20 Questions Tuesday: 130 - Traveling

Well, last week Wifey, Q and I went to Sundance, Utah for 4.5 days-ish. Sure we were really only able to see where we were for three days, but technically “boots were on the ground” for 5 days, but I do not live in a world of technicalities. Unfortunately, leading up to this trip to Sundance required more effort than previously thought and I was not able to get this 20 Questions Tuesday to you last week. C’est la vie.

Thanks this (and last) week go to Dr Clean, ACW, Atmikha, John P, All Rileyed Up, and Capt McArmypants.

On to the questions:
1. Is there an airline out there that still has customer service?
I have not really had too much problem with airline customer service as of late. My issue is not with the people on the ground dealing with individuals… uh… individually, but with the policy makers with whom customers never get to interface.

2. What is the most embarrassing thing you have forgotten to pack?
Toothbrush and toothpaste

3. What is the packing philosophy of both you and Wifey...just enough, enough for a round the world cruise, or does this still smell ok?
We are somewhere in between the 2. We tend to take just a bit more than we need for the “just in case” situations, but sometimes the utility stuff gets a bit gamey.

4. So Little Man is all "crazy train", what does he think of airplanes?
He likes then pretty well, but not as much as the diesel electric locomotives

5. Do you have passports? Little Man? Q?
Wifey and I have current and up-to-date passports, but the kids do not… yet. There is a tentatively planned trip to Cananada this summer that may require them to have passports, so that may be remedied soon.

6. When was the last time you traveled for purely recreational purposes?
It has been a few years, I think.

7. Harder with 2 kids or does Little Man pull his own weight (get it? - pull his own luggage - I slay me - or not...)?
Little Man does his share, but that does not mean that traveling with 2 is easier since he does some work.

8. Any favorite traveling games?
None that I can think of.

9. What do you enjoy most about air travel?
Since I am a cartographer by trade, looking out the window is massively important and fun.

10. Is there anything special you will try to do or see while Wifey is at work?
Just hiking in the mountains was enough.

11. Is there a regional culinary specialty you are looking forward to sampling while visiting Utah? -- I remember that some kind of fruit pie was heavily featured on almost every menu when I was last there.
There is no regional culinary specialty that I am aware of concerning the state of Utah.

12. Do you travel well or are you somewhat distressed by the whole endeavor?
I am a solid middle for those choices. I am typically distressed until the travel actually starts, then I mellow a bit until shit hits the fan.

13. Blues Traveler or the Traveling Wilburys?
I am more of a Blues Traveler.

14. Is the NBA lax in calling traveling penalties? I don't watch the game but wanted your opinion.
The NBA is lax about calling most penalties, but traveling is hardly ever called. I think when it is the looks on the infracting players’ faces are priceless.

15. What is/do you imagine to be the most fun about flying first class
The roominess and reclinability of the seats.

16. Ever been to Utah before
Nope.

17. Why don't missionaries try to spread the word on airplanes - seems they have a captive audience who can't go anywhere
I think most missionaries are very aware of the precipitous drop if they are asked to leave.

18. If you could have any job associated with airplanes and airports, what job would that be?
I think pilot

19. Will Bullet trains ever go anywhere in this country? (Yeh, I almost counted it as 2 questions.)
They go from Washington DC to Boston, MA multiple times a day.

20. After a 3 - 4 day trip, do you need a day after you get back of down time to get back into the swing of things? And how do you feel this ranks on the HOW DID I GET SO OLD!!! scale. Like worse than leaving the TV on the weather channel all day or better than start 6 of 10 sentences with back in my day?
I would appreciate a day, but at the moment it is not completely necessary… Don’t get me wrong, a day of downtime is extremely helpful, just not absolutely necessary. I think if “back, kids actually listen to this shit?” is a 1, and “where’s my shawl” is a 5, and “if that ball comes over here once more I’m gonna keep it” is a 10: a day of recoup is probably a 3.

And one to grow on:

21. What % of the "improvements" to air line security actually make you safer compared providing nominal to placebo effect?
I think about the only thing that makes me feel safer is the increased security presence and the relative fitness and vigor of the TSA workers compared to the screeners of, say, 1988. The shoes, the liquids, the sharp objects… all crap with no effect on safety whatsoever.


To recap:
Both kids are down right now with fever
Wifey’s mom is down as well
It is just me and Wifey and me clinging on to our health like wounded tigers…
Wait a second, that doesn’t sound right
Still on the fence about reading “The Battle for God” or reading “Presence”
I re-read about 15 pages of “Battle for God” last night
Tonight I am going to try for some pages of “Presence”
Capt McArmypants thinks I should go with “Presence” because “Battle for God” would be too depressing
Any other opinions out there?
Listening to King of Pain by Alanis Morissette from her MTV Unplugged special

20 Questions Tuesday: 129 - Chores

Well, I am still riding the unemployment train and starting to realize that I need to take more action to fill my day. That means that I need to step up the items on my “To Do:” list and come up with weekly chores around the house to at least make my living environment better. Therefore, today’s topic is “Chores.”

Thanks this week go to ACW, Sparky, Lsig, Dr B-Dawg, Belsum, John P, Atmikha, and Wifey. I have collected the similar questions into single repetitive questions.

On to the Questions:
1. Does Little Man have any chores? Any regularly scheduled ones? Is Little Man onto the fact that chores aren't fun and requires an allowance for his perfomance of the chores? List of Little Man Chores:...
Little Man does have some things that could be defined as chores. They involve cleaning up after himself, mostly. So far we are using an achievement based system that rewards him with Go! Diego! Go! Wii games and root beer. He has to keep his train table clean and the trains and track off the floor in the living room and dining room. He needs to regularly “clean” his room (pick up the train tracks in there as well) .

2. Is the house cleaner now, than a year ago? Is the house as clean as you want it? Is the house more clean, laundry caught up and woodpile stocked with freshly chopped wood these days?
We have an almost nine month old in the house right now, so the house is in an absolute shambles. This place is no where near as clean as Wifey or I would like it to be, and the amounts of laundry that needs to be done is a bit staggering much like the amount of clothes that need to be put away.

3. Whole house cleaning or just a room at any one time?
I am a room by room cleaner. Especially since the whole house is such a sty at the moment. The most we can get clean is one or two rooms at a time.

4. Do you employ Little Man to get into those hard-to-reach places?
No, but that is a great idea, and he seems to want to be more and more helpful…

5. What's your forte - dusting, vacuuming, dishes?
I am good at most things, but I really got pretty good at washing dishes in the apartment years of our marriage.

6a. I despise scrubbing the kitchen floor. What chore do you despise? Are there some chores that you can't stand, so you make sure to demonstrate occasionally how unequipped you are to perform it? What Chore do you absolutely hate more than the mighty Hippo? When faced with cleaning bathrooms, I will suddenly see an urgent need to go to the garage, mix up the degreaser and take care of those unsightly oil spots. The bathroom usually has to wait until a certain crescendo of shame and repulsion has peaked. Unless I have to write a big paper, or pay bills. Are there any chores you really can't bring yourself to do?
I hate most chores because of their near endless nature. I get all the dishes put away and then need to eat again. Now I have dirty dishes that need to be taken care of. Unless I naked myself up, and make the fam go nudist for a day, all the clothes in the house are never clean, etc… I hate Chores.

6b. Do you have any chores that you actually like? What Chore do you really not mind at all? When entering chore mode, I make a list, consider it, then invariably do the laundry. Are there any chores you enjoy, or at least don't mind doing on a daily basis?
There are no chores that I actually “like.” It would become an “activity” if I liked it. I don’t mind sweeping, but Wifey does mind when I sweep because I am too slow and too thorough.

7. Cinderella sings a happy tune while doing her endless chores. You?
I curse in as many languages as I can in my head.

8. Did you get an allowance for doing chores as a child? Will Little Man or Q and if yes, at what age will you start? How soon before you put the kids to work on some of your most hated chores? List of Chores you can't wait until Little Man is able to do instead of you:...
I did get an allowance pittance. Anyone who knows my parents know that they were not quite free with their spending. I think when Little Man and Q get to Kindergarten it might be time to introduce them to the concept of the “Chore.” When Little Man can mow I will be a happy man. Sadly he is still quite young for that kind of task.

9. Is writing the blog a chore? Is writing this blog a chore?
Sometimes, yes… sometimes, no.

10. What chores did you have assigned to you as a kid?
I had to mow the yard as well as take out the trash. Vacuuming was occasionally required as well.

11. How do you divide up the chores in your house now? Did you and Wifey have to actively split up duties or did the division come pretty naturally? Who has bug/big hairy spider killing duty? What’s the one thing that you let get to you that doesn’t bother Wifey and vice versa?
So far we have not really sat down and had a “chore summit” for a while. It is definitely time to re-distribute the tasks necessary to keeping a family in a house.

12. Would a chore by any other name be the same? Like, if you called it a game, would that make washing dishes any more fun?
Games have rewards for accomplishments, especially computer games. So unless I can “level up” and do dishes faster or kill orcs whilst washing dishes, no, calling them a game would just be lying.

13. Do you have a weekly/daily schedule of chores, or do you call them as you see them? Are you a list maker or do you just do what obviously needs to be done?
I abhor the concept of lists, yet I think it might be time for me to grow up and use one or two.

14. What is the relationship between time consumption of the chore and the involvement of tools?
I have found that the chores that demand the least tools or the simplest tools are the worst ones. Cleanser and sponge comes to mind.

15. “Chore” rhymes with “bore,” is that intentional? Please explain the origin of the word Chore.
I think the rhyming is more serendipitous than intentional. And etymology is a chore to me, so find out its origin your damn self.

16. Are there any household duties that you really don’t mind doing but become chores when expected regularly? For me that would be cooking dinner. I like to cook but coming up with a quick and easy supper plan every night gets old.
Little Man’s bath comes to mind as well as cooking. If we have an idea of what we are going to eat that week, cooking isn’t so bad, but it is difficult to continually “whip something up,” so to speak.

17. Martha Stewart made a fortune of celebrating the "Art of Living," in other words, the elevation of tedious household cleaning and maintenance tasks to exercises in artisanal excellence. Would you consider her a saint or a nut job?
She is whacked in the head, a complete nutter.

18. Why is it that as a kid, mopping the floors and mowing the lawns seemed like way more fun than taking a nap?
It turns out that kids are not that bright.

19. What is the opposite of chores?
A nap.

20. What motivates you to do chores?
An abject fear of Wifey.

And an extra five from Wifey, cause she deserves it.

1. I know someone is going to ask you you're least favorite chore...and I'm not sure what your answer will be, but I'm sure you won't mention your seeming inability to throw something in the trash once it's used up. So...why is that your least favorite chore? Even if you walk past the trash on your way to doing something else, you won't throw things away. Why?
Next questions please!

2. Which chore is more enjoyable: bathtime with Q or bathtime with Little Man?
Q enjoys the baths so much, hers is pretty fun, but there is also a splash zone that you might find at a Sea World or Gallagher show

3. Do you think the way we split chores at our house is fair and equitable?
No, it needs to be renegotiated since I am not working 40 hours a week in a Hell Hole.

4. Seriously?
Yeah.

5. What's the most chore-y thing you do that you enjoy?
I like folding clothes to some degree… I’ll fold them if you want to put them away…


To recap:
The-Man-Who-Was-Once-Named-Lord-Pithy sent in some questions but only after I had already written the bulk of this post
So here are 5 more questions:

1. Would growing your nails to an unreasonable length be considered a chore?
Cleaning under your unduly long finger nails would be the chore.

2. Cleaning the bathrooms or polishing the silver?
Why kind of money do you think we have? There is only one option in that question that is applicable. I wish we had silver to polish.

3. Are you one of those insane people who would clean the house before Molly Maid arrived?
I am one of the, “God I wish we could just hire Molly Maid to do this shit.”

4. Whistle while you work, spoon full of sugar, or some other Disney song to make the work go faster?
Nope, no songs make chores go any faster, and no cartoon dwarf work gang can tell me different.

5. How high can the laundry pile before you can no longer ignore it and finally do a load?
There are 4 of us in the house, it takes no time for Laundry to pile up to un-imaginable heights, but honestly the height of the pile is not the determining factor, it is the amount of clean underwear.

Job hunting sucks
I think both the kids may be out to get me
At least they are both doing what they can to keep me from sleeping well
Darn Kids!
Reading A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink
Listening to Wallflowers by MC Frontalot

20 Questions Tuesday: 128 - Teeth

Here it is Tuesday again and I didn’t post on this past Thursday or Monday. I am slipping in this un-employmenty thingy.

Anywho… the topic today is “Teeth” and this comes to us by way of Little Man having some more loose teeth and Q adding some more. Anyway, thanks this week go to John P, All Rileyed Up, and Capt McArmypants, and Nadolny.
On to the questions:


1. What is with the saying "by the skin of your teeth"?
I believe it refers to the thin layer of skin that just barely covers a crowning new tooth. It is very sensitive and very thin.

2. Have you ever been in an accident which dislodged one or more of your teeth?
When I was a little kid I knocked out my two front teef, but my mom shoved them back in my skull, and I am once again whole.

3. Do you go for the tribal practice of filing one's teeth into pointed shapes as a coming of age ritual? I saw one on Nova once, I think.
I do not go for that practice. It is a creepy look when someone goes for that practice, creepy indeed.

4. Will the tooth fairy adjust for inflation in this day and age? To me a dime per tooth is a damn good deal.
You, sir are not aquainted with today’s prices.

5. Who has the freakiest looking teeth you have ever seen? Either gross British style or Osmond chiclet white.
Going to go with either the “Big Book of British Smiles” or Appalachian Gaps.

