20 Questions Tuesday: 89 - Dustin's Day

Continuing on in the vein of

last week’s 20 Questions Tuesday

, this week I am being interviewed by the unflappable Dustin or

Cotters in my Tummy

fame. He has a fan club, where as I do not. As far as I know he does not have

t-shirts

though. Sure, I have not sold any shirts as of yet, but that is beside the point. The point is, he does not have any.

On to the questions… Oh, Dustin?

1. When did your obsessive love of cheesecake begin? Am I putting words in your mouth by calling “obsessive?” If so, too bad, my interview.

I was about 12 years old when one of my mom’s friends, who was a professional dessert confectioner had a chocolate chip amoretto cheesecake that had cracked. Restaurants won’t buy perfectly edible and tasty treats that are cracked so she gave it to the fam. I ate all but 1 piece. An obsession born.

2. What is your favorite internet haunt while not getting work done on the job?

Ten Ton Studios Forums

3. Who would win in a fight between Peter Parker, sans Spidey powers, and Clark Kent, sans Superman powers?

Clark Kent would take peter parker behind a woodshed for the beating of his life. Clark is a corn fed Kansas farm boy from the old school. Parker is a science geek without much in the way of physical action. Kent beats the snot out of him.

4. Pluto: Do you feel it should be restored to full planet status, or did you have your doubts from the beginning?

Oddly,

Wifey

and I just watched a special on this the other day. I am now of the inclination that it should not be considered a full planet if other larger objects whose primary orbit is around the sun are also not considered planets.

5. Last fiction you read and really liked?

The Name of the Wind

by

Patrick Rothfuss

.

6. Do you ever watch

MythBusters

?

Occasionally. I think it was a great idea for a quarterly special, but as an ongoing show it has traversed beneath busting myths into disproving whimsy. Before It worked with hard and fast urban myths and tried to disprove them. Now it has almost become an exercise in disproving stupid ideas. There just is not enough material out there for this to be a weekly gig.

7. If you were going to open up a store and sell customized T-Shirts, where in the country would this be and what would be the store’s name?

It would most likely be in Columbus, Ohio (where I reside) and be called

“No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem”

because I would also sell shoes there.

8. Swedish Fish, Gummy Bears, or Sour Gummy Worms: which is superior?

In a fight? I would use Sour Gummy Worms. They typically are coated in granular sugar. I could hope that the sugar would get in my opponents eye. The others are just squishy and not at all useful in a melee.

9. I just had to get a tetanus booster shot. I hate shots. HATE them. Your feeling on shots?

They are not up there with my favorite things, but I do not hate and fear them as much as most people.

10. Is it wrong that I don’t even know how to change the oil in my car?

It would be wrong if you did not even know where to go to get your oil changed. It is a changing world and skillsets are changing. I am confident that if you were exposed to how to change the oil in your car, that you would, in fact, know how to do it if the need arose.

11. It’s snowing here in Seattle in the middle of April which is pretty much a freak event. Does Ohio get much snow after March?

Typically we can expect one good snowstorm in April. This year, I think we dodged it.

12. Beyond

Hippopotami

, are there any other creatures that you just can’t play nice with (aside from the

Yeti

of course)?

There are not any other species or breed of animal as a group I don’t place nice with. After Hippopotami and Yetis, it becomes a more individual hatred, isn’t that right, Cinder?

13. I just learned what a “Rat King” is today. Does that make me woefully uneducated?

The “cryptid?” It doesn’t surprise me that you may not have heard about it. It is an obscure one. If there is a more urban dictionary-ish meaning I am unaware of that connotation.

14. Hannah Montana…what’s the big freakin’ deal???

I. Have. No. Idea. I don’t understand the clamor. It does not make appreciable sense to me. She is not supremely talented and she has not really been super-marketed either. I understand the whole High School Musical thing (to a point). It was hyped beyond belief and targeted to a demographic with gobs and gobs of purchase potential. Hanna Montana just doesn’t seem to be advertised as much and yet has become this amazing phenomenon.

15. Best CD you ever purchased?

Ten

by

Pearl Jam

… God, I am old

16. I’ve heard a lot of talk as of late about a manned exploration to Mars. Part of me is really excited at the prospect and another part of me kind of thinks that the billions of $$ that it would cost might be used to better feed/cloth/house/educate the people of this plant. Your thoughts?

This is a tricky question. People need goals. NASA needs a hard and fast goal to really help push the boundaries of human thought. I do think that someone needs to come out and say that we will step foot on Mars by 2020. Think about all the technological advances that occurred after Kennedy said we would step on the moon before 1970. BUT one should definitely think about what this means to poverty and other social programs. Here lies a massive problem. The problem is that the money for NASA and the money for social programs do not typically come from the same kind of procurement program. Basically NASA’s budget and social welfare budgets have little to nothing to do with each other. Personally, I would rather a president say we will be energy independent by 2020 instead of step foot on Mars.

17. What is your favorite Muppet?

Ahem… “

Who

is

your favorite Muppet?”

I would have to go with Sam the Eagle.

18. I could never understand Kermit the Frog’s attraction to Miss Piggy. Even for a Muppet, she’s pretty ugly…right?

I would rather know how the Swedish Chef got a job cooking or WTF Beaker is.

19. Am I right to be afraid of David Bowie’s performance in the movie Labyrinth?

I believe you should be more afraid of his performance in Dancing in the Streets.

20. Can Little Man be next week’s interview-er? What kind of theme (if any) do you think his questions would have?

Little Man’s questions would most likely revolve around lack of proper parental response time and determining why we don’t want to stay and lay down with him at 8 PM. I am not sure we want 20 questions revolving around my inability to get Cap’n Crunch to him in less than 10 seconds.

To recap:

Wifey’s trip on the jet plane is a go

Therefore next week there will most likely be a break from the daily blogging

We will leave Friday and get back the following Friday

A full week of desert fun

Not to be confused with dessert fun

Which is eating

Mmmmmmm eating

I like eating

Eating = good

Thanks to

Dustin

for cowboy-ing up and taking on the 20 questions solo today

Listening to

Why Go

by

Pearl Jam

from

Ten

20 Questions Tuesday: 88 - Sparky's Day

This week’s 20 Questions Tuesday is a bit of a departure from the norm. Today I will be interviewed by one of my typical questioneers. The questioner in question is Sparky, a co-worker of mine. Well, kind of a co-worker. I haven’t actually done any work with her, but she works for the same company in the same building.

Sparky, if you are ready…

On to the questions:
1. What do you like best about your job?
I have a super flexible work schedule that allows me to do handle sick kid time and other emergency “don’t go into work” stuff very easily. That helps a ton when you have a food allergic asthmatic kid.

2. What is the best piece of work/project you've ever done?
Hmmm… this is an interesting question. I have a hard time choosing anything that I have done at my place of employment so far. It seems that none of the projects I have worked on have been built. Um… I would have to go with the inking and coloring that I did for last week’s Ten Ton Studios’ No-Prize Sketch Challenge. It will be the featured piece for this week’s Digital Thursday.

3. What is your dream job?
I believe being independently wealthy would do for me. It would do very well indeed. I would philanthopize….

4. If you could wear anything you wanted to work everyday, what would it be?
Shorts. I abhor long pants. I have very sensitive knees due to removing most of the skin there whilst having a soccer career as a kid.

5. What was your first job?
I sold NordicTracks in a NordicTrack store in a mall.

6. What is the best piece of advice you've ever received?
"Don’t let the fuckers get you down."

7. If someone who knows you well had to describe you in one word, what would it be?
Sardonic

8. Whom do you admire?
Wifey.

9. What keeps you awake at night?
Insomnia

10. What is the first thing you think when you wake up?
Curse you day.

11. Tell me about how and when you and Wifey came to the decision to combine your surnames.
Well, I figured that if she had to go through the pain of changing last names, I should as well. She was planning on combining last names and I surprised her with my offer to change my name as well.

12. What do you find most challenging about being a bi-racial family?
Explaining why some people don’t like our family or why some people are staring at us. Luckily, that is not something we have had to do much. Columbus, Ohio is surprisingly replete with inter-racial families.

13. Finish this phrase - People assume _______________ about me, and they're wrong.
I will modify this phrase as I see fit.

Some people assume that I care about what they are saying, and they are wrong.

The "about me" is redundant and repetitive.

14. What is your #1 pet peeve?
I am sooo not answering this question knowing some of my readers. I am not giving that kind of weakness away to those people.

15. What frustrates me most these days is.....
Lack of professional fulfillment.

16. What delights me most these days is...
Little Man’s giggles

17. What books are on your bedside table?
Right now? Good Night Moon

18. What would the five-year-old version of you say about your life now?
Wow, you are old.

19. What are you better at than anyone else?
Sometimes I am “in the zone,” so to speak, with the puns. When I am on… I am unbeatable. I know, one would think there would be a pun there… and yet.

20. What's the best thing about being a father?
It is not about being the father, it is about loving the child.


To recap:
Tomorrow is Wednesday
Just an FYI to all of you out there
I just got my review for last year’s “work”
I am still employed
That makes me happy
Was #20 just a bit too sappy?
It was?
Deal with it folks
We had to get a boatload of bathroom stuff yesterday
Thanks to Mim for doing Little Man’s bed-time ritual
Listening to In My Tree by Pearl Jam from No Code

20 Questions Tuesday: 87 - Thirteen

Ah, Wifey was a bit disappointed about the lack of coverage for our 13 years together yesterday. So I decided to make sure that today’s 20 Questions was all about the number 13.

Thanks this week go to ACW, Dustin, Peefer, Lord Pithy, Sparky, JA Coppinger, and Allrileyedup.

On to the questions:
1. Is it wrong to have 13 as a favorite number?
Nope

2. I understand the Friday the 13th superstition came from the purging of the Templar Knights - does this have any truth?
That is no necessarily true. 13 was an “unlucky” number for a long time before the arrest of the templar knights. It is also unknown if the Templars were arrested on Friday the 13th as well. Ooooh mystery clouded in myth wrapped in confusion…

3. Know anybody born on the 13th - they're crazy right??
I am not aware of anyone I know being born on the 13th, but I do know many people whom are quite mad.

4. How screwed up would all our references be if we had 13 digits/fingers instead of 10?
We would not realize how messed up our references are/were because that would be the established numerical system.

5. Why are 13 year olds the bane of online multiplayers everywhere?
In general, 13 year olds are a bunch of selfish attention seeking pricks. Especially in groups.

6. The number 13 reversed is 31. Do I have to stop eating at Baskin-Robbins now?
You are still eating at Baskin-Robins?

7. If you had thirteen thin mint Girl Scout cookies, would you share any of them with anybody?
I would give them all away, for I am not under the spell of those devil treats.

8. A baker's gross: 145 or 156? Please explain.
145. A baker’s gross would include 1 extra to ensure proper flavor and texture.

9. Which Ocean's N movie was the best? Please provide an answer even if you haven't seen them all.
Of the recent glut of Ocean's N movies, Ocean’s 11. It is the only one I saw.

10. a)Do you remember your 13th birthday? b)Who was your crush, real or celebrity? c)What is your favorite memory of being 13 years old? d)Who was your favorite comic book hero when you were 13 years old?
a) yes
b) don’t remember
c) Nothing comes to mind… wait, my soccer team won the state tournament.
d) Cyclops

11. Which is the unlucky digit, 1 or 3?
3

12. I associate 13 with puberty. Do you have any unlucky associations with the number? Puberty by chance?
Why must you dredge up these bad memories? What Plane of Hell doth thou inhabit? Begone! Harass me no more foul daemon!

13. Who was your favorite member of the 80s brat pack?Hmmm… I have to pick? Ummm… Let’s say Demi Moore.

14. What McGyver tool would you create to escape a dull day at work and what office supplies would you use to create it?
Scotch tape, stapler, Sharpie pens, cyan toner, and Mountain Dew to create an ink bomb, to be detonated in the executive bathroom. I would call it the "Blue Man Group bomb."

