20 Questions Tuesday : 259 - Procrastination

This week, I again, waited for the last moment to send out the call for questions.  So, my topic is, oddly enough, procrastination.  I am a big fan of procrastination.  I will be lucky if this gets published before midnight EST.  


Thanks this week go to Wood, lsig, Ralph, Dr B Dawg, Chris Ring, Allrileyedup, and Stpierre.  Let’s do this.


1.  Are there any positive aspects to procrastination and if so what are they?

Yup, well thought out procrastination can be rather relaxing.


2.  Is there a best time of the day to procrastinate?

All times of the day are appropriate for procrastinating.


3.  Are there different methods of procrastinating?

There are an infinite amount of procrastination techniques, from rearranging the sock drawer to baking cupcakes for puppies.


4.  Are you a procrastinator? If so - in all areas or just some?

I have been known to procrastinate from time to time to time, often


5.  The results of a Myers Briggs test once identified me as “pressure prompted.” Best euphemism for “procrastinator” ever, yes?

That is a great label for procrastinator.  I love it.


6.  What’s one thing you will put off today that you know you shouldn’t?

Sit-ups


7.  I had a boss once who later admitted that she’d hold projects on her desk and “spring” them on me near the deadline so I’d actually get started right away. Dirty trick or shrewd management of an inveterate procrastinator?

Shrewd management… that is a manager who knows her employees.

8.  Why doesn’t the word mean “in favor of castration?”

Because that would be “procastration.”  I think you are thinking “in favor of castrination.”


9.  When will we have the blog up? When is this due?

This will be posted before midnight on Tuesday.. It is 20 Questions Tuesday, not 20 Questions Kinda Tuesday.


10.  For me, the things I generally procrastinate on are because I anticipate them taking waaaay more time than they actually deserve and figuring they will end up taking twice as much as that, with little payoff and a lot of soul-crushing in the end. But, if I put it off to the very, very last moment, my efficiency is actually better. Do you have a theory on procrastination?   

I usually procrastinate on things that I don’t want to do.  Pretty simple.


11. How many levels of procrastination are there?

5, but they shall remain unnamed.


12. So, a procrastinator is the office devil, right?

Not especially, the Gossip is the office devil.


13.  What chore ALWAYS calls for procrastination on your part?

Lawn Mowing


14. Chore others procrastinate doing that you find mind boggling?

Making me cookies for me?


15. Haven’t we done the topic of procrastination before? I think the new topic should be “imagination.”

Not that I remember, but I have done


16.  Best quote for procrastinators to reference?

That stupid “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow.”


17.  Best fictional procrastinator?

Wimpy… he would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.


18.  What do you do while procrastinating?

Often, I try to nap.


19. What are things you are most and least likely to procrastinate on?

Most Likely: As I said before, lawn mowing

Least Likely: bill paying (providing we have the funds)


20.  I find the best way to vacuum the house and wash the dishes is to have something unbelievably urgent to get done that has nothing at all to do with the floors or dishes. Do you have any routines which benefit the household hygiene that might somehow take priority before something way more important?

Cleaning is less a procrastination device as much as it is a stress reaction.  Sometimes the stress coincides with procrastination, but not always.

To recap:

I have homework to do

The rents are coming into town this weekend

Not sure why this is giving me double spaced lines right now

Oh well,

Double spaced it is

Sweet Jeebus, the rents are coming this weekend

Classes started up again

I am well and truly busy

Have a great weekend, everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 258 - First Day of School

So… I had a hard time coming up with a topic for this week… mainly because I waited until the last minute to come up with a topic. But today is Little Man’s first day of school as a 4th grader and yesterday Q started kindergarten.  I have no idea how I have 2 kids in school.  Seriously, how did that happen.  


Thanks this week go to Chris Ring, The Wife, Maj McArmypants, Nadolny, and Bruce.


1.  What do you remember most about your first day of school?

How bummed I was about summer being over.


2.  First Day of school - excited or terrified?

More excited than terrified.


3.  Best 1st day of school, why?

Freshman college… because college is/was cool.


4.  Why do Moms insist on dressing their sons with the sole purpose of getting their ass kicked on the 1st day of school?

I think you may be reliving a memory here… Did your mom dress you as a little sailor and give you a lolly?  How old ARE you?


5.  Homework on the first day of school, WTF?!

I know, seriously.


6.  What were your first day of school rituals? Obvious, but I thought I’d ask.

I think I was just happy to be getting out of the house.


7.  Did your mom cry on your first days of school?  (I cried today, because I love our children. Not sure this was your experience.)

If she did, it was after she was out of my sight.  My bet is no, for my mom is numb to the world, lest reality creep in and crack the precarious charade she has constructed to make her seem well-adjusted to the world.


8.  In Iowa there’s a law that the first day of school can’t happen until after Labor Day because of the heat. Was this true in Alabama?

I don’t know if it was a law, but I don’t remember school starting in August as a kid.  That being said, it seems that school is starting for some peeps in Alabama this week.


9.  Did you have “first day of school” clothes?  I did. They were always what we bought at Montgomery Ward or JC Penny.  They were hot and scratchy and sometimes involved a sweatered material.  In others words, they were wholly inappropriate for the climate but oh so cute.

I did not have “first day of school clothes.”  


10.  Whatever happened to Timothy?  Do you think eventually they made him stay?  That or he just goes the first day every year and is scheduled to graduate around the year 5579.

Not sure what happened to Tim… Backstory, Timothy was a kid that went to the same kindergarten as Maj McArmpants and myself.  There were a number of occasions that were, how do we say, less than impressive intellectually.  He was not bright and also, I think repeated kindergarten 3 times or so.  It truly is/was a bit sad.

 

11.  What grade were you in when you took the bus the first day?

Hmmm… Probably 10th.

 

12.  I see there is a lot of effort to prevent bullying now.  Basically, they schedule the older kids on different days and all sorts of crazy stuff.  Your thoughts?

I think it is misguided.  Bullying has always been around, and will always be around. That being said,  I think bullying has elevated to a point where it is a polarized version of what we dealt with as kids.  We may have had to walk uphill in 3 feet of snow both ways, but the bullies that are around today are something else..

 

13.  What was the biggest culture shock your very first day of kindergarten?  Coming from a largely isolated childhood, it was the exposure to how other children behaved and having to ask to do stuff like go the bathroom or go get water.

You are onto something there, I think it was getting permission to do normal things.


14.  So back in kindergarten if I recall, you really sucked.  You seem alright to me now, but what do you think your biggest malfunction was back then?

Well, let’s be clear, YOU felt that I really sucked.  Those are your perceptions and not necessarily a real truth.


15.  What would the worst first day of school you can envision entail.  In a Ferris Buehler’s Day Off style (Now you are on Whose Line is it Anyway).

Hmmm… well, without the Ferris Buehler’s Day Off caveat, I would have gone with a multiple bus collision with a train carrying radioactive gasoline and monsters, but Ferris style…  I would say it would start with not having milk for cereal, so you have to get to the grocery store before the bus gets you, and you miss the bus, but in doing so you get pancakes from a local diner because the cute college waitress finds you interesting.  You make it to school at 2nd period, and to not be considered tardy, you have to pretend to be Hans, the exchange student from Switzerland.  Cut to meeting up with the cute waitress for dinner at a local Italian restaurant… cue Yellow’s “Oh, yeah!” and roll credits.


16.  First day of school in college entailed?

I took 5 classes my first semester, so day one was 3 courses.  Calc I, Intro To English I, Drawing I, and my Freshman orientation class.  All syllabi, no homework, but the dy was full of running across campus and getting to and from class.  It was glorious..


17.  First day with a newborn (you know, parent school).

The wife was pretty seriously injured during childbirth, such that she was unable to walk for a few weeks and then only with great effort, so that first week of being home with Little Man was crazy hard and busy.  Best OJT, I have ever had.  I really had to jump in with both feet for the boy to survive.


18.  Did you do lamaze or some other birthing class?  If so, what were your first impressions

We did, and the first class was pretty innocuous, because all we did was meet who else was in the class… most of the people there should not have bred.


19.  Class or teacher most excited about? Most dreaded?

Most excited: Printmaking when I was a studio art major in college

Most Dreaded: Introduction to Analysis I when I was a math major


20.  Bring your own lunch, or get the school lunch?  What was for lunch?

I typically brought my lunch, until I got to high school, and then I just skipped lunch entirely.  I think it was a ham sandwich with some Doritos or something like that…  not memorable at all.


To recap:

Holy shot I have 2 kids in school

WTF?!?!?!

Did some sketches for the kiddos this week

Little Man wanted a cheetah for something at school… even though he just started today


Q wanted an Ostrich because Little Man got a cheetah


Not much else to speak of

I start up school on the 26th

Pretty sure that will be to no fanfare whatsoever

Special thanks this week to Nadolny and Bruce who came through with the last few questions at the 9th hour

Have a great weekend everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 257 - Shooting Stars

 

This past weekend was the peak of the Perseid meteor showers for 2013, so we tried to experience them as best we could.  Therefore Monday Morning around 4 a.m. I woke up to look at the conditions and see if we could see a whole slew of shooting stars…  Nope, it was hazy and the haze amplified all the ambient light and made it impossible to see all the but the brightest… So I did not awake the family and decided to go back to bed.  There is always next year.  But today, today we shall talk about the topic of “Shooting Stars.”


Thanks this week go to Chris Corrigan, my Wi-fuh, Ralph, Son of Harbi, Lsig, and Newbold.  Now, onto the questions!


1.  My favourite moment watching the Perseids was in 1992, Lake Simcoe, Ontario, when we watched the Perseids streaking across the northern sky and falling into an intense aurora borealis.  This year there is a solar flare timed with the peak of the Perseids.  You think we’ll get a repeat?

In northern areas with typical borealis activity, possibly.  Definitely not this far south in Ohio though.


2.  I can always bring this back to MLS.  Speaking of shooting stars, what do you think of Clint Dempsey’s return.  Do you think he will ever crack a smile now that he is back?  Is it even possible to play with Obafemi Martens and NOT crack a smile?

I think Deuce came back because both his kids are just about school age and he wanted to be in the States for some reason for the bulk of their early education.  I think he will smile, I think he smiled when at Fulham and they were playing Chelsea.  Obafemi is an infectious imp of a player.  You can feel his love for the game.

 

and this is better than a smile


3.  What is your second favourite meteor shower?

The Leonids.


4.  Can you post a link to your favourite Russian fireball video?

I love that all the dash-board cams let you listen to the thrumming techno the Russians are listening to as they disregard the fireball in the sky.  The best one I could not find.  It is a driver facing cam that shows the driver, rocking out to some sweet beats nonchalantly repositioning his sun visor as he drives through an intersection like meteors happen all day everyday and twice on tuesdays.


This one will do


5.  Which star shooting was the most surprising?

John Lennon  


6.  Which star shooting was the least surprising?

I would have to go with Biggie Smalls… While one was not sure it would be him specifically, one knew that someone was going to get shot in retaliation for Tupac.

 

7.  Who is your favorite actor/actress shooting star (came on the scene quickly and then flamed out)?

Hmmmm…. I think this is a tricky question.  Most of the people I can think of who “flamed out” early still have a significant body of work behind them, but my gut seems to point towards some of the child actors.  Let’s just say River Phoenix..


8.  Who is your favorite comedian shooting star (came on the scene quickly and then flamed out)?

Well, typically comedians do not just rise up super fast and then fade away… Usually they toil in obscurity for years until they “all of a sudden” make it big.  So, I am going to redefine the “came on quickly and then flamed out” to “rose up and then  could not handle the fame and died due to unnatural causes.”  In that case, I would say that Mitch Hedberg fits that bill perfectly.  He spent his time getting good, became famous and then OD’ed on heroin at the beginning of his super fame.


9.  How large would a rubber band need to be to actually shoot to a star?

To launch from Earth?  Not sure it could be done… from the vacuum of space?  That is a potentially a different story, but my “Euclidean physics in a vacuum” is not up to snuff to truly determine.  My issue is that with an elastic physical action, would both the shooter and the rubber band be propagated at an equal rate in opposite directions, or could all the propagation be funneled into the rubber band… and then, how do gravity wells and solar wind affect the trajectory of a rubber band… too many parameters to determine.


10.  If stars are just big gas bags, are shooting stars actually farting?

Nope, shooting stars are meteors burning up in Earth’s atmosphere as they come in contact with our planet.  Star farts are super-novae


11.  Are shooting stars measured in calibers like firearms?

Nope.