6. I hate that all the elaborate battery-operated kids' toothbrushes don't have the option to replace the heads once the bristles are worn down. Why are toothbrush companies so wasteful?
Planned obsolescence

7. What is your worst personal tooth experience?
Wisdom teeth being removed.

8. Have you ever forcibly removed a loose tooth and how?
Just manual brute force, no doors and string for me.

9. Do you floss Little Man's teeth with a flosser or regular dental floss?
You could have stopped that question with the word “teeth.”

10. How much money did you receive from the tooth fairy and how much do you plan to pay Little Man?
I got a quarter. My parents were rolling in it, yo! We give Little Man $1.

11. How important is teeth to gum ratio to you?
It is a very important ratio. Wifey is much more opinionated about this particular golden mean though.

12. Large buck teeth, God's private joke? or character building?
That ain’t a private joke between you and God.

13. Jewell's grill. Jacked up or kinda refreshing since it is so not Hollywood?
Just jacked up. I used to think it was all refreshing until she started sex kittening herself up… with jacked up teeth. Hey, Snaggletooth, put some damn clothes on or fix the fangs.

14. Think your chillen's gonna need braces?
Oh yeah.

15. Tooth fairy? Have you ever noticed that all our childhood myths we are encouraged to believe in come down to creepy strangers reverse stealing from you? What up with that? Maybe as a nation we should come up with new myths for our children not based on vaguely disturbing home invasion?
You have a point here, one that might need to be discussed at length further.

16. Is this the first he has lost?
Nope, this will be number 3

17. Do you know the proper order the teeth are supposed to come out? (my wife does, anal daughter of a dentist she is)
The same as they came in, if I remember correctly. He is on upper left front right now.

18. What is the medical term for the tooth he lost?
Egg tooth? It goes with his 2-chambered heart.

19. Do you do the tooth fairy thing? I know it is harmless, but the lying to a kid thing gets some parents wigged out. Personally, we lie through our teeth (pun intended).
We are all about the lying to the kids thing. We thought about making up a shit ton of fairies to make him do stuff. The “Plate Cleaning Fairy” will not be pleased and erase all your mp3’s if you don’t finish eating.

20. How much is the going rate for a tooth fairy? What was it when you were a kid? What is the inflation rate of teeth if a train is going 100mph north and...?
We give the little guy $1, but he forgets about it and I buy myself a soda.


To recap:
This unemployment thing is making my internal calendar all wonky
Got a bit of a chest cold at the moment
Stupid congestion
Listening to “Don’t You Evah” by Spoon

20 Questions Tuesday: 127 - Interview with Lsig

This week I have done the second of my hopefully on-going series of interviews on 20 Questions Tuesday.

For this installment of the weekly show I bring to you oft questioner, lsig. She is known by many names one of which is

nqllisi

on

L

i

VEJOURNAL.

Her blog can be found

here

.

Lsig and I have known each other since college. She was dating my roommate and was just a simple pleasure to have hanging around in the apartment. In many ways ksig and Wifey and lsig and I are technically better matched than the current couplings, but I think that is why we four have always gotten along so well.

Anyway, the topic of this interview is loosely based around Traffic and Trafficking.

On to the questions!

1. If you had the opportunity to smuggle fresh fruit into Canada, wouldn't you? Canadians want fresh fruit too, right?

It is my understanding Canadians only want maple syrup and beer. And pie. I know a Canadian who really likes pie. She likes Skittles, too.

2. Skittle pie? That sounds horrendous.

I didn't say I liked it- I'm not Canadian.

3. What would it take for you to become Canadian? Everyone has their price, Lsig. Everyone.

Well, they'd have to cough up some fresh fruit.

4. Some fresh plums from Chili and you are singing

"Oh Canada?"

Where is your loyalty?

I still support the perpetually losing Cleveland sport

s teams, despite having moved away from northeast Ohio nearly a decade ago. I am the very definition of loyalty.

5. Speaking of Cleveland sports teams. That Lebron is something else, isn't he?

If by "something else," you mean "Lsig's imaginary boyfriend", then yes. Yes, he is.

6. Why haven't you started following more local sports franchises. You left the greater Cleveland area almost 10 years ago. One would think you would start identifying yourself more geographically with the DC area franchises by now.

Well, aside from the whole "loyalty" thing, the Redskins

and Wizards haven't been that great in the time we've been here. The Nationals were fun to root for when they first started, and as a National League team they don't conflict with the Indians for my affection, but we haven't been able to watch many games because of a television rights war going o

n here. Mostly, though, it's a loyalty thing.

7. Who really introduced you to the fan side of Cleveland sports. Granted I understand that when someone grows up near Cleveland they ate enmeshed intrinsically to the sports franchises up there, but usually there is some person who guides the young into becoming the true fans that the Cleveland area breeds.

My mother loves the Browns and the Indians, so we always had sports on at home. That said, I didn't watch sports myself with any regularity until I started dating KSig. He is certainly the reason I now watch ESPN every night in lieu of the actual news.

8. In many ways, isn't sports news more relevant than global geo-political news?

It is certainly easier to engage with it emotionally. I am equally unlikely to be able to influence the outcome of the next Cavs game and the progress of a genocidal regime somewhere around the world, but it feels a good deal nicer to worry about LeBron's bicep.

9. Back to the idea of traffic. How far is your commute to your job? Should you be envious of me because I have no commute, or should I be enviou

s of you since I have no job?

My commute is generally between 18 and 22 minutes, with an added 6 to 8 minutes to drop off the Siglette. I currently live in one of the two worst traffic areas in the country, so I am ridiculously lucky when it comes to commute times. You should be jealous of me, for this and myriad other reasons. I'm tremendously cool and interestin

g.

10. Is there a perfect commute window for you such that if you leave 5 minutes earlier or later it takes 15 minutes longer to get where you are going?

Yes, if I leave more than 5 minutes late, I am late by at least fifteen minutes. Of course, on any given day the traffic can be randomly bad even if I leave right on time, so it's always a fun adventure. Fortunately, everyone who works here is in the same boat so no one is too scrupulous about exactly when you walk in.

11. Do you ever bring fruit to the Canadians who work in your office? I know

there are Canadians there. Canadians are everywhere, and they act just like polite Americans, so you can't tell who they are... unless there is some hockey on TV.

Oh, maybe offering some fresh fruit would be a way to lure them out of hiding... I must consider this further.

12. Ever thought about selling that kid of yours? I mean really we have all thought about selling our kids, right? Heh, heh, I’m not alone is this, right?

I haven't really considered selling her...but there have been mom

ents when I'd have happily given her away for free. KSig, on the other hand, had a starting bid and a Buy it Now price selected for Ebay.

13. It is the ad write-up that you have to watch out for. If the kid is so great, why are you selling? What do you think the key selling features are for the Siglette?

This teeny wonder is in like-new condition. With big blue eyes, ten fingers and ten toes, and four, yes four original teeth, this little girl is good for all of your peek-a-boo needs. Perfect for picking up every crumb, string, or piece of lint on your carpet, the 2008 model of the Siglette has three speeds- walking, crawling, and sleep. Never worry about losing a family member under blankets a

gain- she'll find whoever is hiding! Need help taking off your glasses or the hat on your head? She has you covered!

14. Are you afraid that anyone you know might want to make the eBay purchase? I know a few who would click "Buy it Now" if Little Man or Q came up for bid.

There are a few people- most of them with some variation of the word "Grandma" in their name.

15. Speaking of "Grandma," is being away from family a blessing or a curse? I know where I fall on this issue.

Being far from my family is more of a curse. Shall we leave it at that?

Left at that, it is. It is odd, being away from my family is a blessing.

16. How often do you make the trip "back home?"

Around three times a year, before the Siglette- once in the summer, onc

e around the holidays, and then usually a long weekend by myself at some point, for a holiday or a family reunion, that sort of thing. We'll see how it shakes out now that we have spawned; the family there would certainly like us to come more often, but travel is decidedly more difficult. I suppose it will probably average out to about the same, 2 - 3 times per year.

17. How often does family travel to you?

For the first eight years that we lived here, we'd

have family visiting once or twice a year. In the last 11 months, strangely enough, we've been visited 9 or 10 times. Weird.

18. Is it for the fruit? They may be secretly Canadian?

Heaven forbid! We wouldn't want a rumour like that to get

oot

.

Out! I mean out.

19. Will you be posting this interview on your blog as well?

That's a good idea. It'll be nice to show my blog readers how famous I am.

20. Anything emblazoned on your memory about this interview?

Something about fruity Canadians?

To recap:

Still applying myself like glue

I have a pretty hideous headache at the moment

It is purely weather related

Stupid weather

For some reason this 60 degree shift has messed with my sinuses

Why hello, Fluffy

So you have the Cavs over the Pacers tonight, I see

Listening to

All Better Now

by Earl Greyhound

20 Questions Tuesday: 126 - Uemployed Edition

Well, in honor of my recent employment status, I have deemed today’s 20 Questions Tuesday to be all about getting laid off and unemployment. In fact it is soooo special it is the Special 30 Questions edition!

Thanks this week go to ACW, The Previously-Named-Lord-Pithy-Yet-No-Longer-Named-That-Due-to-Its-Length, JohnP, Capt McArmypants, Belsum, and Allrileyedup.

On to the questions:
1. What about healthcare? Cobra?
I am not sure that Cobra is an organization that has good healthcare.

2. What was the first thing you did to take your mind off of Jan 23rd?
Wake up on January 24th.

3. Job search is limitless, right? No constraints holding you to Columbus.
I love the city and really love my house, so there is a bit of a pull to stay in the ‘Bus, but I am not limiting myself to this area in my job search.

4. How long do you have to wait before receiving unemployment checks?
I have no idea. I should probably see if my first unemployment deposit has hit yet.

5. Does this mean your former company is fair game in the blog - or do you need to make should that nothing gets back to them?
No, this does not mean that the former employer is fair game. My time with them, as infuriating as it was, is over. That does not mean I will not throw in quips here or there, but as far as a rant? Nope. That place is dead to me and my soul is the better for it.

6. Are you considering taking up any new hobbies to pass the time? Are you open to suggestions?
I have my hobbies that I have been neglecting. In will be reawakening those past-times. I am not really open to other recommendations as far as past-times.

7. How temtping is it to just say, "Wifey, I think I will use this time to bond with the children. I'm going to be a stay-at-home dad from now on."?
Not very. She is a hitter.

8. What is the single most positive thing you can say about this unemployment experience?
I no longer work for that infernal company.

9. What's your favorite job research source?
Indeed.com It is like a compilation of job resources. It gathers up postings from multiple job websites.

10. If you could script the big happy ending in this movie, what would it be (as a suggestion, a big musical number is always nice)?
I would become independently wealthy and commission a musical number to take place at a mall while I was shopping there.

11. What activities will you get involved in whilst you are in between jobs?
I am going to start the exercise regimen again and a drawing practice as well as setting aside some time for some digital art.

12. What job would you absolutely not take even if the money was over the top huge?
Assisstant Crack Whore

13. Have you begun the paperwork for your TARP monies? How did you answer question 57b on form 23-10W? I listed religious affiliation as, other, Jedi.
I will get no TARP monies due to that fact that I am not a bloated overly important financial institution… yet.

14. Are you totally pissed or reflective on this as a learning/personal growth situation?
These are not mutually exclusive categories.

15. Will you allow yourself a week of sleeping in and poor grooming?
I think that is how I lost my job in the first place.

16. If you were independently wealthy would you still want to work?
Somewhat. I would not want to be employed full-time and depending on the level of wealth, I might actually work as the head of some charitable foundation.

17. If the answer is yes, what kinda job would you want?
An easy one.

18. How much money is FU money for you?
I think that I could smurf out a nice existence on 2.5 million after taxes.

19. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to ask questions about unemployment without flat out implying that your current situation really stubs toe?
This situation does suck, but it is a transition and most transitions suck to some degree. The other side of this will be great.

20. When my dad got laid off as the steel industry went bust many many years ago in the Bama, he spent a few months pretty much wandering around the house cleaning. He spent an unhealthy amount of time trying to keep the counter in the kitchen clean, confiscating everything left on the counter after he had cleaned. He would take said confiscated items be they silverware or toys or breadties and put them in a drawer. The drawer became a box and then many boxes. We moved about 8 months after that and to this day there are still several boxes of unorganized garbage / oddkins & bodkins under the new house that no one sorted. My dad went a little bonkers there, but definitely became a better man for it. What is the craziest thing you have done so far? Any predictions on the crazy for the future?
I would love to have an oddkins and bodkins drawer. I now have a mission. May God have mercy on all our souls.

21. Is this your first layoff? Did you know it was coming or were you completely blindsided?
First one. While it was not wholly unexpected, I was a bit surprised at the timing. They usually do this stuff right before Christmas…. Because they care.

22. When I got laid off I just got a local retail job and lived off that plus severance until I figured out what to do next. Any similar plan in the works for you?
Seeing as how they “gave” me 5 weeks severance for 9+ years of service, I really do not have much luxury to just live off that pittance.

23. You’re the third person I know (IRL and online) that’s been laid off since the beginning of 2009 (I’m not counting the DHL employees that found out in 2008 – that would be a LOT). How many do you know?
23 as of Friday the 23rd. The people on the bubble should just be happy that they did not wait and make it 30 on the 30th.

24. People always talk about using their time unemployed to self-educate and make those career changes they’ve always been too afraid of going for. Bullshit or sound advice?
Both. There is a goodly amount of time that one can devote to the learning and such. But looking for a new job is almost a job in and of itself.

