(Editor’s note: Things got away from me last night. Had the post written, but not formatted for publishing…. So you are getting it today)
Hey everyone, this week I'm doing a reader submitted subject! I will be answering 20 questions about the topic of “Bread.” I have no idea where this one will go. Unlike incredible comedian, Jackie Kashian’s special, “It’s Never Going to be Bread,” this week’s 20 Questions is.
Here we go. On to the questions
1. What is your favorite type of bread, and why?
That's like asking me to choose my favorite child. Different breads are my favorites for different things.
If I had to choose an all purpose bread, that could be for sandwiches, dipping in soup, french toast, garlic bread, etc… I think it would be something like a good solid Italian bread. Good internal structure without to hard of a crust, but has some tooth to it when you crisp it up
2. Have you ever baked bread from scratch? How did it turn out?
Yes, but only since being gluten free. The first forays were not amazing. Used a bread maker with a generic gluten free bread recipe. It was not great. IT was better than most I was finding in grocery stores, but that is faint praise and a low bar.
Lately the Caputo Fioriglut GF Flour has been amazing. I have made a regular loaf of bread with it that was great and even better focaccia.
3. Why do you think bread has been a staple food in so many cultures?
Bread is truly the first achievement when a culture starts up agriculture. It has huge meaning to people. Bread is the first true culmination of bending the environment to human needs.
4. What’s the best sandwich you’ve ever had, and what kind of bread was it on?
Honestly… it was a turkey Reuben (roast turkey breast, cole slaw, Swiss cheese, and thousand island dressing on rye bread) that I made myself that was on a marble rye. Now I want a turkey Reuben really bad.
5. What’s the greatest thing since sliced bread… in your opinion?
Sliced bread was invented in 1928, so it is still less than 100 years ago. I'm going to go with the microchip which was invented in 1958.
6. How do you feel about gluten-free bread? Is it a worthy substitute or an imposter?
All gluten free bread is inferior to its glutenated counterparts. Think of methadone v heroine. That being said, there are some gluten free reads that are acceptable. The bread I've been making with that Caputo flour is truly good. Against the Grain baguette s and dinner rolls are good as well. The best commercial gf sandwich bread I have found so far is O’Dough’s. But it is much more a sandwich bun than a loaf of bread. When Udi’s had a rye loaf, that was amazing, but they are not making that now. Schar can kiss my ass.
7. Why do so many religious and cultural traditions incorporate bread into their rituals?
I think it has to do with bread being the first culmination of agriculture. Culture is built off of agriculture and religion. The combination of the two is ritual and bread.
8. What’s the most expensive bread you’ve ever bought, and was it worth it?
Tartine’s “Country Bread” sourdough loaf. Worth every penny. It is a fully glutenated bread that does not trip up my gluten sensitivity. Truly game changing… but expensive. It is something I ask for at Christmas. The Tartine bakery in San Francisco ships or you can get it from GoldBelly.
9. Do you prefer your bread toasted or fresh? With butter, jam, or something else?
All gluten free bread requires grilling or toasting. It has to have sone kind of chemical change to create an acceptable texture. I toast all my sammiches. As far as toast? Butter most definitely. Then either honey, or cinnamon sugar, or grape jam.
10. How do you feel about people who tear their bread versus those who slice it?
Depends on the bread in question. Naan or pita or some other flat bread? Tear that shit, yo.
11. If a stranger handed you a loaf of bread with no explanation, what would you do?
That is an amazing question. Honestly, I would graciously accept the bread and ask if anyone wanted “random stranger bread.” Since I need to stay gluten free, not a big ask for me.
12. If money is "bread," what other foods should be used as financial metaphors?
Money = bread
Stocks = crackers
Mutual Funds = hard tack
Bearer Bonds = let’s say, biscuits (southern, not British)
13. What’s the most dramatic way you could "break bread" with an enemy?
Stale baguette over the head, Corsican Brothers style. (Corsican Brother’s Style?!?!? Wow, that is a deep 1980’s cut)
14. If aliens came to Earth and we had to explain bread to them, what would you say?
It is a nutritional stable foam generated through a chemical and thermal reaction to biological reactants.
15. If a secret society used bread as a symbol, what would they stand for?
Tricking the Illuminati into feeding the poor. It would be a secret society affecting a world dominating cabal. Lies within lies and conspiracies within conspiracies within dough.
16. Imagine a world where bread was illegal—what would the black market look like?
Not sure what it would look like, but it would smell divine.
17. Are we as humans hard-wired to find the smell of bread baking delicious?
Imma just say, “yes” on this one
18. What would be the plot of a detective novel titled Breadcrumbs?
It would be a gritty dramatic retelling of Aardman’s “Wallace & Gromit: A Matter of Loaf and Death,” where Gromit is Wallace's precocious 11 year old daughter.
19. What’s the most unnecessary, over-the-top gourmet bread concept you can think of?
Not sure completely, but it would involve truffle oil, saffron, and gold leaf.
20. What’s more dangerous: stale bread as a weapon or bread crumbs leading you into the unknown?
Bread crumbs leading into the unknown… The meager trail of ancient crumbs, desiccated and grey as tombstone dust, led inexorably downward through stygian passages untouched by solar illumination since times immemorial. I followed with mounting trepidation, my lantern's feeble radiance revealing grotesque carvings upon the cyclopean stonework—eldritch symbols of forgotten civilizations whose very existence would drive modern archaeologists to gibbering madness. The air grew thick with miasmic vapors that seemed to whisper arcane secrets in languages not meant for human tongues. Each step further from the world of rationality narrowed the boundary between waking consciousness and the nameless horrors that lurk beyond the veil of sanity.
Yet still I followed those accursed breadcrumbs, drawn by an unwholesome curiosity that overwhelmed my rapidly diminishing reason, until at last the passage opened into a vast subterranean chamber wherein dwelt That Which Should Not Be Named, whose mere aspect caused the very fabric of reality to warp and contort in blasphemous geometries.
See? Stale bread just does not compare
To recap:
This post is a day late and a dollar short
You can say anything you want about nothing and still be correct
Anyhoozlebee
Commissions are open
Will draw for money
Will cartograph for money
Will design for money
Will user experience for money
Money, money, money
Hit me up
I needs more of it
For the budget
My budget
Budget, budget, budget
I was pretty impressed by the llm’s on this one
ChatGPT really stepped it up
Claude brought the heat as well
Gemini be Gemini-ing
What cha gonna do?
All that being said about Gemini, it did make some good imagery form the post
One of the step-kiddos is playing Subnautica
That is a super pretty game
Supposedly, that is a helpful in some way
Who knows, sign up and let me report back
Have a great rest of the week, all!