer the no. 1, I will still try to carry out my duties as hippo enemy to the fullest of my abilities. Does a Miss America who loses her crown ever really stop being Miss America to herself? I don't think so. It takes determination and grit to reclaim one's dignity when it has been stripped away.

19 Which blog is cooler, yours or your wife's?
My blog uses more blues and cool greens than Wifey’s. Her palette is more of a warm tonal palette. So I would say that my blog definitely uses “cooler” colors.

20 What is your blog dressing as for Halloween?
A Tartan

To Recap:
I will be getting rid of the tartan background of the blog with tomorrow’s post
Happy Halloween all
Thanks for all the questions
Sorry I did not use them all, but I figured 2 weeks of Blogaversary questions would get really tiresome
Little Man has some kind of Thomas costume
I doubt that he will wear it
I am be-kilted today as well
No one will walk behind me on the stairs
Wool can be itchy
Glad I am not wearing wool underwear
I have work to do, and have wasted enough time on this
Don’t worry, I will definitely change the template tomorrow

*don't know how or why these 2 names were omitted in the original publish. Sorry guys!

20 Questions Tuesday: Part 14, Vacations

So today’s 20 questions revolve around the broad topic of vacations. Today’s questions come from the Venerable Nadolny, the prolific J.A.Coppinger, the New to Questioning Belsum, and the Consistent JW. Thanks everyone for the questions, and here they come.

1. Are you doing the Haunted train ride in Worthington this weekend? I'm thinking you could score major points with Little Man.
Interesting question and good point, but alas and alack Little Man and I will not be going to the Haunted Train ride. You see, Little Man loves him some trains, but he is a bit scared of them due to their size. Actually riding on a train is a big no-no for him.

2. Have you gotten to the point where vacations that involve swimsuits are now avoided?
I have always been at that point. My extra weight now does not even remotely approach my dislike for all things swimming.

3. Which State that you haven't been to, would you most like to go to on vacation?
I think I would like to see Hawaii. I have an interest in all things volcanic, and since that is one of the defining characteristics about Hawaii, it would be a perfect fit.

4. Do you think it's appropriate for parents to take their kids to a vacation spot that features gambling for the adults?
I think it is important to expose children to addictive behavior at a very early age, so, yes.

5. Why would anyone go to Hedonists resorts? Wouldn't the VD rate at those places be ridiculous?
People who go on hedonism retreats are typically very careful about their lifestyle because there is so much risk involved with their chosen activities. That being said I am sure Sexually Transmitted Infections are still rampant in those charnel pits of bodily pleasure. Just applying the law of averages without getting into more scientific risk assessment analyses shows that there is a better than average potential of needing high dosage antibiotics or long term maintenance meds.

6. Alaskan cruises: who thought this was a good idea?
Alaska. They got shit-tons of space and no one to spend money on it. Ship them in temporarily and boost the economy. I bet Wyoming is quite jealous of Alaska’s coastline.

7. What should be done to folks who wear black socks & sandals?
Oh, they will die of old age eventually, so I say that nothing should be done about them. They are a problem that will fix themselves. Plus, they make me look like I have at least a modicum of style.

8. Why does the President seem to have 10 times as much vacation time as the rest of us?
I believe that this President, more than previous ones, feels the need to delegate more, and thus is not as responsible for the day-to-day operations of his White House as previous Commanders-in-Chief. This lack of responsibility gives him the ability to shift the blame to others when policies fail and fit in 18 holes every other week.

9. What’s the “Dream Vacation” for you?
You know, I like the mountains and I like haiking, and I like Wifey, and I like Little Man. Add all those things together and I think you about have it. Sadly this happened too long ago.

10. What one thing could ruin that “Dream Vacation”?
Vampire Bears. They thrive in mountainous regions. Thrive I tell you! THRIVE!!!

11. What’s the largest item you’ve hauled home from a foreign land?
Hmmm… This is a difficult one. I really have not ever really hauled much out of a foreign land and most everything I have hauled has easily fit within a suitcase. I would have to say a woolen blanket from London.

12. Have you ever hung out with complete strangers just because they were also Americans?
Yes, on 2 occasions that I can remember. As Capt. McArmypants and I boarded our ferry from Dover, England to Oostend, Belgium we chatted with a neo-hippy guy named Mithra. Then whilst in London with Wifey, we bought some tickets to The Lion King (8th row, center) at the Lyceum, in London’s famed West End from a lovely couple from California whose friends flaked out on them. It was a great time.