25. If you could afford to remain unemployed and be a stay-at-home dad, would you?
I need to interact with adults at some level, so I don’t think I could be a stay-at-home dad.

26. What unemployed movie character do you most resemble, or want to resemble (fyi: I believe Rambo qualifies as unemployed)?
Kermit the Frog at the beginning of the “Muppet Movie”

27. Is a part of you glad that you no longer have to go back to that particular place of employment?
All parts of me are glad that I no longer have to go back to that particular place of employment.

28. If you had to be fired for doing something unscrupulous, what would have been your preferred crime?
Embezzling money for my eventual lay-off.

29. Have you eaten any bon bons since date of termination?
I am more of a bon mot man, myself.

30. I never really got into the whole shtick about bon bons. What gives? They’re not that great.
I have no idea. There are so many better foods to gorge oneself on.


To Recap:
There are a few readers out there that will get this: “Toke took Tues and I through a few rounds of the Flowgame last night.”
There was some direction
I hope to have some Digital Thursday fodder for this week
I am about 15% done with digitally coloring a pic
I am about 10% happy with what I have done so far
Which is about 80% away from what I had envisioned
Listening to The Beast and the Dragon, Adored by Spoon.

20 Questions Tuesday: 125 - Inaugruation Madness

Well, it is official. We now have a 44th President and the 43rd's executive powers have been diminished. In honor of the inaugural event I have decided to make this 20 Questions Tuesday all about our presidential inauguration. Thanks this week to A Kate From Work, The Artist Formerly Known as Lord Pith Who Seems to Have Lost Most of His Pith Thus Making Him Less Than Lord Pyithy, Wifey, and some other guy.

On to the questions:
1. Do you think the ~5,000 port-o-potties will be adequate for the ~2 million bladders (no doubt inebriated) attending?
If there inauguration were occurring at nioght I would agree that most of them would be filled with the remnants of alcohol, but since it was at noon I think they are more than likely sober. That being said .25% coverage is a bit low. If you add all the available public facilities you get to about .3%. I think there will be many a steaming puddle of smelliness.

2. Do you think the next generation will be named in honor of Obama after the reported surge in pregnancies on election day (and now inauguration day)?
Probably not. If President Obama does what he aims to do though, I think kids born 15 years from now will be sporting the moniker “Barack.”

3. What is your opinion on the egregious cost of the inauguration (~$150 million), the most ever spent, versus the number of people in the US who don't have access to clean water?
Circus and Bread…. Circus and bread. Even those without clean water are probably glued to their TV sets (yes they more than likely have TV and Cable or Direct TV) and watching the event’s pomp and ceremony. Tomorrow they will complain that things haven’t changed and they still have non-safe water.

4. If you were to take a sign to the inauguration, what would it say?
Probably something like “Yea! President Obama.” If it were a MMORPG the sign would say “Woot! N00b Pres! Lolz”

5. What's your opinion on the zealot who keeps trying to have and god references removed from the inaugural oath and who is suing the two ministers who have agreed to be part of the ceremony?
Oddly zealousness is typically applied to the overtly overly religious. Interesting. If his zeal is about the separation of church and state, I believe he should be referred to as a strict constructionalist. If his zeal is about atheism instead of theism, I respect him less. Either way he is a crack pot with too much time and money on his hands.

6. In the grand scheme of things, should we really give a rat's ass about "who Michelle is wearing"?
We should not care at all… yet pea soup green? Come on!

7. If I were being sworn in as president I would want to use the Big Little Book "Popeye, Danger Ahoy." What would you use?
I have no texts that are especially sacred to me.

8. How funny would it be if just as he was about to place his hand on the Lincoln Bible, Barack suddenly jerked back and said, "Nah, just kidding." and walked away.
I don’t think that would be funny at all. In fact I think that would be the opposite of funny. It would be un-funny.

9. How cooler would it be if just before Barack were to place his hand on the Lincoln Bible for swearing in, the former President W. Bush ran up crying and wrapped his arms around the podium screaming, "I'm not leaving I'm not leaving I'M NOT LEAVING!!!!!"
That would never happen. The grammar is too correct. Replace “I’m not” with “I Hain’t” and you’ve got yourself comedy.

10. I want to design the china for the First Family. What do you want?
China to balance its currency and stop subsidizing the entire country to level the economic playing field.

11. Why aren’t we there?
I will answer this question in two parts:
Part the first: I have no vacation in reserve. There is no way to have gone to DC and get paid by my employer
Part the second: Sweet Jeebus! It was cold. There were 2 million people there in the freezing cold since before dawn this morning. Not to mention every hotel was booked from DC all the way to Pennsylvania. Granted we would have attempted to stay with McArmypants, but that doesn’t solve the “where would we eat” issues.

12. President Obama?
Yep.

13. No, Really?!?
Yep, really.

14. Seriously? President Frikkin-Obama?!? No fuckin way!
Fucking way.

15. Get the fuck out of here!
I know. I know.

16.Do you think television should change its terms to keep people from having a heart attack everytime the newsies say, “Looks like Obama has just been shot…. By the photographers on the East Lawn.”
Now that you mention it, yes, yes, I do.

17. I couldn’t think of any questions that weren’t dorky.
Par for the course for most of the readers. Sadly, I would expect nothing better… or worse. Then again what is a dorky question about inaugurations?

18. Favorite Inauguration event?
The parade! Everybody loves a parade!

19. What is for your Inaugural Dinner?
It looks as if the family will be having Colcannon for inaugural dinner. Mmmmmm potatoes and ham.

20. Can we change “Hail to the Chief” to the “Theme from Shaft?”
I would like nothing better.


To recap:
Let’s all hope that the 44th is better than the 43rd
I was actually busy today
Woot!
Tonight I will work on a map that I have been neglecting for the Cartographer's Guild
And I might draw Rom the Spaceknight as well
That is just how I roll
“My role is to roll”
Thinking about that as my tag line
I am in the process of growing a full beard
Because I have gotten even lazier about shaving
Listening to the Faders No Sleep Tonight

20 Questions Tuesday: 124 - Interview with Capt McArmypants

In accordance with the idea that I should attempt something new this year with the blog, I have decided to turn 20 Questions Tuesday on its ear from time to time and become the questioner and ask one of my loyal (not you fickle bastards who come and go as you please) readers/questioneers 20 Questions loosely surrounding a topic of my choosing.

This week Capt McArmypants has received the dubious inaugural honor of being asked some stupid questions. And for him I have chosen the topic of memories.

A little background to my association with the mediocre captain. He and I have known of each other since kindergarten. It was there that my allergy to chocolate allowed me to have orange cream-sicles (sp?) instead of crappy chocolate ice cream. that is where he started to hate me. It was not until 7th grade that I got back in his good graces. Since then we have been best friends. He is more family now than friend. He is Little Man's uncle and should have been the best man at my wedding, but that is a story for another day.

On to the questions:

1. In the Broadway musical Cats there is a song called

“Memory”

but only one verse of the song is actually about Memory. What’s up with that?

I have observed that people only pay attention to the first part of any communication. People are lazy, but their minds are even lazier. I mean why learn the content when ... and since no one is still reading. I just wanted to say that I never cared for

The Godfather

or anything written by

Tolstoy

.

Citizen Kane

is over-hyped and similarly

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

must have a different versions, because the version I read SUCKED!! Furthermore, I would like it noted that the Oscars have been absolute nonsensical crap since the early 60's and that people still watch them gives me little hope for the future. Finally for the record, I think people who revere

Che Guevara

and/or wear

T-shirts with his visage on them

(NOT to be ironic)

are uninformed morons!!!! Also, sometimes I cry because I had a dog named Chewy once and she had one ear that pointed straight up like a fennec fox and one ear that flapped over like a hound dog. She was adorable, she died about a decade ago and I miss her....whew well it certainly is good to get that off my chest. Also. SRH I have never forgiven you for recommending that I see

Red Scorpion

.

2. Ummmm.... That was odd. Really? You have never forgiven me for recommending

"Red Scorpion?"

It has Dolph Lundgren in it as well as some fat character actor... what is not to love? PS. Shorter answers please. The 5 people who read my blog don't want stream of consciousness novellas.

O.K. in all fairness it does have Dolph Lundgren in it. How can you not respect a guy who can say "He's not human. He's like a piece of iron." and not crack up. Of course I never saw the outtakes on

Rocky IV

, but even if he did it once, I have to give him the mad props.

3. Since this is supposed to be about memories, what is your favorite memory of food?

Er... I forget. No wait!!! Red Onions.

4. Why Red Onions? is that a veiled jab at

"Red Scorpion"

again? I was 15! Gimme a break!

Do you mean why scientifically? or why Personally? Furthermore, the fact that I can remember with such ....uh... intensity your recommendation of

Red Scorpion

20 years ago is a testament to the effectiveness of Red Onions.

5. I mean "why personally" do you consider Red Onions your favorite food memory? I will choose to ignore your slams on

Red Scorpion

.

Mainly because you can't sauté Blackberries. believe me I have tried. Also, red onions have an added antihistamine effect so it clears AND de-oxidizes......mmm anti-oxidizing.

6. Aren't anti-oxidants supposed to be good for memory? Did you like how I brought it back on topic? I am a master interviewer!

Yes. I subscribe to the theory that anti-oxidant content is what makes it a "brain food" My favorite 2 high in anti-oxident content foods are black berries and red onions. However, I gave 1st place to Red Onions because of the sautéability and the antihistamine effect that seems to make me a little sharper short term. and you are a master interviewer! I however am a terrible interviewee. Unless you change your stance on the whole stream of consciousness novella then I am the best interviewee ever!!! Did I mention my contempt for

Che Guevara T-shirts

?

7. Why do you hate the Che T-shirt so much? Please answer this question in the form of a memory

(true or otherwise)

Ahh yes I REMEMBER the day. I am a slow man

(often out of the loop on Pop Culture)

, I had seen the face for years, but in Spring 2001 I saw a fellow law student wearing a I...Che T-shirt, but this one actually said "Che" on it. That was the first time I realized that the Goatee Face guy on all those T-shirts was supposed to represent Che Guevara

(yes swift as eagles I am).

I thought to myself. Che was a brutal fascist of the highest order. He sent hit squads out to kill people who deserted his cause. This guy was

Robspierre

on crack. I mean hello

CASTRO

thought he was too radical!!!! Then I thought does the wearer of this T-shirt support pogroms and the murder of people with differing ideologies? So I asked him. Turns out he was just a moron

(which I assure you is very uncommon in my profession)

. Anyway, I don't hate the T-shirt. It just annoys me as it is a reminder that people are lazier, but their minds are even lazier. ....ahem. How does

Dr. Phil

have a TV show!! ....Did you know that

Stalin

was just voted 3rd most popular leaders of Russia ever?

8. What is the first thing you remember when you wake up?

Sadly, the first thing that pops into my head is the page number of the last page I read before I went to sleep. This is followed with some bits of the dream from the night before. Then I remember I am not a child and I have a job and HAVE to get up. It all takes about 10 seconds

9. So what was the last page you read and of what did you read?

Page 88, Some book on alternate house building

(Alternatives like: using solar or making a house from Adobe.)

So far all I have learned is that we have a pretty good thing going with our traditional model.

10. Speaking of houses… what is the oddest memory of your childhood home?

hmm at the bottom of the steps there was a knot in the wood panelling that looked kinda like a profile of Elvis.

11. Is that your favorite memory of Elvis?

I REMEMBER I saw this one

Elvis

movie about 25 years ago where he plays a Carnie and these two "toughs" give him a hard time about driving a Japanese motorcyle and then there is a fight and he beats them up using SIMPLY AWEFUL!!!! karate chops

(like they detracted from his acting ability type bad).

Anyway, then he is asked where he learned that stuff and he says something like. "It comes with the bike." Everynow and then it just pops into my head and I chuckle a little.......

12. What is your favorite mnemonic device? Pneumatic device?

My favorite is my first. I read something in the library that was a mnemonic device for the metric system in 4th grade and slowly I forgot all the words and replaced them ad hoc to make this bizarre nonsensical mnemonic.

Karen Had Dyed My Dress Creme Maroon.

To forestall your next question. I have no idea, but I think Karen is from the original mnemonic.

My favorite Pneumatic device is of course the Bolt Gun. Just because I often wonder how something like that gets invented. I imagine the "Chocolate/Peanut Butter" scenarios are surreal.

13. Anything especially memorable for you in the past 4 years? And damn you for taking my follow up question away. Damn you to hell.

If I take your question correctly, I spent a year in Afghanistan. I don't imagine I will forget that anytime soon. Mainly because if I missed anything on one day, I had a day exactly like it to catch up. Followed by another day just like that....and so on.

14. So, for you, monotony is memorable?

Tragically for me, EVERYTHING is memorable. I have been working on that, but right now I can still tell you a little too much about the 3 people who got off the Metro with me this morning.

15. What is your favorite memory of me?

Skipping the sappy and/or profound, my absolute favorite memory would be you sweeping a large amount of spilled cat litter into the A/C vent in your old apartment. It was the done with such contented apathy and economy of motion. Truly a thing of beauty. Like a

Mentos

commercial only slower in pace.

16. Favorite memory from college?

One of my favorite memories for college would be when I filled out a scantron for a final exam without reading the questions to prove that the teacher had taught us nothing, that the class was useless and that none of it really mattered. I turned in the test in the first 10 minutes of a 3 hour exam. It is not a favorite memory because I made an A in the class, or because I think I demonstrated what nonsense this class was, or because only 3 people in the class made a higher score than me, or because when I stood up as started walking towards the Prof there was an actual gasp from several other students (

You would have thought I was heading out to face

Liberty Valance

.)

but because I can look back on that day and be both amused by my behavior AND simultaneously want to go back in time and bitchslap some sense into me. .....mmmm bitter sweet.