15. Do you know the words to "Party All the Time" by Eddie Murphy?
My girl wants to party all the time
Party all the time
Party all the time

That was without looking up lyrics… impressed? Anyway, go look here.

16. The Cosby Show or Cheers? Definitely not The Golden Girls, right? Right?!
Both Cosby and Cheers. Wasn’t that the beginnings of Must See TV?

Questions 13 through 16 were brought to you by the year 1985. The year Sparky was 13.

17. Why is channel 13 always PBS?
Channel 13 was network in Birmingham, growing up. Boo- Frikkin Yah! You have been proven otherwise!

18. 13 Ghosts or The 13th Warrior . . . which was worse?
13 Ghosts. At least 13th Warrior tried to be a clever retelling on the Grendel tale.

19. Why do you think there’s no 13th law in the Code of Hammurabi? Unlucky, or ancient conspiracy?
Well, in Babylonian mathematics and religion 12 is a perfect number. The number system for Hammurabi was a heximal system based on the number 6. Therefore 12 is a more appropriate fit than 13. Why do I know this? Oh, yes, Babylonians were the ones that determined the 360° format for the circle, and that was because of a base 6 numerical system because the … you guys stopped reading didn’t you?

20. I hear that in other countries, they fear Tuesday the 13th. How lame is that?
Pretty lame. One should fear every Tuesday that they encounter not just the 13th!

And one to grow on.

21. Do you think people with thirteen fingers face lifetimes of bad luck and fear from the general public?
Yes, but it is more from their formian brow and super-strength than from the extra manual digits.


To recap:
It is review time here at work
Everybody is wearing their Sunday best
The reviews have already been turned in, wearing better clothes will not help
Really, those of you looking for nuggets of goodness in the recap, should be unhappy
Sorry for the disappointment
I need a hobby
Maybe I could impart wisdom from my hobby
Listening to One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head from the musical Chess

20 Questions Tuesday: 86 - Burnout

Last week I didn’t get any questions for the 20 Questions Tuesday, therefore today’s topic is all about “Burnout.” When you ask for questions regarding why people didn’t question, it is amazing how many responses you get. After weeding through all the “I thought it was SPAM” and “’Cause you SUCK, SRH” responses I have cobbled together 20 question revolving around “Burnout.”

Thanks this week go to Peefer, Dustin, ACW, Sparky, and Wifey… on to the questions!


1. Upon being burned out, my doctor prescribed sleep for me. This means, I get to sleep 8-9 hours a night, and my wife and children have to suck it up. The question is this: How much do I love my doctor?
I am not sure words can adequately describe, but I would have to guess “to the moon… and back.”

2. Do you prefer to burn one wick responsibly, or two wicks brightly? You may answer this literally or metaphorically.
I prefer the one wick responsibly, but I tend to burn two wicks erratically. You make take this answer literally of metaphorically.

3. If you had your child's energy, could you single-handedly save the world?
Easily, but… I would most likely spend the time running around acting like I could fly.

4. What lunch foods are you most burnedout on?
Sliced turkey breast sandwiches

5. If you can burn”out,” is it conversely possible to burn”in”?
Burning in is usually an etching process done with acid on zinc plates. Branding cattle is also a version of burning in.

6. Hypothetically speaking what is the cure for professional burnout? Healthy and unhealthy ways to combat it – any thoughts?
I think the only permanent solution if for the job to continually challenge. Most professional burnout occurs because the job becomes more routine and repetitive in some aspect. Healthy: try varying methodologies to accomplish similar goals, look to find different responsibilities, add new hobbies to your personal life, try to add something into your life that you find mentally challenging. Eventually you might resolve that a new job is necessary because all the changes you have tried did not work. Unhealthy: sulk, surf the web, blog about professional burnout from work just hoping that your boss notices, punch someone in the gut, knit… (just making sure people were paying attention).

7. If you were going to make a 5 min. film documenting burnout, what song would you choose for the background music?
Hmmm… this is a good question. To make the short documentary film work, I would have to find a song that has lost its copyright. I am cheap that way. Screw it, I am going with Got the Time by Anthrax (it is a badass cover of a Joe Jackson song).

8. Does corporate America recognize burnout? Does your work have any programs in place to combat it if they do recognize it?
I think corporate America does recognize that burnout is an issue for the modern workplace. It is one of the main reasons for the rapid turn-over in the work place. As for the second part of the question... no comment at this time.

9. Has the Little Man experienced burnout?
Yes, and thankfully it was with Higglytown Heroes. That show can bite my pale blue ass.

10. Do you know anyone who hasn't experienced burnout?
Not that I can think of.

11. What do you do for burnout?
Sulk, surf the web, blog about professional burnout from work just hoping that your boss notices, punch someone in the gut, knit

12. What do you do when feeling burnout at your job?
Sulk, surf the web, blog about professional burnout from work just hoping that your boss notices, punch someone in the gut, knit

13. How do you cope with "Noggin" channel burnout?
Lots of weeping... or has Little Man finally gotten tired of it and gotten on board the HGTVnation?

14. Have you ever experienced friendship burnout? Such as, you know what, this person isn't doing it for me anymore...they're too (fill in blank...whiny, negative, clingy, boring...) What do you do? What do you do???
Slowly disengage. Unless it is so bad you decide to move. Do less and less with the person and only invite them to things that they don’t necessarily like (rearrange your sock drawer, wash your hair, have "things" to do).

15. Some peeps feel burnout when they should be feelin' matrimonial bliss. What remedy(ies) would you suggest?
Typically relationship burnout is due to not paying enough attention to the relationship. I would suggest making sure to spend just couple time with each other. More couple time will either make the matrimonial bliss more blissier or kill the marriage entirely.

16. Were you ever friends with a burnout in high school? I was. I know this surprises you, but I was.
I believe the technical term is a “burner” unless they failed out, then they become “burn outs.” Yes, his name was Geoff, so he really had no other option than the weed.

17. Burnout as distinct from vicarious trauma...discuss
Burnout can happen in many a medium. One can get professional burnout as a librarian. Books books books bored bored bored
Vicarious Trauma happens for care workers of trauma survivors. OH GOD I CAN”T HANDLE ANY MORE CRAP IN MY LIFE

See the difference? Vicarious Trauma is a very specific form of burnout.

18. It's good when a fire burns out. Why not so much with people?
Because there are always more people to cleanse with fire… ummm that wasn’t what you meant was it?

19. What have you ever eaten so much of that you're entirely burned out on it now? In a related question, can one ever burn out on donuts?
I am not sure if there is a particular foodstuff that I just have completely overdone for all of eternity. There are temporary burnout items, but none permanent that I can recall. For the follow up, No. One can never burnout on donuts due to the wide variety of delicious confections on the market.

20. Do you think that there are some people who are prone to burnout on their jobs? Do they just care too much? Have poor boundaries? Care too much? I'm just curious.
I think there are jobs that are prone to burning out people, but those jobs are also filled with people who are prone to selecting jobs that burnout people. It is circular logic, yet eerily correct.


To recap:
Thanks to Liquify.org for finding this site
Many of them make me giggle
Wifey is all meeting upped today
She will get home in time for the bedtime ritual tonight
Or the ritual will not be complete
AND WE MUST COMPLETE THE RITUAL
Sounds more ominous that way
It is a left-over night tonight for dinner
I hope we have left-overs
Or I will be a bit on the hungry side
Listening to Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J
Don’t call it a comeback,
I’ve been here for years…

20 Questions Tuesday: 85 - Ask Yourself This

Wifey is safely in Cananadia right now, so that is good stuff. We are all pleased with her safe arrival to the rocky shores of Nova Scotia. Yesterday Little Man had a speech therapy appointment where in he impressed most of the people in the office with his wonderful pronunciation of “Nova Scotia.” Indeed a difficult set of words for a 4.667 year old, to be sure.

Today was going to be 20 Questions Tuesday: 85 – Single Parenting, but for the first time in 85 Tuesdays no one sent in any questions for me to answer. I mean I have gotten more than 14 questions a week from everyone for over a year and a half. This is the first time I have not gotten any questions at all. Therefore I will ask myself 20 questions.

On to the questions:
1. Why did you start blogging?
I started as a creative outlet since I started feeling like I was stagnating creatively.

2. Has it worked? Do you think this is a good creative outlet?
In some ways it has worked wonderfully, but in others it has come up lacking. Pros, it has rekindled an interest in creating. I started drawing more again and doing more digital stuff, but as far as a creative expression… I am not sure the blog works for that. I seem to have stepped off the path of expression and into more of the path of quirky reporter.

3. Explain the difference.
Well, I think I have lost my sarcastic voice in catering to the current events theme that blogs tend to gravitate toward. Meaning that I have strayed away from writing what I want and into writing what I think others might want.

4. Boxers or briefs?
Well, that’s awfully private, isn’t it? Next question please.

5. Are you happy?
I think that overall I am a happy person, yes. There are some things that I would like to change to be happier.

6. You mentioned your Man Crush on Ming Tsai yesterday. Any other crushes you want to divulge?
Not especially. I haven’t yet taken all the heat that I will for the Ming Tsai post, but that is only a matter of time.

7. Why the shoe thing?
Well, about 12 years ago I made the mistake of buying a relatively expensive pair of shoes. You can’t go back, no matter how hard you try.

8. How is the single parenting going?
Other than forgetting to get more of his allergy medicine yesterday for the evening ritual, it seems to be going okay so far. Let me remind you that it is still only day 2 of 5. Tonight we shall brave the grocery store because Little Man needs the allergy medicine and some food as well.

9. Is this one of the most boring 20 questions you have ever read?
By far. Coming up with 20 questions to ask yourself is a bitch. I already know the answers and I also know that no one gives a rat’s ass about the answers.

10. Half way there. Does that make you happy?
A better question is if that makes the reader happy. I understand if you don’t want to continue reading. I am not sure that I even remotely want to finish this exercise in futility.

11. What are you thinking right now?!
I need to check and see how much I am losing by in that Nick Fury challenge. 11: 1 against. Oh well. It is sad when your absolute A game is crushed by someone else’s B game. To be fair, I could prolly rock the party in a mapping contest.

12. It’s 3:30 do you know where your family is?
Little Man is at the caregivers less than a mile away
Wifey is at White Point Beach resort in Nova Scotia
The Duchess is with her mom in Nova Scotia.

13. What is it going to take to get you back and exercising?
I have to figure out a way of integrating going to the gym back into my day. I really dislike the current gym’s locker facilities which negate working out in the morning (can’t go to work smellier than usual). Evenings seem to be out because of kid duty, Wifey’s evening meetings, and eating. That doesn’t leave many alternatives in the day. I recognize that you have to MAKE time to exercise, but that is easier said than done.

14. What exercising do you like?
That is another problem. I don’t really like exercising at all. Running is not a good activity. The Nordic Track is nice if I can leave it out in front of the TV. The elliptical is a nice machine as well, but it is as boring as watching paint drying. Lifting is okay, but really only when you are lifting with someone. This also might be a reason that I don’t go to the gym.

15. Do you think you have finally hit the wall as far as 20 Questions Tuesday is concerned?
I would be lying if I didn’t say I was concerned. The people from which I request questions have to be getting tired of the weekly requests. I have been afraid that I was burning them out for the past few weeks. I need a bigger universe of potential questioneers to take the load off the poor folk that I repeatedly badger for questions. Then again, maybe this format needs to change considerably.

16. Why Monday through Thursday for the posting?
I had been working 4 – 10’s for awhile and I decided that I was not going to post whilst at home Fridays with the boy. That became more habit than anything else. It was nice to take a break on Friday and not have to think about writing at all. I know that if I did not adhere to a fairly strict regimen of posting that eventually it would fall off the "to do" list.

17. What keeps you from sleeping?
All sorts of things. Mainly stress, sometimes indigestion, but I think a big thing is my body’s natural tendency to gravitate toward doing things from 11 pm to 1 am.