12.  Why are there no protests over all the innocent stars that get shot by shooting stars?

I don’t think you know exactly how this works.


13.  Are the stars from the central part of the southern hemisphere more likely to shoot? South-Central Hemi represent!!

Naw, dawg.  Shooting stars come from the Ort Cloud, Yo!  Ort Cloud in the hizzy!


14.  Is it weird that your topic immediately made me think of Mark David Chapman and John Wilkes Booth?

Simultaneously?  Yes.


15.  To the best of my recollection, I’ve never seen a shooting star. Does that make you sad?

Yes, it actually does.


16.  Don’t you know that you are a shooting star? And all the world will love you just as long, as long as you are?

Really?  Bad company lyrics?  Really?


17.  Is there some sort of superstition attached to shooting stars? Are you supposed to wish upon them or something?

Yep, you are supposed to make a wish.


18.  One of my favorite lines from a movie is “shoot the moon”,can you Name the movie?

Well, “Shoot the moon” is a pretty standard colloquialism meaning “to undertake something difficult.”  I cannot think of any specific movie that uses that phrase.


19.  This’s pretty close to  shooting star.  Shooter Mcgavin gives the wink and the gun when things go his way.  When you get frustrated what are some of your typical reactions?

Cursing


20.  I typically try to say “shoot” instead “shit” around kids. They pick up new words so fast. But one time i accidently said’, “you dirty f&$%#GJ ^&(^t” to someone in traffic.    What city has the worst traffic?

Even though the Internet points me towards Brussels, Belgium, I have to think that some city in either India or China takes the cake. 

To recap:

been getting on the treadmill for a month or so

Only thing that makes it bearable is the fact that I can watch DC and Marvel cartoons whilst running

One of the Green Lantern direct to videos

How could they screw up the theatrical release so badly when they can make the cartoons so compelling

The only real problem with the Green Lantern ones is that it is almost always an origin story

FOR. THE. SAME. GUY.

Maybe grow the story a bit, peeps

Feeling better physically though

So that is good

The daughter has an unexpected 2 days off from pre-school this week

Then she starts kindergarten on Monday

Holy frikkin chit… My baby!

Little Man starts 4th grade next week

My kids are growing up too fast

Have a great weekend everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 256 - Going Solo

So this week, I am not single parenting… I am completely on my own at home…. for a full week…  The solitude started on Saturday and will complete on this upcoming Saturday.  It is quiet around here… maybe too quiet.. In fact, I am goddamn sure that it is too quiet.  It is down right stifling how quiet it is.  For all the ungodly noise the wee little bairns make in this house, it is no wonder that I feel a need for some noise.  Noise that just is not coming.  The fam is having a bit of a getaway at a cool place call Old Ok Dojo, in Boston,  that my friend, Deborah is hosting.  Remember Deborah?  Yeah, she’s awesome.  It is just a gathering… much like Juggalos without the scale, misogyny, Faygo, and bizarre lack of understanding of magnets… it is simple, it’s about the alignment of electrons through a conductive material and getting them in sync to manipulate other conductive materials… what’s so fucking magic about that ICP?…  umm… So, today’s topic is “Going Solo.”


Thanks this week go to Lord Pithy, Nadolny, Chris Ring, Dr B Dawg, Maj McArmypants, Dr JHP… (that’s right, I know some doctors.. one is in physics the other is an MD.. deal with it, I am connected with smart people), Lsig, and Lex…. we are going to go above 20 this week… but it is not like I am doing anything else around here.


Here we go…

1. Red Solo Cup – best ode to a drinking vessel ever? Does the “new” Red Solo Cup song bring back any memories for you? Any you can share?

I hate you both.  That song is horrible and it is sung by a horrible person.


2. What is your favorite solo activity (the ball is in your court, brother)? Ruling out blindness inducing self gratification, what is your favorite solo activity?

Your minds go right to the gutter… gutter minds.  It is weird, but I have to say that my favorite solo activity is to listen to podcasts without having headphones on. No judgement from anyone about what I listen to.


3. When you played through the old Choose Your Own Adventure books, did you hold a thumb in the previous page, or totally commit to your choices?

I just remembered what page I was on… really, you had to make the page?  It was page 82, and by going into the room my halfling got frozen by the white dragon… go back to 82 and keep going down the dark hallway.  easy peasy lemon squeezy.


4. If you were the last man on earth, what would be the first thing you would do?

Hide, because clearly some serious shit is going down.


5. Why are so many people afraid of being alone?

Because next to being in a small coed group of teens, it is the most dangerous state to be in for every Horror movie ever made.


6. a) Did Han shoot first and does it matter if Han shot first?  b) So this week’s topic is about being an intergalactic smuggler/reluctant freedom fighter?  c) We get to shoot first right? Otherwise this week’s topic is “Going PC Solo”.  d) If you showed up every day this week with a different Han Solo outfit - there are plenty of Han outfits (Classic Han, Hoth Han, Medal Ceremony Han, Ewok Han, and everyone’s favorite: Carbonite Han).  What order would you wear them from Monday to Friday? e) I love Star Wars.  Granted, but how is Han Solo not some veiled masturbation joke? f) Does going Solo allow one to look like a scruffy looking nerf herder? g) “Going Solo” means shooting first in a Cantina surrounded by scum and villainy, yes?

a) Han shot first and it matters.  It is all about story arc.  Han is the most pivotal character in the original trilogy.  He goes from being self-centered to ultimately altruistic.

b) Yep

c) Yep

d) Monday: Carbonite.  I have a hard time getting motivated on Mondays and my outward appearance should indicate that.  Tuesday: Hoth Han, I am slowly thawing out to the work week. Wednesday: Ewok Han: It is hump day, yub-nub it up. Thursday: Classic Han, Thursday is meant for vests.  Friday: Medal Ceremony Han, beginning of the weekend, baby.

e) Are you sure it is really “veiled?”

f) I am quite scruffy looking today and, in fact herding nerfs.

g)Yep


7. What fun stuff are they doing in Boston?

You, know… I honestly do not really know.  From what I can tell the wife has fallen off a house, done some weird acrobatic yoga, the kids are climbing a tree and swinging on ropes.. I think they may be doing some kind of Parkour camp upon further reflection.


8. a) What things do you get done when the fam is all away that would never have gotten done otherwise? b) What things are completely off the to-do list (non kid schedule related) that you would normally do weekly? c) Any good things about your time alone? Stuff you get to do that you normally can’t/don’t? d) What do you look forward to then most when home alone? e) What do you dread the most when home alone?

a) I have watched a few movies that are a bit more violent than the typical fare I watch when they are around.  Dredd is amazing while the new Conan is laughably bad in places and just painfully bad in others.

b) Well, doing the dishwasher thing is not completely off the table, but it is greatly reduced.

c) As I mentioned, listening to my podcasts without headphones is really a nice thing.

d) Getting some drawing done.

e) The lack of movement in the house… it is just too still.



9.  How many days/hours/minutes going solo til you get lonely?

Turns out about 1.5 days will do it completely.  There are moments of loneliness that creep on you immediately after dropping the fam off at the airport, but for it to really sink in and simmer, I would say 1.5 days.


10.  Most miserable activity doing solo?

Texas Hold’em… no one cares about the flop when it is one man poker.


11.  If Q were a Hope Solo fan, how would you handle that?

Well… I find that one difficult to believe just because Hope Solo’s career will be over before Q is old enough to appreciate her goalkeeping skilz.  That being said, as long as she doesn’t emulate Hope’s off-field distractions and concentrates on the actual technical ability, I have can find nothing wrong with that.


12.  I am currently going solo for two nights. It is weird and far too quiet. What do keep next to your bed for the strange bumps in the night. I rely on a bat and a dog that would likely ask any intruder for a treat and hug.

A Gurkha Kukri


13. Would you ever hike solo across the grand canyon or some other feat?

Possibly… I would never tight-rope across it, but making the descent and ascent solo could be possible… however it would be boring as snot.


14.  Who in the family could sing a solo?  

Prolly me.


15.  So do you find that your own apathetic clutter becomes a bit of comforting nest about 3 days in, but if you were walking into a strangers house you might be thinking “hoarder”?

I might be thinking “Pathetic Hoarder.”


16.  When left to your own devices, do you find that you schedule things and get all those things you wanted done done OR do you just sit there and wallow? What is the sweet spot for you?  

As far as the getting things done v sitting and wallowing… a little of column A and a little of Column B. Dave the Barbarian from Diablo 3 is level 30 now, and the kitchen is clean.   


17.  I find that my favorite part of going solo is the lack of pressure.  You?

Who is pressuring you?  Tell them to back off and let you get your shit done.


18.   Certainly there will be bacon?

Most certainly.


19.  Will Skype/Facetime be used to allay the absence?

Hopefully, but, so far, it has been hard to pin down the family to actually spend the time with me on the phone.  The kids are too distracted by the goings on and the wife is too overwhelmed to spend time with me on the phone… and I just have time to talk.


20.  How do you feel about the etymology of the word alone?

"Solo" seems to have a latin root like many words… Therefore I have little to no feeling about its origins, but "alone" derives from the Old English words for whole and one. So "alone" technically means that wholly one.


21.  Of all the musicians and bands you’ve loved (or appreciated) in the world, which musician has broken off from his/her band to go for a solo career and you’ve thought “yeah, right decision” and why?

Tina Turner, because when she was in Ike and Tina Turner Revue, Ike beat her ass.

22.  How does technology and/or social media contribute or not contribute to our aloneness/feeling of aloneness in the world?

I think technology and social media can mitigate the feelings of loneliness, but not assuage them entirely.  There does not seem to be a real “complete” substitute for actual human interaction.


23.  How do you feel about watching marathon running on TV or documentaries? What, if anything, about it is interesting to you?

That is more a question for my wife.  I don’t really find it that interesting.


24.  During which solo activities are you most conscious of being alone and during which activities are you not aware of your solo-ness?

I think meals are when I realize just how alone I am. When I really get into an activity like a computer game or a drawing, I tend to lose track of time and the outside world.


25.  Have you ever performed a solo in the musical sense, either vocal or instrumental?

Never musically, but in 4th grade I did stand-up for the school talent show.  I had a tight ten minutes with some solid chunks on my cats and cafeteria food.  I was sandwiched between a kid who could dance like no other (he won the show, but lost at life) and a kid a kid lip-syncing a Bruce Springsteen song….The dancer dude won, some girl who was one of the 4 girls who sang “The Rose” came in second, and a girl who did baton twirling came in third…  I got an honorable mention.  


26.  Does one’s ability to play a guitar solo really qualify one to be a “hero”?

Nope, but maybe you become a hero to the actual Guitar?


27.  If you’re going solo, I feel compelled to ask, “How lo(w) can you go?” Sorry about that.

I can go so so lo(w).


To recap:

The new Conan was horrible… absolutely horrible

I feel bad for the people in it

It was just so bad

So incredibly bad

Bad, in a not good way

I couldn’t find anything worth anything for lunch today

The “restaurants” around where I work are just not set up for Gluten Free

Reminder, I work in a neighborhood where I have seen people pay for prostitutes with the sweet and sour chicken lunch deal for $5.25

Classy

I should really make an effort to make my lunches

Prolly could have stopped that last statement after “effort”

I need to get to bed

Been drawing for this week’s Ten Ton Studios Sketch Challenge all night

Still need to ink and color it, but I am happy so far with the linework

Anyhooo… the fam gets back on Saturday

So, I have 3 to 3.5 days left on my own

So, have a great weekend, everyone




20 Questions Tuesday: 255 - Royalty/Monarchy Redux

image

Last week I did 20 questions on Royalty and Monarchy… and since then I have gotten more questions about the topic… so lets visit it again.


Thanks this week go to Tom Merritt (Read his 20 Questions Interview Here) and a few others.  Tom Merritt is a badass of the nth degree and should be followed on the twitters and his shows on the internets should be consumed by all of you… yes, all of you…  even you, Ted… even you.


1.  Do you think monarchy has a place as a public service institution, driving forward charity efforts, etc. as has been pioneered by Queen Elizabeth II?

I think that since the monarchy (in England) is an institution born on the backs of the populace of the commonwealth, it should definitely be a force for charity and public service.  Sadly the amount of attention and monetary/material support generated by this monarchical structure pales in comparison to the fiscal burden the royals encumber.  That being said, I am also only relatively familiar with the roles of the British Monarchy, and even less so in regards to other royal families.


2.  With all the bad decisions made by politicians who are always thinking of the next election for themselves or their party, isn’t the idea of a governmental head for life attractive?