17. I would have gone with the “Benzene? Great, just what we need more Benzene!” comment during your internship interview, but I was unaware of your 10 minute final story so it would not have been all that informed of a decision. Favorite memory from High School?

Other than the general simultaneous ease and fullness of life, if you want a specific memory, then a personal favorite would be that time we walked out of Pizza Hut and the line getting out of the parking lot was not moving so I just drove over the concrete barrier in the Chevette. I mean was that car powered by stupidity or what?!

18. In your esteemed and informed opinion, does stupidity affect memory?

Esteemed and informed...quite. Yes it does. I have always seen stupidity as not using the brain power you were given. When you get lazy in your thoughts, you are far more likely just to accept someone else's recollection or conclusions.

19. Do you use multiple log-in names and individual passwords on your various computer/internet log ins or do you use the same one as much as possible only altering if they make you so you don’t fill your memory with password gibberish?

I use a combo of both I alter only when forced for commercial and personal stuff and gibber away for Government. The Government uses long passwords with multiple symbols and case changes required. I have them all memorized with various "pneumatic" devices. My minds is filled with password gibberish. This is not the norm sadly. I could probably walk through the building at 5:01collecting post-its on monitors and have about 20 passwords tonight. You would think someone would try and fix that. In fact, the last 10 audits

(All publicly available) (Did I mention people are stupid?....hmmm I thought I did.)

have said our Fed and State systems are inadequate for any serious cyber attack, but until some attacking foreign power brings it all down around us I guess we will ignore the problem and claim ignorance later.

(GOD I hope it is a foreign power and not a bunch of bored middle school students. That is going to be sooo embarrassing.)

20. Anything emblazoned on your memory from this interview?

I was surprised how hard it was to come up with stuff from High school. Actually accessing that stuff was harder than I would have thought.

To recap:

Hope you enjoyed the interview

Hey, ladies, Capt McArmypants is single…

And clearly crazy…

So avoid him if you can

We will be back to our regularly scheduled 20 Questions Tuesday format next week

Q is having some difficulty with jet-lag

Therefore Wifey and SRH are having difficulty with jet-lag

Clearly, SRH is also having difficulty with first person pronouns

Yes, yes he is

I took the trash out today

It was smelly

Hopefully it will make the house less smelly

Not listening to anything but the commercial jingles in my head

20 Questions Tuesday: 123 - New Year's Resolutions

Well, the new year is almost upon us. 2008, we barely knew ye. Anyhoo… along with a new year come New Years resolutions. I resolve to answer these 20 Questions today.

Thanks this week go to the erstwhile deceased yet back from the grave Lord Pithy, Capt McArmypants, John P, and some other guy who time has forgotten.

On to the questions!


1. If you had the power to make a new year's resolution for someone else, how cool would that be?
It would not be all that cool, because there is no repercussions if New Year’s Resolutions do not come to fruition. People barely keep their won resolutions, much lesss the ones imposed upon them by others.

2. If you had the power to make a new year's resolution for someone else, who would it be for, and what would it be?
It would be for Little Man and it would revolve somehow around his ability to get to sleep.

3. 2009 is the Year of the Ox. What animal is more deserving?
I think the Llama wanted it more but lacked the talent.

4. Since this is just an aribitrary moment in the orbit of our planet about its primary, couldn't we start a movement to move the New Year to a warmer time of the year?
Got a frog in your pocket? Who is this “we” you speak of?

5. Will you be continuing your tradition of getting totally wasted and assaulting sidewalk benches this year?
For the 34th consecutive year I will be assaulting sidewalk benches in a totally trashed state… by proxy. When you see someone assaulting a sidewalk bench who is potentially wildly inebriated, they are my minions doing my bidding.

6. Does anybody actually keep those things?
Some people do, I have never met one of those people, but supposedly they exist.

7. NY Resolutions a bad thing? I mean doesn't breaking promises to yourself without consequences erode your likelihood of keeping future ones? Maybe people should be forced to bet on their resolutions in Vegas. I realize this would involve a very cost-intensive monitoring process, but I think this could totally revamp reality TV in a good way. "So Mr. Contestant no more drinking on weekdays huh? Well looks like somebody is going to lose their house now."
I am pretty sure they occasional drinking is not what made Mr Contestant lose his house in these troubled economic times, but I don’t find whimsy and flights of fancy to be a bad thing.

8. Shouldn't Boston just make Green Beer and dyeing the river part of every drunken holiday? I mean why just St. Patty's Day?....er got a little off topic there. I meant to say shouldn't Boston resolve to make Green Beer and a green river part of every drunk celebration?.......smoooooooth.
You are smooth. Umm… I thought it was Chicago that did that.

9. Any unique resolutions there for yourself?
Unique ones? Not especially. The time honored resolutions of getting in better shape, eating healthier, etc… but nothing significantly different.

10. Wouldn't yearly resolutions be more appropriate on your birthday?
Why would the populace of the world resolve to be a better place on my birthday? Was it that dark of a day? Really?

11. Have you ever been successful keeping a New Year’s resolution longer than say 3 weeks?
Yep, I think I made it to June with one resolution one year.

12. New Year’s resolutions: Aim high, sky is the limit or low-ball it to guarantee success?
Guarantee the success. There are enough things that I fail to do in my life. Why set myself up?

13. Is this the year to complete your plan for world domination? You know it should be easier now that there are online worlds to conquer.
There are people out there who eat sleep and drink my computer gaming hobby. I would have to pry the online worlds I so desire to rule out of there clammy ham-hock pale Cheetos dusted hands, and I don’t want to see their hands much less use prying implements on them.

14. Do coworkers annoy you with their resolutions? Do you annoy them with yours?
You could have stopped this question at “you.” The answer is “Yes” to the truncated question.

15. Will you list for us the family’s resolutions?
I am not sure I could list for me the family’s resolutions.

16. Since people don’t ever keep resolutions, why don’t they resolve to do unhealthy things and then “fail” to follow through with those resolutions and thus become healthier?
Interesting questions. Basically you want people to trick themselves into better lifestyles. This might have some legs to it. That being said, there is a good possibility the resolution (for example) to eat at McDonald’s 3 times a week could actually happen.

17. This year I resolve to_________
Be more healthy. That is vague enough and easy enough considering just how unhealthy this year has been.

18. How did the idea of New Year’s Resolutions ever come to be?
You know what? This year I resolve to research into the phenomenon of New Year’s Resolutions and learn the intricacies of the practice’s history.

19. Do people ever create resolutions with the intention of breaking them (not so much like question 16, but out of self destructiveness)?
I think that is pretty self defeatist and I am not sure anyone would actively set themselves up for that kind of action. (Just an FYI, the answer to number 18? Yeah, I have no intention of following through with that one).

20. Is there a resolution you have for the blog?
Yes, I resolve that the blog, Under Construction, penned by yours truly, shall have more color commentary and less play by play.


To recap:
Q was not a good sleeper last night
Neither was I
The problem was that when I was capable of being a good sleeper, she was not
I am amazingly tired
The fam leaves for Dr B Dawg’s wedding on Thursday the 1st
His wedding isn’t until the 3rd
Little Man will be the ring bearer
Keep it secret! Keep it safe!
Listening to the broken melodies in my mind

20 Questions Tuesday: 122 - Christmas Cards... The Revenge

Here it is:

Twas the 20 Questions before Christmas
And all through the blog
Not an author was posting
Drunk on Egg-Nog

Anyhoo… This post is the extension and, shall we say “culmination?” of last week’s 20 Questions Tuesday concerning Christmas Cards. Thanks this week go to John P, Nadolny, Atmikha, and Wifey.

Onto the questions:
1. What is your market share at this time vs. Hallmark?
I have 0 shares of Hallmark or against Hallmark.

2. What is the appropriate amount of time to keep a Christmas card before you can discard?
12 Days.

3. Is Little Man at the stage of signing his own name?
He loves to write his own name. It is pretty cool to watch

4. Do you have joint input with Tuesday for this year’s card or is it pretty much up to you as the designer?
There was more permission granted than input. She did get the editorial duties though to make sure that it looked correct, and she always retained veto power.

5. Will you be releasing a collector’s series of Christmas cards in the near future? Maybe a where’s Waldo type version?
Probably not. We have only been doing Christmas cards like this for about 5 years now. IT would be a pretty short book to say the least.

6. So e-cards or snail mail? (I know the lazy factor bends towards email)
Honestly, with how few people actually care about the physical manifestation of Christmas cards, we really feel that e-cards are the way to go. If more people treasured the gift of a physical card we might be more inclined to print them out and mail them, but in our small survey of friends and family, no one kept Christmas cards, even the ones that they found clever or especially poingiant.

7. Do you think e-cards are more impersonal?
I think e-cards are no more impersonal than physical cards that do not have a personal note scrawled in them. E-cards are no more impersonal than any mass copied Christmas letter stuffed into mass produced cards.

8. Holiday letters. TMI? Anyone you'd like a little more info from?
I think holiday letters can be lots of fun. They either need to be general enough to be mildly informative or focused on a single detail enough to be entertaining. I think they become a bit cumbersome when they lie betwixt those two categories. There are always people that I want to have more info about… but there are some I want no info about at all.

9. How many realllly late xmas cards do you get?
About 5 or 6.

10. At what point should folks say, well crap, I missed this year, no reason to send them out now?
As long as they acknowledge how late the card is, they could send it in July for all I care. Christmas cards are a simple way of showing others that you are still alive.

11. Do you prefer photos or artwork?
Depends on the photographer and/or the artist. For example our card this year was photography and art, at the same time.

12. Tastefully displayed, or hastily piled?
A little of Column A and a little of Column B

13. Should people who send Thanksgiving Cards be punished?
Nope, I think they should be commended.

14. Are holidays like Valentine's Day, and Secretary's Day invented by Hallmark?
Valentine’s Day: No
Secretary’s Day/Boss’s Day/Sweetest’s Day/etc…: Yes

15. Newsletters: Yes? No? No (but secretly yes)?
Why not? (Secretly, I especially love the self-delusional newsletters.)

16. Christmas cards - do you even care? I mean, you're a boy...I'm the one who reads the ones who come in...I'm the one who makes you design one each year for our family...I'm the one who is apparently a little bitter...
I don’t care too much, no. See how much I love you?

17. Garfield Christmas cards: is Garfield in a Santa hat any funnier?
Is he eating lasagna?

18. Do you send any Christmas cards for obligation not for love? Who to? Why?
Yes, to many of the fam, because they are fam.

19. Tell me about the Christmas "letter" folks - are they trying to update us or brag on their fat cat lives?
I think they are most likely bragging… but I have seen their kids and they are not that cute and their cats are not that funny either. Bunch of blowhards, the lot of them

20. Is there anything you wish you had done differently for the Christmas Card 2008?
Yes, the gutters between the images are a bit wide, and I think I would have liked to splice the pics into the text a bit more and make it a bit more storylike.


To Recap:
Not nearly as cold today
Left overs for dinner tonight
Because tomorrow starts the Christmas Feasting 08
Any preferences on the capitalization of the word “recap?”
To recap:
Or
To Recap:
Which do you like?
Probably should have asked before year 3+ of blogging
I have 2 things left to get for a stocking
Some people have suggested a severed human foot
For the irony… of course
I am also afraid they may have a few extra laying about
Tomorrow will be the Christmas Eve blogging service
I hope you are not afraid of candles or Stille Nacht
Listening to Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

20 Questions Tuesday 121: Christmas Cards

In many ways the Christmas Card is a yearly reminder that someone is not dead yet.


Everyday for about a week, the family has been getting Christmas Cards in our daily mail. It is a nice change from the bills and spam mail that we are used to, and it leads into the 2 week topic concerning Christmas Cards.

Thanks this week go to Lsig, Dr B Dawg, All Rileyed Up, Sparky, and Belsum for the questions.

On to the Questions:
1. Do you feel like you "owe" someone a card next year if they send one to you?
Sadly, sometimes I do feel as if I owe someone a card that they do not really want. Other times I think, “Well that loser just wasted some postage.

2. If a card includes pictures of someone's children, do you feel guilty throwing them away?
If I have had very little exposure to said children or if I am not close with the parents who sent the card, it doesn’t bother me overmuch. I still will most likely throw the pics away, but I will feel sad about it.

3. Do you do something specific and/or decorative with the cards you receive?
We make the mantle of or fireplace become the Holiday Mantle of Shame where people can see and ridicule all the poor saps who know us. Of course, this means they are in our house and therefore should be the target for even more ridicule and potentially even scorn.

4. It's cool that you design your own card each year, don't get me wrong, but why do you feel compelled to do it?
I love playing with Photoshop and it is a skill that I feel I am fairly good with that my job does not call on very often. So I typically enjoy the process of making a card. In my opinion it makes the card seem a bit more like it is from our family.

5. How many cards to you typically send?
In the years past it has been between 30 and 50, but really Wify is the one with this information. I make the crads, she sends them.

6. What is the family phrase for smiling on cue for the Christmas picture?
Well, Little Man is partial to “Money” and I find saying “Egg-nog” pretty frikkin hilarious, but tradition calls for “Cheese” for the entire family.

7. Did your family ever do the family portrait card or is it a new tradition for you?
My family growing up was never very good with cards. I can remember only 1 or 2 years that we actually sent cards out, so the annual process of card sending is new to me since the marriage.

8. Have you ever thought of dressing up as reindeer for the photo?
Nope, that is too expected

9. Will this year's version play A Charlie Brown Christmas?
Nope, Unless you would like to play A Charlie Brown Christmas upon receiving the card.