18. Anything you want to see happen before the end of March?
Couldn’t you have just asked anything you want to have done before Sunday? Anyway… I would like to have the clothes put away at home.

19. Anyone notice that you were not at work yesterday?
Not that I could tell. That kind of makes me sad.

20. What’s for dinner?
You will have to ask Little Man that question.


To recap:
We are on day 2 of 5 sans Wifey
I have a cold of some sort
That is about it for a recap
Oh, yeah, my mom was diagnosed with cancer of the Lady Bits on Friday
We find out more details tomorrow
Cheers

20 Questions Tuesday: 84 - Attire

So, since I have opened up my t-shirt shoppe I have just been raking in the sales. So far even I have not bought a shirt yet… but on Friday (a payday) there might be a purchase for a certain someone in my house. Anyway… in creating the The U.C. T-Shirt Shoppe I got to thinking about clothing, so today’s topic is “Attire.”

Thanks this week go to Sparky, ACW, Belsum , and JW

On to the questions:

1. What's your favorite piece of "flair" to wear?
I have an olive green booney hat that I used to wear all the time, but I am thinking of up-grading to the Columbia Sportswear Bora Bora Booney.

2. Uggs boots - cool, comfy, practical or Uggs-ly?
Uggs are practical if one is an Inuit and lives on the ice and frozen tundra of the great white north. Uggs are completely ludicrous when it is 70 outside and partly cloudy on the treacherous streets of L.A.

3. Complete this sentence..."Almost every woman looks good wearing..."
Uh.. diamonds… this one seemed kind of like a set-up…

4. Complete this one..."Really, no woman should be caught dead wearing..."
A poncho. If your name is not Poncho Villa, you should politely turn down opportunities to wear ponchos. FYI: if your name is Poncho Villa, you are required to wear a poncho

5. Can you tell me about a favorite piece of clothing or outfit from your elementary school days? Something YOU really dug, not something the p's made you wear.
Hmmmm… nothing is really coming to mind here. In elementary school I did not really have any particular clothes that I remember being attached to. The only thing I can think of is a Scotty’s Hardware t-shirt that I had from the now-defunct Florida based hardware chain.

6. Green on St Patrick's Day - appropriate for non-Irish? or even necessary for those of true Irish descent?
Meh, I understand the sentiment behind “the wearin’ o’tha green,” but I think there should be something a bit more to the holiday than getting drunk whilst wearing a certain color.

7. The underwear with the butt flap - pretty handy - any particular reason this went out of fashion?
Ummm… it’s out of fashion? Why didn’t anyone tell me?

8. Why did pink come back as a color for men's clothes? I thought we got rid of it in the 80's
Pink as a men’s color is an interesting beast. In some ways it is about defying the conventional ideas about masculinity by being confident enough to wear a "soft" color. In other ways it is like watching a bad 80's TV dramas on TV. Pink shirts with white collars, suspenders and insanely pleated pants. I shudder

9. Will there be a widely accepted substitute for the necktie?
Yes, the “lack of tie,” God Willing! If there is one think I hate it is hippos, but a close second is a necktie. If a hippo was wearing a necktie…. Ohhhh, that hippo gonna die.

10. White after Easter or after Memorial Day?
I am white before after and during Easter. What kind of crappy question is this? Oh, wait, this is about attire. Context clues, SRH! Context clues!

Okay here we go…No one reigns in the Pope for his fashion faux pas, it is like he gets a get-out-of-jail-free pass or something. What’s that about? (after Easter, by the way)

11. Thongs?
No thank you, footwear or other

12. Suspenders?
Belt

13. Leg warmers?
Bizarre

14. Fanny packs?
1999

15. Bow ties?
Dork

16. Biggest fashion faux pas you see?
Well, I am not a fashion expert or even remotely a fashionista, but the biggest thing that I see that makes people look bad is wearing clothes that do not fit. I don’t care if someone can shoehorn themselves into a pair of 32 jeans or into a size 4, if you overfill the clothes, no matter what the label says you will look fat.

17. Which will come back first? Neck Ruffles, or ascots
Ascots. They seem more useful than ruffles.

18. Be honest. Did you ever have a pair of "Moon Boots"
Nope, never did.

19. When is the last time you wore a tuxedo?
Hmmm…. I think it might have been at my wedding…

20. Do you thing lil' man will grow up to primarily wear oxford shirts and loafers or t-shirts and Birkenstocks?
I am not sure what style will dictate to Little Man. I am also not sure what style he will adopt as his own. At the moment, he seems to like to put short sleeve shirts on over his long sleeve pajamas. He rawks the jamas!


To recap:
Looks like Wifey is getting the cold Little Man had
She is also going to Nova Scotia next week
Little Man’s preschool is awesome
I just don’t understand why they need a week and a half off for “Spring Break”
I have one thing ready for Digital Thursday
I would like one more
Buy a t-shirt!
Listening to: Don't You Evah by Spoon off of Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga...

20 Questions Tuesday: 83 - Snow

Since we had an inordinate amount of snow heaped upon us this weekend I felt that a adequate 20 Questions Tuesday topic would aptly be “Snow.” So here we go.

Thanks this week go to: Sparky, Allrileyedup, ACW, and Dr B-Dawg

On to the questions:
1. Favorite song about or that mentions snow?
The only Snow song I can think of is Informer. I know he was big in the Canadian Reggae scene, and I also know that isn’t necessarily saying anything... Oh, wait, you meant songs ABOUT snow

2. Did Little Man like the big snowfall?
He really enjoyed playing in the snow. His favorite activities were trailblazing and sliding down our slide into a big pile of snow.

3. Snow as a name for your soon to arrive baby girl...discuss.
Snow is a wonderful word name, but really a child most likely should be a winter baby to get that name as their moniker. Since the Duchess will be arriving in June, Snow is not a very good name choice.

4. Which do you prefer - blizzard or thunderstorm?
Thunderstorm. Lightning and thunder are mesmerizing.

5. Accessories of choice for your snowman?
A corncob pipe, a button nose and two eyes made out of coal… although a noose is a good addition

6. What are the five best adjectives to describe snow?
Cold, delicate, soft, ephemeral,and melty

7. What is your favorite thing about when it snows?
I love after a snow just how amazingly quiet it is. I absolutely love that.

8. Greatest amount of snow you've ever seen?
Hmmm… In one snowfall or storm system, I would have to go with the 20 + inches we got on Friday and Saturday. Playing around in Colorado let me see large amounts of snow accumulation, but I never saw it snow there.

9. Do you think Frank Zappa ever ate the yellow snow?
I am sure he did, and I am sure he was tripping at the time. “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow” was penned from experience.

10. Favorite snow cone flavor?
Cherry

11. Did you bury the Little Man and leave him in the snow?
Nope. He buried himself up to his waist and giggle like a banshee the whole time.

12. Did you make flavored snow cones?
Nope, but we did have hot lemonade after playing in the snow.

13. Are you happy with your city's snow plowing response?
I think the city’s snow plow response was adequate enough. The Interstates and Freeways were clear fairly early on and arterials and major collectors were clear as well. The only roads un-plowed were the neighborhood streets.

14. Did you feel "trapped" in the house over the weekend?
Nope, we could have gotten to necessary places if need be, but it was nice to just stick around the house and not run around all weekend.

15. Did you do anything special since you and yours were snowed in?
We cleaned out the old kitchen to get it ready for demolition. Crazy lives we lead. Can you feel the excitement?

16. What is the best phrase for which S.N.O.W. can be an acronym?Superstitious Natural Ogre… Severe… Sorry Nobodies Oblivious… man that W really is difficult. SuperNatural Oracle Women (SNOW)… that’s the best I have.

17. What is funnier, someone you know slipping on ice or a complete stranger?Complete stranger. Definitely. People you know will punch you in the arm when they regain their footing, while people you don’t know will be

18. Do people clean the stores out of all of the perishables in Ohio in preparation for upcoming end of world snow storms, ala AL?
Nope, everyone here was pretty reserved about the whole thing. There was a run on snow shovels though.

19. Snowman or snow angel?
We made snow angels.

20. Any truth to the rumors that this snow will give Frosty sufficient opportunity to venture off to his secret north pole "fortress of solitude" with Superman?
That is completely false. The snows will be gone soon enough, and then the magic hat will be mine!


To recap:
So busy today
Mainly because I am waiting on crap from people
Tomorrow is another day
Hip hip hooray for tomorrow
I have printing to get to
Cheers

20 Questions Tuesday: 82 - Memory / Memories

I would bore you all with the lyrics of Memories, but alas and alack I have forgotten them (bad um tish). Thank you I will be here all week. Please don’t forget to tip your waiter.

Anyway… today’s 20 Questions Tuesday topic is Memory/Memory. We all have them, and we have all lost them. Thanks this week go to: Dustin, Lord Pithy, Peefer, and Allrileyedup.

On to the Questions!

1. “Memory” as a first name, like “Memory Johnson”: Totally cool or totally lame?
I would say a bit lame. I think you would be setting someone up to not be able to live up to their name. People would expect Memory to have a good memory. Kind of like people thought my kindergarten classmate Hottie McHotterstein was going to be a super-model. Sadly that is not the case for ugly Hottie McHotterstein...

2. Greatest college memory?
We there was this one that I saw in the National Scottish Galleries that involved broken glass, a bicycle wheel, a tea service, and newspaper…. Oh, college… Ummm… I don’t remember much about college.

3. If could design your own memorial, what would it look like/say/do?
This is a good question. I am not sure there is enough platinum and amber in the world. We will leave it at that.

4. Title of your eventual memoirs?
Isn’t that what this blog is? Under Construction: Musings of a life less extraordinary.

5. One memory you hope Little Man keeps from his childhood?
The stove is hot. No Touchy

6. What's your favorite memory of me?
Not so much of a singular memory but more of a process of realizing our sense of humor were compatible.

7. If you could erase one memory from your, um, memory, what would it be?
The one about the things with the dowhackers that had the pointy stuff and teeth and stuff. Yeah, I would get rid of that one. All the teeth…. Oh, God so many bitey bitey teeth…

8. Do you remember you promised I could name the next kid?
I remember that I did not promise any such thing. I promised that if we had naturally occurring quints you could name 1 and keep 2.

9. If you could tap into any one other person's memories, who would it be?
Little Man’s. I would love to learn what he is remembering, and then modify my behavior accordingly.

10. What's your favorite memory of me?
The blue and yellow sweater incident. I haven’t worn that sweater since.

11. Where did I put my keys?
I would check the small table near the door. If not there, I would look in my coat pocket. If they aren’t there… in the lock?

12. What is your earliest memory?
Having my third birthday “party” at a rest stop in Alabama while we moved from Oklahoma City, OK to Montgomery, AL. My Grandma and Grandpa drove up from Florida to meet us.

13. Can you say mammary without smiling or snickering?
I just tried, and nope still smile and/or snicker. The co-workers are a bit confused now though.

14. Can you listen to Memories without wanting to smash your head?
Once… but only once

15. What is the memory capacity of a human in bytes?
The last human brain I ate was a good 50 bites, but I prolly could have taken it down in 25 on a bet… That wasn’t what you were asking was it. In my defense, everyone knows that if you eat the brain of your enemies you steal their power and trap their soul, right?

16. What do you hope will be one of Little Man's earliest memories of you?
This is a really tough question. I just hope he remembers that he has always been loved. aaaaw

17. What is your favorite memory of Wifey?
Walking down the aisle. Good Lord, what is with the schmaltz?

18. The song Memory from cats. Good? Bad? Irritating?
Bad and irritating.

19. Favorite mnemonic device?
ROYGBIV and VIBGYOR

20. The movie “Johnny Mnemonic”. Lame in general or lame because of Keanu?
That movie is not ruined by Keanu. There are many things wrong with it. Henry Rollins being whacked like a chump. Ummm… even a geeky shop doc Rollins could open a can of whoop ass. Ice T was in it when he would do any movie for money, seriously the man was a bit part in 6 movies that year. Dolph Lundgren was in it, that shouldn’t require any more explanation than that. The super good guy that all the guys were working for was a dolphin. WTF?!? I forget the chick in the movie, but she couldn’t act her way out of an audition. Don’t get me wrong, Keanu was no shining light amid a universe of darkness, but he wasn’t even the weakest element. That movie did such a disservice to Shadowrun. Ummm, I mean, "I don't know what movie you are talking about."