13. What’s the one item you still regret forgetting in your hotel room?
It was actually in a youth hostel in Scotland. I left 2 full rolls of film. I do not have as many pics of me and a young Capt. McArmypants terrorizing Edinburgh as I should.

14. How much are you willing to splurge on room service?
It has been my experience that it is hardly ever worth the mark-up that is charged for room service, but with that in mind, about $50.

15. Do you follow the hot tub rules?
I have no choice but to follow the Hot Tub Rules.

16. Where was your worst vacation destination?
As a kid, my family never went on vacation. We always visited family. So I would choose 2 places. Stow, Ohio (which later became the neighbor of my college experience in Kent, Ohio) and Venice, Florida. Both places the family was constantly tethered by genetic relations and over-planned dull itineraries.

17. Have you ever been lost in the Grand Canyon? If so, who found you- Mr. Brady, Alice, or the Park Ranger?
I have never actually been to the Grand Canyon. But if I were lost there, I would put my faith in the National Park Service to actually find me. Especially since Mr. Brady is dead, and Alice is an octogenarian.

18. Would you ever use the rest stop restroom for an emergency #2?
I have been in that boat before, and after much scrubbing and liberal cleansing of the toilet seat, I did use the facilities for the removal of solid waste. It was not pleasant. I was not happy about it, but I did it… in Kentucky.

19. What lengths would you go to get into a closed Wally World?
I would need to have some calamity to overcome, just so I could say this,

I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be
whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! I've got to be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose

20. Having taken an overseas trip, what cultural difference did you have the most trouble acclimating to?
The food.

To recap:
I wasn’t sure how these questions would turn out, but I think this is an okay 20 questions
Next week’s will be something about the second blogaversary
On Monday I will have been doing this blog for 2 whole years
So, that means 6 days until the blogaversary
Sweet googly moogly, I have wasted 2 years of my life on this thing?
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
It seems Papa dunking his head in the bathtub is the funniest thing Little Man has ever seen
Ever
It did make his bath-time more enjoyable
I am feeling much much better
I will definitely be exercising tomorrow evening
I slept for crap last night

20 Questions Tuesday: Part 13 Breakfast Cereal 2

This week’s 20 questions is a continuation of last weeks due to overwhelming response. This weeks questioneers are I.C. Yellow, Kim, B-Dawg, and Wifey.

1. Who's the better vampire? Count Chocula or Sesame Street's The Count? Neither seems to drink blood. As far as vampires go, I would have to side with Chocula. His obsessive compulsions tend to revolve around consuming his chocolaty cereal, while The Count just counts stuff.

2. Do you think Mikey has felt any Life-long (haha) repercussions from being the one that "Likes it"? And are we sure the cereal is ALL he likes? So many questions about Mikey. I am sure that Mikey likes many more things.

3. Why did they ruin Captain Crunch's image by forcing him to advertise that peanut butter shit...I mean version?
First of all it is “Cap’n” not “Captain” and second of all Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch may just be the best cereal ever made. No one forced the Cap’n to do anything he didn’t want. You can’t force Icons to do anything. You don’t see Lucky or the Trix Rabbit peddling anything they don’t want to do you? Nope. Tony the Tiger ain’t selling batteries. Why? Because when you are that recognizable, you can choose what you want to sell. The Cap’n clearly wants to sell Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch because it is an exemplary cereal for people with refined tastes.

4. Do you think Lucky from Lucky Charms ever gets lucky? And is he more lucky than the Trix rabbit? And I don't mean with the cereal. Their bad luck there is obvious.
I think Lucky is not nearly as lucky as the Trix rabbit. Come on the rabbit is, after all a rabbit. All rabbits get play.

5. What's the best prize you ever got out of a cereal box?
My pudgy gut. Ah, the prize I keep winning…

6. What your opinion on generic brand cereals? (rice puff, and what not)
I like the bagged off-brand cereals. They are often made by the same manufacturers as the big named cereals, but sold at a much lower cost due to lack of box and box art. Now if you are talking about Puffed Rice and generic Oatmeal and such, nope I need more flavor (ahem sugar) and texture to my cereals.

7. Why were so many of the cereal mascots seemingly addicted to their products, most notably the Trix Rabbit, The Cocoa Puffs Cuckoo, Lucky.
I don’t think they are seemingly addicted. They are clearly addicted to their respective products. If illicit drugs had mascots they would resemble the loveable cartoon cereal icons. At least if they were marketed well they would.

