Feeble Attempt

The ability to create an effective metaphor is a keen ability to possess when writing a blog. I wish I could claim metaphors such as “like trying to tie your shoes with sticks and bubble gum” Or “as useless as a fat kangaroo in a wet sand box.” The ability to create an effective metaphor seems to erode as sleep deprivation increases. In fact, as sleep deprivation increases, ability to generate a meaningful and interesting topic seems to go out the window as well. Basically, as sleep deprivation increases, most things that take thought seem to do not good stuff… and things. But this post is not about sleep deprivation. This post is all about… ummm… other stuff… other very important stuff.

I am tired and my head hurts. No more post for today.

(Look, it’s Fluffy, the Headache Pine Marten!)

You go away, Fluffy. You go away right now.

To Recap:
Q is preferring Wifey something fierce right now
Much to everyone else’s consternation
I am all about the new software learning
I am currently watching Google SketchUp tutorials that are nicely categorized on YouTube
I have been watching approximately 3 hrs of tutorials
Whilst informative and interesting (to a point) I am getting a bit tired of watching tutorials
You would be tired as well
This incessant droning on by the online tutor is also getting in the way of holding on to and stringing together coherent thoughts
Especially with a certain amount of lack of sleep
A WiP update on the Doom pic tomorrow
I hope there is a discernable difference between what I have done so far
Listening to someone drone on about edges, faces, selections, and objects

20 Questions Tuesday: 99 - the Guest List

Okay, here is something just a little bit different for today’s “20 Questions Tuesday.” For today’s post Wifey put out the call for people to answer 5 questions like/for me. By the time she left to do her daily stuff away from the house, 6 intrepid readers (including herself) had answered the call.

Thanks this week go to Peefer for the 5 questions and Wifey, Lsig, JA Coppinger, Nadolny, Lord Pithy and Capt McArmypants for answering questions.

On to the questions:
1. What is the Golden Distance; i.e. the idea distance separating the homes of you and your parents/in-laws?
Wifey: The Golden Distance is directly proportional to the appropriate boundaries and ability to cook of said parents/in-laws. Stated in an equation
GD = Golden Distance
X = boundaries (score of 1-100 with 1 meaning that they don't call on your birthday and 100 meaning your parents sleep in your bed with you)
Y = inability to cook (score of 1-10 with 1 meaning that you would eat at their house over a restaurant and 10 meaning that they feed you only burnt chocolate chip cookies)
Therefore, GD = (X^Y) miles - or kilometers for the Canadians

Lsig: Close enough that they can arrive within half a day in an emergency, but too far for them to drop by unexpectedly. Ever.

JA Coppinger: This equation can be simplified to: twice the distance the parents/in-laws think it should be.

Nadolny: What? Are you crazy? One side of the 'rents reads this here blog. If I answered that, I'd be in a heap of trouble. That being said, about 500 miles. Enough that they can;t reasonably jump in the car and just shoot over for a surprise visit.

Lord Pithy: Ahhh, fwah fwah fwah. That distance, you see, is, harrumph, kaff kaff. Yes.

Capt. McArmypants: With a change in fuel prices the Golden Distance as unfortunately changed for us all. Soon thrifty parents will realize that flying is now cheaper than driving. While gas prices are nigh-prohibitive the golden distance must include a 2 hour drive to the closest commercially viable airport to ensure the trip remains a hassle.

(The Captian’s Analysis: Now I realize that this does not answer the question, but please notice SRH senses when you have a specific answer in mind and automatically does 2 things. 1. Subconsciously decides you will not tell him what to do and 2. Decides to answer 1/3 of the question because he is lazy. Nor he would clarify parents or in-laws for us.)

2. When will they ever learn?
Wifey: They won't. It's up to us as their children to teach them and be rewarded with crap for our efforts.

Lsig: When it's too late to do anybody any good.

JA Coppinger: Please, if anyone has a real answer for this question let me know. PLEEEEEASE!!!!

Nadolny: When? When? The monkeys wouldn’t like it if they didn't learn soon! Ahh, ahh, get them out of my head!

Lord Pithy: When they know, humphhumph

Capt. McArmypants: They learn every 4th time and then promptly forget with a year. They provide just enough hope that they might one day learn.

(The Captain’s Analysis: SRH might be a complicated man, but when it comes to multi-faceted exhausting interaction his parents are like the 2 monkeys that repeatedly write Hamlet. No one knows how they do it, but they always hit the mark.)

3. Tell us of you best family relationship (not including wife and children).
Wifey: It's with my wife and children. (I cannot be contained by your rules, peefer. Nobody puts SRH in a corner.)

Lsig: I'm tight with my half-brother the Yeti.

JA Coppinger: LOL – can’t best Wifey’s answer!

Nadolny: Why not them? They are the soul of my existence. They define my life at this point and few other relationships hold a candle to them.

Lord Pithy: Donny and Marie

Capt. McArmypants: Wifey has totally hit this one on the head. This is SRH's answer.

(The Captain’s Analysis: SRH blogs openly, but remains a man with good boundaries, which I totally appreciate. Also, please see the part 2 of the commentary on answer 1.)

4. Could All In The Family succeed as well today?
Wifey: Sure, please see Dog, the Bounty Hunter. Archie would just have to keep it a little more real, yo.

Lsig: All in the Family would do fine. It's just that the percentage of people who identified with Archie instead of being provoked by him would likely be much higher, because people are meatheads.

JA Coppinger: Nah, today we’d need to call it “Some in the Family”. The rest would be at Betty Ford, having silicone implanted, or working on alternative lifestyle relationships in an L.A. tattoo parlor. Actually, might be a show I’d watch . . .

Nadolny: Sure, look at some of the other racially/politically insensitive shows out there that do well. Hell, there is a glut of them. The press may squash thigns like Kramer's tirade at a stand up comedy club or such, but if a mainstream show makes fun of it, that seems to be Ok with them. Beside which, that Edith is damn funny.