To recap:
So I did not get to buy the screws last night
Big deal
I’ll get them, don’t you worry none
I will be sooooo happy when the primary election is over today
I am tired of getting recorded calls from people I don’t care about asking me to vote for someone
I slept for crap last night

20 Questions Tuesday: 81 - Laziness

Today’s topic is one that is near and dear to my heart. Today’s topic for 20 Questions Tuesday is Laziness. I have been lazy for more years than I have been alive. “How is that possible” you ask? Well, when you are as good at being lazy as I am, it is like 2 lazy people accomplishing nothing. I am so efficient at being lazy it stuns other people into shocked awe inspired stupors. My Laziness causes others to do nothing… in admiration. Now, my dear readers, that is lazy.

Anyway, thanks this week go to Dustin, ACW, Belsum, Allrileyedup, and JW. Thanks for getting off your collective duffs and getting me these questions.

On to the questions:

1. Who’s lazier: Garfield or Homer Simpson?
I would have to say Garfield because Homer Simpson has held many a job, in fact he has been an Army Private, agent, ambulance driver, amateur-division professional arm wrestler, astronaut, attack-dog trainer, baby proofer, bartender, blackjack dealer, bodyguard, bootlegger, bowling alley employee, boxer, butler, candle maker, car designer, carny, CEO, chauffeur, Chief of Police, choreographer, chiropractor, clown, clerk, coach, cook, con artist, conceptual artist, day-acre worker, detective, drug smuggler, door-to-door salesman, executive, farmer, film critic, film producer, fireman, fish monger, fisherman, food critic, fortune cookie writer, garbage commissioner, grease collector, guard, ice cream truck driver, impotency spokesman, informant, ISP, inventor, lucadore, mall Santa Claus, manager, marriage counselor, mascot, mayor, mini-golf assistant, missionary, mob boss, monorail conductor, mountain climber, musician, night school teacher, oil rig worker, one man band, opera singer, ordained minister, outsider artist, owner, paparazzo, performance artist, personal assistant, prank monkey, public speaker, roadie, railroad engineer, rollercoaster rebuilder, referee, safety inspector, Saftey Salamander, sailor, Salesman, security officer, silhouette model, smuggler, snowplow driver, softball player, superhero, talk show host, town crier, trucker, union leader, used car salesman, voice actor, and a webmaster to name a few. Garfield, however, has only been a cat

2. I find that I’m most lazy on Sunday afternoons. Is this a common national affliction, or merely something that only North-westerners feel?
I think Sunday is the laziest day for most everyone whose work-week starts on Mondays.

3. Laziest animal in the world?
The Koala… it sleeps a lot and gets by on its cuteness.

4. Should I add this poster to my birthday wish list?
Add anything you want to your birthday wish list, it is your wish list. You don't have to ask me. I'm not your keeper. Sheeesh!

5. If there was a job that lazy people gravitated towards, what would said job be?
Truly lazy people are like super cooled liquids and slowly slide and ooze down the path of least resistance. I guess their job would be “ooze.”

6. What’s the difference between laziness and procrastination?
Procrastination is putting off something that could be done at the moment to do it later at an accelerated pace with questionable results. Lazy is not doing anything. Procrastinators often get stuff done, lazy people don’t.

7. Is laziness the same as not caring?
Nope, that would be apathy. Don’t get me wrong, there is a certain level of apathy that a lazy person must achieve, but one can be apathetic and not be lazy.

8. Shouldn't I feel better about being lazy? - I just feel soo guilty - what should I do about the feeling of guilt?
Here is our relativeness to the size of the universe. It is important, when being lazy, to realize that every individual is truly and honestly insignificant.

9. What’s up with the La-Z-Boy chair? Why would anyone buy a chair with that name?
Cause they are comfy

10. Has being lazy caused you to miss (at least in hindsight) a very worthwhile activity?
Not that I am aware of that would have taken effort to find out

11. What if I’m too lazy to send you any questions?
Then you should not have sent this question

12. What if you’re too lazy to actually respond to any questions?
I am skilled at being lazy, so I am not worried about that.

13. Why is it called a Lazy Susan?
Because the "Innovative Susan" wasn’t derogatory enough

14. Do you have and/or enjoy the La-Z-Boy?
We o have a La-Z-Boy, but it was purchased for the sole reason to make breast-feeding Little Man easier. Therefore the chair is the right size for Wifey and not the bigger guy she is married to.

15. What is your idea of a "lazy day"?
One that involves very little movement other than a 45 minute shower, preferable a shower with a chair in it.

16. Does sleeping in immediately constitute someone as being lazy?
Nope, sleeping is absolutely necessary, and "sleeping in" is a gift from the divine.

17. Is Godzilla lazy? I mean, he's so slow when it comes to destroying everything.
Nope, Godzilla is quite industrious. What we do not see from the movies is his extensive macramé hobby.

Now, Mothra, that Kaiju is lazy

18. Is it possible for parents to be lazy?
I have not found that to really be the case. Wifey has to be soooo un-lazy due to my laziness

19. What did you do/not do on your laziest day in history?
Uhhh… nothing. That was a silly question.

20. Are "bums" really lazy?
If by “bums” you mean srh-and-others-like-him’s ass, then "yes." If you are talking about the homeless, I am going to go with a big old “No.” Survival takes a bunch of energy.


To recap:
Sink is in and all should be usable by this evening
Dishwasher is in and all should be usable by this evening
The new kitchen is now officially usable
Wooo-hoo!
We will be cooking tomorrow
We might even be cooking this evening
Little Man said something about pancakes
And pancakes shall be his…
So it shall be written
So it shall be done

20 Questions Tuesday: 80 - Coworkers

I seem to be in a bit of a rut as far as coming up with topics for posts. Yesterday got so bad that I subjected you to a crappy writing exercise, and today, to come up with a topic for 20 Questions Tuesday I had to resort to some randomizing processes. I threw a stapler over my cube wall to see what it interacted with. I was expecting today’s question topic to be about dented printers, but it turns out that it is about angry coworkers who don’t like random staplers being lobbed in their general direction. I felt that “angry coworkers who don’t like random staplers being lobbed in their general direction” was a bit too specific, so I broadened the topic to merely “Coworkers.”

Thanks this week go to themikestand, Dustin, Sassyfrass, Dr B-Dawg, Wifey (who posted yesterday {what up wit dat?}), and allrileyedup.

On to the questions:

1. What are your top three complaints about your coworkers (be as general as necessary to avoid dismissal)
Number 1: Not nearly attractive enough. If I am going to be locked in a box for 8 hours a day, I should at least be able to share it with some non-troglodytic knuckle draggers
Number 2: They do not respect the genius that is SRH
Number 3: I mentioned that they were all ugly, right? Some of these monsters could make a train take a dirt road.

2. Are you a worker, or a shirker? Where are you on the work-shirk (1-10) scale, assuming there's a normal distribution bell curve and +/- 1 standard deviations encompass 34.1% of the distribution on either side of mean.
I would fall in the first standard deviation on the worker side, probably around a third of the way towards the second standard deviation. I am motivated, but not supremely so.

Did you seriously just answer that last question?
Ummm… yeah

3. What's the angriest you've ever seen a coworker? Were there tears? Did they throw something?
He stood up and angrily said, “Fuck this, I’m going to go buy a Jaguar.” He left the building and we didn’t see him for 2 weeks… When he came back, we all wanted to see the new car. That made him even angrier.

4. Do you find you and your coworkers are angriest in the morning, or near the end of the day? What about during the week? Early or late?
This changes pending on the coworker in question. I would say there is an even distribution. Some people come in angry early because the weekend is over, but some people end the week angry because of work stuff that accumulated over the week.

5. Is it wrong to despise a co-worker who hums incessantly?
Depends on what they are humming. If it is the Raiders of the Lost Ark theme and they aren’t running around, then without hesitation, yes.

6. Do you sometimes feel like office settings are really just extensions of High School? There’s a popular clique, and then the techno geeks, and then everyone else…?
I think this is valid for many a work place, but pending on the market sector, the popular clique varies wildly. For example, at the civil engineering firm where I work the “cool kids” are still civil engineers.

7. Do your co-workers try and suck you into political conversations?
Rarely. Since my viewpoint is typically radically different from theirs, and most political discourse is not really about a civil exchange of political ideas, they stay away from me.

8. Has a co-worker ever stolen your lunch?
Yep. They are no longer working. (Was that menacing enough?)

9. Who are the angriest workers? I'm going to go with the old cliché standby of postal workers. They even have their own catch phrase, "Going Postal".
The angriest I have seen are bank tellers, but the ones that make the news are postal workers and machinists.

10. Are workers angry more because they are at work at all or because of something that happened at work?
A little of Column A, a little of Column B

11. How many angry employees does it take to make an office environment uncomfortable? Is the anger from angry employees usually from personal or work circumstances? Is it wrong to make the angry coworkers angrier, if they have a better desk than yours and you really want it?
If they are effective, just one can ruin it for all the rest. I think most anger at work stems from personal stuff associated with the angry person. They most likely have a shit ton of stuff going on in their life that they are not “allowed” to be angry about. Being angry about work is socially acceptable, but being angry at an emotionally unavailable family member is not. I am more interested in the better desk chairs than better desks…

12. In a no touching workplace, can you freely taunt angry coworkers like a tiger that is safely behind a 5 foot fence and has no chance of actually harming you?
I think the recent San Francisco tiger attack, should indicate that taunting any caged beast is not wise… tiger or co-worker

13. What do you do if a co-worker wants to be your friend, but you don't reciprocate? What if it's someone you just happened to meet at Wal-Mart? You don't have to give them your phone number, right? Why does this always happen to me?
Ummm… I ignore coworkers and Wal-Mart patrons whom I do not wish to talk with.

14. What is the perfect number of people (co-workers) to have in an office? 5? 50? 500?
50 to 200. Enough people to know most everyone and enough to avoid some if you don’t like them.

15. If your coworker were crackin' corn - would you care?
Depends on if they were crackin’ the corn for a purpose or if they were just crackin’ corn to crack corn. If they are just crackin’ corn for the hell of it… and much depends on if they go by the name "Jimmy"

16. If you were a gay bee, and one of your co-workers was a gay bee - which they're not - but if they were...would you be their valentine?
I assume I would be required to be the gay bee’s valentine if I were also a gay bee.

17. I know that your most hated job ever would be to be an assistant crack whore. But what job would you be doing if your coworker was an assistant crack whore? Would you be willing to share a cube?
I imagine I would have to either be a crack whore or a pimp, and if there is one thing we all know, it is that it’s hard out there for a pimp.

18. Ever blamed a coworker for something you did wrong? Ever taken credit for a co-worker's good work?
Nope, and nope

19. Why co-worker? why not cow-orker?
Cow-orker seems a bit… ummm… dirty. ewww

20. Do you participate in office gossip, or merely listen in and laugh occasionally?
Hell, I start most the rumors.


To Recap:
No coworkers were harmed in the making of this post
Some coworkers wanted to be harmed in the making of this post
They are a bit weird
And could live under bridges demanding tribute from billy goats
Did I mention more attractive co-workers would be nice
I have said it before, and I will say it again, “Hyperbole is the funniest form of humor”
I am reducing the amount of caffeine added to my system
It is a difficult task

20 Questions Tuesday: 79 - Time to get Ill

Well, since I was out for a good part of last week, this week’s 20 questions are all about “Ill.” (not the state of Illinois though, that is a different 20 Questions)

Thanks this week go to Lsig, Sparky, Belsum, Dustin, Peefer, JW, Allrileyedup, and Atmikha.