In some ways, yes…. and in some, no. The problem comes when the leader for life goes rogue…  


3.  What if we had a monarch with real power but it was non-hereditary?

Isn’t that a dictator or president for life kind of thing?  


4.  We say we have no monarchy in the US, but we appoint the most powerful justices for life. Kind of similar.  Is ita Novarchy? (9 Justices)

If the seats on the court were passed on in some kind of archaic primogeniture, then yes, It would be some kind of Novarchy.


5.  Admit it.  Don’t you think the fact that we have one medieval institution around is kind of cool?

Catholic Church?….


6.  How long should royalties for artistic efforts be in effect?

Hmmmm… That is a hard one.  There are certain pieces of the cultural zeitgeist that should be protected.  But there are some pieces that should be released to public domain, such as “Happy Birthday To You.”  Let the chorus at TGI Friday’s sing the song.


7.  Dairy Queen or Burger King… who is your favorite Fast Food monarch?

Well… I have to go with the Queen of the Dairy Realm, the Empress of Soft-Serve, Monarch of the Unified Cool Treats, Regent of Good Eats, Jewel of the Burger Grill.


8.  How reigned when William Shakespeare was alive?

Queen Elizabeth I and King James I… but also Emperor Yaqob, King Alaro II Manikongo, King Unsa I, King Mendgradzagyi, King Ngyaung Ram Meng, Emperor Wanli, King Le Kinh Tong, Emperor Go-Yozei, Khan Haji Muhammad, Lord Seonjo, Emperor Akbar, King Sho Nei, Khan Ghazi II Girai, King Christian IV, King Henry IV, Emperor Rudolf II, Prince Ieremia Movila, King Henry III, Emperor Mehmet III, Pope Clement VIII, King Sigismund III Vasa, Tsar Boris Godunov, King James VI, King Philip III, Duke Charles Albert, Michael the Brave, Emir Ahmad II, and Shah Abbas I… (not a comprehensive list)


9.  How about right now?

Ummm.. Queen Elizabeth II, … and Joan Enric Vives Sicilia, Francois Hollande, King Hamad ibn Isa, King Phillipe, King Jigme Khesar Namgyel, Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah, King Norodom Sihamoni, Queen Margrethe II, Emperor Akihito, King Abdullah II, Emir Sabah al-Ahmad, King Letsie III, Prince Hans-Adam II, King Mohammed VI, King Willem-Alexander, King Harald V, Sultan Qaboos bin Said, Emir Tamim bin Hamad, King Abdullah bin Abdul’aziz, King Juan Carlos I, King Mswati III, King Carl XVI Gustaf, King Bhumibol Adulyadej, King Tupou VI, President Khalifa bin Zayed, and Pope Fancis.


10.  Where is the most useless monarchy?

Liechtenstein… who cares about the king of Pop Art?


11.  If the Danish Royalty were comprised solely of breakfast danishes, which one would be king?

I think it would be a toss up between apple or cinnamon, but my heart belongs to the Queen of the Danish Pastries, Her Majesty Cheese Danish IV.


12.  Why in checkers when you get a piece across the board is it called “getting crowned?” Typically where the player says “King ME!!” when the King on the chessboard is the most useless piece on the board?

I… I Don’t know

 

13.  If you were king for a day….?

Most of what I implemented would be overturned by the slack jawed yokel who took over for me the following day.  That guy is a contrary jerk.


14.  Since the concept of royalty is a relic from a by-gone era, shouldn’t royalty be forced to reside in the same era abode?

Well it depends on when one thinks of royalty.  If one is thinking about royalty being bearded dudes wearing ermine capes and wearing gawdy crowns on their heads, they should live in drafty, haunted, spooky, stone castles.  It is the least they should do to keep up the appearances.


15.  Other than British Royalty, what other royal family should be considered relative in today’s modern world?

You presuppose that I find the British Royalty to be relative.  I would have to say that the royal families of the middle east that control countries as well as oil production are more important than the British Royals currently.


16.  How should you address royalty?

I as a commoner, as well as most of my readership, probably should not address royalty.  Unless, of course, the royal addresses me first… and when they address me, they shoud address me as “Your Mediocrity.”


17.  Have you ever seen a royal in person?

I think I saw a royal motorcade once whilst in London, but I have not actually seen a royal.


18.  The royal “we…” What gives?

In official functions the King/Queen/Potentate Du Jour, does not only speak for himself/herself, that person is also talking for the realm and all the inhabitants therein.  So, it is pretty presumptive when a royal says “We are not amused.”  Somewhere in the realm, someone found it amusing, and at that point the monarch is not necessarily speaking for everyone.


19.  So is the King truly D’Artagnan’s son in the movie “The Man in the Iron Mask?”

Glad you specified movie because the movie is nothing like the literary work.  In the movie is it is heavily implied if not flat out explicitly mentioned that D’Artagnan was boning the Queen at some point in time.


20.  If you saved Queen Elizabeth II from certain death, would you become a god?  Because, you know… “God, Save the Queen” and all that.

If that were true, you would see people putting that woman in peril every 5 minutes and most of her staff would be considered gods.  


To recap:

The kids… they are tired of listening to me

It is difficult to get them to do anything these days

I think I have become like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoon

Wha Whan WhaWha-Wha Whan

That was a dated reference…

Charlie Brown isn’t even a thing these days, is he?

Good Grief

I think Little Man has lost a bit of his enthusiasm with watching the birds

I blame him seeing puffins when by the age of 10

He is bird spoiled now

The weather has been odd and it scares me

It should not be this cool in July

Not looking a gift horse in the mouth

Mainly because horse bite

But also because this weather is much more volitile

I need to mow

I will get to that this weekend

Speaking of that,

Have a great weekend everyone


20 Questions Tuesday: 254 - Royalty/Monarchy

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So, yesterday the royal couple had their royal wee one.  At the time of this writing, it seems that the little royal is a nameless wee boy with the fate of a realm hinging on his ruling prowess…. well… after the 3 people ahead of him no longer exist or abdicate.  Until he is named, I will consider the little royal to be Prince Nobody of Nothingham

…. so this week’s post is about Royalty/Monarchs…

 

Thanks this week go to Lord Pithy, Chris Ring, Nadolny, and Ralph Harbison.  Onto the questions!

 

1.       Dolly Parton told us love is like a butterfly (vague monarch reference); John Denver suggested love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm; and Bette Midler sang that  love is a river that drowns the tender reed. What is love for you?

None of that crap, that is for damn sure.  Love is also not those crappy “Love is…” Sunday comic strips.  Those are horrible.  Love to me is being able to sleep in…. maybe I don’t understand the question…. I am just so tired.

 

2.       How many people would have to die before you could inherit the throne?

Depends on if I killed the current ruler in a spectacular enough fashion.  Mmmmmpig the Usurper… I like the ring of that one….

 

3.       If you could re-order the cosmos, what color would replace purple as the color of royalty?

Puce

 

4.       What name would you take if you were elevated to the position of Pope?

Pope Jocular I.

 

5.       Beneficent ruler or tyrannical despot?

For those I favor, the former… for those whom I do not favor, definitely, the later.  Let’s just say you should get on my good side before shit goes down.

 

6.  I used to think England was silly for still having a royal family until we Americans made the Kardashians our royal family, are beheadings still en vogue?

Beheadings should be en vogue… but they’re never gonna get it… what you say?  no, you’re never gonna get it… where was I?  Oh, yeah, the beheadings should be for the “entertainment’ execs who green light mindless drivel.

 

7.  Is it good to be the King?

Hail to the king, baby.

 

8.  Whatever happend to the royal jester?

There are 2 solid ones in the US right now.  Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are clearly unmitigated truth talkers.

 

9.  Do kings have a disproportionate number of poor dopplegangers? it seems so.

I will take your definition of “king” to be Elvis… and you are correct. There are a metric fuck-tonne of Elvis impersonators, which means there is an inordinate amount of poor dopplegangers.

 

10.  How come John Wayne only made it to Duke? I think he would have made a good King.

Well… he ain’t the King, and the Prince seems to be a bit, well…. unmanly.

 

11.  What would currently the closest thing to royalty be in the US?  I know int he past, people said the Kennedy’s, but they are old hat.

Jay Z and Beyonce… but this status is ephemeral…   It could be a new couple next week.

 

12. Any royalty in your family lineage? The better halfs?

Their are rumors of it…  something about Charlemagne… but that is more likely apocryphal than anything else… plus, if you trace any family back long enough they can get to some kind of royalty…

 

13. Do you think the staff at Buckingham Palace make the joke about “Royal Flushes” when the monarchy goes to the can?

Most likely, I know I would.

 

14. The Monarch butterfly is pretty common. Why did that butterfly get the royal name?

Well, they worked the serf butterfly into non-existence.

 

15. Looking through the pics/paintings of former British royals, they were a pretty dumpy set of folk. The current royal birthgiver Kate is pretty hot, what’s the chances that the future monarch won’t be butt/Victoria ugly?

QE2 in her prime was not ugly per se, and “ugly” is often mitigated by ungodly wealthy.

 

16. What’s the entymolgy of a “royal pain in the ass”? Whataya mean you’d have to look it up?  You’re supposed to know these things. DANCE MONKEY DANCE!

“Royal Pain in the Ass” comes from the Olde Englishe phrase “En Whet timne oft commes one David Na’Dolnee, He isse quite one paine in thine ass.”  —editor’s note, Dave Nadolny would have fared better in this answer had he allowed the respondent to “Google dat shit.”

 

17.  Has Harry proven that it is better not to be the king?

Nope, Harry has proven that even royals can be mediocre.

 

18.  Why didn’t any of the Brits go after Princess Grace’s kids?  

I am not sure they are in good favour with the royals in question.  That is simply something I do not know, and not only do I not know it, I actively not know it enough to not even bother looking

 

19.  How do we know that a monarch butterfly tastes bad?

Well… it is a butterfly… misnomer to be sure.  They don’t taste like butter at all.

 

20.  Do the face cards in a traditional 52 card deck really represent fictional and mythical royalty?

Snopes, bitches  —Editor’s note: Dave, see what happens when you let the respondent “Google dat shit?”  You get truth, yo!


To recap:

Single parenting this week

Whilst single parenting, the Mother-in-law is helping out tons

She is the only reason I have not left these kids to fend for themselves while I weep silently in the tree house out back taking refuge with a family of squirrels who have the weakest looking tails I have ever seen

Seriously, I don’t know how these squirrels survive the winter

With their thin ratty gnarly tails

Amazing that they make it through the crisp fall evenings with their wussy little skinny tails

So Chip and Dale from the Rescue Rangers are dressed as Indiana Jones and Magnum PI

Tom Selleck was slated to be Indy and was Magnum PI

Does that mean that Monterey Jack is Selleck’s Character Patrick O’Malley from “High Road to China?”

I unequivocally and wholeheartedly say, “Yes”

Some deep pulls in the Recap this week

You can thank me later

My oldest goes into double digits this week

He has been around for a decade

Man, I am getting old

Have a great weekend, everyoneimage


20 Questions Tuesday: 253 - Block

This week I had a difficult time coming up with a topic… some might say I had writer’s block.  Infact, I was writer’s blocked enough I decided to make today’s topic “Blocks.”  Now I need to answer questions about blocks… will there be writer’s block answering questions about blocks?  Will this post fold back into itself in some kind of quantum superposition?  Most likely, but I am not a quantum physicist…


This week the questions were provided by Brett Wood, lsig, Maj McArmypants, and some other guy.


1.  Can we thank the Egyptians as the grandmasters of real world blocks?

I think we can easily consider the Egyptians the grandmasters of blocks.


2.  Did you have blocks as a kid?

Yep.  Wooden blocks that were red, orange, green, yellow, and blue.


3.  And if so how did they compare to other toys in your childhood?

They were always used as the underpinnings of battles for my action figures.  I would make bases out of the blocks and then have my dudes “storm the Bastille” so to say.


4.  Would you consider Lego’s blocks or some weird hybrid?

I would consider them blocks… painful, painful blocks that I am plagued with stepping on in the middle of the night.


5.  Lincoln Logs better or worse than blocks?

Worse… I am not sure if this is even a question.


6.  Are Legos blocks?

This is a popular question, I consider them blocks… painful painful blocks that I am plagued with stepping on in the middle of the night, but they are “technically” bricks.


7.  Do you participate in the venerable tradition known as the block party?

Our new neighborhood is crazy tight.  It seems that there are constantly neighborhood “get-togethers” going on, and it seems like the neighbors all truly get along very well.  There is typically a standing neighborhood “Book Club” meeting going on every week either on Friday or Saturday nights whee ary a book is spoken about.