Lord Pithy: Maybe not all of them, but Edith

Capt. McArmypants: All in the Family was produced in a time of change and upheaval. Many people at that time were actually ignorant of so many of society’s injustices and woes. Theoretically, people were more prone to live their lives and not their neighbor's. THEY WERE ACTUALLY BUSY and many of the hot topics of the show just never came up in their microcosms. The show's genius YES genius!!! is that it examined many of viciously racist and classist issues of society not from the standpoint of a zealotous and spiteful, white-spikey-hat-wearing-K-ray-Z nutbar, but from the stand point of the middle class protagonist who just did not know any better and was set in his ways. It was an EFFECTIVE attempt to reach the proverbial good man who does nothing as evil triumphs. It provided weekly little philosophical short stories where a relatively good man applied the patriotic, "American" and religious ideals he always thought he held to minorities of every sort (race, color, religion, class, orientation) in a variety of situations and caused many of the show's viewers to realize the cognitive dissonance they practiced daily. We make light of it today, because most people today can not appreciate the prevailing lack of knowledge of the times when your "likeable" Archie's where still around. (Also we have all been programmed by the same TV not examine any of our dogma and to content ourselves with placing blame as opposed to actually doing anything to change the status quo.) Yes there was a time when people could go their whole life without being faced with the disparity of some citizens to other citizens. Segregation was not called segregation it was called everyday unexamined life. Where as today, some might argue that we are just as close-minded, segregated and classist (with no legitimate excuse for our ignorance), I would like to point out that I have turned on the television and you are still talking so............ SHHHHHHH!!!! Today this show could not succeed for a variety of reasons. The Thing First, the ignorance of that day is pretty much inexcusable and/or willful now, so Archie could not possibly be seen as a sympathetic character. The thing Second, this show requires a Jefferson's to yang its yin. The thing the Third, Sally Struthers is hideous!!!! Hideous!!!!!! Thing the Fourth, we have decided to stymie any sort of honest examination of society along those lines. We have created new rich and equally inflexible stereo types for our movies and media and they are not to be trifled with! (or triffled with, but that totally changes the meaning of this answer.) The producer of such a show would never be heard from again, the main characters would never work in Hollywood again (except for the Dice-man. He always comes back.) and the only comment from the media at large that would not be some equivalent of BURN THEM... BURN THEM ALL!!!! would come from Jason Whitlock and ignored as a sports commentator out of his depth.

(The Captain’s Analysis: Yep that is what SRH would have said alright. He is a disturbingly opinionated man. I mean I think he should seek help.)

5. At what age does the average parent become obnoxious to his/her children?
Wifey: The parent's age or the kid's age? I'll go with the first. I apparently became obnoxious to Little Man on his 2nd birthday, I'll go with 31 years old.

Lsig: Whatever age they are when the kid wants to pick out his or her own clothes.

JA Coppinger: One is assuming that the parents are average. There’s always the possibility that the ‘rents are exceptionally obnoxious, in which case I’m thinking there was probably milk money and Garanimals involved in the realization . . .

Nadolny: I'm gonna go with two answers on this one. First, when they first become conscious to the constraints put upon them by the parental units (about one and a half to two). Second, when they are out on their own and the parents are still offering advice that isn't sought.

Lord Pithy: And the eyes open …

Capt. McArmypants: I remember the day well. I was so tired. Emotionally and physically exhausted. Then I held my first child in my arms for the first time. I looked down at his beautiful dark, dark still unfocused eyes and then his started crying for momma. So I guess 0?

(oddly, there is no “Captain’s Analysis” associated with this one…)

To recap:
A la JA Coppinger:
To Recap: I gots the mad equation solvin’ skillz, yo!
Wifey knows me better than anybody.
I ma so tried I can barly type this.
Need Mountain Dews . . . Much Dew is due!
Food, Family and Snoozing awaits. Not necessarily in that order.
Listening to “Hungry Eyes” off of the DD soundtrack.
I’m out.
Okay, my recap:
Overheard in Wifey’s car on the way to preschool: “I’m sorry, Q. I just gotta dance. I can’t get your pacifier right now.”
Little Man was rockin’ the booster seat while jamming to Justin Timberlake’s Sexy Back
Little Man is also sporting a loose tooth
He is growing up so fast
Listening to Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake off of Futuresex / Lovesounds
Yawp

Recap

Just a recap today. No post to speak of

To recap:
Little Man can read the word “off”
We are golden if we can just get him to spell F-U-C… oh, you get the idea
The problem with hippos is…
Not their over aggressive nature
Not their poor eyesight
No, Princess Leia, not their easily recognizable foul stench
Not even their ability to defecate at Will
Poor poor poo covered Will
It is their monumental sense of entitlement
You aren’t all that and a bag of chips, Hippo
Uppity hippos and their “holier than thou-ness”
One would think that more sleep over the weekend would help
One would be incorrect
MORE sleep just reminds the body of what it has not been getting regularly
I have 59 icons on my work computer’s desktop
I think I need to clean that up a bit
A little spring cleaning and now I am at 17 icons
Turns out that Little Man is well motivated by greed
We made an accomplishment chart for him
Now all he seems to be doing is accomplishing
Q is doing well… um... as well?
Sometimes me no wordify good
I just ate a boatload of paella
Oddly that is whatI had for dinner last night
That is one of the issues of re-heating food at work
You end up having very similar (if not the same) meals in rapid succession
I am hungry again already
I am ashamed that I started this recap before lunch and will not be posting it until 2 pm-ish
20 Questions Tuesday will be rather interesting tomorrow
Oddly, I will have very little to do with it
So tune in tomorrow
Honestly, this is a bit pitiful
I have no topic for today
Wifey has all-topic-ed up tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday
I am showing the movement I have made on the pic for Digital Thursday
Anyone want to tell me what to write about for Wednesday?
Listening to Wake Up by Arcade Fire off of Funeral

Digital Thursday

I have always loved me some Doctor Doom. This is a Doom drawn and inked by Jason Baroody from Ten Ton Studios. So far all I have done is filled in the “flats” for this Doom. That is, these are the base colors for the image without any shading or textures thrown on. I figured since Doom is the monarch of a fictitious European city-state, his country’s flag is most likely red, white, and blue in some combination. He just happens to be fond of the color green. Kind of the like the Dutch flag is blue, white, and red, but the Dutch garb themselves in orange. There is method to my madness. It is poorly thought-out and in-expertly applied effort, but effort nonetheless.