On to the questions:

1. a: How sick do you have to be before you take medicine (in other words, do you take something at the first sign, or do you try to tough it out)? b: How sick do you have to be before you stay home from work? c: How many times have an illness/"illness" caused you to call off work? d: How sick do you have to be to go to the doctor?
a: not very sick to take meds to reduce symptoms via meds
b: I have to be pretty ill to not try to make it in. Basically I have to be sick enough that I cannot treat the symptoms effectively. This usually means a significant fever.
c: hmmm… maybe a handful of time including the day and a half from last week
d: To actually see a medical professional, the illness has to either be insanely acute or amazingly persistent.

2. Are rest, fluids and good nutrition the most effective way to cure most illnesses, or is it really to blast the pathogens with the pure chemical cocktail of Sprite, Dayquil and Top Ramen?
I believe the better answer of those choices is “rest, fluids, and good nutrition.” Had you added “youth” to “Sprite, Dayquil, and Top Ramen” that answer would have won.

3. Who copes with being sick better, you or Wifey?
We have vastly different coping strategies and vastly different coping tolerances for different symptoms. Truly there is not an easy decision of whose better? Who’s best?

4. There are many horrifying diseases out there. Which one would you try to avoid the most?
Ebola or really any of the hemorrhagic fevers

5. What's your favorite thing to do on a sick day - when you're home, alone, and sick?
Sleep. (and you could have left off “and sick?” in the criteria.)

6. What's the first sign that you're feeling better? For me, it's when I have the urge to bake something. Isn't that odd?
My first sign is usually wanting to get out of the house for no necessary reason (medicine, food, etc…), and I think baking is an odd response to wellness, but not odd like flying a kite at night odd.

7. Who is more ill, Eddie Vedder or LL Cool J?
Ummm… Let’s just say that the Ladies Love Cool James cause he is one ill mutha.

8. Autoimmune is the body attacking itself. Why would the body do that? Is the body completely crazy?
I have often wondered if my body was completely crazy… I am not sure you need to add fuel to this fire.

9. What are your feelings about every vice – from smoking cigarettes to playing poker – being labeled a “disease” these days?
Well, in some instances it makes sense. If the behavior is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain then it is a disease not much unlike diabetes and should be considered and medicated as such, but sometimes people go a bit far and take conscious decision out of the equation. People need to at least take responsibility for the parts of their actions that they are responsible for. Wanting to gamble could be a chemical imbalance, but buying a ticket to Vegas is a decision.

10. What will happen when we somehow manage to start passing cholera via e-mail?
A Pandemic that likes of which has never before been seen.

11. Ever had food poisoning?
Yep, some bad shrimp… really bad… uuuuggh

12. Does Wifey try and push crazy cure-alls on you when you’re sick? KJ does. Things like “zinc” and “vitamin C.” I tell her to take her pagan practices elsewhere.
Wifey is a happy medium when it comes to medicinal stuff. She is not all about over medicating, but is not against medicine playing a role.

13. Who is the ill in thrill?
I’ll put the “ill” in “thrill.” Of course then it will be “thri’ll”

14. In your lifetime, do you think we will see a pandemic as wide swept and as rapid as the bubonic plague? If so, what are you going to do about it?
I think that a pandemic is always possible, but I studied natural hazards in college, so I am biased. As for what I can do? I shall endeavor to wash my hands more often.

15. Generally, is sinusitis really a fungal-based invasion misunderstood for a bacterial infection?
If one describes the sinuses as a cave system and fungus as mushrooms, then yes.

16. Name the 5 "illest" rappers of all time (In your book)
Delivery: Eminem
Longevity: LL Cool J
Bad Assery: 50 Cent
Smooth: Snoop Dogg
Message: KRS-ONE
Beastie Boys get an honorable mention

17. Exactly what time is "time to get ill"?
3:39 bitches!

18. Any thoughts on chicken noodle soup? (does it work? do you make it? blah blah blah)
Number 1: Doesn’t do a damn thing for the soul
Number 2: Campbell’s Condensed? Bleck in a can
Number 3: Works no better than any other thin broth soup
Number 4: I make cream of tomato ‘cause I am a bad ass
Number 5: Yep, a bad ass.

19. Are you ever so sick that Boohbah become surprisingly "not-so-weird"?
I like that show and it is frikking weird. I am not sure there is a sickness level appropriate for that kind of delusion to be “not-so-weird.”

20. Do you eat spaghetti when you're sick? (I honestly don't know why I thought to ask you this, but it's making me laugh a lot right now)
Glad to have helped, but spaghetti is a soon after sickness meal due to ease of creation.


To recap:
Just went baby shopping with Wifey
Ummm… shifting one’s mind to girl’s clothes is difficult
Laundry needs to be done tonight
Much cleaning needs to be done actually
Jimmy cracked corn and I DO care
That bastard’s gotten away with cracking corn for the last time
I mean it
I need more sleep, but who doesn’t?

20 Questions Tuesday: 78 - Remodeling

This week’s 20 Questions Tuesday deals with remodeling. Since we are in the thick of a major kitchen remodel, it only seems reasonable to seek and answer questions concerning this particularly life interfering task?

Thanks this week go to Dustin, Ex-Tree Monkey, Sassyfrass (aka Nadolny), and JimmyLegs.

On to the questions:
1. How does one become “handy?” I was going to ask how one becomes a handy man, but I’m didn’t want to risk any easy jokes about my love of clothes and effeminate gestures.
One becomes handy purely out of necessity. Home ownership will do that to you.

2. Is it wrong that KJ and I can’t even fix a broken drawer (broken in that it keeps jumping off its tracks)?
I like how you lumped KJ in there with you… very chivalrous. It really depends on what repairs the drawer needs to make it consistently work properly. If it is a matter of just re-setting the drawer on the rails… judgements might be rendered.

3. When working of said remodeling project, do you and Wifey have separate tasks, or do you try and do things as a team? If the answer is “team” – has this ever resulted in the phrase “FINE!! Fix is yourself Bob Villa !!” and then someone storming out of the room?
Wifey is not terribly informed as to whom Bob Villa is aside from the Sears gimmick tool commercials.

4. Countertops: Granite or other?
Other. Granite is soooo 2002

5. Is asking for magnetic drill bits for my birthday a lame request?
I would find the usefulness of drill bits whose sole purpose was to drill into magnets a bit underwhelming. Unless, of course, these drill bits could drill into the magnetosphere...

6. Are you enjoying the remodeling process? How much work are you doing yourself and how much are you getting subbed out?
The remodeling process to this point has been relatively painless, but at the moment it is a bit tiresome. I would say that (at least) 90% is being done by the contractor. We are attempting to do the stuff we can, which is not much.

7. Are you or Wifey more excited about a brand new kitchen?
Right now, Wifey is, but it changes by day.

8. Are you getting new “fancy” appliances? You know I love me some fancy appliances!
We got appropriate new appliances for a starter home. The fridge is not a Sub-Zero, the range is not a Viking, and the dishwasher is not a KitchenAid, but they are all new and all Energy-Star rated.

9. How’s Little Man handling all the extra dust, and the fact that you can’t find the microwave to make his “chickies”?
He has not been home during the really nasty dust laden processes, so far. So his asthma has not really flared up due to construction debris. Our contractor has been making a stalwart effort in trying to minimize dust as well. That has helped a ton. We made sure that the microwave is still easily located, so he is still chickiable whenever the need arises.

10. Have you felt the manliness intensified when holding a sawz-all? I don't know that anyone really needs one, but man do they feel manly.
If one’s job is not as a contractor, ownership of the sawz-all is really superfluous. Since I am not heavily associated with the demo portions of the job, I have not been privy to the use of the sawz-all this time around. I have wielded one before and I do believe it is heavily infused with testosterone.

11. How careful do you have to be when remodeling with regards to dust and such and Little Man’s allergies?
So far the work has been confined to an area that Little Man does not frequent, but as the processes become more invasive to the house, we are trying to minimize his exposure as much as possible.

12. What is the hit list of your future remodeling projects?
After this one, I think (other than cosmetic stuff that occasionally comes up) the upstairs bathroom is all that is left.

13. Has Wifey explained that when you finish the last room, that women actually think you’re supposed to start over? It's a never ending vicious circle I tell you!
I can only imagine that she will be longing for the upstairs bath to be fixed.

14. Wood?!? Feelings? Discuss amongst yourselves
I love it. We have hardwood floors throughout the house except for the flooring in the kitchen. We are going to have a butcher-block counter top for the new kitchen. Wood is good.

15. Do you ever take models of airplanes and stuff, then blow them up, and finally reassemble them thus “remodeling?”
I did the first two processes without the third being tacked on.

16. What kind of photo shoot do you prefer? Oh, wait my bad. I thought you wanted questions re: modeling.
A shoot without animals or children... and bikini clad models

17. Why are you remodeling your kitchen?
Well, it all boils down to two reasons really.
Reason 1 – add a bathroom to the downstairs
Reason 2 – make the office upstairs into a nursery
You see, we are pushing the kitchen into a mostly un-used sun-porch, and then turning the existing kitchen into an office with a bathroom so we can make the upstairs office into a nursery.

18. I forgot what 18 was?
Me too

19. So if Tyra Banks gives up this talk show host gig and gets back on the cat-walk, would she be, in effect, remodeling?
No, that would be un-retiring.

20. Let’s say that you are showing Little Man how to behave by acting in the way that you want him to act. He seems to catch on for a bit, but then regresses back to previous behavior. What is it called when you demonstrate through your actions how you want him to behave for a second or third time?
Remodeling… Uuugggghhhh, that was just painful.


To Recap:
Day two of the significant destruction
They are opening the pass-through from the existing kitchen to the new kitchen today
It will be nice
We will dine on left-overs that can be heated in the microwave
Meeting hell today
3+ hours in one meeting that went to nowheres
Fast-like

20 Questions Tuesday: 77 - Sweet Jeebus, It's a Grrl

The topic for today’s 20 Questions Tuesday will concern a little girl issuing forth from Wifey’s loins in June. We are daughtering up.

Thanks this week go to Karen, Lsig, Dustin, Belsum, Sparky (last known as Bomber), Dr B Dawg, Wifey, Allrileyedup, and JW. A bonus 5 questions - because I care!

On to the questions:

1. Have you decided on a name? If so, what is it? Can you please name your daughter “Voltrana: The Harbinger of -insert word of your choice here-”? Pretty please? What are the top 10 names so far? Will there be an internet vote for the final name?
Not yet. Nope. No, although the word on the street is that she should be named Voltron Stardust Tonidanza. We have some candidate names, but we are not really sharing. Feel free to pass along any suggestions, but there will not be an Internet vote for the name.

2. Do you have any idea just how much little girls talk? Are you prepared for that? Would you like to spend time with Greta to fully understand what a nonstop dialogue sounds like? How do you feel about high-pitched screaming? In times of happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, or for no darn reason at all. Seriously, this isn't taught, it's innate in little girls. They learn before age 2 that it gets a reaction...it's bizarre!
I am not sure one can truly prepare for the constant string of verbalization. I know I am not prepared. Once I went to one of the US Women’s Soccer games and a higher-pitched soundscape I have never experienced. I can only imagine that in a one-on-one environment. (and you know she’s totally going to play soccer, a’ight.)

3. Pink. How do you feel about it? You will be receiving a lot of pink clothing for this kid. Is it still customary to dress baby girls in pink or did that fade off in the 1960’s? Until they get old enough to express opinions on clothes, babies are basically subject to their parents' clothing whims. Do you expect to go princess-y or tomboy-ish with the little one's clothes (my personal baby girl style is probably best expressed as "wedding cake" considering all the lace, bows, and flowers currently in her closet)? Will Wifey embrace the dresses and pinkness of it all or say "no way, my daughter's not wearing pink!" How does Zany Mama feel about the color pink? Remind her of this answer once the new baby girl turns one.
I think we will do our best to stay away from lacey as much as possible. Lace is just so impractical. Pink? Well, we are not huge fans of the color. I think as long as the color is tempered by other colors it is not sooo bad. I hope we can get it to where pink is not the predominant color, but I understand that will take some doing.