8. Has anyone, ever, used the insult “blockhead” who was not created by Charles Schultz?

Nope, nobody.


9.  Which type of block is more critical to a team’s success- blocking in football or in basketball?

Football.  


10.  Did Eastern bloc nations refer to themselves that way? It seems awkward.

Nope, I think they referred to themselves as the “Warsaw Pact.”


11.  So have you seen “The Other Dream Team”?  Is that awesome or WHAT!?

I have not seen that one.  It looks like it could be interesting.  Have YOU seen the 30 for 30 about Vlady Dvacs and the Yugoslavian basketball team and how it went sectarian?  That one is oddly compelling.


12.  What do you make of all these specialized pieces of LEGO now? Back in my day it was pretty much all blocks with painted faces or designs on them?  Better, worse or just different?

Just different.  There is still some creativity involved with the use of the specialized bricks when one goes “off-model.”  Little Man has created some cool stuff with the specialized pieces.  I have also stepped on many a specialized piece.  They hurt just as much as the “regular” pieces.


13.  I see that concrete block now has some new price competition from insulated concrete forms.  As a man living in a regular non-insulated concrete form do you think this is a step towards the future or …meh?

The future is in engineered building materials.


14.  How awesome were those Blublocker sunglasses?  Given velco-shoes, blublocker sunglasses or a post 1987 Members Only Jacket, which article, item or accessory is the most determinative about how cool you are?

well, I think the combination of all three with some Zubaz pants is the clarion call of coolness.


15.  How long does your Writer’s Block usually last?

Until I start writing… that amount of time can vary greatly.


16.  What is blocking you from moving forward in your life faster?

Well, I imagine it is because I still seem to be motivated primarily by fear.  If I were fearless I would be either unstoppable or dead at the foot of a mountain.


17.  What activity do you get the most creative blocks?

I would say that I get a drawing block more than anything else.  I think that is due to the the fact that I actually draw more than I write.  When I was blogging daily, I would say that I had writers block more often than drawing, but I wasn’t drawing as much.  


18.  have you blocked people on Facebook or Twitter?

I typically only block spam accounts on the twitters, and I have to say I have hidden a few people on Facebook… is blocking a thing you can do there?


19.  Alphabet blocks v assorted building blocks…. And go!

I like the assorted building blocks much more than just the cube alpha-blocks.  While it is nice to be able to spell your name it is also nice to be able to make a castle that your actions figures can storm and name said castle “the Bastille.”


20.  So when did you run into writer’s block on this post?

Question 16


To recap:

Is it still infanticide if you kill your petulant 5 year old?

I mean, she isn’t an infant anymore

She is a non-infant that will not eat her broccoli

No broccoli, no ice cream… Simple rules for a simple household

The boy is doing pretty well tonight except I am constantly finding his Lego “blocks” underfoot

They are suprisipngly painful

As I previously mentioned

Goodness it is getting late

Watching the US v Costa Rica… It is currently 0 - 0 in the final game of our Gold Cup group play

Come on you, Yanks!!!

Have a great weekend, everyone


20 Questions Tuesday: 252 - Meetings

 

The fam was on vacation last week, so this week I came back to work and a boatload of meetings.  Meetings that are remote access via speakerphones, meetings that are impromptu with just 1 or 2 other people just outside of my cubicle, meetings in a conference room with a hard and fast agenda, and hybrids of all of those.  Therefore today’s topic is the timely topic of “Meetings.”


Thanks this week go to Scott St Pierre, Lsig, Dr JHP, Lish, GlennsNoise, and Some Other Guy.  Onto the questions!


1.  When I worked for IBM occasionally I would see people bringing cases of beer and even worse, smiles, into their meetings. This would happen several times a week at the conference room at the end of my hallway.  You moan about meetings a lot. I’m not of the belief that alcohol helps every situation in the world, but in your case would beer make it a better situation for you?

I do not trust meetings with libations.  I think my filter would be severely impaired by alcohol, so spirits would cause me to say things I should not… more often… ‘cause I already say things I shouldn’t


2.  Would it be only you drinking it?

I think it would be better if everyone else were imbibing.


3.  Everyone drinking it?

Everyone but me.


4.  Everyone but you drinking it?

That’s the stuff!


5.  Or just the lead meeting person drinking it?

This could be fun as well.


6.  Do you enjoy lunch meetings more than the usual kind?

Sadly, since I started working for the DOT, lunch meetings have kind of gone away… but I used to love lunch meetings… bbq, sandwich trays, box lunches, all of it


7.  How long and/or how many meetings in a row is the threshold to qualify as “meeting hell”?

3 meetings back to back or meetings that span more than 2 continuous hours.


8.  I rather like off-site meetings. Do you?

Of course I do.  Those are the best, even if the off-site is someone else’s on-site.


9.  My kindergartener was very confused that I was already well acquainted with the people I was going to be “meeting” with early one workday. Is it weird that we meet people we already know at meetings?

Not all the time.  I have been to many a meeting where I am actually just meeting someone for the first time, but I do understand why a kindergartener would find this to be confusing.


10. Would a meeting in St. Louis be more enjoyable, even if it wasn’t at the fair?

A meeting would be good anywhere away from this office…well, almost everywhere. There are some truly shitty places in the world where I would not want to have a meeting.


11.  Other than an IRS audit is there any such thing as a mandatory meeting?

Probably some court related stuff.


12.  Sunday going to meetin’ clothes. Does anyone say that anymore?

Nope, you are an antiquated anachronism.


13.  How much actual work is done in the typical 1 hour meeting?

Well, that is a function of how many people are in the meeting.  I would say that in a meeting with 4 to 6 people, you can get about 4 hours of work done in a 1 hour meeting.  If there are more than 10 people, probably about 25 minutes.


14.  Meeting to plan a meeting. Explain if you can before my head explodes!

The meeting to plan a meeting is done with a small subset of the meeting attendees to create the agenda for the meeting proper.


15.  Is a canceled meeting the equivalent of a “snow day” for those of us who grew up in the northern part of the country?

Nope, because a snow day ended up either being used because it was too snowy to go to school and allows kids to play in a winter wonderland, or it ends up not being used due to a snow event and taken as a day off later in the year.  A cancelled meeting, just makes you go back to your typical work day, and that is not a vacation.


16.  What would you do if asked to attend a meeting about which meetings to attend?

I would set a meeting to get an agenda set up for the meeting about which meetings to attend.


17.  Have you ever been caught doodling & not paying attention? Did you try to cover?

I unabashedly sketch during meetings.  I get out notecards and pens and pencils the second meetings starts.  Sometimes I take requests before meetings start.  Follow this link to see all of my meeting and conference call sketches.


18.  What do you do in a meeting when your first impulse is to stab the person speaking? And don’t front and say that’s never happened either…

I typically put my head down and draw… usually something more violent than a static pin-up style pic..  sometimes with an arrow pointing towards the offending j-hole (J-Hole= non-vulgar term combining jackass and asshole, try it today!)...


19.  How do you stay awake during meetings?

The morning ones are the hardest, of course, but by diverting some attention to the creative center of my brain.  It helps me not fall asleep and pay some attention instead of being unconscious and drooly.  Doodling and sketching is the key for me…


20.  Is there some aspects of meetings that you would want to control for every meeting you have to attend? End time? Start Time? Attendees? Participation level? Snacks?

I think most meetings that are not impromptu should require snacks or refreshment of some kind.  Simply providing water would be nice.  That and long meetings should always have a break.  


To recap:

The Little Girl does not like lobster

Crablegs are her seafood of choice

I ate too much crap last week

Too much crap that included the dreaded gluten

I am doing what I can get back to the equilibrium I was at prior to the vacation

9371.84 and I need to get to 8400

Cryptic?  You betcha

Jim Steranko is an amazing guy with an amazing past

And his twitter account is the best thing ever

If you are on the twitters, you need to follow this guy

Give him a follow @iamsteranko

Have a great weekend everyone

 

 

top image from Despair.com


20 Questions Tuesday: 251 - Vacation

I am on vacation, but I am still bringing this to you because I am a dedicated blogger, gosh darnit.  Since I am vacation, stay out of my house… yeah, I know you were thinking it, but the neighborhood is crazy tight and watching our house like hawks….  hawks, I say!  Amazingly sighted hawks.  Anyway… what I am saying is that since I am on vacation, I will be doing this bare-bones… I might link some shit…  I might not… let’s just see.  Anyway.. the topic for this week is Vacation… so let’s do this.


Thanks this week go to Brett Wood, Grapes, Ralph Harbison, and the last 6 questions are the first 6 questions my kids asked today.  Here we go. Remember folks, I am ignoring my kids for this.


1.  Who invented the vacation and what were they thinking?

Lord Pemburton Hornwithall VI, Earl of Vacation created the first vacation and was thinking, “Man, I gots to get out of here…. but only for a week or so.”


2.  When do you think the first vacation happened?

About 2 weeks after Lord Pemburton Hornwithall VI, realized he was crazy burnt out.


3.  When do you think you know you need a vacation?

It is usually about 2 weeks after I have stopped caring at my job and been phoning it in for a bit.


4.  Is there such thing as a mini vacation and if so what separates it from the regular vacation?

A mini-vacation is really just a short vacation.  A mini-vacation is just like a regular vacation that makes you realize that you need more time off.


5.  Sometimes I hear people say they need a vacation after the vacation, what do you suppose they mean by this?

They are appalled by the amount interaction with family they have to have, personally I love it. 


6.  Spain is to Northern Europe as Florida is to the Northern Midwest. That being said, why is there no Spanish created version of Hooters?

Hmmmm can you imagine a Tapas version of hooters…  Tapas-ta-tas?!


7.  Why do Brits seem to love Florida and, More specifically, Disney so damn much? Do they do it ironically?

Nope, they just love the shit out of Disney and well, Disney World is larger than Disneyland in Cali.  So they will clearly travel to Florida for their Disney fix… Blimey, Chip and Dale are awesome!


8.  Why do Americans complain about foreigners speaking their native tongue while on vacation in the US (“We speak English here and it’s rude not to speak it”) but when traveling to a non-English speaking country American’s feel the natives should speak English?

Such a good question.  I believe it is because ‘Mericans are typically juuuuust a bit self-centered.


9.  If we remove “Vacation” and “Christmas Vacation,” what is the best vacation related movie?

Ummm… I guess “European Vacation?”  there are not many other Vacation movies…


10.  Why do people talk about the number of vacation days the French get and not understand that they are not arrogant enough to live like the French?

The French will be the French.  C’est la vie.


11.  Best vacation spot?

The mountains.


12.  Place that needs to be visited by everyone?

A shower… you stinky fucks.


13.  Where do the Go Gos go on vacation?

It looks like they go water-skiing.


14.  Do you try to embarrass your kids on vacation?

Not too much just yet… but as it gets more awkward for them to be with the ‘rents, you bet I will….


15.  Can you get me some chips and salsa?

For breakfast?  Sure, whatever, kid.  It has to be better than another pop tart.


16.  Where is the iPod recharger?  We simply CANNOT watch anymore YouTube with only 5% charge.

Can you feel the love and connectedness here? We are all very interactive with each other on this vacation.


17: What are we doing today?

Going to the Maine State Aquarium.


18: Are we there yet?

No


19: Are we there yet?

No


20: Are we there yet?

I will kill you with a straw in the backseat of this rental and drive your body into a hidden cove.


To recap:

Having a great time in Maine

Missing some of the amenities of home, but enjoying the time not thinking about work

I will, however, be interested in seeing how badly I am punished by my co-workers for being gone for a week

Then I think I might need a vacation from my vacation

Saw some pretty good parenting happen this afternoon while watching a parent deal with a kid who was melting down in a store because she REALLY WANTED THAT FLOAM

No one really wants floam

Poor misguided child

Happy Canada Day, belated, and Happy 4th of July, early

We are having a great time here

Have a great weekend, everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 250 - -isms

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Recently there has been a kerfluffle… yes, a kerfluffle over some rather racist notions.  I mean seriously a “Southern Themed Wedding” where all of the wait staff happen to be people of African descent for aesthetic purposes? And people are surprised by the backlash?  Really?  But this brought me to a larger question about privilege and how many privileged people are sufferers of some kind of “-ism.”  Isms suck and should be made fun of, so let’s go!