Anyhoo… here is Baroody’s Doom all flatted out nice-like.

Eventually I will do 2 versions of this piece. The first will be a mint condition Doom where his armor is shiny and his palace is well lit. The second will involve rust and the word “dank.” The next few weeks’ Digital Thursdays will probably revolve around DOOOOOOM!!!

To recap:
“Nonetheless” is not used nearly enough
Wifey misplaced her phone
I hopefully G-Ma D and G-Pa R have found it
I will pick it up on the way home
I also need to buy gas for my nearly empty car as well
umm.. DOOOOM!!!
I have a huge knot in my right shoulder
It is bothersome
Listening to Cake’s version of I Will Survive off of Fashion Nugget
Have a great weekend everyone

Tangential

The problem with yetis other than their remoteness and un-kindness towards strangers is that they smell like a wet goat on crack. I am not sure why the goat is necessarily on crack, except that crack is a problem across societal, socio-economic, racial, and species boundaries (is there an adjective for speciesal?). Crack should get worried about meth though. Meth is on the rise and does not require costly Columbian imports for its creation. Let’s be clear, being illicit drug independent is important in this day and age of high fuel costs. It is not as important as alternative fuel sources, but it is pretty important nonetheless. Go green, Go meth. I should work in advertising. I mean it. Slogans like “Go Green, Go Meth” don’t come along every day. Even addicts want to help the environment.

In truth I think we all want to help the environment. I don’t know of one single person out there who is hoping and praying to befoul the environment. Well, there is one… I am looking at you, Chad! That being said, there are some people who don’t want to actively change their lifestyles for the greater good of the environment. Some of which are the anti-environmental cocaine smugglers. Whether that coke is made into crack or left to be sold as pure blow doesn’t matter, what matters is that an incredible amount of diesel and airplane fuel went into the production of that illicit material. Frankly, that excess is just irresponsible. Not irresponsible like a yeti, but what is really? And that is what this post is supposed to be about. It is supposed to be about how stupid and smelly yetis are, not about how environmentally irresponsible the drug trade is.

So back to the matter at hand: Yetis are stupid and smelly creatures with big noses due to their big fingers and bad posture. I am not sure what bad poster has to do with their big noses, but that is irrelevant. Not as irrelevant as Chad and his anti-environmental ways(Ooooooh, Burn!) but irrelevant nonetheless.

So, there you have it. Yetis are big, dumb, smelly creatures… and Chad is a anti-environmental jerk.

To recap:
I have a headache
Well, Hello Fluffy
It indeed has been a long time… ummm… indeed
I have started working on tomorrow’s Digital Thursday stuff
It will be a “Work-in-Progress”
A WiP to use the lingo
I am not sure whose lingo, but it is lingo, damnit!
Listening to Loser by 3 Doors Down off of The Better Life

20 Questions Tuesday: 98 - Family

Here it is Tuesday again, so 20 Questions Tuesday: 98 – Family is coming at you.

Thanks this week go to JA Coppinger, Capt. McArmypants, Lsig, Belsum, Allrileyedup, and JW.

Peefer, Wifey and is on a kick to whip something up to use with your questions for next week, so don’t think I forgot you there. Heck, I am not even sure you read this blog anymore.

Anyway, on to the questions:

1. Do parents ever see their kids as older than 12? Will you be able to see yours as adults?
Some parents really do, but they are rare. I hope that as Little Man and Q grow up and mature that Wifey and I will grow up and mature as parents as well.

2. Siblings – how do people raised at the same time, in the same place, by the same people, turn out SOOOO different?
I. Have. No. Idea. It truly is amazing.

3. When was the first time you realized the way your family did things was not the only way – or even necessarily “normal”?
I think I was in college at the time.

4. What does “family values” even mean?
That the frozen meal is supposedly big enough for a family to eat it, you glutton.

5. Who has more cause to be more resentful/jealous of their sibling? Zan of Jana or Tito of Jermaine or LaToya of Michael or Cain of Abel.
LaToya of Michael. They are both crazy, but he is crazy with crazy money, which makes him able to shrug off the legal issues..

6. Why does no one love the middle child? WHYYYYY!?!?!?!?!?
Because they are rather whiney.

7. In many cultures, large extended families live together under the same roof Grandparents to grandchildren. Everybody takes care of each other and the elderly are not marginalized to 2 hour visits at the "home" once a month. How dumb is that!?!?
A-men.

8. Describe your family in one word.
Anachronistically-Denial-Ridden... is that one word?

9. How many siblings do you have? How many does Wifey have?
I have one older brother and Wifey has no “full-siblings”, but a menagerie of “half-siblings.”

10. On a scale of 1 to 10, how crazy is your family (consider mine about a 9)?
For this question, I am considering “Family” to include my parents, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and their spouses and children. I am not including Wifey’s fam because she has a blog, damn it!

This is an interesting question because from the outside my family seems fairly innocuous. No arrest records, no psyche ward trips, etc… So from the outside I would say probably about a 4 or 5. They seem “no crazier than most.” As you delve in deeper and realize how many people aren’t looking at the same blue sky or think opening a llama farm is the key to their yet-to-be- success, that number goes up to a 7 or 8.

11. I find that distance makes the heart grow fonder when it comes to some members of the family. Do you agree?
I agree that you find that distance makes the heart grow fonder when it comes to some members of your family.

12. I’m leaving on Friday for a week long family reunion at a beach house in NC. Does this make you shudder or are you jealous? (Incidentally, only 43 of us are coming this time but I can not wait to see everyone!)
I believe I shudder, but not from jealousy. Yep, definitely shudder.