10. What font will you be using? Lucinda calligraphy, helvetica
This year’s card used Ananda, Comic Sans MS, and Fantique Four.

11. How many people on your Christmas card list?
On the list? Probably about 75. We cull the before we send cards out. This year, I think more people will get the cards though.

12. Do you keep a few extra lying around in case you receive cards from people you didn't initially send one to?
Typically, no. We usually have just enough for our rather tight list.

13. What is your opinion on cards that play music when you open them?
I dislike musical cards. I guess I feel like cards should be an intimate exchange between the sender and the receiver, when music plays anyone within earshot can participate.

14. What is the best use for old Christmas cards?
Kindling

15. What, no Hanukkah or kwanza cards?
Not from our household. We have a hard enough time preparing for a single day celebration. Those 2 festivals are multi-day affairs. I don’t have the stamina for multi-day holiday fetes .

16. What do you think about going paperless and sending e-cards to save trees?
Funny you should ask. This year we decided to go paperless (as much as possible… some of the relatives don’t have the email). This was a conscious decision that we made in October. No one really keeps Christmas cards and if you would like ours on your mantle, you can print it out on your own. Preventative procrastination or environmental activism? You be the judge

17. I didn’t send cards last year. Did anybody notice?
I surely didn’t…

18. Do you stop sending cards to people if they don’t send one back to you? How long do you wait before cutting them off?
It depends on the person. I do not believe we have ever gotten a Christmas Card from Capt McArmypants, but he is a guy and single and, well, he would never send anyone a card, so we send him cards regardless every year. Now some of the acquaintances that we kinda would like to send cards if we have enough get 2 years.

19. Christmas letters: a great way to catch up or annoying bragging and filler?
It really depends on if any information is really imparted by the letter. If it is not silly and funny and/or doesn’t get us caught up with a family in a touching way, it is useless to us and should be destroyed for wasting our valuable time.

20. How long do you display photo cards on your fridge (or mantle or bulletin board or wherever) before taking them down for the year?
They stay up until, at most, Martin Luther King Jr Day. They usually get pitched when the decorations get put away though.


To recap:
The card is almost done
Wifey needs to write up some text and then we are sending these bad boys out
If anyone whom I do not already pester for 20 questions would like a card, please email me through the contact information on my profile
It is no skin off our backs if you get our e-card
I think it is sausage barley soup tonight
Mmmmm sausage barley soup
Has anyone else wanted to break out into some Michael Jackson signature moves for no apparent reason in the hall of where they work?
Not that I have or anything…
Listening to With or Without You by U2
Goodness I am old

20 Questions Tuesday: 120 - Holiday Season

Since the holiday season is upon us, it only seems appropriate that I give some 20 Question Tuesday time to the topic of the Holidays. This week’s thanks go out to John P, Capt. McArmypants, Mr X, and Nobody Squared.

So without further ado, here come the questions:

1. What holidays do the hippopotami celebrate? Probably something centered on rivers and the water I’m sure.
It is not so much of a “holiday” as just a happy day for the hippopotami, but the first day of flooding is always a nice day for them. That is the day that all their vast amounts of excrement gets washed waaaay downstream by the floodwaters.

2. Are there any atypical holidays you and yours celebrate? Arbor Day, etc.
Yep, Loving Day. It is June 12th, and it is very important, and it is one way to educate people about marriage rights and how much inequity is systematic but changeable.

3. Who in the family is the worst about snooping around for presents?
Probably me, but that is only because Little Man hasn’t figured out how to be truly devious yet… he is getting there though.

4. Are you a holiday decorations fanatic, middle of the road, or low key?
We are pretty middle of the ground when it comes to holiday décor. We used to go hog wild for the Christmas Season, but the pitter-patter of little feet will change those habits really fast.

5. What was with the Thanksgiving Day parade? I haven’t watched in a while but it seemed like one big long commercial for the sponsors.
Well, I assume that is the only way it can survive. It is one of the few events broadcast by multiple companies that does not involve politics in some way shape or form. I am certain the only way it has survived for as long as it has in our fickle cultural landscape is due to its advertising.

6. If you could create your own holiday what would it be and what would the celebrations entail? (would bacon be involved?)
SRH Day? Hmmmm… It would need to be a federal holiday to keep me from going to work that day and I am certain that festivities would involve doughnuts, bacon, ranch dressing, and root beer, but not all in one sitting.

7. Christmas lights are my favorite Christmas "bell & whistle", it totally sets me in a Christmas mood. What thing is your favorite Christmas "bell & whistle"?
I think when I hear Jingle Bells the first time of the season. This year Little Man sang it to me to ring in the Christmas Season. Then I sang it with him. Then I told him to be quiet and go to bed.

8. Holidays seem more lack luster and less meaningful than they did "back in my day". I mean it seems that people are just insular, ungrateful and rude all year now, I could have sworn that people used to lighten up for Christmas and maybe Thanksgiving. (Being in my 30's, I missed the time in U.S. history when people were nicer during any of the summer holidays.) Is that a by product of THE age, MY age or just me regardless of age?
I think it primarily has to do with YOU more than YOUR age or THE age, but I think all three have factors that contribute to decline in Christmas cheer.

9. Usually, I, like most of my gender, fulfill the male SOP (standard operating procedure) of "buy everything that might pass for gift" about a month before Christmas. Please explain this self-destructive phenomena. It seems counter to my own interest, but there it is. I know I am not alone in this.
Ummm… the typical SOP for men is to wait until Christmas Eve and see what is on sale at the 24 hour Wal-Mart. You, Sir, are an odd duck.

10. So what is the most B.S. Holiday? I hate National Boss's Day the most because it usually results in several violations of the Joint Ethics Regulations of the United States, but there are many to choose from, which do you feel is the most idiotic.
Well, I think I am going to be a stickler for the term “Holiday.” In my definition, “holiday” is a day that we get off from working. This limits the number of “named” days to a handful to choose from. With that criteria, it becomes a toss up between Washington’s Birthday and Columbus Day. I chose those 2 days because there are no celebratory fests associated with them other than a sale at Kohl’s.

11. Knowing what you know now, what Christmas toys would you have not asked for. I mean what seemed sooooo AWESOME in the box and about 30 minutes of fun out of the box and then you just played with them every now and then for political reasons?
I really did not have super extravagant Christmases as a kid. I got a skateboard one year that never really worked out for me. That’s the best I got for this question.

12. One SRH household tradition around the Christmas Season.
There are always cinnamon rolls for breakfast on Christmas morning. Cinnamon and brown sugar are nice ways to celebrate.

13. Okay another SRH Household tradition around the Christmas Season.
Okay… I will give you a couple and they all revolve around food. On Christmas Eve, we have Shrimp Fettuccini in a basil and olive oil sauce. It is not a true pesto since there is no cheese involved. On Christmas Day we have a standing rib roast for Christmas Dinner. Don’t you all wish that you were part of the SRH household Christmas meals?

14. Favorite incarnation of Santa Claus?
Hmmm… I am not sure if you mean portrayal or cultural figure. I will go with cultural figure. I like the Finnish, Joulupukki, because he started out as a malevolent spirit that demanded gifts instead of giving them.

15. Do you have all your Christmas shopping done?
Nope, not even hardly.

16. Favorite Christmas Song?
Hmmm…. I like Jingle Bells. As stated above, it makes me think of Christmas and it makes me smile. Little Man is much more sophisticated. He is very much into John Lennon’s Happy Christmas. Kid’s got good taste.

17. What is Little Man getting this year?
Little Man will be making out like a bandit. There will be much loot for him under the tree, but I will refrain from telling about what he is getting. Some secrets are sacred.

18. Any traditions from Wifey that you thought were odd?
I have no idea why she wants to wait and wait and wait to open gifts on Christmas morning. She is all about prolonging the suspense of opening the gifts and the awe and wonder that may lurk inside the different packages, whereas I am much more about getting more time to do stuff with the presents.

19. What does Q think of the Christmas décor?
She is quite enamored with the lights on the tree. In fact, the lights on the tree seem to keep her from going to sleep when we are trying to rock her. And I am pretty sure she would love to gnaw on many an ornament hanging in the house.

20. Do we get to see this year’s Christmas Card?
Yes, in fact this weekend I will be attempting to get the card created. Even though it would be much better with the Four SRH Horsemen of the Apocalypse wishing you a Merry Christmas we will figure something else out.


To recap:
Working diligently today
It is an odd occurrence to say the least
I have many things that yet have to get done
By “many” I mean 3
One of which is drink a Mt Dew
It is a very exacting “To Do:” list
There were 9 items on the list
There are only 3 left, one of which is drink Mt Dew
I am blazing trails today
Listening to Joss Stone belting out Some Kind of Wonderful from the Soul Sessions

20 9 Questions Tuesday: 119 - Scheduling Conflicts

Here it is Tuesday again. It seems like just a week ago it was Tuesday. Anyhoo… I have been a bit more sporadic in my posting lately due to some outside influences on my attention span, but it all boils down to scheduling. Therefore this week’s poorly attended topic is scheduling. Poor scheduling on my part? I think so. Anyway, I got 9 total questions about schedules and I think 3 of those were about pronunciation.

Anyway… thanks this week go to ACW, Peefer, Capt McArmypants, and Kim.

Onto the questions:
1. Can I get back to you on this?
Nope, this is kind of a one shot pony here. There were not even enough questions for a single 20Q’sTues, much less drag it along for multiple weeks. You lost out, bud.

2. One question: skeh-jule or sheh-jule?
One answer: depends. (hey, I have to draw this answer out. 2 more people asked about it).

3. Schedule sounds more important when pronounced SHHHHHHH-edyool. Why don't we Mericans all use that pronunciation?
Because we tend to the more Germanic pronunciations of words. What can I say? Mericans like the “hard K.”

4. What does scheduling mean to you? I mean do you have a firm "at 12 I eat lunch, at 15 after I take a break" type scheduler or are you more of an itinerary type of guy?
Scheduling for me is usually a loose framework. I am much more of an itinerary kind of guy, but I understand that some times a strict schedule is necessary.

5. I have started using Outlook calendar that reminds me of events and meetings and a GPS to get to the meeting, I see this trend going one of two ways. Technology is taking more and more of the mundane thinking away and I can't decide if I want technology to finish me off and allow me to operate on auto pilot while I play video games in my head or go away entirely before I become a robot. Comments or suggestions?
BTW, what level are you on for the mental Tetris game you have going on right now? I think a Blackberry with calendar and a GPS device is only a small price to pay for your ability to function is a tightly scheduled world.

6. How can pipe have a schedule?
I did not realize that they did?

7. When you were first allowed to pick your own schedule in College did you try and follow the subject or the 3 to 4 day weekend? How did that work out?
I didn’t mind a full 5 day week as much as having class before 9 a.m. I was able to steer myself mostly away from the morning classes, but a bunch of upper level math courses resided in the 7:45 a.m. slots. Jerks. Who can do higher level math at 7:45 in the morning? No one, that’s who.

8. The other day, I was chatting with a Brit. I kept asking him to repeat himself when he was saying "sheh-jul". I didn't know what the bloody hell he meant. Finally, I realized the arse was saying "schedule". why didn't he just say that? Does the British pronunciation of the word bother you as much as it does me?
It doesn’t bother me too much when there is an audible “d” in the word. If, as you report, the bloke was pronouncing it “sheh-jul” I would probably want to gut him and wear his skin as a suit, but if there was an audible “d” that you are just not mentioning, I would probably get him a beer.

9. Why do we bother using Gantt charts when the final due date never changes??? Is it so that we can visually see how screwed we are?
I don’t understand why Gantt charts are even toyed with. There has not been a project yet that has actually followed the proposed Gantt timeline. The due date should have “-ish” after the date and the Gantt should be one big bar with a question mark inside of it.


Well, that is it. I am 11 questions short and my headache is telling me not to worry about them.
To recap:
My head is really bothering me
Wifey is having some kind of hoot-nanny tonight that requires me to be away
Her hoot-nannies should require me to play World of Warcraft
I think I will take Little Man to get Mama and Q Christmas presents and some desert
Not necessarily in that order
Stupid headache and it is my own darn fault too
I should have slept last night
Instead I stayed up too late not sleeping
Listening to Danger Woman by The Aquabats!

20 Questions Tuesday: 118 - Thanksgiving (A Day Late)

Consider this my obligatory Thanksgiving Day post where in I focus on the holiday. Thanks this week go to Capt McArmypants, JA Coppinger, Dr B-Dawg, Belsum, and Nadolny.

On to the questions:
1. When you look at the accepted "origins" of Thanksgiving and compare them to what you know of history do you think our traditional history is a function of lore (as in the story evolved into what was presented to us in Elementary School as the origin of Thanksgiving over the course of generations) or in this particular case the whole thing was created in the 1600's by one imaginative nutbar and repeated verbatim ever sense? It seems to have a coherence like it was all the idea of one person doesn't it?
Many myths and legends converge to a singular story, so in this case I would say that it is not the imaginative work of a singular nutbar, but the collective work of generations of nutbars.

2. Who will be at the table this year? not me..... le sigh.
Q, Little Man, Wifey, Mimma, G-Ma D, G-Pa R, Grandma H, Papa H, the 2 nephews and me. It will be a pretty full table.

3. Tofurkey? I understand why it exists, I mean some ideas no matter how crazy really take off (see 1 above). My question is: People who insist it is an acceptable substitute for Turkey and tastes good. Are they damnable liars or did they just lick too many nine volts as a kid and destroyed their ability to taste?
Firstly, one cannot lick too many nine volts as a kid…. Ooooh tingly. Secondly, I don’t understand the need to shape tofu like a turkey unless it is in an attempt to trick the mind into thinking it is, in fact, turkey. It is not and trying to trick yourself or anyone else into thinking it is should be criminal.