Thanks this week go to Chris Ring, Lord Pithy, Nadolny, and JustinR… let’s get to it

1.  Are all isms bad?

Isms are generated by broad generalizations born from stereotypes.  Broad generalizations which are used to limit people are bad.  Stereotypes, even when considered positive traits, are bad. So, I would hazard to say, by this definition, that all isms are bad. This does not include things like cubism or marxism, etc…

2.  Which ism spurs you to immediate action?

Not much spurs me to “immediate action.”  My wife is much more the immediate action person.

3.  Which is ism makes you say, “lighten up Francis”?

I cannot say that I can think of one that makes me say “lighten up Francis,” but now I am trying to find anything anywhere that could cause me to say to someone “lighten up Francis.”

4.  Which ism is the most misunderstood?

I would say, that in many ways, ageism is the biggest ism that is most misdiagnosed and misunderstood.  Racists typically know that they are racist. Heterosexists pretty much know they are anti-gay (I would not say homophobic because I do not think they fear homosexuals as much as they wish them ill).  Sexists don’t always realize they are sexist.  Rarely do ageists realize they are propogating ageism.

5.  Are there any isms that are seasonal?

I am sure there are.  Probably stuff that is associated with specific holiday or holiday traditions.


6.  On the surface, priapism seems like a great thing (pun!). What are the “cons”?

Un-yielding boner seems to be the con.  Gonna go with that.


7.  As I get older I find myself less tolerant of noise, youth and fads. Am I the victim of ageism?

You may be less a victim and more a practitioner


8.  What ism do you struggle with?

Cake-ism


9.  What is your favorite defense a person might use when accused of an ism?

They grew up in a time when this was okay…. Because clearly they are not learning thinking beings who can adapt and change to newer times like a society with cars and computers and flying tubes in the sky that take people across the oceans super fast like.


10.  Is it possible the media/society are too keen to tag some with ism just for the sensation of it all?

That shows a great deal of mediaism on your part.


11.  Ok, so this immediately came to mind. I quote Ferris Beuler, who I believe spouted this philosophy in the shower “A person should not believe in an ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: “I don’t believe in Beatles - I just believe in me.”” That quote from a comedy movie always resonated with me. Thoughts?

To take this in ai believe you would be ascribed as having Beulerism in your heart of hearts and then you would writhe i the delicious irony.


12. What the hell is cake-ism? Is there a web site? Can I join? If there isn’t, can we form a society of cake-ites? Would the Pie-ism society be opposed to us or allied?

Cakeism is a bakery in Austin…  Dr B Dawg!  It is your mission to eat something from there and report! Pieism is a silly idea that should be ignored because it is merely a cheap knock-off of Pastafarianism.  Basically, you can be a cakeist in your heart without any formal organization… just like you don’t have to belong to the KKK to be racist.


13. I tend to tolerate everyone’s opinion in life, except for racism/biogtry (sex-age-race-sexual orientation sort of thing). I come close to hating those people who hate other people (although I guess I still tolerate their ignorant opinion). Does that make me a bigot of sorts? If so, I’m ok with that label. What would the label be for haters of haters (except for people that hate people that hate, I’m ok with those haters.  Does your head hurt yet?)?

Your reasoning is dizzying.  “I am only intolerant of intolerance…”  That is a feedback loop to be sure.  If you are systematically using their bigotry etc… against them in your interactions with them, I think you might be practicing bigotism….  Now, I am trying to determine if there is anything wrong with bigotism.

14. You know, this will be one of the more thought provoking blogs you’ve had, well except for my questions.

I think you are dealing with self-Nadolnism.

15.   What’s the line between chauvinism and chivalry? At what point does being gentlemanly go too far? (It’s a debate I heard going on on the radio the other day - interesting question).

I find that chauvinism and chivalry are very closely related.  In fact, I would hazard to say that they are the sides of the same coin.  Many sexist couch their actions in chivalry, so that is definitely a fine line.  The question you need to determine is if you are holding the door for a woman, would you do that for a man as well.  Remove the gender associated with the action and it just becomes “being polite.”  If the gender is important, it is sexist.


16.  Do most women still want a man that can support them or is the modern relationship more a partnership of equals?

If you are looking on a global scale, I would say that most women do not necessarily want a man that can support them as much as they need a male in their male dominated society.  


17.  Can a women ever be seen to be too provocative? Some men (who I have come across), seem to think that a woman who wears revealing clothing is making herself a target for rape - I disagree and honestly think that a real man should be able to keep it in his pants… anyway, interesting question that is hotly debated.

This is 2 separate questions.  1. Can a woman dress too provocatively?  Yes. People can talk to loud, walk too fast, eat too noisily, etc…  2. Does dressing too provocatively allow someone to be a target for rape? Nope, nothing allows for that. If someone is dressed too provocatively, it allows for you to ignore them as best you can and not give them any attention.  And that is about it.


18.  Are women still undervalued in the workplace due to chauvinistic policies?

Yep.

19.  What do you see as the next ism that the majority of popular culture will tackle?

The problem with isms that deal with treating others as less is that they are all integrated and feed off of each other.  You cannot really deal with sexism without dealing with heterosexism, but you can’t deal with that without leveling the play-field of racism, but you can’t deal with racism until you deal with equality of the sexes… and you see the conundrum….


20.  Could you get into the kitchen and make me some pie?

Nope, I am no good at the pie baking.  Actually baking in general is not my strength.  Too much chemistry for my tastes.  I don’t follow instructions well enough for that, but I do cook… what’ll you have?


To recap:

Might not be posting next week as I will be on the vacations

I need a vacation

Vacations are good

Maybe I can get some sleep

Sleep is good

mmmmm sleep

Today I did not have a single meeting to go to…

Woo-Hooo no metings!

I actually got some work done

Woo-Hoo…. work!

What the hell did I just write?

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Have a great weekend everyone

20 Questions: 249 - Summer

We are at day 8 of 11 sans Wifey.  The kids are wearing rags, and if it were not for ketchup packets, I am sure they would be starved husks of dessicated mummies. Dessicated husks in burlap rags.  Looking forward to coming home, Honey….

Actually, all is going well.  The kids have decided that camping out in the playroom is a nice alternative to their typical bunk bed situation, and I am dutifully making them their favorite meals that their mama and I don’t like too much, because well, without gluten, what’s the point of eating anyway…. Oh Dear God I want a nice French Baguette.  Ummm… anyway… Since this week ushers in the first Days of Summer, the topic this week is “Summer.”  That sentence was repetitive and redundant, at the same time.

 

Thanks this week go to Lord pithy, Lsig, Nadolny, Chris Ring, and Ralph Harbison.  Onto the questions!


1.  Not counting Summer Glau, what is your favorite quality of summer?

Even though I am a night person, I like how long the days are.

 

2.  Given the power to control the weather, describe your perfect summer day.

80° F (26-27° C), partly cloudy, with a steady breeze.

 

3.  In my day (cue sepia-toned flashback and scratchy Victrola jazz), ideal summer days were filled with barefoot-running down grassy hills, wading in the creek, and looking for shapes in the puffy clouds. What will today’s younglings wax nostalgic about?

Did you race hoops with sticks too?  I know you, and I know you are not old enough to be all about the soap-box derby and going to the corner drugstore to share a soda… I think your memories might be of someone older than you… anywho… The kids today will wax nostalgic for the times they rode their bikes and watched Looney Tunes and Cake Decorating videos on the back porch with the family tablet screen.

 

4. Tan as a berry, or red as a beet?

The kids are browning up like berries, their papa is bleaching in the sun and will soon be translucent.


5.  What is your favorite summer-exclusive activity?

Do I have to exclude Summer Glau in this question as well?

 

6.  What do you find to be the biggest difference between Ohio summers and Alabama summers?

10 to 15°F difference, and about 10 points of humidity as well.  Birmingham was sunnier, hotter, and stickier, while indoors it is colder and dryer.  

 

7.  Why do you think “Summer” is a fairly common first name, but “Solstice” is not?

“Solstice” is not popular for the same reason “Poultice” is not popular, plus the solstice is very fleeting.  I think that is a reason we don’t hear anyone being called “Equinox” on the playground either.

 

8.  How are you keeping your kids occupied during the non-school season?

Little Man is is a series of week long summer camps and Q is in summer care at her pre-school.

 

9.  Is a “summer” someone who adds things up? Why or why not? If your job is to write the plot summaries on IMDB, are you a summer?

let’s see what the judges have to say… and they will allow it, in both instances.  People can make their own titles these days.  I am the Cartographic Grand Magus…  

 

10.  What is your favorite summer food?

Sweet Corn on the cob.

11.  Favorite summer song?

I don’t i really have one.  Maybe “It’s a Cruel Summer,” but that is only becauseit is by Bananarama.

 

12. Favorite summer activity?

Napping… now ask what my favorite winter activity is

 

13. Favorite actress with the name Summer? Ok, that actually means what are your thoughts on Suzanne Summers, since I know you aren’t going to mention strippers.  By the way, why do strippers all have the same fake names, not that I’d know. Oh god, does my wife read this blog? Did it just get hotter in here?

Umm…. no comment, dude, you are on your own.

 

14. Old men in the summer with white socks and dar shoes. Thoughts?  Cause you know that’s you in 3 years :)

I think it is sweet that you are giving me 3 years.  That is why you are my friend.  Here is the thing, waaaay back in 20 Questions Tuesday: 172 I learned that if it is a true expression of me, who the Hell cares what I wear other than me?

 

15.  Best Summer beverage?

lemonade

 

16.  Best Summer smell?

Grilling out especially over charcoal… meat and fire?  Count me in

 

17.  Best Summer getaway locale?

Mountains… it is cooler up there in them thar hills

 

18.  Did Summer Sanders pull the name off of the Stripper Name List for good?

well, she didn’t do it for evil.

 

19.  Are the Summertime Blues just another form of Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Maybe in the Southern Hemisphere?  I hear water flushes down the opposite direction down there… it doesn’t… it levitates.

 

20.  Does Summer Lovin’ always happen so fast?

Because Summer Lovin’ has to occur in a truncated setting.  There is no time for waiting for things to unfold in a summer romance.  It is also why the elderly shack up so quick.  There is only a limited amount of time left and things have to happen quickly.


To Recap:

My birthday happens on Friday of this week

It is time to shed some soul-weight I have been carrying for far too long

Hell, it is time to shed some physical weight that has crept up on my frame

It is time to listen to Weight by the Rollins Band…

Who knew Henry Rollins would be such an effective spoken word… uh.. speaker

I R Gud wit Wordsies

Last night the kids had Orange Rice

I decided to juice it up… Kale, Celery, Lime, Apples, Grapes, and Blueberries… it was something

But I did clean out the crisper somewhat

Have a great weekend everyone…. I am going to sleep in

20 Questions Tuesday: 248 - Going Solo


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So, the wife is out of town and will not be back until June 21…. Today is the 11th, she left on the 10th… That is a long damn time. It is really a damn long time to single parent… how do you single parenty people do this stuff? No seriously, how do you do it? TELL ME!!!???!!! I REALLY NEED TO KNOW!!! Needless to say, today’s topic is “Going Solo.”

Thanks this week go to Ralph Harbison, Lsig, Allreillyedup, Nadolny, Wifey, and Some Other Guy. On to the questions!  No time for links… sorry -The editor

1. Why did Lando wear Han Solo’s clothes at the end of Empire Strikes Back?
Well, they had to leave Cloud City in a bit of a hurry. I am sure that Lando’s light blue blouse eventually got dirty and he had to change… the only men’s clothes on the Millenium Falcon were Han’s. It is just lucky that Han and Lando were similar sizes?

2. Why don’t people see why it is so important that Solo shot only?
I know. Seriously? People don’t get this? It is all about character arc. Han starts out as a hard-boiled smuggler looking out for Han, and ends as a guy volunteering for a near suicidal mission on an unnamed moon to topple the Empire.

3. Man to man fight, who wins: Solo or Indiana Jones?
In fisticuffs? Indy… He is just more rough and tumble than Han. Indiana is more the quintessential Saturday morning serial movie hero. Blaster v pistol, Han.

4. Solo vs Malcom Renolds of Firefly?
Mal… no discussion. Maybe not if flying, Han can prolly outfly Mal, but not Wash. R.I.P. Wash.

5. Solo vs ANY Star Trek Captain?
Solo, but he has trouble v Commander Sisko with the bald head and the goatee, not Cpatain Sisko with the clean face and short hair.

6. What do you expect will be your biggest kid-related challenge while she’s gone?
Making sure both kids make it all 11+ days. It is questionable.