13. Do you have separate birthday parties for the Little Man: one for his/your friends and one for family?
We have had, and seem to continue to have multiple parties for Little Man. Some are no more than “play dates” but it makes this month a birthday extravaganza.

14. Should family secrets be let out or should they stay hidden? Why?
I am a big proponent that family secrets should be open-aired somewhat. You don’t want to hurt anyone, so maybe it is not a good idea to create and advertise a web-site associated with your family secrets, but I also think that secrets should be less secret so that people will realize the craziness of their family is really pretty normal.

15. What is the etymology of the word “family?” What should it be?
I was going to act like I knew this, but here is the link to where “Family” comes from. As far as etymological roots are concerned, this is fine. I think that in practicality, family can mean any group of people that you feel most comfortable around.

16. One of Jack Handey's deep thoughts are "it's a shame when families are torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs." any thoughts on this?
Depends on the family being torn apart.

17. Do yetis have families? Care to elaborate on the hippo family unit?
Yetis have a system very similar to bears. Cubs stay with mother’s until they hit adulthood and then strike it on their own. Fathers are solitary beasts that occasionally have conjugal relations. Hippos are weird. There does not seem to be any especially strong bonds except between mothers and daughters and mothers and young males. No one really knows why they congregate into pods.

18. What is Little Man's response if you ask him who his family is?
Mama, Papa, Little Man, and Q

19. Why did people think “All in the Family” was funny?
I have often wondered that. I also wondered why the local TV station had this show on immediately after cartoons on the weekday afternoons. GAH, just thinking of the theme song sends shivers up my spine.

20. Do you think the annoying family members actually know they are annoying and relish in it, or do you think they are blissfully unaware of the fact that they get on everyone's flippin' nerves?
I think that, like most people, family members are blissfully unaware of their annoyingness.


To recap:
Orange Rice for dinner tonight
Well, Little Man is having Orange Rice
I will find something else to eat
I am a bit tired of the Orange Rice
Still concepting something for Digital Thursday
I might see if I can get some hi-res inked stuff and color it up
Or I might see if I already have something of that ilk hanging about
Hanging about digitally, of course
Man, do I need some sleep
Listening to March of Death by Zach de la Rocha and DJ Shadow
Download it

Three Things

Three things came to mind today whilst attempting to find a stand alone topic for today’s post.

Thing the First:

While cost effective and more healthy, the problem with bringing one’s lunch to work is that there is no longer a potential of getting significantly the heck out of the building until the day is done. Granted the rice and pork loin meal I had today was markedly better for me than, say, a Big Mac, I ate at my desk looking at the same mess and even working a bit through lunch. What up wit dat?

Thing the Second:

There are things not to say to your youngest son, even if he is grown with 2 kids of his own. One of those things is “I always wanted a really frilly girl, but God new I would be disappointed when my girl turned out to be not frilly, so he gave me 2 boys instead.”

Number 1: I am not completely sure what exactly that means
Number 2: I am not even going to get into Number 2 here. This is the wrong forum and I don’t write about that stuff here.

Thing the Third:

USA’s Burn Notice is a fun show, but honestly, I would watch anything on TV with Bruce Campbell in it.

To recap:
I need to focus more on things that I find fulfilling and enjoyable
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday will be about Family
I need a goodly amount of sleep
I also need to pay bills and do the checkbook
I would like to get something going for Digital Thursday soon as well
I am hungry already
Looks like some more chips from the vending machines
Mmmmm chips
Let's go Crew!
I have finally brought my iPod dock back to work
I have been listening to everything on that poor electronic device
Cream and Bastards Rise by Harvey Danger
Super Rad by the Aquabats!
Don’t Make Me a Target by Spoon
Chaos by Mute Math
Insane in the Brain by Cypress Hill

Digital Thursday

Digital Thursday is upon us again. I finished up the Flash Gordon that I showed on last Thursday. I shall immortalize this drawing with a “poem” by Brian May.


Flash - a-ah - savior of the universe
Flash - a-ah - he'll save everyone of us
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Flash - a-ah - he's a miracle
Flash - a-ah - king of the impossible

He's for everyone of us
Stand for everyone of us
He'll save with a mighty hand
Every man every woman
Every child - with a mighty flash

Flash - a-ah
Flash - a-ah - he'll save everyone of us

Just a manWith a man's courage
He knows nothing but a man
But he can never fail
No one but the pure in heart
May find the golden grail
Oh oh - oh oh
Flash


This one is done almost entirely in Photoshop CS3. I sketched out the first bit using pencil and paper. I scanned that bad-boy in and started working with it digitally.

To recap:
Q’s 1 month check-up is this morning
I cannot believe it has already been a month
I also cannot believe it is not butter
So take my lack of belief with a grain of salt
She is now weighing in at 7 lbs 4 oz (3.29 kg) (.518 stone)
And a whopping 21 inches (53.3 cm)
And gorgeous
Still need to bring in the iPod dock
To the US based readership, have a safe and happy 4th of July
I want everyone reading next week with the same number of fingers and toes
Individually, not as a whole
Have a great weekend everyone

Underwear after tights, Superman

Whew… ever felt like a shower and 8 hours of un-interupted sleep could turn you into a bona fide tight wearing potentially cape sporting super hero? Well, that feeling is due to your lack of hygiene and no sleep.

Soap it up you tired fucker.

To recap:
Parental visits have been better
This one has been… interesting
I think my lack of sleep (but amazing hygiene) is limiting my cognition
The other thing limiting my cognition is my brain
Not my Brian, he makes me think about things like super-colliders
Also not my bran, that just makes me poo regularly
Not like peppers, those just clean my system out
Anyone still reading this?
You brave brave souls

20 Questions Tuesday: 97 - 4th of July

Sweet giblets and gravy the ‘rents get here this afternoon!

Enough about them and their meddling ways. Friday of this week is the 4th of July, and that has some significance in the U.S. of A. It turns out that as a nation we like to drink, eat grilled meat, and blow shit up.