4. I noticed a disturbing trend as of late. Why is pumpkin being used more as dessert flavor in the last 5 years or so? I mean for nigh on 400 years it has been a once a year traditional dessert from a time when we had less choices. Now all of a sudden Coldstone.... mmmmmmmmColdstone... has a Pumpkin flavored ice cream, Cheese Cake Factory....... mmmmmmmmCheese Cake Factory has a Pumpkin flavored cheese cake......mmmmm cheese cake....Dairy Godmother has the same and all these candy companies are making pumpkin flavored candy!!! I mean what the hell people IT IS A GOURD!!!! Do you see Squash flavored pie? NO!!! Do you see cucumber flavored ice cream ....well outside of Japan!!?? NO!! So what is the deal!!!!???? (do not reference Watermelon in your answer as I feel it lessens mine argument.)
The US is one of the few places that does not attempt to flavor more things with pumpkin. In Australia, if I remember correctly, pumpkin is used in all kinds of different dishes… some sweet and some savory. Of course, in Australia the noble pumpkin is referred to as an oolooowannabee.
5. I feel it is time to update this antiquated holiday as the average American is thankful for absolutely nothing. Preferably this new Holiday should implement the use of lasers and should have an X in it. Please Discuss.
I think in about a year, Thanksgiving will have more meaning to the average American as the economy crumbles, people will start realizing what they have and more importantly, what they had. As it is, this year’s holiday should be referred to as TurkeyDayROXOR Fest 08, and there should, indeed, be lasers.

6. Thanksgiving doesn’t have an iconic figure (i.e. Santa, Easter Bunny, etc.) to boost its popularity. Who should we use to improve its marketing potential.
Thanksgiving really doesn’t need an iconic holiday figure because this holiday is based almost exclusively on food. Christmas and Easter have some kind of religious occurrence that they are commemorating, and therefore need the sustained marketing effort of an icon. Thanksgiving just needed to be named a federal holiday and then people would eat themselves silly.

7. It has been claimed that the original Thanksgiving feast did not serve turkey at all – how did the poor bird end up on so many plates?
It turns out that the federal government people who instituted Thanksgiving also thought Ben Franklin was an ass.

8. Is it right to be thankful that we killed, subjugated, and stole our lands from indigenous type folks?
To the winner go the spoils. When we go around the table mentioning what we are thankful for, I think to myself “Smallpox, because that made the indigenous populations ‘leave’ their land for us.” I don’t say it. I am not a heartless barbarian.

9. Yeti vs. turducken - who wins?
I am going to go with the Yeti on this one. I think the Yeti, when hungry enough could take down 3 fowl. If it were a Biscoderpig (a Bison stuffed with a cow stuffed with a deer stuffed with a pig) my money is one the Biscoderpig, especially since those are usually wrapped in a flour tortilla and deepfried.
10. So, the pilgrims and the American Indians are sitting down for their big meal. A pilgrim sneezes into his hand. A friendly Indian says "may the great spirit grant you a long life". And the pilgrim smiles and says "thank you". Did either realize that the pilgrim just released a bio-weapon at the dinner table?
Nope.
11. Favorite side dish at casa de SRH.I love mashed potatoes.

12. Do schools still have Thanksgiving Day pageants? And, if so, what did Little Man dress as?Little Man’s preschool does not have a Thanksgiving Day pageant, but if they did I am sure he would go as one of the 3 wise men.

13. What will be the top five thanks receiving items?
5: Donuts (and not those fancy High Fallootin Doghnuts neither)
4: Mashed potatoes
3: Wii bowling
2: Family
1: Continued health and prosperity

14. Am I the only one that’s addicted to the Thanksgiving themed episodes of Iron Chef America?
I believe so... and by that I mean, “Iron Chef America is still on?”

15. White meat or dark? First round or leftovers?
I like the white meat on the first round. I am not much for leftovers. There is a story to accompany the lack of liking left-overs, but that is for a different day.

16. Favorite part of Thanksgiving?
The eating part, followed closely by the napping part.

17. Tryptophan, discuss how the womenfolk have poisoned us for years! You didn't see Charlie Brown poisoning his friends with it! /ahem, ok, I'm calm again
Well, the special where Charlie Brown and Snoopy started up a Meth Lab never really made it to air. The censors didn’t like what happened to Woodstock. Poor Woodstock. It turns out that even birds can’t fly… when they are tweaked out on meth.

18. Describe how the Yeti might interrupt the SRH feast.
Probably with gas. He is rather gassy.

19. Any plans to go shopping on Friday?
The nephews, Little Man, Papa H and I will go to Krispey Kreme donuts and that is probably it.

20. So, Christmas decorations, are they put up by the time the table is cleared?
Sometimes the weekend after Thanksgiving is when the decorating begins, but this year I think we will be waiting until the following weekend.


To recap:
Ummmm… I wrote this out yesterday and forgot to post it
No formating or hyperlinking
Whoopsie
Happy Thanksgiving everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 117 - Unexpected Absence

One week away from posting and all of the sudden I have to make up questions for myself. I guess unexplained absences will do that. Thanks this week go to John P, Belsum, Nadolny, and Capt McArmypants for the 16 questions that were sent in.

Onto the questions:
1. Whatever happened to the Star Wars Christmas Special? Some say it was terrible. My recollection of it is not that great I just felt there was a strange void in the Force for awhile.
Most traces of it were removed by Lucas because of the horror it induced. It was… as if millions of voices suddenly groaned out in horror and were suddenly silenced.

2. Is being wrapped up in Xbox play a good unexplained absence to a) the wife, b) work?
I would go so far as to say it is an explained absence from the wife and/or work, but not a good one.

3. What has happened to the promise of 7 minute abs? You just don’t hear about it anymore.
Turns out it took more than 7 minutes, and people aren’t willing to abide that kind of mis-representation.

4. If there is one thing (book, toy, school trip, etc.) from your childhood that went missing and you wish you could get it back what would it be?
Not that I can think of. I am at peace with most everything lost from my childhood. I think I would have liked cable TV as a kid though. I always felt so left out of the Fraggle Rock conversations.

5. Has Little Man ever lost something that turns up later in the oddest and most unexplained place? My wife once lost one of our phones which turned up in the storage under the stairs about a month later. The ringer locator needs to have a slightly higher volume in my opinion.
We find the remotes in odd places, but nothing oddly remarkable. More than anything we find his trains all over the place. I have seen one in the fridge before. Turns out the Rio Grande was too hot.

6. Can you find my sanity please? I think I need it back.
I am not the one to come to regarding lost sanity.

7. Whatever happened to DB Cooper?
He died in the mountains of southwest Washington state. Les Stroud has difficulty surviving in high mountain ranges for a week, and he is the Survivorman. How do you think Coop would do?

8. The 50s promised us more than just air cars. What about robots? And Dick Tracy watches? And circular space stations creating their own gravity? And jet packs?
Robots exist and are doing bunches of stuff. They just aren’t our assistants like we thought they would be. I think Dick Tracy watches have occurred, they just aren’t on our wrists, they are in our pockets or holsters on our belt or in our pockets. Cell Phones would be science fiction to a transplanted denizen of the 1950’s. I am sad that there is not a big old visible from space rotating space station up in the sky, but more than anything I do miss not having jet packs.

9. Why does Waldo keep hiding?
Because if I ever find him, he will suffer a fate worse than a hippo.

10. Back to my sanity, really, where is it? I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to hold on to it.
Wrong person to look for anything approaching sanity.

11. Ok, so everyone is going to ask where you were, which I think you should answer, but more importantly, make up a good lie about where you were and what monster abducted you.
I was in the steamy Brazilian forests along the mighty Amazon riverbanks. Taken there by El Chupracabra only to be handed off to the dreaded oversized vampire bats from the Ribeira Valley. I escaped by my wits alone. I had to leave my pants. No Questions! You weren't there! You don't know what it was like!

12. Second obligatory question if not answered in #1, are Q, Little Man and Wifey all
OK?
Everyone in Casa Del Ryan-Hart is doing peachy.

13. Were you missed at work or are you now worried that you weren’t missed?
A little of Column A and a little of Column B

14. Didn't they just find the bones from an adventurer millionaire guy whose plane crashed in California? Is this at all related?
They did just find what is most likely Steve Fossett’s crash and death site, but that had nothing to do with my trip to the Brazilian rain forest… or Battle Creek, Michigan.

15. Will New Orleans disappear in the next 200 years? 100 years? 50?
I think the Big Easy will slowly relocate within the next 100 years. I do not think that it will cease to exist.

16. Why is there a dearth of news about the Gigantor Bail-out/slash end of America as we know it?
What are you talking about? Everything is fixed. My gas prices have gone back down and a new administration has been elected. Problem solved. Move on. Sheesh. Everyone is sooo wanting to live in yesterday.

17. There is this puss filled thing on my dog’s leg, and I don’t know where he… wait a second, it says “Unexplained Absences.” My Bad
No problem… and ewwww.

18. Did you lose readers by being gone for a week unexpectedly?
If I lost readers I would be in negative numbers which would mean a net gain.

19. Who are you and what did you do to SRH?
I am a giant vampire bat from Brasil and I drank in his soul. It corrupted me a little and gave me some gas. To be fair though, most everything gives me gas.

20. You asked if we missed you yesterday in the recap, a better question would be “Did you miss us?” You being SRH and not us plural. Basically act as if we asked you that question not like you are reading it out loud. My goodness, did you read it out loud? That would be odd.
Ummm… I missed you (plural)?


To Recap:
Tomorrow is a wacky day, so I will most likely not post anything
I have to get Wifey and Q to the airport
I don’t want to get Wifey and Q to the airport
I have some irons in the fire that need to be tended to
I have very little energy to focus on those irons
Regardless of how burny those fires may be
Wow, am I tired
Listening to MC Frontalot’s Wallflowers from his newest release Final Boss

20 Questions Tuesday: 116 - Political Ads

Well, the election is FINALLY here. That means that tomorrow all but the few straggling political ads will be off the TV. It would be nearly criminal for me not to at least mention the election here in the US since I blog. I think there is some un-written rule that once someone starts a blog they have to get all political and shit during the US election time.

Anyhoo, because I try to not be too partisan on this here blogarooney, I will rail against something most everyone hates, political commercials.

Thanks this week go to All Rileyed Up, Belsum, Capt. McArmypants, JA Coppinger, Amy, IC Yellow, and Nadolny.

On to the questions:

1. What do you think of the suggestion to decorate with vintage election campaign ads? (I read it in either domino mag or real simple in the last month or two)
I think if you like vintage and you like the colors red and blue, it could be a good fit.

2. Favorite political slogan? Least favorite political slogan?
Favorite: Local judge election slogan: Bring us Dingus
Least Favorite: Fob James’ political campaign slogan in 1998: More Fob

3. Why do new candidates like to point out that they didn’t vote for the Evil Laws that the incumbent voted for? They weren’t even in office!! They couldn’t have voted for jack!
I think you are over thinking this a bit. Start thinking about the election with the reptilian part of your brain. mmmm tasty election... oh oh election made of fire! Run!

4. Candidates make a big deal about pulling their attack ads. But when all the various special interest groups are still running theirs, does it matter? Would you rather have the “official” attacks instead?
I would love to see the candidates say the things their official campaigns say about their opponents to each others faces at least 5 times during the electoral process.

5. Does it irk you or make you sympathetic when family members are trotted out to advocate for their parent or spouse in a televised campaign commercial?
It would be better if the opposition would trot out an uncle who thought that the candidate was an absolute imbecile who could get out of a wet paper bag.

6. Why do local races insist on airing their ads in other jurisdictions? I can’t vote for you! I don’t care!
This is something that I think will change as time goes on. The targeting of advertising is on the horizon. Right now political campaigns have to pay for air time on stations whose broadcast radius is larger than their jurisdiction. Instead of using a TV shot gun, they could use a sniper rifle ad or something in about 12 years.

7. How do you think the general public would react if we reverted to the straight up lying of the good ol’ days of yellow journalism? Actual real live name calling and completely fabricated slander sounds like a helluva lot more fun to me right about now.
Things like “Adams is a howling hermaphrodite!” that Jefferson slung around in the 3rd US election? That would be awesome. (thank you the Daily Show.)

8. So what DO you think of Willie Horton? Is that the bear for the Geisel book? I used to love those things as a kid!
Willie Horton Hears a Who.

I love it (it is hard to draw Willie Horton in a Suessical style)

9. It is disturbing how effective negative campaigning is though every year people are polled and constantly say they don't like it. Please explain the discrepancy? I bet it is those evil pollsters! (of course that brings up a similar question of does anyone actually believe polls anymore? But don't answer that question answer the first one.)
People are hypocrites. They hate negative ads, but are unwilling to look on their own to see what their candidate of choice stands for.

10. Every year people make general statements like I will fix this and stop that and people no one wants to hear the details (which is good because there aren't any). Then people go off to enthusiastically cheer and hope and make much jolly about all their problems that will soon be solved. To me this seems like going to a bank asking for a loan so I can start a business to ..uh.... do stuff and make ..... uh.... money. So I guess what I am asking here is why do people suck so much?
That is a question for the ages. I think it has something to do with the pull between free will/self determination and laziness.

11. Every for years I am reminded that people are unthinking dullards who will vehemently support candidates with ideas and agendas that they don't fully believe in or understand. Do you know where the switch is that would allow me to NOT examine and apply my own thoughts because I want to try that out (other than beer).
There are other forms of alcohol than merely beer.