8. Why don't you get free toys in cereal now?
It is the computer age, all the crappy toys have been replaced with crappy CD-ROM’s.

9. Did you ever beg for cereal as a kid merely for the toy inside and be stuck with the cereal for two weeks all for a crappy toy.
Unfortunately, yes. I believe it was some toy that was stuffed in a box of Super Golden Crisp.

10. When was the last time you sent away for a cereal offer?
Wow, I was still in high school, so probably 1990

11. How many different types of cereals do you keep at one time for different morning tastes?
Currently there are 6 cereal types in our cupboard, and I will occasionally eat all but 2 of those

12. Are Life Cereal and Life the game related? What else would account for the strange phenomena of both of them coming to prevalence in the late 70’s-early 80’s?
Well, you could be a winner at the game of Life, but you will always lose versus Life cereal. So, No I do not think that the 2 Life’s are related. Nor are either related to the magazine.

13. Wikipedia says that it is the palm oil that makes Cacklin’ Oat Bran have its distinctive tastiness. I believe it is a combination of crack and the work of the devil. What say you?
Most definitely crack and the work of the devil. Palm oil ain’t that good.

14. Do you like hat cereals like oatmeal or Cream of Wheat?
Ummm…. No. I can force oatmeal into my gullet occasionally, but the snot that is known as Cream of Wheat does not come anywhere near my spoon.

15. How many does servings of Little Man’s “Orange Rice” does it take to equal the vitamin and mineral content of one bowl of Total breakfast cereal?
At least 3 plate-fulls, but that is okay, because he always eats at least 3 plate-fulls.

16. If you could be any of the cereal icons, which one would it be and why?
I would have to go with either Cap’n Crunch or Tony the Tiger. Both of these characters seem to not be addicted to their product of choice. Cap’n seems to see more places and visit more exotic locals, but Tony gets to do all the X-treme sports and let’s face it, he is a tiger.

17. What breakfast cereal did you have this morning?
Actually I had yogurt this morning for breakfast. 1 Vanilla custard style Yoplait Yogurt and 1 lemon custard style Yoplait Yogurt. On Sunday I had that same breakfast except with Cracklin’ Oat bran mixed in.

18. Is there a difference between Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and Post Toasties?
You know, I have never been able to tell the difference, but Wifey swears that there is, and moreso, they sate different corn cereal desires of hers. (Yes, occasionally she has different corn cereal desires. I don’t get it either.)

19. What the Hell is up with that thing that goes ape-shit crazy about Honeycomb Cereal?
I have no idea. I am with you there. WTF is that thing? I mean really? It is not a primate, yet it doesn’t have a tale. Big eyes remind me of a lemur-like animal, but its limbs are not furry at all. I image it is “not of this earth.”

20. Why breakfast cereal as a topic?
Honestly, I could not come up with anything else. I was truly surprised about how fast people emailed me their questions. Pretty crazy really, so breakfast cereal clearly can touch a chord with people. Well, at least with people on my email list for questions on 20 Questions Tuesdays.

To recap:
I am currently at home with Little Man
Child care people Grandma D and Grandpa R have some family stuff they need to get squared away
Little Man will be at home with the boy tomorrow
I am really hungry
But I have already eaten lunch
That does not bode well for the afternoon
Little Man is napping right now, so my time is short
If there are not all the links you were expecting, it was because Little Man awoke
The Sleeper awakens....

20 Question Tuesday: 12: Breakfast Cereal

It is Tuesday again, which means that it is again time for 20 Questions Tuesday. Today’s topic revolves around breakfast cereals. Why breakfast cereals you might ask? Well, because last week’s topic caused many a convulsion and fainting spell. What can I say? High school was a difficult time for some of us. Anyway, thanks for the questions everyone. This week’s questioneers are God Almighty (hey, that is how he wanted to be referred), ACW, Lsig, and Popo. Here come the questions.

1. What was the significant difference between Cap'n Crunch, Quisp, Quake, and Freakies?
I believe the main differences between these 4 cereals are shape and the icon. Cap’n Crunch features a caucasoidal 18th century naval officer and the cereal was shaped like little barrels. Quisp features a pink alien with a propeller on his head who was wearing a green jumpsuit. The cereal was shaped like a saucer. Quake was a burly miner who seemed to be tinged purple. His cereal was in the shape of gears and gogs. These 3 cereals were/are all produced by Quaker Oats with the same exact recipe. The last cereal in question, The Freakies, is produced by Ralston. This cereal featured 7 Freakies (much like the mythological Furies except they were merely freaky): Hamhose, Gargle, Cowmumble, Grumble, Goody-Goody, Snorkeldorf and the leader BossMoss. The Freakies resided in the tree that grew Freakies cereal. I am unsure of the shape of the cereal though.