Thanks this week to ACW, Dustin, Belsum, Lord Pithy, JA Coppinger, and Capt McArmypants.

On to the questions:
1. Any food traditions for the fourth? Picnic food: hot dog and hamburgers or fried chicken? Sides?
No food traditions to speak of. I am much more a hot-dog and hamburger guy. Corn on the cob, green beans, chips… it’s all good

2. Any out of town visitors?
My parents :(

3. Going to the Crew game? - tickets starting at $10....
Nope, eventhough it is only $10

4. Do you spend the fourth relaxing or doing chores around the house?
Typically a little of Column A and a little of Column B

5. Why is it that no matter how old I get, I still get excited at the prospect of fireworks? On a scale of 1-10: How much cooler are fireworks purchased on a tribal reservation as opposed to in the parking lot of a K-mart? What is the coolest thing you ever did with fireworks (“coolest” from the point of view of a 13 yr. old male)?
You are still an adolescent at heart. As for the 1 to 10 thing it depends on the amount of fire water purchased as well. My borther and I would have a 5th of July celebration where we would explode models with left over fireworks. It was pretty cool

6. Has Little Man learned to love blowing things up yet?
Little Man is not a fan of Fireworks. For some silly reason, Columbus’s big fireworks display is on the 3rd, the local neighborhood display is on the 4th, and Crew Stadium will be lighting them off on the 5th. Those three nights, regardless of weather, the house will need to be closed and fans/AC running to drown out the explosions that scare Little Man.

7. How many times have you seen Independence Day? Is President Whitmore’s speech before the final battle pretty much the awesomest thing or what?
I have seen ID4 maybe 1.5 times. I thought it was horrible. I did not like one bit of it. So Whitmore’s speech did absolutely nothing for me, even though it was delivered by acting juggernaught Bill Pullman

8. Do you prefer seeing the big civic displays of fireworks or setting off your own explosives with neighbors?
I like the more intimate affairs with greater probability of bodily harm.

9. Who is your favorite Founding Father and why?
Alexander Hamilton… he’s dreamy

10. With 200+ years of hindsight, did the founding fathers really do us any favors?
I think the ideals that have underpinned the mythology associated with the US is the best favor. True that mythos is not their intention or even remotely the reality, but the myth is pretty awesome.

11. Which is the greater irony: "Land of the Free" or "Home of the Brave"?
Land of the Free

12. If given a time machine, would you agree to go back and sign your name to the Declaration even larger than Hancock's? Still with the time machine, what rider would you attach to the document?
I think I would LOLSign the Declaration: Iams sining yur papur, dclarin NDpendens, LOL SRH

13. Inalienable or unalienable: which is correct?
Unalienable is the one on the paper, but both are recognized words.

14. How do you see the 4th: day off for beer and burgers, or an important flag waving kinda day?
I am not an important flag waving kind of guy.

15. Is there any point to watching fireworks on TV?
Nope

16. What’s your personal take on the Declaration of Independence (250 words or less!)

Hey, George!
Suck it!

17. So why is Independence Day such an awesome film? I mean it so full of plot holes and logic errors that it is painful to think about and yet in the end it comes together so well?!
It is not an awesome film. Next you will be telling me that Titanic was a cinematic wonderland.

18. Honestly which is a bigger mockery of the original intent of the holiday? Xmas or Independance Day? Is it a tie? I mean sure one deals with religion and should make it a shoe-in for a bigger mockery, but at least if you want to take Xmas "seriously" you know where to start, but with the 4th? I mean most people don't even think about it.
Xmas is more of a mockery.

19. So is there anything that has failed to keep its childhood wonderment than fireworks, aside from possibly trips to the zoo? I mean when I was a wee one I was alllllll psyched for fireworks, now they are actually kinda a nuisance for me. I would actually prefer to see a nice quiet starry night than one with fireworks. You?
I was pretty ambivalent about fireworks prior to Little Man hating them. Now, I just want them to go away so my little boy can sleep

20. I usually don't give to the Holiday Santa's on street corners with their stupid bells, but I would totally cough up a few bucks to roving bands of crippled fief-players/drummers carrying a tattered colonial flag. So why have none of the charities targeted my demographic?!?!
Your demographic, while stacked with chips, is still teeny tiny, and marketing campaigns are more shot-gun blasts than sniper fire.


To recap:
My parents are already here and it is waay too early
They might accidentally poke mama bear with a pointy stick
They don’t want to poke mama bear with a pointy stick
Nobody wants to poke mama bear with the pointy stick
Whatever happened to Bronson Pinchot?
That has to be a bitter man
I am checking out of here early today
With enough caffeine in my system, I might be able to run just enough interference
I’ve got my Mountain Dew
I’ve got my keys
I have a damsel in distress
I have a mission

One if by land, two if by sea


Well, I live in Central Ohio, so it is the solitary lamp in the bell tower. Nothing attacks C-bus by sea!

That’s right the parents are making the trip to see Q, and Chez SRH is getting ready for the invasion. Tonight Wifey and I will fortify our positions and get ready for the inevitable parental encroachment.

Things on the Have to Get Done Before the Parents Get Here To Do List:
  • Drill into Little Man not to say who his least favorite grandparents are

  • Finish Q’s room, even though it will not be used for a while longer

  • Put away all bank statements and/or credit card bills

  • Clean bathrooms

  • Remind Q that she can be held by those other than her mama

  • Grovel at the feet of Wifey since I will be at work during most of the visit

This visit already seems like it will be a rough one. For some reason the relatively appropriate parental reactions of 3 months ago seem long forgotten. I am not sure why the craptastic switch was flipped, but that seems to be the case. It is going to be a rough one. They will not be here until tomorrow evening, but that is soon enough.

Luckily they will also be traveling up to visit my grandma in Kent, Ohio, so for at least a day or two we will have a break.