12. So according to the news today the price tag for this whole Prez 2008 Obama v. McCain campaigning thing seems to have run about 1 (pinky finger to side of mouth) Billion dollars. Thus, I am reminded of the old Rich Hall joke where he discusses the annual billion dollar advertising budgets of Coke and Pepsi and the punchline is. "So these guys spend 3 billion dollars a year so when I go up to the counter and ask for a burger and a coke and the guys says "is Pepsi ok?" I can say "whatever."".... but I digress.... So do you have any words of wisdom as to why this should not depress me greatly? I mean if the goal is to elect a representative whose priorities and philosophies most closely align with yours and our method for coming to this conclusion is a BILLION dollar laser light show instead of 2 simple web pages with a nice 4 to 5 page document composed by the actual candidate what does this really say about us? Ok so this is more of a rant then a question, but feel free to answer it, comment on it or just not post it I am cool with any combo of the 3.... well actually if you answer the question but don't actually post the question it will seem kinda weird.
I think I am going to have to start vetting my questioneers more stringently. It seems that some questioneers’ bitterness is getting in the way of incisive questions that I can sidestep with a goofy un-expected answer.

13. Everyone yells about “negative ads” but is it really wrong to point out that your opponent is a dumb ass?
If the claim that your candidate is a dumbass is substantially possible, then it is a defensible attack ad. The problem with most attack ads is that thyey tear down the opponent without building up the other candidate. For example an attack ad that says something to the effect of “Candidate A has no executive experience, is he ready to lead a country?” but fails to mention that the executive credentials of Candidate B is also just as non-existent. To make a claim like “Candidate A has no executive experience” candidate B should have loads of it.

14. Is it wrong to spend a billion dollars on advertising for a single office, or is actually good for the economy?
It is both good and bad for the economy. It lets people know that money has not gone away, but it does beg the question that 600 million dollars worth of schools or hospitals or roadway imporvements with a candidates name on it might be better than an ephemeral TV ad.

15. Ever seen a funny political ad?
Yes.

16. Where was the stupidest political ad placement you’ve ever seen?
Above a urinal.

17. Do you think that the scantron type ballots lead more to test, er, election anxiety amongst the folks that have to fill the bubbles in?
I imagine that, yes, there are some people whose palms are sweating at the thought of filling in bubbles. They also probably have trouble with “in” and “out” doors.

18. If McCain and Palin don't win, do you think Palin should try for a spot on SNL as Tina Fey?
I am not sure she has the comedic chops for it.

19. Don't the repeated political commercials have the opposite effect on you? Most of them are relatively inane, so I would think that folks would get sick of them and actually vote against the person running the ad.
I have been conditioned by years of exposure to my parents to tune out messages that don’t need to be heard.

20. I keep wanting to ask if people are really dumb enough to believe some of the stuff in the ads, but then I think, yes they are.
You are too correct.

To recap:
If you are a US citizen I hope you vote today
Or voted earlier
That way you can complain if things don’t work out how you like
Listening to: For the past 4 hours I have had the Munsters Theme Song running through my head
Oh God! MAKE IT STOP!

20 Questions Tuesday: 115 - 4th Annual Blogaversary

It is always quite enjoyable to do retrospectives on the good old blogaversary. Since we are coming up on the 4th annual blogaversary Today’s topic is on 4 years of Under Construction.

Thanks this week go to: All Rileyed Up, Capt. McArmypants, Belsum, Lsig, John P., and Dr. B-Dawg.

Onto the questions:
1. Looking back over four years of blogging, have you noticed an improvement in your writing? Changes in your style? Learned anything about yourself?
I think there has definitely been an improvement in the writing. If nothing else the voice that comes across is much more consistent. I have learned that I can usually force myself to type about a page’s worth of claptrap out even if I don’t want to.

2. Do you think you will still be blogging in four years? Do you think anyone will? Four years ago, did you think you would still be blogging now?
I have no idea where I will be in 4 years or what I will be doing. Honestly, if I had to guess if I would still be writing into the twisting nether that is the Intertubes for 4 years, I would be hard pressed to think so.

3. What is your favorite non-English word for the number four?
Quatre

4. Did you have a vision for this blog 4 years ago and how much of it have you achieved?
I did indeed have a vision for the blog, buit it was a simple vision from a simple man. All I wanted from this blog was a space to help formulate ideas and make them conveyable to others. Since starting the blog as a creative outlet I have gotten up the nerve to start being more creative in other ways. I have started drawing again and I have started looking into fantasy mapping for games and such as a potential money maker… I just have to find some PAYING clients.

5. After 4 years of trying to capture a portion of your life and share it with others, in what way do you feel English or any written language for that matter most fails to provide the tools needed to achieve what you want to communicate. (or is it more a lack of common philosophy?)
Written language has a difficult time with nuance and inflection. Just like you have to be careful typing out emails lest someone becomes offended, blog posts or any Internet missive for that matter could easily be misconstrued.

6. Most useful improved skill due to 4 years of blogging? a. Hyperlinking expert b. Faster typin' skills c. Improved writin' skills d. Desensitization of doing non-work related things at work without fear or guilt?
Let’s just say “Less than “a” space “href” equals sign open quote html address close quote greater than target word less than backslash a greater than.


7. How often do you have to resist the temptation to get all political and stuff? and has this increased or decreased in the last 4 years?
Every day I post I resist the temptation to go all political on someone’s ass. There are 2 things that hold me back. Firstly I am not that well informed about stuff that I would most likely be spewing partisanship upon, and secondly, I realized that I am not that well informed. Politics and hot-button issues are requests for flame wars. My blog is (and always has been) intended to be a place that is just for my fun.

8. I have always felt that the biggest mistake in the formation of the Constitution is the lack of term limits for President (which has been taken care of), Congress and the Supreme Court, do you have a counter argument. (Of course, I also feel there should be some sort of "Logan's Run" type program for all ex-presidents just to ensure that they really really "want it", so my Constitutional criticisms may come from a different place than most.)… Sandmen never run.
Ummm… I… hrrmmmmm… I have no answer.

9. Are you Consitutionally mandated to quit blogging after you finish your next 4 years?
Nope, but I might go all George Washington on this blog’s ass and voluntarily quit.

10. Choosing from only dead ones, which president acted in the most literally fascist manner during his term in office?
Hmmm… dictatorial with intense nationalism… I cannot think of any non-living president that would fit that definition… The US has historically been more isolationist than fascist. I cannot think of an authoritarian president that touted militarism and nationalism.

11. What contribution has your blog made to the economy?
None, I use a free host with free addons.

12. Does your blog have a foreign policy position?
Yes, this blog is about bringing people together. So far I have had some commeters from Europe, South America, North America, and Asia. This blog is truly a melting pot of my ideas. Questions have been sent in from 6 different countries and There are a bunch of people in the Czech Republic who search for turtle porn. I still need a commenter from Africa and Antarctica though. So one of you Egptians and someone from Little America, post a comment.

13. Do you consider yourself the chief executive of your blog, or the commander-in-chief?
Commander-in-Chief.

14. Is your blog's approval ratings up or down?
At the moment they are up by about 10 points. My approval rating (number of daily visitors) hovers around a daily 40 or so, but lately I have been getting 50 hits a day.

15. How do you and the family plan on celebrating the blogaversary?
Hopefully with food.

16. What is the traditional gift for a 4th blogaversary (paper, tin, a new wireless router)?
Hopefully one of the co-workers will think that lunch is appropriate. I like lunches.

17. Why four year terms? Did the founding fathers just roll some dice and see what came up?
The founding fathers of this great democracy only counted the thumb, index finger, middle finger, and ring finger. Therefore the presidency was given in terms of four years. They felt the pinky finger did not count as a full finger and should therefore be tallied as a 2/3rds finger.

18. Have you ever worried about your blog staging an uprising?
Every night.

19. What new features will the blog have in its fifth year?
Hopefully some interviews. I might turn this 20 questions Tuesday on its ear and interview some of you yokels.

20. Boxers or briefs?
I deny that bivariate choice system. I wear Boxer Briefs


To recap:
I want to go home
I am tired and I think it is the stupid weather
I set up Wifey’s machine to print to the wireless printer last night
Now I need to set up my machine
Then I will be able to print without a wire!
My printing will be wireless!
Oooooh the power
I need to stop by the grocery today and figure out something for dinner
No… wait... spaghetti is is!
Listening to the sounds of silence

20 Questions Tuesday: 114 - Half-Assed

This week I have decided that it is much easier to just phone it in… half-ass it… ummm… I would look up some more idiomatic synonyms, but that would take effort.

Thanks this week go to A “C-game” W, “Kinda” Rileyed Up, JA Cop-somethingoranother, John "Maybe" P, Peefer the Meh, and Bel"sorta"sum.

The questions:
1. My coworker had enough of today after 5 hours (including lunch) - is that considered half-assing it?
Well, it is neither half of the ass. Firstly to truly half ass it they either shouldn’t have come into work and stayed at home in their jammies, and secondly if they made it into work they the true way to phone it in is to chat about non-work things.

2. Is work the only place where you 'phone it in'?
Of course.

3. Do you think you'll pass the phoning it in gene to your kids?
I believe if passing happens it already has.

4. What is your opinion of Bluetooth? Helpful or makes people look crazy?
I think Bluetooth can make the crazy look not so crazy. People who talk to themselves are not considered grazy if they have a headset or earbud… I have seen people ranting and raving, flailing their arms crazily and cursing to the heavens. With nary a soul around… I thought they were a bit loopy, but then I saw the Bluetooth earpiece and thought, how businessmanlike.

5. Where did the term "half ass" emerge from? I mean, would it be good to whole ass something? I’m not sure so please explain…is half assing better or worse than full assing it? Is it possible to ¼ ass it?
As for its idiomatic origins, I am sure it had something to do with donkeys and fields and effort. As to the other levels of "assing it," I have no idea.

6. What’s the deal with ET? Why is it considered soooooo great?
I have never watched the movie, so I cannot say. That's right I am a child of the 80's and I have never seen ET.

7. What kind of phone do you use?
It is made by Samsung and I believe the model is the SG-Piece-of-Crap- 465

8. Does little man know how to use the phone?
Not really, and considering that his caregivers are pretty much a 9-1-1 call away from pathological tissue samples, it probably is the right time to teach him about phones.

9. If you’re only putting ½ your ass into the blog, what will the other half be doing? Ummm… sitting

10. Can you still call it “phoning it in” in the age of the Interwebs?
Better than calling it “txtn it n”

11. Why do questions revolve around other things? Is there an orbital-interrogatory theorem I’m unaware of?
The gravitas of a question determines the orbit. So deep questions about tough subjects cause closer and stronger revolutions. I am sure I could get an equation set up if I had the inclination.

12. Did you ever do some phone phreaking as a kid? Use the home phone to call the house, etc.
Get out, the call is coming from inside the house…

13. Would it be possible for us to start up a company that delivers subliminal messages in the elevator music while on hold? Maybe this is already done and I am unawares. Must go buy something now…
I am sure it is buy grape sodas possible to mmmm Nehi is good add subliminal Grape Crush is better than that strawberry crap messages to Welch’s Grape Soda is just around the corner nearly anything.

14. Is Little Man allowed to answer the phone and what is his preferred intro?
We have not banned him from answering, he just doesn’t seem that interested. He doesn’t even like talking to people he likes on the phone much less answering it from someone he doesn’t necessarily know.

15. Alexander Graham Bell: genius or ruinous lay about who was too lazy and impatient to write?
Alexander Graham Bell, The Lazy Bastard of Edinburgh, next on PBS in HD!

16. If you really focused, how long do you think it would take you to do an average week's work.
The problem is not so much focus as down time in between actions. I watch a bunch of progress bars creep across my screen. That being said, if we removed progress bars and computing time, it would boil down to 3 days.

17. A woman's ass can be quite an attractive feature. I don't think this is true for half an ass. Why is that?
Half just does not seem complete.

18. Do you prefer to phone it in (sick, or otherwise), or to inform the boss by e-mail?
I use a phone to his administrative assistant, so not even to him. Any direct contact with him would be waaay too personal.

19. Friday afternoon: a) pub with buddies, b) home ASAP, or c) STRIPPERS!!!?
Sadly b)

20. Which actor of any show you at least half-assedly follow is the most obvious example of phoning it in during their final season before leaving the show?
Jimmy Smits upon exiting NYPD Blue… wasn’t he in a hospital bed for a few episodes or something. His part could have been played by some rolled up blankets.


To recap:
Our section at work has found there is some fun with intercoms
Really pitiful when you think of it
We are trying to figure out a way of changing the ringtones with .wav files
‘Cause we are geeks like that
I could use a grape soda right about now
If I had a hammer…
I am hungry
And half-assing
Not listening to anyone or anything
They can’t make me
Now where is my grape soda?

20 Questions Tuesday: 113 - Going home again

On Friday I am hi-tailing it out of this cow-town to see Capt McArmypant’s sister ,Capt McAirforcepants, get married to Capt McMarinepants, which gave me the idea to have 20 questions about going home again, traveling in general, and ‘Bama. So here it goes…

Thanks this week go to ACW, John P, Ksig, Belsum, All Rileyed Up, and Atmikha.

On to the questions:
1. Staying with the 'rents?
The choice was between staying with the ‘rents and making them somewhat happy or staying at Capt McArmpants’s haunted house… I chose the mild annoyance of my parents.

2. Did mom keep yours and/or brothers' rooms exactly the same?
Nope, even before they moved they changed things up multiple times. Don’t get me wrong, they didn’t make it any better, but they did change it around.

