We just got Little Man’s pre-school pics yesterday, and honestly, I am not sure whose child they photographed. ‘Cause that kid ain’t mine. My kid is a perpetual motion machine. He contests the laws of thermodynamics. He has an insatiable need to touch cameras. He doesn’t stand still long enough to focus a camera, much less stage a photograph. This is not my child. It cannot be. This situation just is not. I defy its existence! “Defy!” I say. “DEFY!”*
There are 3 main issues that I have with this picture, so I will go through them one by one.
Issue the first: How old is my kid again? The boy in that picture is at least 5. Little Man is only 3.25 yrs old.
Issue the second: Umm… who is this coy child so demurely holding his hands behind his back whilst innocently shrugging? Little Man is not coy, demure, or (picture posing-wise) innocent.
Issue the third: This child clearly has more meat on his bones than Little Man. This is an issue that we have with many picture taking episodes. For some reason pics tend to give Little Man a rounded cherub-like face that one would see shining down from heaven conferring peace and love over the populace of the world. In actuality, he is a bit thinner and not so benevolent. All pics of him that are taken with him facing camera (how did you get him to do this, O master photographer?) seem to add weight to him. Really, he is a skinny little guy. “Skin and bones,” I say!**
So, I think a more accurate picture of him is this one,
even if it is older.
To recap:
Little Man is still sick today
Not as sick as yesterday
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
Might be left overs
Got my flu shot today
My shoulder is starting to tighten up
I am certain I will be sick tomorrow
*curious, would “Defy!” says I! “DEFY!” have worked better? I am just not sure if the atypical phrasing would have messed up the pacing by drawing one’s attention to the atypical phrasing. Heavy hangs the head of the lowly blogger phrasographer.
** I “say!” a lot, don’t I?***
*** I am asking tons of questions today, arten’t I?****
**** I did it again
There are 3 main issues that I have with this picture, so I will go through them one by one.
Issue the first: How old is my kid again? The boy in that picture is at least 5. Little Man is only 3.25 yrs old.
Issue the second: Umm… who is this coy child so demurely holding his hands behind his back whilst innocently shrugging? Little Man is not coy, demure, or (picture posing-wise) innocent.
Issue the third: This child clearly has more meat on his bones than Little Man. This is an issue that we have with many picture taking episodes. For some reason pics tend to give Little Man a rounded cherub-like face that one would see shining down from heaven conferring peace and love over the populace of the world. In actuality, he is a bit thinner and not so benevolent. All pics of him that are taken with him facing camera (how did you get him to do this, O master photographer?) seem to add weight to him. Really, he is a skinny little guy. “Skin and bones,” I say!**
So, I think a more accurate picture of him is this one,
even if it is older.
To recap:
Little Man is still sick today
Not as sick as yesterday
Not sure what is for dinner tonight
Might be left overs
Got my flu shot today
My shoulder is starting to tighten up
I am certain I will be sick tomorrow
*curious, would “Defy!” says I! “DEFY!” have worked better? I am just not sure if the atypical phrasing would have messed up the pacing by drawing one’s attention to the atypical phrasing. Heavy hangs the head of the lowly blogger phrasographer.
** I “say!” a lot, don’t I?***
*** I am asking tons of questions today, arten’t I?****
**** I did it again