7. What will be the non-kid (and yet family-friendly) thing you will struggle most with?
The logistics. Getting the kids picked up from their summer scheduled activities in a timely fashion and getting food on the table. I know this is still kid centered, but I have no issues with my getting to where I need to be.

8. Why will she be gone so long this time?
She has 2 projects that abut each other this time around. There is usually more tie in between travel trips, but scheduling limitations led to this issue.

9. What is Wifey going to worry most about while she’s gone?
I think more than anything, my sanity. That is followed closely by flying. She hates flying.

10. Where is the farthest you’ve ever traveled alone?
Halifax, NS

11. How horrifying is the thought of truly being single again and dating? On a scale of 1 to 13?
On a scale of 1 to 13 where 1 is easy and 13 is the most horrifying thing one can imagine? I am going to go with a 20.

12. Have you heard the “Red Solo Cup” song? Thoughts? Bring back any memories?
I was culturally unaware of that song, and now you owe me 2 minutes of my life back. I mean it. It does bring back memories… memories of why I cannot stand Toby Keith and/or country music.

13. Worst band member to go solo?
David Lee Roth.

14. Han Solo. First response that comes to mind?
Han. Shot. First.

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15.Where is wifey going?
The wife is just going up! She is heading to Minneapolis, Minnesota and then to Halifax, Nova Scotia.

16. Is she going solo as well?
Sort of. None of her local co-worker peeps are going, but she is meeting up with some people that she has worked solidly with others frequently for both places.

17. What does dad cook whilst going solo?
Pretty much many of the same things that I fix whilst she is there, but I will favor some of the kid’s favorite meals more that the Wife does not like. Spaghetti, flanks steak, pork chops, hamburgers, bbq, and tacos.

18. Task then question… Task: Go do the Star Was dancing “Solo”… Question: Well, how was it?
Task: 4 stars
Question: I no like the dance game, mainly because I am not a good dancer.

19. What will you do this week while Wifey is gone, that you normally wouldn’t do?
Probably watch more action adventure movies than typical.

20. I’ve heard that you are lonely if you think about doing things BY yourself, but if you do them WITH yourself, you’re in lovely company. Wise words or happy horseshit?
Happy horseshit.

To recap:
I am dealing with a 9 year old going on pre-teen angst and 5 year old who loves pushing the 9 year old with pre teen angst’s BIG RED BUTTONS
They are just so big and red and shiny and need pushed
Repeatedly and both forcefully and lightly, but consistently
But, push them she does
It is a sight to behold
Spaghetti for dinner tonight… I will have some kind of soup
I have not found a gluten free pasta that works well as just pasta and sauce
I have found a few that are nice for baked casseroles
But spaghetti and casserole are not necessarily the same thing
I will make some soup or some such
Yeah! Gluten Free is Awesome!!!
Have a great week everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 247 - Compliments

Today is my little girl’s 5th birthday…  Holeee shit she is 5.  How in the hell is this possible? Sweet jeebus! I am completely confused by all of this. She cannot be 5 because I cannot be 5 years older.  She is amazingly healthy and happy, her allergies are completely out of control this season, but she is riding it well enough. Anyway… How the hell did this happen… oh, wait, I already “Anyway’ed.”


Anyway redux… I noticed an article this weekend where it went over the idea how people have difficulty accepting compliments.  Therefore today’s post is all about compliments.  Thanks this week go to Chris Ring, Ralph Harbison, Dave Newbold, Wifey, Chris Corrigan, Kelly McGowan, and some other guy.  On to the questions!


1.  Does the Theory of Relativity apply to compliments?

Yes, “I am the coolest of all my friends” does not say much about me because my friends are uncool. Sorry for the hard truths that just happened, friends.


2.  What’s the greatest compliment you’ve received?

Compliments shed off of me like water off a ducks ass.  I cannot remember a particular “greatest compliment.”


3.  If you’ve paid $500 for an airline ticket is it “really” a complimentary beverage?

Kind of, you now have to pay for snacks, and honestly, you are paying the fees for gas, wages, maintenance, etc…


4.  Who in your opinion is a modern day Eddie Haskell?

I cannot think of anyone who is kind of the smarmy jerk who compliments the equivalent to Mrs. Cleaver.  You know Haskell wanted to bone Mrs. Cleaver, am I right?


5.  Do these questions make me sound fat?

These questions make you seem fitter and trimmer, have you lost weight?


6.  Why are people offended by back-handed compliments, except for when they are not?

Well, back-handed compliments sting like the back of my hand, and some people like it rough.


7.  Is it so bad to tell someone “You don’t sweat much for a fat chick?”

You need more of a modifier, try “You don’t sweat soooo much for a fat chick.”


8.  What is the best compliment you can give?

That’s good form.


9.  If other people’s opinion isn’t supposed to matter, why give them at all?

I don’t give other people’s opinions, I only give mine, and those matter the most.


10.  What is the etymology of the word?

It is derived from the words “comply” and “-ment.”  Make your own judgements on how that comes together.


11.  What do you get complimented on the most? What’s the most backhanded compliment you have ever received?

Part the first: My drawing, even though I feel like I have a rather realistic idea of where I stand in my capabilities compared to the pros.

Part the second:  You really have a pretty robust vocabulary considering how much you swear.  My fucking lexicon is God-Damn immense.


12.  What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received from Wifey, Little Man and Q?

Firstly Who Gives a Fuck about the Oxford Comma? Not you apparently, that’s who. Wifey: Her compliment is not fit for polite company. Little Man: You are the best papa ever.  Damn straight I am.  I work hard for that title.  Q: You draw gooder.  I do my newly 5 year old little girl, I do draw the gooderest.


13.  So, in movies when a restaurant gives someone an entree for free, the server often says, “Compliments of the chef.”  What the hell does that mean?

Well, it goes with an archaic meaning of “compliment” which means a gift.  The chef is not actually saying, “you look great and I like your erudite conversation so I will tell you so with free kansas City Style Baby-Back Ribs.”  mmmm ribs.


14.  Have you ever fished for compliments?

I don’t think I would be very good at fishing for compliments.  I mean, I don’t feel mt blog is very good or that I really could pull off something like fishing for compliments. I probably should not even post this, cause it is pretty weak.


15.  When a woman asks if her ass looks big in that dress, is this an appropriate time to drink all the beer or do you go for the compliment?

Immediately say “no,” regardless of the truth.  Do not hesitate, do not contemplate.  Say, “No” and then drink all the beers, make your hasty exit,  and hope you answered quickly and convincingly enough.


16.  Is it proper to compliment a friend’s spouse on how they look? Uh… I’m asking for a friend?

It depends on if there is something underlying the compliment, more than just a “that looks good on you/you look good” way.  If it is a friendly, “Holeee Chit!  You look da awesomest! Great shoes!” That is one thing, whereas if you say something like, “I really like how that shirt makes your breasts look yummy.”  You have definitely overstepped.


17.  What is the perfect compliment to ice cream?

Well, the perfect compliment to ice cream is “That ice cream is so good, it makes me want to do something illegal.” The perfect complement to ice cream depends on the flavor of ice cream.  For example, a high quality salty caramel ice cream works sublimely as the ice cream in a root beer float.  Trust me on that one.  So I will need more information to really give you a better answer.


18. What is the perfect compliment for steak and potatoes?  Red wine? White? Beer?

Corn on the cob, and this gluten free red ale I had this weekend… so good and kept the bloat away.


19.  What’s the weirdest compliment you’ve given?

Well, it is not that weird for me, but I am sure it comes off as weird.  telling absolute strangers when they have on awesome shoes.


20.  What color compliments you most?

Icy blues and aqua colors.  They help to make my eyes stand out.


To recap:

I am old because my youngest is 5

That’s how that works, right?

We had flank steak, white rice, and corn on the cob tonight for the birthday dinner

Her menu, and it rocked

Now we need to clean up the kitchen pretty badly

The wife has a day long meeting in DC tomorrow, so her day will start early and end late and involve a good bit of travel

My day will include wrangling kids

It isn’t too long til the oldest is 10… what am I going to do with that?

Double digit kid’s age

I will lose my little lizard brain

Sorry for the tardiness of the post all

Have a great weekend

20 Questions Tuesday: 246: Brian Troyan

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There are few popular culture franchises that really spark the imagination of the masses.  Comic books have become a new mythos, Star Trek is how we want the future to be, Firefly is most likely how the future will end up.  There are some smaller sci-fi/pop culture entities that have strong followings as well: Dr Who, Aliens, Predator, Blade Runner, TRON, etc… But there has been nothing so incredibly embraced by society and popular culture as Star Wars.  It is a fantasy tale that is wrapped in a cloak of science fiction, that has captured the hearts and minds of millions of people.  It does not matter what movie you first saw in the theater, but when the symphonic music swells and you see the opening crawl, you are hooked…

In fact, I want you to imagine that the above is actually in yellow text crawling off into the void of a star field while John Williams is conducting his heart out.  It is this time that the camera would swing to the left and see an Imperial Shuttle come into view and pan down to a blue and green planet.

The 501st is a charitable organization of cos-players (costume play) who dress as characters in the Galactic Empire.  They are simply amazing.  Today I get the pleasure of asking Brian Troyan, 501st Legion Public Relations Officer, 20 questions about himself (mainly himself) and the 501st, Vader’s Fist.   onto the questions!BTW, during the course of these 20 Questions, I drew up some sketches of his imperial archetypes…

As I have mentioned in previous 20 Questions, I love maps and hearing about people’s geographic stories.  I will use myself as an example.  I was born outside of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.  Moved to Montgomery, Alabama when I was 3.  Grew up in Birmingham, Alabama until I went to college in Kent, Ohio.  There I met my future wife and moved down to Columbus, Ohio where I have lived ever since.  Question 1: What is your geographic story?

I’m a native Texan, transplanted to the midwest. I grew up in a little suburb of Houston near Sugarland called Meadows, which my Mom was the mayor of for several years. There’s a little street there now called “Troyan Drive,” named in honor of her. When I was 13, we moved to Pittsford, NY, outside of Rochester, for my dad’s work. I spent three very formative years there, before we had to move for Dad’s career again. We came back to Texas when I was 16, this time to the Dallas/Ft. Worth area. I finished high school there and then spent five years at Texas A&M in College Station, before packing my life up and moving to Chicago in 1999 to pursue a degree in acting at The Theatre School. I’ve lived here ever since, but every December, my wife and I drive down to my sister’s house in Austin to spend the holidays with my side of the family. It’s always great to visit, and in some ways leaving gets harder every year.

That is a pretty impressive geographic footprint you have going there.  So you moved Chicago-way to pursue a degree in acting… Question 2: Do you currently (aside from the 501st events) do any acting/performing, or did you find some other vocation?

Although I had some small commercial success as I was starting out, real life had a different path for me. While I still do some work in commercial voice-overs and I push myself to get on stage every couple of years (and I really enjoy it when I do!), I don’t think it would be fair to professional actors for me to count myself amongst them. It doesn’t pay the bills; my nine-to-five is spent with legal research in a law library. It’s a good gig and I like the people I work with.

In undergrad, I earned a triple-major B.A. in English, psychology, and theatre, and I wound up in a field using the English degree, which I really didn’t expect. (It was Plan C, behind acting or becoming a psychologist.) But like a lot of liberal arts folks, I’ve internalized the skills I learned in getting my degrees, and I think they made me a better human being. All of it factors into the work that I do simply living my life.

As a side note, I’ve never really thought of the events that I do with the 501st as “acting” or “performing,” at least not in the same way that I think of taking on a role for a play or a film. There’s certainly an aspect of theatricality in trooping, though, and I’ve been grateful to have some experience in improvisation when the need has come up. …Of course, I could say that same thing about everyday life!

Triple major?  That is some ambition there.  I do believe that when you go “Trooping” there is somewhat of a performance aspect to what you are doing.  I think that is the case for all cosplay when it is not Halloween.  I know that I would carry myself differently posture-wise if I were in a uniform or armor.  Next time you are out with the 501st, look at how different characters compose themselves physically.  There is performance going on there.

Here comes the question that everyone enjoys the answer to…. well, all 5 of my readers.  This is a question that the comedian Paul F. Tompkins raises in one of his hour specials… Question 3:Cake or pie?  Specifically which kind and why?

It wasn’t a matter of ambition. More like indecision and then realizing a semester before graduation that I was just one class short of getting the third degree. From the university, not my parents. But yeah, three majors in five years wasn’t bad. Three nigh-unmarketable majors, but, hey, that’s impetuous youth for ya!