3. Just you traveling or are you taking the little man? Q? both?
I am flying solo.

4. Will Capt McArmypants be there?
The whole ‘pants clan will be there. His sister Capt. McAirforcepants, His future brother-in-law Capt McMarinepants, his brother Mr McPilotpants, his mom the Rev McBiblepants and her husband Mr McPutterpants. As I understand it, many others from the far flung Mc…pants clan will be there as well (they, as of yet, remain titless).

5. There has to be something you like to see in Bama - right? Can't all be bad - what are you looking forward to (besides other people)?
2 of our cats are still there with my parents. I am looking forward to giving the cats some belly lovin’

6. From what I remember in college you used to average about an hour traversing Tennessee which is about 117 miles. Do you travel with the same velocity now with 2 kids at home?
I only accomplished that feat once, and that was because I was passed in Nashville going 90. My average landspeed has changed considerably since graduating from college.

7. Do you still have the same disdain for stopping while driving to relieve yourself or has the easy access to Depends really cut down on driving time?
I have no issues stopping for breaks now. Especially with my chronic sleep deprivation, stopping and waking myself up might be absolutely necessary.

8. Flying? Driving? Are you flying and if so will you be on any terror watch list? Why choose one or the other?
To my knowledge I am not on the terror watch list. Even though that is the case I will still be driving home. It makes me far less dependant on the parental units, and that is a very important thing.

9. Favorite food from ‘Bama you just can’t get north of the Mason Dixon line and will you get some for home?
Bar-B-Que

10. You can’t go home again because… your parents moved and didn’t tell you where they went or… the neighborhood association has banned you and burned you in effigy?
Even though the ‘rents moved, they accidentally told me where they moved… plus they don't burn effigies in Bama

11. In the song "Oh Susanna", it describes the weather in Alabama as raining but very dry. It also says the sun is hot but people are freezing to death. What gives with Alabama's weather? Do you own a banjo? And if so, do you keep it near your knee?
The song is all about lost love and how life without said love is all topsy turvy and shit, as for the weather in ‘Bama… It is fairly predictable, especially in the spring/summer times.

12. How did the ‘Bamans celebrate Halloween? Pump kin
What’s a ‘Bama quarter? Two dimes and a nickel taped together
The ‘Baman asked his cousin, “Got a little redneck in yeh? Y’ant some?”

My cousins live in Georgia. ‘Bama is the subject of all their jokes. Who do the ‘Bamans make fun of?
The great State of Mississippi and the denizens therein.

13. Give me your best Alabama anagram.
Baa Lama

14. Do people still talk about Bear Bryant?
Well, about 50% of the state populous still talk about Bear… the other 50% talk about Pat Dye.

15. How do people in the 'Bama feel about Tom Hanks' accent in Forrest Gump?
I believe they said, “Hey, Deddy, lookit! They’re talking like us on tha movie pictures.”

16. Ever been to Space Camp?
Nope, but I have been to Redstone Arsenal and the Marshall Space Flight Center a few times.

17. Your ambivalence for your Southern roots are well known (--and by ambivalence, I mean open contempt). Are you looking forward to anything about going back, aside from the Wedding?
Other than the cats and some Bar-B-Que, not really.

18. Who will cook the orange rice while you are gone?
I will be making some Thursday evening after Little Man goes to bed.

19. What do you expect to be the low point of the trip?
The trip. This will, without a doubt, be a supremely stressful and tiresome weekend. Other than seeing Capt. McArmypants, watching his little sis get married, and playing with the cats, I am dreading this weekend. It will not be restful, it will be uncomfortable, it will bring up crappy memories. This is not the recipe for a wonderful wedding

20. Can you explain the Moon Pie?
Nope, I have no explanation of the moon pie… or grits

And one to grow on…
21. Is there anyone you dread running into, and yet who cannot be avoided?
I already mentioned the parents, yes?

To recap:
I need to get the oil in my car changed
And a nap
Slept for crap last night
So I ache and am tired
A winning combination to be sure
Interview Number 2 tonight for the nanny position
I am giddy with excitement
The Intertubes sucks when it comes to writing sarcasm
Man, I am tired
Listening to Can You Picture That by Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem

20 Questions Tuesday: 112 - Animals 2

Here we are again at the crossroads of life known as 20 Questions Tuesday. This installment of the cultural phenomenon is the second in a 2 part series of questions regarding animals. For some reason second in a 2 part series sounds much better than the conclusion of a 2 part series. I wonder why that is? Anyway… The questions are about animals.

Thanks this week go to All Rileyed Up, JA Coppinger, Dr B Dawg, Amy, and Wifey.

On to the questions :

1. Did you ever watch the Tiny Toons movie How I Spent My Summer Vacation? How hilarious was Elmyra at the wild animal drive through park?
Nope, never saw that movie. I was not a big Tiny Toons fan. The whole Tiny Toons idea seemed weak from the beginning. The concept was clearly a product of groupthink. What caqn I say, when it comes to Warner Brothers cartoons, I am a purist.

2. I believe you have a no-pets-allowed situation on the home front? Does Little Man ever ask for pets or is he cool without them? Would you consider a hairless pet, like a turtle or fish?
We are a furry animal free house due to Little Man’s allergies and asthma, but so far he has not wanted to have any animals in the house. I am not averse to having a hairless “pet” in the house, but in my opinion turtles, iguanas, and fish are not pets as much as visual oddities of which to simply behold. There is not much interactivity with them and therefore I question their pethood.

3. You lived in the south. Got any good alligator stories?
Other than eating some fried gator tail at a boat up restaurant outside of Tampa, I have no gator stories.

4. Why do fairs continue to give away goldfish that die quickly and force us to teach our children about death?
Fairs are evil places with glorious fried delectables. Honestly, if they battered the gold fish, deep fried it, and sprinkled it with powdered sugar I wouldn’t even be fielding this question.

5. What was the name and your fondest memory of your first pet?
We had a cat while I was growing up named, Sox (think Chicago White Sox). Anywho… I don’t really know why but she would always put her paw on my nose… I miss that.

6. How awesome was Animal from the Muppets?
Pert darn near perfect.

7. What did you think of Orwell’s “Animal Farm”?
Never read it. Somehow I got away with not having to read it. In many ways that makes me very happy.

8. Which animal would you like to genetically manipulate to take down the Hippos of the world?
Meer Kats. I would love to see them swarm a hippo like piranha on a injured swimming capybara.

9. Do house cats think of themselves as small lions or big lions?
Big big lions

10. Which animals would Heidi Klum dismiss first from Project Runway - the striped, the spotted or the furry ones?
I think the simply furry ones would be sent home first because of not going far enough to sell their look. Then the spotted ones would be out because of trying too hard to be spotted. Last to go would be the striped, but if anything were dappled, it would win.

11. If an animal were to maul you to death, which would you prefer it be?
A Yeti, but a girl yeti… this time.

12. If you had the chance to name a species after you, what would you name it and what would you like for it to look or act like?
The mmmmmpig, it would look much like a pig except much more bacony.

13. How do you feel about children growing up with pets? Do you think it makes a difference on their immune system (fewer allergies as adults)?
I like children growing up with pets because of the love of animals, but I don’t think having them in the house does anything for or against allergies. Little Man came into a household of 3 cats, but still developed a rather severe allergy to cat dander. Part of that reaction is due to the exposure and part is just a predisposition.

14. Marmosets or meerkats?
Meer Kats… see question number 8

15. I already know your favorite animal - the wolverine. (cue: the only one who kills for pleasure). I already know your least favorite animal - the hippo. (albeit for no fault of its own, rather for not having any natural enemies). You are a man of strong passions...what is the animal that you simply feel "meh" about?
The gnu. Mainly due to the spelling. Whatev.

16. What is the silliest animal that Little Man is afraid of?
Swiper.

17. How come it's perfectly acceptable for lions to kill a gazelle and eat it raw, but when I eat steak out of the fridge I'm all barbaric and stuff?
Because you have thumbs and the ability to warm meat. Do you think that lions really want raw gazelle? If they had the opportunity to feast on Gazelle cakes with a spicy remoulade, don’t you think they would? We have a microwave, you barbarous carnivore.

18. Animal print sheets: does it really ignite passion or does it make you laugh hysterically thereby reducing your ability to perform?
I have never had the occasion to test whether or not animal print sheets would cause me passion or hysterics. I also think it may depend on the animal print. Tiger stripes would have a better chance of passion than say Okapi print sheets. Leopard print might work better than say, a tortoise shell print.

19. Animal Crackers – aren’t they really a cookie? I mean, would they go in soup? Animal crackers: iced or un-iced? or should I say nasty or un-iced?
Animal crackers are cookies and should be iced with pink icing.

20. Baddest animal you ever came across while scouting? Ever seen an animal in nature that took your breath away?
Black Bear with cub…. Black Bear with cub


To recap:
We are looking for a new nanny now
The current nanny is moving into Cananananda in a few weeks
She sent in her 2 weeks notice on Sunday
That makes us sad because she was great with the kids
Back to the drawing board
Oh, well
I think my allergy season is upon me
Stupid allergies
Listening to my phone ring
Gotta go.

20 Questions Tuesday: 111 - Animals, Part 1

So, I had a hard time coming up with a topic for the 20 Questions Tuesday for today. I hemmed and hawed about various different ideas and finally came to rest of the topic of animals. Well, it turns out that people have all sorts of questions loosely based on the idea of animals. So far I have gotten 51 questions and most if not all of them are serviceable. Let me clarify that point. I DQ some questions because they are too personal, redundant, or dumb.

Thanks this week go to: Lord Pithy, ACW, Sparky, Belsum, and John P.

On to the questions:
1. WTF is up with cats?
OMG, I have no idea.

2. Which would be worse to find in your bed, a horse head, a living platypus or the other half of the horse?
The other half of a horse… it is heavy and filled with... with... fluids.

3. If you could be any animal other than a primate, what would it be?
Probably a housecat. Bunch of pampered lazabouts.

4. Would you rather go naked than wear fur?
Nope. I would rather be dressed in a fur suit… wait how warm is it outside?

5. How cool would it be if you could shed your skin like a snake (by rubbing up against a rock)?
Would it have to be a rock? Couldn’t I get the same effect by rubbing up against some rough bark on a tree or maybe the edge of a building or such. The yes/no answer depends on whether or not the skin flakes off like dandruff or would come off in one big floppy skin suit looking thing.

6. Any animal types permitted in the SRH household?
None are permitted…

7. Party like an animal??? I haven't seen any partying animals - so what gives?
WHAT?!?! What about Spudz MacKenzie?

8. Animals - the last acceptable group for mascots?
Let’s be clear there are only a few animals that fall into that category. You are never going to see the “Fighting Baboons” take the field unless you are watching a nature show and some baboons are fighting in a field.

9. Are you hungry like the wolf?
No, but I do smell like I sound.

10. What's your favorite animal to eat? (with apologies to the vegetarian/vegan readers, of course)
It is a toss up between pig and cow. Pig makes ham and bacon…… mmmmmm bacon, but cow makes steak and hamburger. How to choose? I will go with cow. It is more versatile, meatwise.

11. Deer and coyote are roaming our neighborhood in the 'burbs. The coyotes like the deer...the deer like to eat the landscaping flowers...everyone is freaked out. Many residents, myself included, have spotted coyotes running wild in the cul de sacs and some neighborhood pups have been attacked. My neighbor is very freaked out by animals and so she's flippin' at the notion of deer and coyotes in the yard. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much would this freak you out?
3

12. What’s your favorite Animals song? Why?

You know the night time, oh, is the right time
To be with the one you love.
I said the night time, ooh, is the right time
To be with the one you love.
I said the night time, ooh, is the right time
To be with the one you love.

Baby, I said a baby, baby, come on and drive me crazy,
Lord,You know I love you; always thinkin' of you.
Hey, baby; oh, I said a baby.

You know the night time is the right time
To be with the one you love.
Aaaah!I
said the night time oh, is the right time
To be with the one you love.
I said the night time, ooh, is the right time
To be with the one you love.
I said the night time oh, is the right time
To be with the one you love

13. Which is your favorite band named after an animal? What’s your favorite song of theirs? Why?
The Aquabats!

14. Animal: best Muppet ever or just best drummer ever? Discuss
There really isn’t much to discuss. The answer is yes and yes, hands down... move on... next question.

15. If Mary Jane were to refer to Peter Parker as any other animal than “tiger” what should it be and why?
Duckmole, because platypus takes too much effort.

16. Were you ever an animal for Halloween as a kid? Which one? Who decided on that costume?
Nope, but I know someone who dressed up as a monkey for at least 7 years.

17. Which came first the platypus or the egg?
The egg. Egg laying animals came long before Platypi.

18. Does Little Man have a favorite stuffed animal?
He has a few that he cycles through: Pinto the horse, Leopard the leopard, and Shmuze-me the Dog.

19. Iced or plain animal crackers? Mmm, need to get some milk now
Iced… the pink iced Keebler animal crackers cookies

20. If you could be reincarnated as any animal what would it be? Let’s allow the mythic creatures to also be included for consideration. I have learned it is best to give you a lot of latitude.
Any animal, mythic or not? I would go with a Titan. I’d give Zues whatfor.


To recap:
For some reason I am having the hardest time recapping today
I think it is because I need to burp
Okay, that should clear things up now…
Sorry people in adjacent cubes
I have started mixing in the Diet Mt Dews with the full on Mt Dews these days
The metabolism is not what it used to be
Snow on Mars? WTF!?!
Listening to Cream and Bastards Rise by Harvey Danger off of Little by Little