On another note, the dreaded ceiling fan is now all together and working. All this took was 3 calls to the fan etch support people, someone to re-anchor a junction box in the ceiling and a follow-up trip to the store to switch out a bad remote receiver. New receiver, a bit of wiring, and a goodly bit of fan to ceiling wrestling later and viola we have a new ceiling fan in the living room. It only took 2 weeks.

2 weeks for a frikkin ceiling fan!

To recap:
Did a shit-ton of cleaning this weekend
By tomorrow evening Casa Del SRH shall again be presentable
Currently the house is in a bit of disarray
That is the way of the house with a new baby
Don’t get me wrong,
We aren’t making the place spotless
We are just making seem like we don’t live like animals
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions will be about the 4th of July
Ooooh exciting

Digital Thursday

I don’t have much to share today as far as Digital Thursday is concerned. I do have a work in progress that I am, uh… working on. It is of a stylized Flash, a-ah, he saved every one of us, Gordon. I am pretty close to having the major color areas blocked out. Next is adding a few levels of shadow and highlight, then I am going to try out some texture stuff to take it in a completely different direction than I am used to.

So without further ado, Flash, he's for everyone of us, stand for everyone of us, he'll save with a mighty hand, every man every woman, every child - with a mighty flash, Gordon

To recap:
Maybe next week I will remember my iPod docking station
Prolly not
The basement is very close to being a swimming pool
It poured last night
Little Man was a bit freaked out by the storms
Q slept through them in her mama’s arms
Origins is going on this weekend
I am not going
I seem to have better things to do
Those things involve either sleep or baby
But not both
Have a great weekend everyone

One

One would think there would be a veritable plethora (One also knows that one cannot merely have a “plethora.” One realizes that one must have a “veritable plethora.” One could very well be very wise in these ways.) of stories and anecdotes to draw from for the creation of a witty post. One would be incorrect on this matter, regardless of one’s prowess in parsing together the phrase “veritable plethora.” As it turns out there is not much currently worthy of remark with which to draw. One could bore others senseless with benign tales of random nothingness, but one really should not.

Currently, one’s nose could be itching, but since one is potentially at work and might be surrounded by a court of one’s peers, one should deny oneself the pleasure of scratching one’s nose from the inside, lest one could be accused of attempting to harvest something from one’s leftmost nostril. One might, however, rub one’s leftmost nostril vigorously much to no avail.

One might also note that it is nigh socially unacceptable to shed one’s left shoe to scratch betwixt the 3rd and 4th toes, no matter the fervency with which that tender area itches. This social moray is even in place whence dealing with stockinged feet. It is not as if one has shed footwear and stocking to scratch rabidly between said toes with wild abandon. One would really be merely attempting to relieve the unwanted grievance with the most decorum one could afford and still receive treatment for one’s malady of agitation.

One might also be aware that the work peers also frown upon the usage of the third person impersonal whence referring to an individual within a social collective. One might note that it is akin to referring to oneself in the third person by name. SRH knows this social moray all to well. SRH is very aware of this, yet one might note SRH’s willingness to askew morays by scratching SRH’s left nostril from the inside and then scratching between SRH’s 3rd and 4th toes on SRH’s left foot whilst not sporting his shoe.

To recap:
Allergies tend to make me itchy
I have no idea what I am going to whip up for Digital Thursday
I imagine it will be extremely well thought out though
Still haven’t brought in my iPod dock
So I am still not listening to anything but the working machinations of my diligent co-workers
I am thirsty
And tired

20 Questions Tuesday: 96 - Get back to work, you

So, I am now back at work. Let me tell you something: After 2 and a half weeks of basking in the glow of love that is my family, going back to work sucks. I am tired and cranky. Oh, and I don’t like people. So today’s 20 Questions will be about that process of going back to work.

Thanks this week to Dustin, Belsum, Dr B Dawg, and Sparky. On to the questions


1. On a scale of 1 – 10: How hard was it to get out of bed this morning (assuming you made it to bed in the first place).
π... mmmmmmm pie

2. What does one pack for lunch on their triumphant “RETURN TO WORK DAY!”
One goes out to lunch

3. How many new pictures of your little bundle of joy do you have to add to your desk?
I am a modern man. I have many a picture on a thumb drive

4. Estimated number of gallons of coffee you’ll need to consume to make it through the week?
Zero. What don’t you people get? I don’t drink coffee. The taste never lives up to the aroma.

5. Did anyone steal your stapler while you were gone?
Nope. I still have my 2 staplers and 4 pairs of scissors

6. What percentage of your 239 emails can you just delete or move to another folder and call it good enough?
10 were honest to goodness work related, so that works out to just over 4%.

7. Is it easier to come back after a short absence or a long one?
I would imagine a shorter break would have made it somewhat easier. Also spending the time with family that I don't like would have made the return easier as well.

8. Do your co-workers expect you to be fully engaged right away or do you get an unofficial grace period for your brain to adjust?
There was an un-official grace period. Yesterday was pretty much a wash between clearing my email inbox and conversing with everyone about baby stuff.

9. Are standard office supplies as a group (wooden pencils, pens, notepads, printer paper) in the top five for most environmentally wasteful things around?
I don’t think so. I think fast food packaging is up there and pizza boxes. Most recycling centers cannot use pizza boxes.

10. Did you arrive at work with a picture of the new one?
I have her hospital picture in my wallet and 24 other images on a thumb drive.

11. Future stay at home dad?
I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I need non-kid centered conversation.

12. Do you have a workday avatar?
Nope

13. So far today, what's been the most frequently asked question?
“So, you gonna have any more?” I swear to God, if I could stab some people in the eye...

14. How much Mountain Dew did it take before you could form a complete sentence this a.m.?
A good 20oz. A better question would have been “How much Mountain Dew did it take before you could form a coherent sentence this a.m.?”

15. How do you think mommies cowgirl up for returning to work after a 3-month maternity leave? Let's not forget that during their absence they, oh I don't know, gave birth to a child and have been getting zero sleep!
I have no idea how they do it… simply no idea.

