Last week was a bear of a week. Let me walk you through it. Sunday morning I got a call from my mom. She tells me that my dad has a kidney stone, and that it has blocked his bladder, and that blockage caused and infection, and the infection went septic… Way to bury the lead, mom. So my wife and I partially pack a bag and drive 10 hours to Birmingham for hospital boredom. My wife leans into the box and takes one for the team. Not only is she the non-caucasian part of our interracial relationship heading into the Deep South, but she is also in the midst of a particularly nasty chest cold.
We get to Birmingham and my dad is doing better. Still has the blockage in the bladder and hopped up on goofballs and antibiotics, but pretty much no longer in a threatened state. We spend all day Monday in Birmingham. I am at the hospital with my mom, and my loving wife is stuck at my parents house because she is not really allowed to bring her chest cold to the ICU. All the docs are happy with Dad’s progress and no one is worried that he will not have a complete recovery. So, Tuesday we saddle up for the 10 trek back home to our freaked out kids and a rather over-worked Mother-in-Law.
Wednesday rolls around and I head off to work. That evening I get home and due to the lingering chest cold, my wife’s breathing seems pretty seriously compromised. We go to the ER that night. Now my over-tired wife is placed on oral steroids and antibiotics. Thursday night rolls around and we get word that one of the adorable flower girls from our wedding 17 years ago has died from an OD on heroin at the age of 24. So… that was this past week. How are you?
Thanks this week go to L Pithy, Maj Mc Armypants, some other guy, and my wife. Let’s get to the questions.
1. Do you keep an emergency bag packed with essentials in case you have to leave the house in a hurry? If yes, what is in it; if no, why not?
Nope, but I do have a 10 minute box at work. If I need to leave work all permanent-like I can be out of there in 10 minutes. Surgical.
2. What is the worst possible clock time for the phone to ring?
Between the hours of 11 pm and 7 am… you better not be putting that in your calendar...
3. Do you have an ICE contact on your phone?
Nope, but I have my wife clearly labelled.
4. Why can't family emergencies ever be slapstick routine, like on TV?
I have been in some that are much like sitcom situations. For example, 16 years ago in the first year of our marriage my mother-in-law ran into some allergen that she has yet to determine what it was. He face and eyes became increasingly swollen and we started driving to the ER. While driving my wife looked back at her mom in the back seat and winced at the hideously swollen visage that looked back. We get to the ER, and there is no room in triage, so they pull out someone who is in an exam room so quickly that the curtain is hitting that person in the face and dragging over there face and body as they rapidly remove them from the room and leave them in the hall to attend to my mother-in-law. That person was there for a psych eval because she felt that no one took her and the voices in her head seriously. Get out of the way Sybil, and allergic reaction is coming through.
5. Who was your favorite actor on television's "Emergency"?
The dark haired firefighter/EMT mainly because his name is Randall Mantooth! That is an actor’s name if I have ever heard one.
6. Questions about "FAMILY EMERGENCY"? That is not really a fun topic. No really, I have a lot of questions that I would love to ask, but I think they are just soooo personal. Uhhh I don't get it? uhhmmmmm.... Do you uh not like them...Family Emergencies I mean?
This question sucks.
7. For instance, throughout your life who surprised you the most during a family emergency with their impressive composed acts and who sorta flaked out? Feel free to go back to childhood or cousins thrice removed....in fact I would prefer it.
Hmmm… this is a tough one. All in all I think I am pretty good in these things. I feel I do a pretty good job of holding my shit together. But my wife is pretty awesome and I am required by law to mention her.
8. Ever have to bail a family member out of jail?
Nope, pending on the circumstances, not sure I would.
9. Ever have to perform emergency surgery?
I have had to reset someone’s dislocated elbow.
10. Fight off a burglar or a wild animal?
I would like to fight off a burglar by using a wild animal.
11. Which of the kids has caused more family emergencies?
That would be Little Man. His asthma early on really tripped some emergency alarms… that being said, I think injury and risk behavior-wise, Q will outpace him in the next few years.
12. What food items denote “family emergency” when you are out of them?
At the moment… blueberries, Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch Bars, Lime-Aid, and Mt Dew
13. What constitutes “Family” in a “Family Emergency?
Direct nuclear family, family I grew up with, super close friends, and Aisha Tyler.
14. Do you have a Zombie Survival Plan?
Not really… zombies aren’t real. Pathogens that could potentially cause zombie-like symptoms would lead to chaos and I would do what I could to live my life… my life of sleep apnea, gastric reflux, borederline blood pressure, gluten intolerance, lactose intolerance…. without pharmacology, I would not last long anyway…
15. Have you ever used “Family Emergency” as an excuse to get out of doing something you don’t want to do?
Nope, but I have used family as excuses before.
16. Are you a “Good Samaritan?”
I am not always a Good Samaritan… there are times when I give help unbidden, and there are others when I am crazily selfish.
17. So, what constituted a “Family Emergency” when you were 7?
That is a good question. At the time, other than medical stuff that did not happen often for the family (at least that I recall), the biggest emergency that I can think of is when Dad would travel for a whole week for work over a payday Friday and we would not be able to get the paycheck until he got back midweek… oh, direct deposit and electronic banking, you are a welcome addition to society.
18. What was up with Little Man’s online “Emergency” this evening?
Background: Little Man is all about the Plants Vs Zombies, Garden Warfare right now, and we had some Internet hiccups tonight causing him not to be able to play. He built the idea of playing this game up in his head all day long. This was an activity, nay! AN EVENT! that he has been building up to epic portions for the past 24 hours. When this did not come to fruition because the game needed to update and the bandwidth kept chucking him out of the game, his fantasy of how awesome it was going to be pwning the n00bs and jacking zombies with his sun beam was shattered by stuttering internet and required updates.
19. What is your particular “take-away” from this past week’s events?
My parents are much older than I remember, and I need to voice my concern over my wife’s asthma regime more strongly.
20. So, what is the next family emergency?
Little man’s adoptive grandpa is in the ER because of TIA’s… now we ride this ride, that’s how we roll!
To recap:
Tomorrow is my brother’s birthday!
For your birthday, please don’t cause a family emergency
I am currently dealing with a lactose issue right now
I did get some BBQ whilst in the Bama last week
It was glorious
I have homework to get to tonight
A 45 minute lecture on the politics of online content management strategy
Sleep will come easily tonight
Super easily
Stay out of the hospitals if you can
Have a great week everyone