Wifey’s major concern is the clothes of the tween years. If I have to hear, “My daughter will not wear a thong at age 9” one more time…

4. Do you own a shotgun? Do you think you will need one? Will you use a shotgun or machete to ward off boys with less than favorable intentions?
I do not have one yet. While I like the point and hope aiming stylings of a shotgun, I am much more of an aiming purest. If a firearm were to make it into the house, it would either be a rifle or a pistol. No, I do not think I will need it. My breath can be intimidating enough.

5. Were you surprised to find out that it's a girl, or did it confirm a deep suspicion?
A little of column A and a little of column B. Wifey was not at all surprised.

6. Do you feel any compulsion to go out and buy non-train toys? Perhaps dolls or ponies or something? Is train fascination genetic and if so, could you handle two train obsessed offspring? Will you try to prevent a train fetish in this one?
This little one will probably find her own niche of products to latch onto. I hope it is not the Care Bears, because that show hurts my soul.

On the other hand, a dual train fetish could save us some cold hard cash, so we may try to veer her toward the locomotive.

7. Have you broken the news to Little Man? Does he have any thoughts on his impending sister? Forgot to ask you this earlier - what does Little Man think of this news?
Little Man was surprised because he thought he was going to get a little brother. He is slowly integrating the idea of little sister. The initial conversation went something like this.

Me: Little Man, do you want to know if you’re having a brother or a sister?

LM: I’m having a brother.

Me: No, buddy. Actually, we found out today that the baby is a girl. You’re having a sister.

LM: **Blank look. Because , you know, I already told them what we were having.**

Me: It’s going to be a baby sister, LM. You’re going to be a big brother to a baby sister.

LM: **Shock is slowly getting replaced by confusion, I thought I told them it was to be a boy.**

Me: Buddy?

LM: Oh. **We’ll just see about that.**

8. What will you do if your impending daughter turns out to be a jock (actual real life fear for my own future children)?
Whatev? I am not sure of the intention of this question. If the little girl grows up to be insanely sporty… more power to her. If she is more bookish? Great! If however, she goes on to be a zoologist with a specialty in the water horse, we may have real issues.

9. Diaper service: overrated or underappreciated?
Underappreciated

10. Did you save boy clothes thinking that maybe someday you’d have another one? What are you going to do with them now?
I think many of the boys clothes will be donated to a local charity. We will scour the clothes for things that are special to us regarding Little Man and stuff that is more unisex.

11. Do you need a tie-breaker now that the sexes will be evened up in your house?
Hell no. Let’s be clear. It’s never really been “even” – we’d have to get a lot more penises in the house before Wifey’s rule was truly compromised.

12. Will the new baby girl give Little Man girl cooties?
Very likely.

13. How many people have declared that girls are easier (or harder) than boys to raise and just you wait?
I honestly have not heard that too much so far. I am sure it is around the corner.

14. Will this be the first granddaughter on either side?
Yes, it will. In fact according to my family it will be the first daughter born into the family since Eve.

15. Have you already gone shopping for girly stuff?
Nope.

16. What shall the blog nickname be for the new one? What are some of the candidates for the new little one's blog moniker?
Well, Little Woman sounds like a novel. Little Girl is too diminutive compared to Little Man. The Princess is too derogatory as is Chicky (plus that is what Little Man has for dinner). I want it to be regal without being overbearing, so the Empress doesn’t work. I think, after long deliberation (with Wifey) she will be referred to as The Duchess.

17. Do you prefer girl or grrl?
Grrl. Most definitely

18. What scares you the most about having a girl-child?
Having a girl-child

19. Did you ever want to be a girl? Because, you know, this is kind of your chance… living vicariously through your offspring.
I don’t think so. I will contemplate this more though.

20. "Don’t call me daughter. Not fit to. The picture kept will remind me." What do you think these lyrics mean? Okay, it's pretty clear Eddie is bemoaning incest again. Find a new take on the lyrics.
Ummm… Eddie has some issues. Definitely about the whole incest thing. I am not sure I can spin it other than have people think about it being sung by the Frankenstein monster. The only issue is the word “kept” should be changed to “keep.”

******Bonus Questions*****

21. Will Little Man and the Duchess have the same curfew when they're in high school?
At similar ages they will have similar curfews. They will have to be at home by 3 am or spend the night in the drunk tank.

22. Are you aware that your email message pulled up the following sponsored ads: "Girl Thongs" "Getting Your Girl Back?" and "Bling Flower Girl Shirts." Any thoughts?
This is surprising to say the least. Especially the ones that make such grammatical nonsense.

23. If little man wants to wear The Duchess’s princess dress up shoes (because inevitably, someone WILL buy them for her), are you going to let him?
If he wants to wear princess dress shoes, who am I to stand in the way?

24. Chris rock's advice to fathering a daughter is "keep 'em off the poles." Discuss.
Well, I tend to agree. If I can keep the Duchess from stripping (cause you know “The Duchess” would be her stripper name) then I have at least done something right.

25. What personality traits (if any) do you hope the new baby inherits from the two of you?
Whether I want it or not, she is going to be hard-headed. So I am going to embrace her sense of self and self determination, because it is better to swim with the water than upstream.


To recap:
Lots of questions about pink
And names
I have a headache
Not a headache brought about by dehydration though
For I am drinking a bunch of water
And have to pee mightily
Like a geyser
A mighty geyser

20 Questions Tuesday: 76 - Motivation 2

Tuesday’s seem to happen more and more often these days. It is like they sneak up on me when I am not paying attention because if I were paying attention they would be creeping up on me instead of sneaking because “to sneak” typically denotes that they are undetected, while “to creep” seems to indicate just plain weird behavior.

Anyway… I have 3 tasks at work that I am currently neglecting because I am un-motivated, which leads in nicely to today’s 20 Questions Tuesday theme: Motivation. Yes, the very same topic from last week. The difference is that this week the questions come from Peefer, Sassyfrass (Nadolny), and Wifey.

On to the questions:

1. If YOU don't have motivation and I don't have motivation, WTF is going on? Is it the drinking water? I would love to be able to blame the drinking water, but no matter what level of potability water has, I am not sure it would be a motivating factor for anything more than peeing… well pooping if it is not very potable.

2. When did you peak?
I would say at 29. Hey, Little Man was born when I was 29… you don’t think… nah

3. What, of the following two, drives you more: fear or greed?
Fear. No wait, Greed. No Fear. Greed. Ack! I don’t know!

4. Ever been spanked?
Ummm.. What does this have to do with motivation? As a kid spanking had not been vilified as much as it is now. My dad did spank me once of twice, but it was wholly ineffective.

5. "I am the ovation in motivation." How come the preceding phrase never caught on?
Do I really need to go into details?

6. Opinion of the motivation posters. Are people really that stupid that they can be motivated by a snappy line and a pretty picture?
I believe this sums up my feelings rather nicely.

7. Anti-motivation posters. Hilarious or truly anti-motivational?
I am going to go with hilarious.

8. Prozac or whiskey?
Yes, that sounds delightful

9. Second child incoming. Motivation to exercise more?
It should be, but many things should motivate me to exercise more. Wheezing on the stairs, sleep issues, and aches and pains should all motivate me more.

10. Which is the more powerful motivator - positive reinforcement or avoidance of negative consequences? Please answer for small children, pack animals, and errant clients.
Small Children: avoidance of negative consequences. Small children are not really all that capable of understanding delayed gratification, so positive reinforcement is not a good trick to work on.
Pack animals: depends on the situation. It really is a carrot or stick depending on the situation. That is for the alpha to decide, and I am not the alpha.
Errant clients: Positive reinforcements… especially if you want to keep them as a client.

11. What motivates our child? (I'm truly curious here. He's way more like you, so I figured you'd know.)
Trains and root beer. That is about as good as I can give. He and I get into battles of wills very quickly, so I probably am not the best to ask.

12. Thoughts on "motivational speakers"? Have you seen one? Did it work for you? What disastrous life pattern were you trying to change?
I think that it is nice to hear others stories of success grasped from the gaping maw of failure, but I haven’t really found them very motivational. I have only seen one whilst in high school. I left that assembly thinking, “That’s nice for him.”

13. What motivates current mullet-wearers?
Cyclical fashion trends. One day they will be avant garde again. Probably not until the collective unconscious forgets how stupid people look with mullets, but one day!

14. What would a super hero with supernatural levels of motivation - this being their only super power - do?
My bet it would be to get the under achieving super heroes to live up to their potential. That would be pretty cool really. So many super-heroes out there don’t really realize the true extent of their abilities. I guess The Motivator could also get the thugs, henchmen, and underlings of the bad guys realize that they could strive for more if they were more law abiding and entrepreneurial. I think that would be the extent of the motivational powers.

15. Is your lack of motivation short-term or is it deeper than that?
Ummm… that is awfully personal, but I would have to go with short-term but deeper than that.

16. “The most powerful weapon on earth is the human spirit on fire.” --Ferdinand Foch. Your thoughts?
I believe the most powerful weapon on earth is the one that actually sets human spirits on fire. To conflagrate the insubstantial immortal essence of a person is quite powerful indeed, especially if that conflagration only consumes the ethereal spirit in its cleansing fire to leave a shell of a malleable corporeal husk to do its master’s bidding. That, my fine readers, is a powerful weapon.

17. Do you have self-sabotaging beliefs?
If by self sabotaging you mean “cutting my own brake lines to ensure my car will careen off a cliff leading me to a fiery explosion of my own unmaking,” then, “No.”

18. What really motivates you?
Why do you ask? What is the reasoning for asking the question? What is YOUR motivation?

19. Are you clear about your goals?
Crystal: aim low and be surprised if you get more.

20. What motivates you?
Right now? Not much.


To recap
Little Man is starting to get a little sick
We are hoping that “a little sick” does not become “a big sick”
Still on the quest for countertops
One would think that butcher block counter tops would be easier to come by
One would be incorrect
I am sooo flipping tired
Coworkers are tired of watching the yawns
Remember when everyone wanted to go to Recess so they could enjoy some recession?

20 Questions Tuesday: 75 - Motivation

Yesterday I was highly unmotivated, so I thought a brilliant idea for a topic would be motivation. I was right. I have 2 weeks worth of questions and ½ a weeks worth of energy.

Thanks this week go to Lord Pithy, Dustin, Bomber, Belsum, and Dr B Dawg.

Onto the Questions:

1. "Meh" or "Feh"?
Definitely “Meh.”

2. Better excuse to not do something: "I can't my leg is on fire"; or "I'd love to want to be able to help, but I don't."
The first is an excuse and the second statement is just stating is the truth.

3. Carrot or stick? Better motivation - punishment or reward? (for you, as an adult.)
I am much more inclined to do something for the carrot, but only if the carrot is something that I really want (as in not a carrot), otherwise I sadly need the stick to prod me along.

4. Uncle Owen's first pick had a bad motivator and it blew up. Why can't we do that?
Blow up our “bad motivators?” That would be great; in fact that idea kicks much ass.

5. Why am I not motivated to register to vote?
I would have to say it is because your state’s primary is too late in the season and inconsequential.... just like your vote.

6. How much motivation can one piece of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake get?
I have tried many times to motivate Cheesecake Factory cheesecakes, but those bastards are the laziest desserts out there. So in answer you can motivate a slice of cheesecake all you want, but it will do absolutely nothing.

7. What is your favorite De-motivational poster?
This one, but there are so many good ones.

8. Is your dearth of motivation linked to your digestion cycle like mine (post lunch = sleepy time)?
Some of my dearth of motivation can be traced back to alimentary canal processes, but most I think more can be credited to my general state of malaise.