16. If you were a full-time, stay at home dad for 5 years and had to return to the workplace, what job title and description would you give those 5 years on your resume?
Freelance team manager

17. Do you think professional athletes dread going "back to work" once their off-season is over? I mean really, "Oh man, I have to golf today...and get paid for it!"
You sound bitter. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

18. Was there a party waiting for you at work?
No :-( and my birthday was this weekend too. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I had to buy my own lunch and everything.

19. Have you even done any work since you came back in?
A little.

20. There is no Question 20
Oh, thank goodness. I couldn’t bear to answer another question about coming back to work.

To recap:
I need to bring my iPod docking station back into work
Played a bit with SketchUp today
It is an interesting program
So far all I have been able to do is modify other people’s models
Soon I shall bring about models of my own
Then all shall fear me
Umm…. Where was I?
I need to take some time and get some Copic Markers
Maybe that is a trip I can make at lunch tomorrow
Listening to people working all around me
The near rhythmic clicks of mouses mice meese clicky thingers and the tappa tappa tappa of keyboards
Lulling… me…
To…
Sleeeeeeeeeep

Work again, work again, jiggity jig

Well, I am back at work today. There will be more on this tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday will be dedicated to going back to work. More than can be said for me.

Q is a very cute baby. I know, I know, I am horrendously biased, but Wifey and I continue to get unsolicited compliments about how cute our newborn baby girl is. We got similar unsolicitations with Little Man as well. We are horrendously biased there as well, but that is immaterial.

Anyhoo… Wifey and I started noticing something when Q was “concentrating” or grimacing in her sleep. Q looks just like Michael Chiklis. Compare and contrast.

Michael Chiklis




Q



Who would have thought? Chiklis is quite the cute baby girl

To recap:
I am tired
Punchy kind of tired
Not listening to anything
I have 239 emails to wade through
Yet, no voice mails
Cheers

Digital Thursday

In Little Man’s summer pre-school this week, they were talking about space and astronauts and such. It turns out that there are a few facts about space and Little Man that I did not know.

Fact 1: His favorite planet is Jupiter because of the colors and the red-storm
Fact 2: He does not like Pluto. He mumbled something about planet-like bodies bringing their weak ass game into his house, but I really didn’t catch all that much of it
Fact 3: Ummm…. There really were only 2. I am tired, leave me alone people.

Anyhoo… one of the tasks from this week in pre-school was to “create” his own planet. I give to you, Little Man’s planet known as Stripes.

I also give to you Little Man as Galactus, Devourer of Worlds with the soup du jour, Stripes.

He brought Stripes into existence, he can surely take it out.

To recap:
I turn 34 on Saturday
All I want for my birthday is a nap
Q is doing well
Little Man is a bit under the weather
I am a bit hungry
Maybe I need a snack
Not listening to anything at the moment
Have a great weekend everyone

Fans do not help in Hell

Today I spent most of the day attempting to install a ceiling fan. In the end it did not go well.

The ceiling fan in question has a remote control instead of pull chords. I am not typically an old fusty pants about new-fangled technology, but I tend to lean towards the elegant simplicity of pull chords for ceiling fans. That way the internal and external wiring is much simpler and the fan has a rhythmic sound as the pull chords bounce off the light fixture. It is a nice soothing sound.

I see where the usefulness of a remote may be helpful to those of us in the household who do not happen to be over 6 ft tall. The usefulness is immediate and apparent. In that way I am no dullard. Plus, I have seen the lack of utility in action with the up-stairs ceiling fans and the inability of the Lilliputian members of the family to control them. It is true, in the house, I am a Wind God! For I have control over the speed of the breeze!

Anyhoo… I was able to wire up the remote receiver and the fan to the ceiling, get everything mounted, and victory was mine! The ceiling fan was operational. The remote worked and all was happy, except that we did not have the correct light bulbs for the new fan.

I went to Target for said light-bulbs. When I returned home and triumphantly screwed in the light bulbs to witness my success, to my consternation, nothing happened. I could hear clicking from the remote receiver illustrating that the fan was ready to operate, but no spinny wind making and no shiny light emitting.

I disassembled the fan and found one of the wires had broken at the point where it had been stripped for the wire nut. No biggy. Re-strip the wire, re-wire nut, re-mount, and the light worked like a champ!... but the fan was still lacking a certain fan-i-ness since it would not spin and create sweet sweet breezes for my furrowed brow. I re-disassembled and re-checked the wiring. Lo and behold, another wire was not connected. Strip, wire nut and re-mount. No problemo

Okay, one problem. The mounting fixture decided to strip itself out of the swanky 1980’s junction box. Whaaaaaa?!? The fan is not going to work when it is not attached to the ceiling, by more than wires and wire nuts. Now this full day project has just gone out of my reach. I have done junction box kind of work before. I have not done it with old decrepit wiring. Looks like I will need to bring in outside help for a stupid ceiling fan.

To recap:
Stupid freaking ceiling fan
If I can put together what I want to tomorrow’s Digital Thursday will rock
I am hungry
Little Man was grumpy today
So was I
I am surviving off of caffeine
Wifey is amazing
There is waaay too much foliage growing in the gutters of our carport
Yet, I feel no need to remedy that
Listening to The Beast and the Dragon, Adored by Spoon from Gimme Fiction
Thanks to Dr B Dawg for introducing me to Spoon
Little Man is watching Backyardigans right now

20 Questions Tuesday: 95 - 2 of them?

Having a second child is riddled with emotion. There is a certain amo0unt of loss associated with no longer have a solitary child and solitary responsibility of raising that one. There is something glorious adding to a family. If done correctly, the new child does not fill a void, the new child merely makes things “more complete.” So today’s 20 Questions Tuesday is about our having a second child.

Thanks this week go to lsig, Capt Mc Armypants, Lord Pithy and Wifey.

On to the questions:
1. How long is Q going between feedings?
On average I would say that she is eating every 2 hours or so. There are some 3 to 4 hour spaces between feeding, but there are also some 1 hour issues as well.