And, sure, I didn’t mean to imply that there wasn’t a performance aspect to what the 501st does, but as an actor, I’ve just never thought of them in the same category. Maybe I ought to.

Oh yeah, you had a question:

Pie. Banana creme. Delicious and hilarious. (Or “hilaricious.”)

I mean, honestly, cake doesn’t have a chance. When was the last time someone got hit in the face with a cake?

It is an interesting thing about the pie v cake debate.  I have said it before on the blog, and I am sure I will say it many times more, but people who choose pie, really enjoy pie, and it it is available would love to have a slice.  People who choose cake would stab a baby with a fork to get a piece of cake.  I personally have never been able to get into the cream pies.  I think it has something to do with the texture of the confection.

Question 4: Is there a particular food texture that you cannot help but avoid like the plague?

I’m no foodie, and I’ve got a really undiscerning palate. I wouldn’t say that there’s one particular texture that I can’t stand, but there are definitely foods that I dislike because of their texture. Oddly, the ones that come to mind are of the creamy variety. Avocados. And for some reason, the idea of baby food really makes my taste buds crawl. I think it has to do with the idea of something that has the consistency of pudding, but tastes like vegetables, or beef, or macaroni and cheese. I know it’s perfectly edible, but… Bleah.

It’s like a chocolate-flavored steak. I don’t care how delicious it might be, the disconnect between a mismatched texture and flavor really puts me off.  

For me the most horrible food item that people eat is coconut.  The texture, flavor, and smell are all abominations, but particularly the texture.  Even when I cannot immediately taste the flavor, I can feel the texture and be disgusted by its horribleness.

So, let’s do some Star Wars centric stuff.  As I understand it, you have a few different sets of imperial garb that you can select for your 501st appearances. Question 5: Which uniforms/costumes do you have and which one/s are your favorites and why?

Ah! Now you’re speaking my language!

I’ve got three uniforms (no, wait, four) that I wear for appearances, and they each have their advantages for certain situations.

The first costume that I built was an Imperial Stormtrooper (or “TK”). I felt that if I was joining up with the 501st Legion, then that was where I ought to start. It’s restrictive to wear (no sitting down!), it doesn’t have any perks in comfort or convenience (Pockets? Who needs pockets?), and it stows in the largest of my totes, so it can be a bit of a pain to travel with on the Chicago trains and buses… But nothing else I have really compares in terms of being a universally-recognized Star Wars character. Stormtroopers are the glue that hold an Imperial presence together. We have all sorts of specialized troops, but without the ‘vanilla’ TK to tie it all together, there’s something that feels off. If the Midwest Garrison is set to make an appearance, but there aren’t any Stormtroopers signed up to attend, I try my best to fill that role.

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My second uniform is the Imperial Gunner (or “IG”). These guys are on camera for about 10 seconds for the whole Original Trilogy, so they aren’t exactly the most recognizable character in the galaxy (though some people recognize them from the “Star Wars: Battlefront” games as the “Imperial Engineer”). My Gunner’s been mistaken for Darth Vader, a riot policeman, and even a Power Ranger… But it’s perfectly comfortable to wear, has handy pockets, and fits into a little bin for traveling. I save it for events where we have lots of members attending (who can cover the more iconic Imperials), when I have to travel light, or if I’m hauling a bunch of other stuff along with me. Mostly, those are comic cons.

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My third costume is hands-down my favorite, and the one that I probably should have started out with in the first place. ‘Return of the Jedi’ came out when I was seven years old, and ever since then the Biker Scout (or “TB”) has been my favorite Imperial soldier. I think it might’ve been because I rode my bicycle everywhere back then. Every trip to school or the comic book store could become an adventure on Endor. And the uniform really doesn’t have a down side. It’s recognized for what it is (or at worst is mistaken for a TK), affords plenty of motion (sitting down, running, whatever), has plenty of pockets, and fits in a medium-size storage bin. The best thing about the Scout, though, is that when I take pictures with little kids, I can kneel down to get on their level. I can also lift up the visor on the helmet (kind of like on a medieval knight’s helmet) and show any scared kids that I’m not so scary underneath the armor.

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That fourth costume that I almost forgot about is the scruffy nerfherder Han Solo. The costume I have for him isn’t up to approval levels from the 501st’s sister club, the Rebel Legion (not yet, anyway), but I’m working on improving it. Han works great if there’s a wookiee costumer there, or a princess, or a farmboy, or a bounty hunter… but I’ve found he’s a little odd hanging around by himself. Ironic for a guy named “Solo.” heh.

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I have always loved the Imperial Gunners, but they seemed so limited to the Death Star.  For as many alien species that show up for less than 3 seconds, I was always surprised at the lack of Imperial Gunner action figure from Kenner/Hasboro since they actually did something in the Movies of some import, blowing up Alderaan and everything.

Question 6: So how much non-movie Star Wars Expanded Universe information do you consume? Games? Books? etc…

I know, right? Kenner actually released an Imperial Gunner as one of the last figures of the Star Wars line back in 1984 or so (I think it was my brother’s favorite back in the day), and they did have a couple of sculpts in the Hasbro line. Interesting fact, though: Lego has yet to release a Gunner mini-fig. There are literally hundreds of minor characters that they’ve represented in their toy line, but no love for the Gunners.

These days, my consumption of non-movie stuff is mostly down to watching the Clone Wars animated series, but I used to voraciously devour anything Star Wars that I could get my hands on, especially back in the “dark times” of Star Wars fandom. There was a period from about 1984 until 1991, where pretty much the only new Star Wars stuff out there was for the Star Wars Role Playing Game by West End Games. I bought every resource book and adventure module that they published, and carried the torch of the faithful fan, even without much to go on.

In 1991, Timothy Zahn’s “Heir to the Empire” novel and Dark Horse Comics’ “Dark Empire” mini-series hit bookshelves, and after their success, the floodgates opened for the EU. I kept up with all of the novels for a long time, but once they really began pushing into the area of the “New Jedi Order,” thirty years after the movies, and killed off one of the main heroes of the saga, I lost a lot of interest in it, and didn’t have time to keep up with the releases. I also stopped buying comics about eight or ten years ago, so aside from a few characters’ names, I know almost nothing about Dark Horse’s “Legacy” era, which is set 100 years after the New Jedi Order.

Games are a similar story, as I played X-Wing and TIE Fighter back in the day, Dark Forces and even Galactic Battlegrounds, which was an RPF like StarCraft. I got addicted to playing the Battlefront series, and I thought the Force Unleashed games were well done. Somehow, I missed the boat on Republic Commando. I’ve heard great things about it, but have never played it. And although I still have all of my old Star Wars RPG books, I never picked up the newer, d20 System that Wizards of the Coast released. Sadly, the time I have for gaming has dramatically diminished in recent years.

I completely understand the reduction of Star Wars related down time.  I was playing the MMORPG Star Wars the Old Republic for a bit, but now I am working full-time and going to school full-time, and parenting… There is just no down-time available for leisurely Star Wars entertainment.  I will be back on board with the new movies that will hit the street

in the next few years, but for the time-being Star Wars gaming it is a casualty of ruthless prioritization.

Question 7:  So, how many conventions do you get to every year.  I imagine C2E2, but what else do you get to?

Yep, I’m at the Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo every year, and I don’t miss Wizard World Chicago Comic Con. There are others, but those are the big ones here in Chicago. I’ve done DragonCon a few times. And I did a lot of gaming conventions in the past, too. Big stuff like GenCon, but also smaller, local conventions. A couple friends of mine and I once drove all night through a blizzard to a gaming con in Ohio. I grabbed literally ten minutes of sleep under a table, and then played Living Greyhawk D&D for the next 12 or 14 hours. We hit the sack, then got up in the morning and played some more. It was an awesome, awesome weekend.

But you know, real life strikes again, and for better or for worse, my days of traveling to conventions are probably largely behind me. I’m sure I’ll make it to a Star Wars Celebration someday, though.  

I go to Origins in Columbus every year and (Mid-)Ohio Comic Con pretty much every year.  There is usually a contingent of the 501st walking around those places.  I would suggest looking towards Cincinnati ComicCon because they are really making a push to make it a big one.  I have gone in with some friends for tables at some of the cons before and sketch my damn fool mind for a day… one of these days I will have enough vacation built up to go all three days.

Question 8: So how many events do you hit with the 501st every year?  And what kind of events are they?

I troop about forty or fifty events a year. But I’m definitely one of my garrison’s most active members, so you shouldn’t take that as an average indicator of involvement in the Legion. Some of our guys can only get into costume once a month, or just a handful of times a year. But making a memorable appearance is about quality, not quantity. As a friend of mine once put it, “It only takes one event to put a smile on someone’s face.”

The events I’ve attended have run the gamut from huge comic cons to small birthday parties and everything in-between. The 501st has been invited to troop at just about anything you can think of… Museum exhibits, community festivals, school fundraisers, charity walk-a-thons, weddings, professional sporting events, hospital visits, library days, movie premieres, toy drives, in-store appearances, benefit galas, parades… We’ve even personally helped grant wishes for children through the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Darth Vader’s troops go wherever we’re needed.

That is a boatload of activity.  I was expecting something to the effect of 10 to 15… Wow… that sounds so incredibly involved.

Question 10:Fill in the blanks.  I feel that I am mostly ________.  Other people feel that I am mostly ________.

Optimistic.

I wasn’t always. When I was a kid, I was pretty negative. I felt like the world was constantly kicking me in the teeth. But Grandpa Troyan once asked me, “Have you ever thought that maybe all of the bad luck you’re having now is there to balance out all of the good luck that you’ll have later?” That really cheered me up, and it inspired me to start approaching every day with a positive outlook.

- water

- straight outta Compton

- scruffylooking

- fun

- human

- a nerfherder

- a closet ewok lover

- effervescent

- meat

- imaginary

- crazytown bananapants

- virile with an almost episcopalian predictability

- sexy and I know it

- hard-working, loyal, dedicaed, and a cruel and harsh taskmaster

- awesomeness… wrapped in bacon!

-harmless

Being mostly optimistic is something to strive for.  I know people who spend most of their life trying to be mostly optimistic… and falling way short of that mark.  That being said, you should feel optimistic that your friends are so delightfully playful.  

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Oooh, over half way done.  Question 11: Back to Star Wars… J.J. Abrams, huh? How does the Midwest 501st Garrison feel about that?

Like the rest of the Star Wars community, I think our feelings are mixed, but I look on his hiring with guarded optimism. I can’t speak for everyone, but knowing that Abrams is a life-long fan of the franchise does give me hope that he will create something closer to what the fans have been wanting to see for the last thirty years. I haven’t seen a ton of his work, but I did think Cloverfield was an incredible monster movie for a new age. And while I’m not a huge Trek fan, I thought he brought a lot of great things to the table when he took the Enterprise out for a spin. The film wasn’t without its plot holes and flaws, but to be fair, none of the Star Wars films (except maybe Empire) have been perfect.

I’m a big fan of a web comic called Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal (at smbc-comics.com), and the author, Zach Weinersmith, tweeted out something when the Disney acquisition of LFL was announced. I think it applies equally well to the collective geek freak-out that happened when J.J. Abrams was announced as director: “Worrying that Disney will ruin Star Wars is like worrying that a second iceberg will dive down to hit the Titanic.” The point is: After the Prequel Trilogy, how can anybody seriously worry about something “terrible” happening to the franchise?

Since Abrams is a Star Wars fan himself, I’m sure he’s feeling an incredible personal pressure to get Episode VII “right.” And of course, if he fails to deliver, you know the hard-core nerds will call him “Jar Jar Abrams” for the rest of his life. I hope the pressure he’s getting from the community and from himself doesn’t keep him from making bold new choices.

Regardless of how the movie turns out, there’s going be be a new Star Wars for a new generation. I don’t see a down side to that. Plus, as far as the Legion is concerned, new movies mean new costumes to recreate, so when the film comes out, it’s certain to be an exciting time in the costuming community. That would be the case, no matter who was tapped to direct.

I think I would rather Disney not attempt to further the saga, but instead broaden the universe or flesh out the secondary characters.  Then I think it would be possible to see other film makers individual takes on that universe.  For example, Tarantino’s take on the bounty hunters… Del Toro following an AT-AT crew… A bio-pic about Wedge Antilles Culminating in his Death Star 2 run, Etc…

Question 12: Is there a Star Wars plotline that you would like to see explored and deepened?

I always thought that an ongoing TV series about Rogue Squadron’s exploits would be great. The “Anyone can die” principle would help ground it in a much more mature sense, and it could really delve into the “Wars” half of “Star Wars.” But I think that’s better material for an ongoing series on the side. For the films, I don’t have any specific side stories that I’m dying for them to investigate.