9. If you could distill motivation into pill form and sell it, what would you call it and how much would it be?
Ummm… they already sell caffeine in pill form, it goes by many names: Vivarin, NoDoz, and a boatload of generic names.

10. Does fear motivate you?
To run in the opposite direction of what is afearing me, yes. To accomplish things? Not so much

11. What was your motivation to propose to Wifey?
Umm… I wanted to doom her to a dismal and emotionally unavailable marriage like my parents did to each other.

12. I'm feeling motivated today. What's the best way to squelch that?
Might I suggest contemplating your role in the cogs of the universe? I mean, really, on a universal scale, you are pretty insignificant… just like the rest of us.

13. Just how addictive is the Motivator maker?
I have not perused it too much, but I could see where it could be addictive.

14. How many consecutive set-backs in a project does it take you to loose all motivation? Does this differ at home and at work?
Work: 0
Home: prolly 4 or more

15. Do you find procrastination to be a motivational tool?
Umm… I think procrastination is a side effect of motivation (or lack there of) and not a reason for or against motivation.

16. Would a speaker (some retired basketball guy or some CEO who has made a mind boggling amount of money) ever motivate you?
Nope, not in the slightest.

17. Is your current motivation suffering from a lack of self-motivation or job-suck-the-life-out-of-you-osity?
I believe I would side with the latter instead of the former.

18. Would a rally monkey help your motivational woes?
Yes, I am sure of it.

19. Has your company ever had motivational or team building exercises?
Ummm… no, bec***this paragraph has been removed by the editors to insure SRH’s continued employment*** you know?

20. Have you thought that maybe you were just over-motivated and now you're merely motivated and so it feels like you're under-motivated?
Finally, someone knows what I am talking about. When you grow up as a go getter all the time, when you dial that back, it feels like you are just sitting on your laurels when you are really just going with the flow… God, I can’t even read that without giggling much less type it or say it out loud. If it took no effort I could be the poster child for lack of motivation.


To recap:
Wifey is starting to get ill
And I don’t mean in the Beastie Boys way either
She has always been Illin’ yo!
But now she is ailing
Well, I have work that I am ignoring
Cheers

20 Questions Tuesday: 74 - Holiday Season Part 2

Here it is the long awaited return of the Holiday season 20 Questions Tuesday. Sure the season is mostly over, but that doesn’t mean I can’t answer questions about it.

Thanks this week go to Sassyfrass, jw, and Peefer. I came up with some questions of my own to fill out the 20.

Here we go:
1. Does the big guy give most of the gifts, or do you make it look like the parental duo ponied up for the cool gifts?
It goes about half and half for us. While we want the boy to be happy with what Santa brought him, we also want to be in his good graces presents wise.

2. Long or short needled trees?
Short and fake. Real trees are a bitch to clean up, and I have enough trouble keeping up with the typical mess of the house without adding pine needles to the mixture.

3. White or multicolored lights?
I like blue or green lights, but Wifey is all about the white lights. I think the multicolored are nice, but I just like single color strands better.

4. Which do you prefer, pine trees or palm trees?
Pine, I am not much of a beach person. I am not fond of sand getting everywhere.

5. How long do you plan to keep the Santa secret?
Until he smurfs it out. There is no reason to set a time-table for that one. Don’t get me wrong, I think he will know waaay before he lets us know that he knows. So in a way I will know that he knows before he knows that I know that he knows.

6. Egg nog with or without rum?
I like Barber’s Egg Nog without anything extra in it. That is one of the few things that I miss about Alabama.

7. Wear red and green during the season more than usual (underwear doesn't count, although socks each get a half point).
No more than usual, but green and red are kind of staples for my limited wardrobe, so that is unsurprising.

8. Battle Royale. Death match between Rudolph and Frosty. Who will win?
Rudolph. Dude the reindeer can fly and has a powered nose. Frosty is a mildly MRDD snowman reliant on a magic hat to get him to that low level of functioning. You do the math.

9. Why did everything go wrong for Clark Griswold on the days before Christmas?
He is a hopeless optimist who is oblivious to the world around him. He is a classic spend before earning American. The fact that this caught up to him just before Christmas is merely fodder for a comedic movie. What we don’t see right now is the movie “National Lampoon’s: Clark Griswald Gambling Addiction Intervention” wherein a destitute Griswald family confronts a boozing Clark about wasting the family’s finances on liquor, blackjack, and land speculation. Laugh that one up movie-goer. Clark is what you made him you fickle bastards! You laugh when the monkey dances and then walk away when things start to get real…. Ummm… I meant to type that he was a victim of bad timing.

10. How many times in succession have you watched Ralphie risk getting his eye shot out during the annual marathon run of "A Christmas Story"?
I think I have had it on in the background before for 3 straight runs, but I cannot say that I have ever watched it back to back to back.

11. What do you notice that changes in folks good and bad during the holiday season?
People are more willing to give greetings to a stranger as they go about there day. Many people are just, in general, more polite during their routines. These same people can become raving lunatics whilst shopping. Much more angst in the retail space (especially in the parking lots).

12. Do you know anyone that celebrates or has celebrated Kwanzaa besides me? (It's really a pretty neat holiday)
Sadly, you are the only person I know of who Kwaanzaa-ed it up this past year. I think people think that it is a festival holiday that has been manufactured from nothing but a disenfranchised group feeling left out in the cold. In many ways they are right, but the underlying message of Kwaanzaa is really nice. Who doesn’t want to celebrate unity, self-determination, responsibility, cooperation, purpose, creativity, and faith?

13. What the biggest difference between the holiday season and hunting season?Holiday season = red and green
Hunting season = fluorescent orange

14. I knew a girl named Noel. This is a statement, not a question. Sorry. Feel free to discuss.
That’s funny, I know a woman named Noel, I bet they aren’t the same person.

15. Why is there a tree in my house? A tree! In my house! Really, now.
Well, I assume the tree got cold and decided it was warmer inside next to the roaring fire. Sure a tree warming itself next to the fire is tantamount to a cow eating a burger, but that is also why that particular tree came in from the cold. The other trees didn’t like it due to the tree’s lack of scruples.

16. When did you stop believing in ... you know ... the image of an all-powerful bearded male God?
Really, is the holiday season the time to get all religious? There is no call for asking religiousitous questions during the holidays. Just celebrate how the Baby Jesus helped Santa find Rudolph so he could deliver toys from Wal-Mart to all the good boys and girls (the bad boys and girls get gifts from crappy old “brick and mortar” retailers… poor suckers) during the winter solstice like the rest of us by buying your way to happiness. Sheesh, you religionauts make me tired.

17. Why are there no holidays until Easter?
Ummm… President’s Day dumbass. The day we celebrate George Washington cutting down a tree to make paper on which Abe Lincoln could write the Emancipation Proclamation, thereby allowing Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and T Roosevelt to join together and become Super Mecha-President Prime. … ah, wait, you don’t have that day up there, do you?

18. Best gift you got this year?
The gift of motivation. It was time and I needed that swift kick in the pants.

19. Have you ever had a White Christmas?
If you mean, have I ever had a purely Caucasian Christmas, then yes. I have had many of those, but I have to question why that is important, you racist bastard. If you are alluding to a Christmas where there is a nice blanket of snow covering the ground making the holiday picturesque, then no.

20. Is there anything that did not happen during the holiday season that you wished had happened?
Wow, that’s deep. Ummm… I think I would have loved a Frank Capra moment where Capt. McArmypants knocked on the door for Christmas Dinner (and not like Jacob Marly dropped by Scrooge on Christmas Eve). That would have, of course, meant that we would not have had left over prime rib though. So maybe it is good that didn’t happen.


To Recap:
Whew! Glad that one is over
It was a loose end that was just nagging at me
I am tired
I was up late last night
I am up late most nights
I consider it training for when the new baby comes around
There are a shit ton of the “I” statements in today’s recap
Five in a row, for those of you still reading
Hmmm I hear that 10,000 B.C. is about Egyptians enslaving cavemen to lead teams of mammoths in building the pyramids
How can that NOT be a mega-super-block-buster?
It has saber tooth tigers, Egyptians, mammoths, pyramids, cavemen, and big predatory land birds
A + B + C + D + E + F = CINEMATIC GENIUS
Oddly enough, without the big predatory land birds, the story was just “meh”

20 Questions Tuesday: 73 - Interview with Wifey

Okay, here I am at home without having forwarded any of my questions from my venerable questioners.

Instead of my typical 20 Questions Tuesday, I am being “interviewed” by Wifey. Here we go.

1. If you could only visit one website for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Amazon.com I could still purchase most things that I have become so accustomed to purchasing.

2. Is there any Star Wars character you secretly don’t like, even though everyone else thinks they are awesome? (Chewbacca is the one for me. Quit freaking yodeling you furry weirdo!)
Mace Windu. Samuel L Jackson’s performance was wooden, and the character was a doofus. Purple light saber? More like pink, Captain Dies-So-Easy

3. What were the candidates for the blog’s previously potential name change?
The Force is Not Strong with This One and Economy of Motion were the 2 front runners

4. Do you think we are having a boy or a girl? (and don’t answer “Yes, we are going to have a boy or a girl.”)
Depends on the day. One day I feel like Little Man will have a little brother and other days I think he will have a little sister.

5. TRON, please explain.
If you have to ask, it cannot be xplained. Plus you don’t really like the acting stylings of Bruce Boxlightner or Jeff Bridges. What’s up with that?

6. Have you ever held a grudge? I hold a grudge like a rabid wolverine. Your best friend still holds a grudge from you getting orange cream-cicles in kindergarten when everyone else had to have chocolate ice cream cups.
Hmmm… I guess my apathy outweighs my, uh…lack of apathy? What the hell is “lack of apathy?”

7. What are you vain about?
My humor. I know that I shouldn’t be vain about it, but, damn, I feel that I am funny, by gum! Granted, I understand that humor doesn’t work every time, but I really think I am pretty funny.

8. Dude, we’re out growing our house, and we are adding a baby to it. What gives?
We are trying to reallocate some of that space right now. Kitchen addition = bigger kitchen with new office and using the 3rd bedroom as a nursery. People get by with more people in less space all the time.

9. Come on! Give them something they don’t know about you.
That isn’t even a question! I don’t like pistachio pudding.

10. Three wishes, what are they?
Wish 1: hmmmm…
Wish 2: uhhhh…
Wish 3: errrrrm…
Are these like monkey’s paw wishes? Or beneficial Barbara Eden-esque genie from I Dream of Genie wishes? I need more information before I can make these wishes. Monkey’s Paw wishes take very specific wording while I Dream of Genie wishes take good intentions and tickling

11. Have you ever been jealous?
Yes

12. How much money would it take to get you to streak down our street completely naked?
Hmmm, do I get to choose conditions? Time of day? Time of year? That kind of stuff? Again, I need more information before I can place a price on my dignity.

13. Hey, you haven’t answers the last couple of questions. That’s not okay!
My blog, my rules. You want things different? Start posting on yours again. Plus, I answered Number 11.

14. Do you think I could drive a minivan? That is clearly where we are heading and you know about my depth perception.
Yes, you could, but you don’t think you could. There are other alternatives. We could always leave one kid at home to fend for him/herself. We have to start this one early.

15. When am I getting my granola bars?
I don’t know. I ordered them about a month ago and they aren’t ready yet. Something about oat shipments and the price of tea in China.

16. Your parents, seriously, what is with them? And make it funny, Laugh-Boy!
Hmmm… imagine a bull, a penguin, a moose, and a hula hoop. There. Get it? Oh, and the movie TRON. It should all make so much more sense now.

17. How are you like your dad?
Damn, woman, these questions just took a bad turn. I would have to say, proportions. I have a longer torso than legs. Thanks, Dad!

18. How are you like your mom?
You are a cold bitch to ask that. A cold cold bitch! I don’t even know who you are anymore. My coloring.