2. Is this 2-kid thing easier or harder than you expected?
Yes, and no. Yes, because when we had Little Man, when he slept, we slept. So there was a bit more potential for small shots of sleep. No because now we have a 4.9 year old who is firmly ensconced in his typical human circadian rhythms. Now, we no longer have the luxury of sleeping when Q is sleeping because Little Man is up and running with scissors.

3. How is Little Man adjusting to the interloper?
He is doing well. I imagine it will really come to a head when she gets more interactive and demanding more attention… that will be the test. Right now she is either eating, getting changed or sleeping.

4. You claim not to be overly sleep-deprived. Can Wifey say the same?
The funny thing with not “overly sleep deprived” is that you can easily turn the “overly sleep deprived” corner with just one bad night. We like to call those Monday nights.

5. Is this the Best Thing Ever?
It is really flipping close. I would imagine the wheel and sliced bread might take on more cultural and human significance, but this is up there for Casa Del SRH.

6. So when I was a kid and sleep deprived I would get all giggly and punchy. As an adult I find that I just get really really cranky and want to punch things? Does this mean I am better at being sleep deprived or is this just the natural evolution of "punchy"?
I believe this is the natural evolution of “punchy.”

7. Don't you feel in the future both your kids would try harder at school if they knew only one college education would be paid for?
I think it would be a real kicker to make Little Man wait 4 years to see if he could go on to college. Advantage Q.

8. There are several "methods" of sleeping less to gain efficiency. They have all these charts with bio-rhythms and when you should wake up and promises that if you just do it for a few weeks it will see completely natural. They all promise that you will be come more efficient and have more time in the day. Honestly, how proactive do you think a guy who messed with his sleep schedule and wrote a book about it really is? I mean does this sound like a busy guy or some loser coming up with things to do?
There is a certain amount of credibility to acclimating to a schedule. Just like acclimatizing to high elevation, I imagine the body can get used to chronic sleep debt. To write a book about it though seems a bit loser-ish.

9. As I get older I really believe that if I could just get another set of eyes and trade them out day on / day off I would need half as much sleep. Concur or dis-concur?
Concur.

10. When was the last time you had the falling dream? If recently, can you stop yourself now? I know I break 4th wall all the time now. Would you say this is apathy or practice?
I have never really had the falling dream, but in my “nightmarish” dreams I have taught my subconscious some abilities to retain some amount of lucidity. So I have had some ability to break the fourth wall and make my nightmares into the dance party of my dreams… literally.

11. Using the Brady kids as archetypes, who is Little Man, and who is Q?
Remind me which boy was the train obsessed, severely asthmatic one with the multiple food allergies and which girl was the newborn.

12. If you could travel back in time 10 years, what advice/insight would you attempt to offer the pre-parental SRH?
Simplify.

13. Now that you have a daughter, has your view on the appropriate age for a first date changed?
Nope.

14. What's your favorite Noggin show?
The Upside Down Show.

15. What do you expect Q's first four-letter word to be? What was Little Man's?
Q: Mutha Fuckah (while technically not a “four-letter” word per se, I believe it fits the criteria. We are teaching her right)
Little Man: Shit

16. Why does she poop right after we change her?
The only thin I can think of is that by wiping her butt we are somehow stimulating her behind to let loose with the poo. Kind of like a mama cat cleaning her kittens.

17. Whose kid is this? She doesn’t look like you or me.
No kidding. I saw her come out of you, so she is definitely yours, what… what are you trying to tell me?

18. Would it be so hard to have multiple color selections for pack and plays?
No shit. How hard could it be to make the same model in 3 different fabrics? Not everyone’s living room is decorated by jungle animals in lime green.

19. Sweet Ani DiFranco! We need to go grocery shopping!
That isn’t much of a question, but you are right.

20. Do you mind if I take a 30 minute nap?
Not at all.


To recap:
It is difficult getting these done during the day
We are nigh out of everything in the cupboards areas
My back is a bit sore
When I was actually sleeping, I must have done it wrong
That is a kick in the pants
Don’t get to sleep much, and when I do it is wrong
My birthday is this Saturday
I just remembered that
So what did you guys get me?
Listening to Little Man play with trains
I am about to join him

Difficulty

It is very difficult to smash a spider with a newborn baby in your arms. Let’s just say that it is a difficult position to be in. Can we all at least agree on that?

I mean, your agility is more than cut in half. Newborn babies have rather floppy heads and little tiny necks that cannot support the massive weight of their own noggin. That lack of nogginal support means that unless you have the neck of said newborn supported, the head will bob and swing around like a wrecking ball. All your spider killing instincts honed over years of dispatching arachnids have to be reined in. You cannot leap into the air and send a final blow to a spider using a papered palm slap and some tarantella foot work. Baby’s head would be bouncing around like a rubber ball in a pogo stick factory… (admittedly that is a pretty weak analogy).

Further compounding this decreased agility is the fact that you should not attempt to kill the spider WITH the newborn baby in your hands. A newborn baby is not a reliable weapon. I am going to repeat this to help it set in, this time in all caps, ‘cause it’s ‘portant. A NEWBORN BABY IS NOT A RELIABLE WEAPON. I feel that a list is the best way to demonstrate all the weaknesses associated with newborns as weapon.

  • Aforementioned weak neck with heavy noggin
  • Soft spot on skull
  • Poor hand-eye coordination
  • Lack of battle cry
  • No teeth
  • Propensity to sleep
  • 6 to 9 pounds of whoop-ass is not that impressive (unless it is concentrated in thrown cat form)

See? Newborns just are not the killing machines you are looking for. A rolled up piece of paper would do better.

To recap:
Wifey, Q, and Little Man are all doing well
I am not as sleep deprived as I would have thought
But maybe that is a sign of sleep deprivation
Her 1 week check up was stellar
She is gaining weight like a champ
A champ that has stopped fighting
And is eating like he was still training
By “She” I mean Q, not Wifey
Can I get a “Welcome back” from the crowd?
20 Questions Tuesday triumphantly returns tomorrow