2. Knowing how big brothers operate, what else would they have convinced Mikey to try putting into his mouth?
I am sure that the bowl of Life Cereal they conned Mikey into eating was the last one he ever got. The older brothers were not into getting Mikey to eat things he would actually like. I am sure goldfish, batteries, and lastly motor oil were on his menu.

3. If you were to go coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs, what manic state would you enter for Fruity Pebbles?
Good Question. Hmmmm… If it weren’t copywrited, I would say “Freaky,” but one can only go “Freaky for Freakies” now. After consulting good old Roget’s I would say that I would be fervent for Fruity Pebbles or possibly frenzied.

4. Why are there no female breakfast cereal icon (syrups don't count)?
I think the whole concept of cereal is too barbarically easy for a female icon. One simple pours out the cereal and then pours the milk. It is too simple a preparation to waste on a female. Female icons need to be horrid racial stereotypes to make us feel like our pancake mix was prepared by our very own slave labor, or they need to focus on some antiquated view of how women are supposed to behave when they become grandmothers. Pancakes should smell like freshly mixed oppression smothered with grandmotherly love.

5. In a fair fight: Cookie Burglar or the Trix rabbit?
There is no fair fight where the Cookie Burglar is concerned. That guy is just a bastard. So my initial reaction is to go with the hardened criminal and not the bunny, but…. If the fight is over Trix cereal, the Burglar is going down.

6. Did the cereal companies really think we would be fooled by changing the names of their cereals to remove words like "sugar?"
Did KFC think we would forget the F stood for Fried? Do Bears poop in the woods? Is the Pope Catholic? Is this a rhetorical question?

7. What happened to all the cool toys? Now they're just CD-ROMs. WTF?
There never really were cool toys. Now there are crappy games instead of crappy toys. Thank you digital revolution.

8. What ever happened to "Mikey?"
See Question 2: Drank motor oil. The Benzene content did not agree with him and he was no more.

9. Haven't the authorities captured the Trix Rabbit yet? He's plainly breaking the law.
The Trix rabbit is only attempting to break the law. The Trix rabbit never actually breaks the law.

10. What was your favorite part about eating cereal? Was it the cereal or the flavored milk afterwards
I can honestly say it was the cereal. I did drink the milk afterward, but the best part has and will always be the cereal.

11. Are you among the many who tried putting chocolate milk on regular Life cereal to approximate the taste of "brown" (i.e. cinnamon) Life and regular milk?
Nope.

12. Grape Nuts contain neither grapes nor nuts. Can you explain this?
I have never understood this cereal. It is basically like eating gravel in milk. The cereal has no real association with grapes and it is not even nutty. I don’t get it. My dad loved this cereal, but I never understood why.

13. In a fight to the death, who wins- Count Chocula or Frankenberry? Is Boo Berry even a factor?
Count Chocula and Frankenberry are already dead. One does not win a fight to the death when both combatants are undead.

14. Is being a face on the Wheaties box still on the radar of the modern athlete?
Not even remotely. Heck, I am not even sure if they are still plastering atheletes on the box anymore.

15. What is your favorite type of cereal to eat by the handful sans milk?
Cracklin’ Oat Bran

16. What makes Lucky Charms sooo magically delicious??
Crack. Crack is not actually whack, it is magically delicious.

17. Why do Honey Smacks use a frog as its mascot?
What, you don’t see the direct correlation between frogs and honey? Frogs eat bees, duh!

18. Life vs. Cinnamon Life, which one is better?
Life, because it is already lightly cinnamoned anyway.

19. What part of daily allowance of vitamins and minerals are marshmallows???
The small part.

20. Drink or don't drink the leftover milk in the bowl?
Drink it. Most definitely drink it.

To Recap:
Both Little Man and Wifey are doing better today
Ther are both still ill, but they are better
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
With 2 of the 3 of us being ill, cooking doesn't seem so worth it
I need to go make lunch
I am hungry
I only had potato chips for dinner last night
And they were stale
Hopefully tales of wellness will be talked about tomorrow