19. Any movie you have always wanted to see?
Always? That is a pretty long time. I would have to go back and one day decide to actually watch E.T. Yes, That’s right! I have never watched E.T. And now, even though I am interested in seeing the movie, I have to go through life not seeing it. It is a mission now.

20. Am I forgiven about the doughnut debacle from Sunday? They aren’t even real doughnuts!
Of course. Still I was surprised you did not mention them earlier. They are quite tasty.

To Recap:
More timely post tomorrow
Sorry for the tardiness today
Happy New Year all
Wow, that is a short recap

20 Questions Tuesday: 72 - Holiday Season Part 1

Ah, the holiday season. Maybe I should type it “The Holiday Season.” Whatever. Anyway… what makes you think more about holidays than the holiday season? “Nothing,” that’s what I say!

So in honor of the holiday season, the 20 Questions Tuesday topic will be “The Holiday Season” for this week and next! Excited? Me too!

Thanks this week go to Dustin, ACW, Lord Pithy, and Themikestand.

Onto the questions:
1. Fruit cake: Is it really that bad?
It is worse than you know.

2. Egg nog: Is it really that good?
It is better than you can imagine.

3. Are you or Wifey a better wrapper of presents?
Wifey is by far the better gift wrapperer.

4. Dumbest Christmas gift you’ve ever received?
Hmmm… I have had some pretty bad ones. I will go with a green vinyl table cloth that wreaked of pipe smoke.

5. What’s the deal with stockings, anyway?
I know, they bunch and they run, and there is no way of wearing them without getting a sweaty crotch… you meant by the chimney, didn’t you? Umm… let’s forget I ever typed this.

6. Its important to have your own traditions - what would be one SRH-household tradition?
I will give you 2 for the price of 1.
Tradition the First: Christmas Eve we give each other one gift, and that gift is always some comfy sleepwear.

Tradition the Second: We have cinnamon rolls for breakfast Christmas Day.

7. Flocked or unflocked Christmas tree?
Flocks of Christmas Trees! Oh, God! It’s Happening. Get the saws, get the torches. We have to stop the Christmas Trees…

Wait, let me re-read that… flocked… unflocked… tree? I will go with unflocked.

8. Do carolers sing through your neighborhood?
Not good ones. Good = sober, Mimma!

9. What color are your favorite holiday lights (I like the blue ones)
I like green ones, but Wifey is all about the clear. Guess what color the lights are on our tree?

10. Have you been to The Train Station on Indianola? worth a visit?
It is okay. The really good thing about the place is that they carry some of the Wittle Wooden stuff that Little Man loves so much.

11. It's the holiday season, so whoop-de-do, or dickory dock?
Dickory dock

12. As a practicing Wiccan, do you find it hypocritical to encourage your child to sit on a stranger's knee in public?
Wiccans have no issue with stranger knee sitting.

13. What's the best gift you could ever hope to give anyone?
Perspective

14. Star or angel?
Star

15. Wrapping paper: mylar or wood pulp?
Shiny pressed wood pulp variety

16. What is your earliest Christmas memory?
Hmmm… I don’t remember much prior to what I have deemed the childhood home, and we moved there when I was four, soooo… I think it was getting a bendy Godzilla. I loved that thing.

17. Describe your perfect Christmas, right down to the weather outside, the dinner, and all those in attendance.
There is not time nor space to describe the nuanced Christmas of which you want me to envision. Suffice it to say, everyone there is in matching hats.

18. How old where you when found out the real deal about Santa?
I am not sure. In many ways I never truly latched on to the concept. I am sure I “believed” in it, but the idea was a bit ludicrous to me even as a wee one. I do remember that when the fact was “revealed” I thought something like “well, that makes more sense.”

19. Not wholly unrelated to the previous question, what do YOU think Santa really wants instead of milk and cookies?
Cheesecake and eggnog but I don't expect children to stay up the night before and make cheesecake. Cheesecake is difficult.

20. What is the latest that you've ever performed your Christmas shopping for Wifey's present?
Uh, I am not at liberty to say. You know she reads this, right? What kind of trouble are you trying to get me in?


To recap:
Little Man’s Christmas Concert thingy was today
He didn’t focus so much on his nose this time
That was positive
There were other issues that happened, but I will not go into them here
Unless they were picked up by the DVD videographer
Our street is getting new sanitary sewer stuff today
Whoopee!
That means we have to park far far away from the house
Far far away from the house does not make SRH happy
I think I will post in third person tomorrow
It will boost my ego

20 Questions Tuesday: 71 - Times 2

It is Tuesday again, so we all know what that means… I will bore the tears out of you by half answering actual questions. Without further delay, Time part 2. Thanks this week to Allrileyedup, Belsum, JW, and Peefer.

On to the questions:

1. Which song makes better use of the word "time" -- Hazy Shade of Winter or Turn, Turn, Turn? or do you have another song in mind?
As far as Time lyrics go, I would have to go with Turn, Turn, Turn.

2. Do you always wear a watch or never wear a watch, or are you one of those in between people?
I used to always wear a watch, but since the battery died on my last watch (an expensive Swiss Army Watch from Wifey which I don't wear now much to her chagrin) I just have not worn one. I use my dilapidated cell instead.

3. What is your favorite time of day?
It is actually at night. I like the time between 10 pm and 1 am.

4. What is little man's favorite time of day?
Hmmm… I would have to say around 3 in the afternoon, but I am just guessing here.

5. Did you enjoy Run, Lola, Run? how would you say this movie approaches the concept of "time"?
I am loathe to admit this, because it will lose me even more intellectual street cred, but I haven’t seen it.

6. How is the Little Man’s concept of time?
He is starting to get a pretty good grasp of the concept.

7. How old were you when you were conscious of the year and dates? Who was president?
Hmmm, I am not sure. Prolly around 4 or 5.

8. How relevant is Time now in the age of blog journalism? Does anyone care about their “Person” of the Year anymore?
Since their “Person of the Year” has been pretty lame as of late, That aspect is not really all that relevant anymore. That being said, I think there will always be a place for paid journalism, I do not think that Time and Newsweek will be the 800lb gorilla anymore, but they will still be relevant.

9. How much time do you borrow?
About 30%

10. Do you have any time in a bottle?
Not anymore, I sold it for some lightning

11. How do you think you will cope with the fact that time will soon become irrelevant upon the arrival of your second child?
Time will become more important and less available, not so much irrelevant.

12. Where can I find out more about time travel?
The future has some really good books on how it works. You should go there and check some of them out.

13. Oh, and speaking of time travel, would you keep the flux capacitor in a DeLorean, or put it in something else?
Probably a H3. You need the extra bulk incase you land in a space that is unpaved.

14. O.k. Last time travel question. Would you rather go forward, or backward in time?
Probably backward. I would be able to prepare… I almost feel like I have answered this question before…

15. All total, would you say you've spent more time in front of a t.v., or a computer screen?
Computer screen... Easily

16. Is time on your side?
Yes, it is

17. Does time stand still?
In some instances, or course it does.

18. My mother-in-law's name is Rosemary. Do you have relatives with herby names?
My monther’s maiden name is Savory. Does that count?

19. Do you enjoy 5/4 time or 7/4 time? If so, in which songs?
I am leaning towards 5/4 because of Radiohead’s 15 Step. Who doesn't like all things Radiohead? 7/4 seems to be heavily leaned upon by the Beatles.

20. Do you have a clue which Canadian band I am referencing in question #17?
Nope, I am truly ‘Mercan


To recap:
Looks like we will be having Little Man friendly pizza tonight
I shall be having a frozen pizza after he’s in bed
That’s how I roll
Christmas card is almost done
Not much else of note today
Other than I am tired, but you already know that
You do know that, right?
The fonts I went with are “The King & The Queen” and “Freestyle Script”
Cheers

20 Questions Tuesday: 70 - Time for a topic

Here we are at 20 Questions Tuesday again. Today’s topic is one that I guess many people just cannot get enough of, Time. This morning when I got into work I had an amazing 45 timely questions waiting for me. So we will have time to look at this next week as well.

Thanks this week go to Dustin, ACW, Lord Pithy, Lsig, and JA Coppinger.

Bring on the questions:

1. Is 9 months a long, or short amount of time?
Yes, and no. It is both an unreachable eternity and an instant. The eternity bit is associated with the waiting, but the instant has to do with the preparing.

2. Does having children, in your experience, make time fly, or go much slower?
It speeds up your perception of time immeasurably. Hey, Dustin, these are fairly focused questions about “time.”

3. Best time travel movie of all time (no, Time Cop with Jean Claude is not an acceptable answer)? Best Time travel show/movie you ever saw?
That’s better. As a kid I could not get enough of Time Bandits. As an adult in 2007 it is just and okay movie to watch, but as a kid in the 80’s it was flipping brilliant.

4. I’m not sure I trust the song…is time really on my side?
Time is fire in which we burn.

5. Morris Day - need I saw more?
Wauk! Halleluiah!

6. I review my daily schedule and the things that I want to accomplish. Why is it only work that I'm willing to abbreviate, but it’s the only item that I have to complete in full? This leaves other more fulfilling items to languish for a later date.
The only way I can accomlish half the crap I WANT to accomplish is through a steady diet of sleep deprivation. Preaching to the choir here.

7. What is the future of the wrist watch?
It becomes a slightly more functional bracelet. Wait, that is what it already is.

8. Time or Life?
Time

9. If you could keep time in a bottle, what's the first thing that you'd like to do? If you could save time in a bottle, what would be the first thing you would like to do? Sell that shit. I could make a mint!

10. If you could make one trip in time, would you go 3,000 years into the past or 3,000 years into the future?
Ummm… by trip you mean “round trip,” right? I think I would go with past. Since I am 6’ 2” (1.87 m) I would be a giant and my immune system should have been inoculated against most bugs of the time, plus there are ways to prepare for a trip to the past. I would be able to know at least a little about the cultures I might encounter, etc… The future has way to many unknowns to make it as safe a trip. Although, if done correctly, the future should at least know that I am coming.

11. Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme. Ummm… no. Other than funnel cakes, I hate fairs.

12. Doris Day or Shirley Temple: who is the greatest female lead of all time?
I would like more options please.

13. If I fall, will you catch me time after time?
I will be waiting.

14. Is there really a time for every purpose under heaven?
Supposedly. Although the list that is given both in song and verse is finite in nature. For example it never mentions if there is a time for downloading porn.

15. Is it really the time of the season for loving?
No that was 11 weeks ago, if you know what I mean wink wink

16. Are you on your way, making it big time?
I’ve got to make it show, yeah.

17. Is time a continuous loop or a series of potential futures? In other words, if you go back in time and kill your own grandfather does reality diverge or does the fact that you aren’t born prevent you from performing the act and reset the timeline to its original state?
If we consider time to be a physics phenomenon, we should think about it much like length, width, and height. It is a plane that is orthogonal to the 3 physical planes and behaves in the same manner. If that is the case, time can behave like any other path thus potentially recycling or bifurcating or coalescing or whatever. What is to say that the reality isn’t already infinitely divergent and convergent.

18. How much time do you spend answering these questions?
About 20 minutes actually answering the questions and another 10 typically formatting the responses and hyper-linking stuff.

19. If you had to pick one day in time to live in forever (ala Groundhog Day) which would it be?
Well, it wouldn’t be the first time I watched Groundhog Day, that’s for damn sure. The reciprocal irony would be blinding.

20. Can you explain Time Dilation for us and how it relates to Einstein’s General Theory?
It has to do with speed and relative observations associated with incredibly high rates of speed, and chickens and coffee filters and non-dairy creamer. It is very complicated. Look it is a shadow puppet of a bird!



To recap:
Wifey gets back tomorrow evening
Little Man will be very happy for this
Little Man and I are going to the zoo lights tonight
I need to figure out how to sleep when Wifey is not in town
I am rather tired
India ink is a bitch to clean off your hands
All the Batman pics I drew yesterday evening sucked
Maybe you will have a Godzilla for your Digital Thursday
Or maybe a Thundarr
You never know because I am wily