But in a broader sense, as the new films come out, I’d like to see the franchise return to its Joseph Campbell archetypal roots. The original Star Wars was always a fairy tale, that just happened to be set in space. There was the young man seeking his destiny, the wise mentor who guided him, the scoundrel with the heart of gold, the fiery princes, the evil black knight… And the story of the original trilogy was all united around the redemption of the hero’s father. It was about Vader, but told through the journey of Luke.

I think the Prequel films missed the mark in that they could have been about the fall of the father, told through the journey of his ‘brother.’ Kenobi really should have been the tragic hero of the prequels, and the arc could have been a cautionary fable about both hubris and the lure of power. But special effects took center stage, and I think a lot of the real core of the magical tale was lost.

I’d like to see a return to the kind of story that connects with people on a level of the collective unconscious. Or to put it another way, I hope they bring “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away” back to the feelings of  ”Once upon a time.”

Oh, most definitely the series needs to go back to story archetypes.  The hero needs threshold guardians and existential issues etc… When Lucas went back to the prequels, what he really made was a historical document.  I would love for a documentary filmmaker to go in and re-edit the prequels as a docu-drama where some fo the footage is turned into more found footage stuff and there is voice over narration and interviews with Galactic Historians in the New republic.  They are  shot like history reels and not a movies.  But that is just my take on it….

So, here we are at unlucky 13…  Question 13: Do you have any superstitions or rituals… (for example for ritual I used to put on my soccer uniform in a very specific sequence not so much for superstitious luck reasons as much as a ritual to get myself “in the right frame of mind) Anything?

I don’t think I’m all that superstitious, which is weird because I used to read all kinds of books about monsters, myths, and the supernatural when I was a kid. The superstitions that I do observe are mostly related to theatre… Never saying the title of the Scottish Play or whistling in a theater, saying “break a leg” instead of “good luck,” that sort of thing. I also don’t kill spiders in my house. I’ve heard that’s supposed to be bad luck, but honestly, that’s more just because I don’t like killing things (even tiny, creepy-crawly things with way more eyes and legs than any animal should have). Live and let live, you know?

I don’t think I have too many rituals, either. None that I can think of, anyway. Maybe they’ve all lost their mystique and have just become “habits” at this point.

Sorry. That was a good question. I wish I had a better answer for it!

Ooh, I had completely forgotten about the superstitions associated with the theater.  That is a whole different ball of wax.  And let’s hear less of this belittling your own answers right now, mister.  Your answer was excellent and you are a beautiful flower.  

Time to get creative.  Someone once asked me what I would be most afraid of.  I chose Vampire Bear (the ursine variety, not a hairy gay dude). Question 14: What would you be most afraid of?image

I’m going to go with an angry dragon that breathes molten plutonium.

I’m pretty sure that if I saw that flying down the street toward me, my day would be getting a whole lot worse real quick!  

I am not sure if the dragon would really need to be all that angry.  I mildly miffed dragon that breathes molten plutonium would do it for me.  Yep, a dragon with a hangnail that just saw the Catwoman movie with Halle Berry would be scary enough for me.  I think once “dragon” enters the fray, fear will abound.

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Since we started these 20 questions one thing in particular happened for you personally in regards to the 501st. Question 15: I was curious, what duties does being the commander of the 501st Midwest Garrison entail?  

Oh… We’re a small outpost and not very self-sufficient. And I’ve had supply problems of every kind. I’ve had labor difficulties…(catches Han grinning at him) What’s so funny?

Whoops. Fell into my “administrator of Cloud City” role there for a second…

The Midwest Garrison is actually none of those things. We’re one of the largest garrisons in the Legion, and certainly one of the busiest. It’s rare that we don’t have a weekend without an event somewhere in our territory.

As the MWG CO, my job is essentially to be the chief administrator of everything that happens with the 501st in Illinois. I’ve got a dedicated staff to help me, though, on everything from event coordination, charity outreach, merchandise approvals, new member applications, and PR and promotion. I trust them to take care of business, and now that we’re a few weeks into the new administration, I think they’ve got some strong footing to take more responsibility. In a lot of ways, good leadership is like putting on a great play. It’s all in the casting. If you get the right people, everything has a way of falling into place effortlessly.

As Commander I have to make sure that the machine is well-oiled, and that lines of communication remain open. I also have to keep my members informed of what’s going on locally and in the higher echelons of the Legion’s administrative structure. Luckily, since I’m a member of Legion Command myself, I have something of a direct line to those folks. <nerfherder smirk>

I’m still learning the ropes of my new responsibilities, and working hard to balance Garrison and Legion work with my real job and my family. (And somewhere in there, I’d also like to get out and actually troop!) I have some very large and well-worn boots to fill from the last Garrison Commander, but I’m confident that I can live up to the faith she has in me and do right by the MWG for as long as it’s in my care.

That does sound like a second job, and maybe a third.  That really seems like it is a time sink, it may be a worthwhile time sink, but it does seem like it could just eat time like the Great Pit of Carcoon.

Question 16: Is there a question I haven’t asked that you think I should? or a question that you expected me to ask that I haven’t?

Ha! So now I have to do your job, too?

Let’s see…  I’ve never actually been interviewed like this, so I don’t think I had any kind of expectations starting out. And frankly, the food tangent did catch me a little by surprise, so I’d say expectations are out the window!

This question isn’t really something you need to ask, either, but it’ll give me a chance to tell a story or two: Question 16: When I (you, that is) first approached you (me, that is) about doing this interview, I (you) asked you (me) if I needed to refer to you only by your Legion TK number or your online name “Fleetfang,” or if I could use your real name. You said just calling you “Brian” was totally fine. What’s with the numbers and callsigns, then, and where did you come up with yours?  

Great question! When the 501st was founded, it was a club for stormtrooper costumers. And since the founders wanted to make things a little more fun, they decided that everyone in the club would get a “TK number,” like in that line from Star Wars, “TK-421, why aren’t you at your post?” It’s a little strange, since people don’t normally like being treated like a number, but in the 501st, getting your official Legion number is a kind of rite of passage. When you get your number, you’re officially part of the Legion family. Everyone gets a unique number that’s nobody else’s, and it’s yours forever, even after death.

Back when things started out, everyone got three digit numbers, and a lot of members picked their birthday or their kid’s birthday or the month and year that their daughter was born. But those three-digit numbers ran out after a few years. Then they moved on to four-digit numbers, and this past year, we actually had to break out the five-digit combos.

When I joined up, I looked over the unclaimed number combinations and thought about what I could make out of them. Like the last couple digits of the year I was born and my college class year, or maybe the last four digits of my phone number or something. Stuff like that. But I decided that I just wanted a number that stood on its own and didn’t refer to anything else in my life. My Legion number is 8968, which was the last available four-digit number at that time that read the same upside-down as it did right side up. Seemed good enough for Imperial work.

As for the “callsign” stuff, since the Legion is worldwide, we don’t have an actual headquarters. Our home base is online at the forums on www.501st.com, so we all have to have forum handles. Sure, some people use their first name or whatever, but I went with Fleetfang as an homage to a kind of “former life” of mine.

I mentioned that I played a lot of D&D. I actually named myself after one of my favorite characters that I played. Ferrik Fleetfang was a Lawful Evil halfling wererat rogue assassin. He was just over two-feet tall, wielded a ten-foot-long spiked chain, and in halfling/rat hybrid form he had a 30 Dexterity and something like eight attacks of opportunity a round. I know that probably doesn’t mean anything to a lot of your readers, but when the wizard cast improved invisibility on him, he was a total badass.

But that wasn’t what made him fun. Since he was a wererat, I figured that in halfling form, he’d have really pronounced front teeth, so I had him speak with the most over-pronounced, Sylvester-the-Cat lisp. It made him just a ton of fun at the table. Here’s this deadly assassin, but he’s got this comically thick lisp… that he was (of course) REALLY sensitive about. “What’TH THo funny, bub? You know who you’re talkin’ to? I’m the moTHt deadly aTHTHaTHTHin in all of WeTHteria! TaTHte my THteal, THweetcheekTHs!”

Ah… good times…


Actually, I’m going to give you a bonus, since now that I think about it, there’s another, more Legion-centric question that I WAS sort of expecting…


Question 16.5: "Why do you troop? What’s the attraction of dressing up with the 501st Legion?"
(Another great question! You’re really good at this!)
Members of the 501st troop for a lot of different reasons. For some, it’s the charity aspect and giving back to the community. For others, it’s the chance to meet celebrities and people behind the Saga. For a lot of us, it’s the thrill of “becoming” Darth Vader (and having walked in those boots for an afternoon once, there IS something very magical and transformative about that suit.)

For me, it started out as a way to express my fandom, and I was inspired by the good deeds that I’d read about. But even at my very first event, my reasons for doing this changed. I’ve met some wonderful people through the 501st, some of the best people that I’ve ever met in my life, people I never would have met without my white armor. We all come from really different backgrounds, but there was something that led each and every one of us to the Legion.

They’ve become like an extended family to me, and the main reason that I troop is to hang out with my stormtrooper brothers and sisters. Getting together to put on action figure costumes and playing “plastic spaceman” may sound odd, but at its heart, it really isn’t any different than getting together to go bowling or for poker night.

When I joined up in the Legion back in 2009, I had no idea that it would so quickly become such a big part of my life. I really love those guys, and I absolutely can’t imagine my life without the friendships that I’ve forged with them.

Heck!  Someone needs to do my job, because I sure as hell am not doing it.

Firstly, I knew, from watching interactions between people of the 501st and perusing your 501st website, there had to be some method behind the madness associated with in your “Fleetfang.”  Thanks for clearing that up.

Secondly, the most bizarre D&D character I ever ran with (only for one session) was a chaotic neutral stone giant magic user.  The minimum requirements for a mage at the time matched up with the maximum int/wis/char stats for stone giants.  Hilarity ensued.

Thirdly, a Sylvester the Cat voice is perfect for the table.  The worst I have done is a Russian fur trapper who “has tick Roosian accent, yes?” He ended every statement with a questioning “Yes?”  It annoyed many people at the table. Hilarity ensued.

I also love why you are gearing up whenever you can to tromp around in the white and black.

Question 17: So, are four Star Wars costumes enough, or are there others in the works?  If so, which ones, or if not, is there a dream Star Wars costume you would want to attempt?

Table-top gaming is made for those moments when hilarity ensues, and it never hurts to bring your own schtick! If you’re having fun, then you’re doing it right. I miss rolling the dice, probably more than I’d like to admit.

Four Star wars costumes are more than enough (at least that’s what my wife is telling me), so at this point ANY new costume is pretty much a “dream” costume.

Honestly, I’ve got something to wear for just about any trooping occasion, and there are only so many events in a year. The more costumes you have, the less often you get to wear each of them, so adding to my costume closet isn’t really something I need to do any time soon.

I’m passively on the lookout for getting together a Tusken Raider, but the fact that I don’t live near any fabric or military supply stores makes shopping for parts on a budget pretty impossible. The thing I think I like most about the idea of being a Tusken is that you can really “play” the character of it, a lot more than you can in, say, a Stormtrooper.

I’ve toyed with the idea of putting together a Snow Scout, too - an expanded universe take on the Biker Scout - just to change things up when it’s frickin’ freezing outside. Biggs Darklighter, the Rebel pilot, is another “face character” that I think I could pull off… if I could stand having an un-ironic mustache.

If there was a real “dream” costume, one that I’d never have the means to put together, I’d probably say Boba Fett, because everybody loves The Fett. Or Bossk, the lizard-man bounty hunter from ‘Empire.’ I actually had a Bossk for a while, but I had to part with it. I’d love to rebuild one someday. But of course, Bossk has many of the same problems that Solo has… He doesn’t stand by himself too well; he needs Fett or another bounty hunter to hang out with. Plus, he scares the crap out of little kids.  

I’ve got some wackier “non-canon” ideas for Star Wars costumes, but in the hopes that I might someday actually get to build them, I don’t want to give away all of my good ideas. /insert evil laugh/

Cross purposing your existing stuff, a la a Snow Trooper, makes a bunch of sense. Also, ramping down the costume production in order to maintain your marriage makes sense as well.

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Well, here is where I get nervous and turn the tables.  You have spent a solid 17 questions answering my drivel, and turnabout is fair play… so Question 18: Is there anything that you have wanted to ask me?

Ah! So the hunter becomes the hunted!

Alright, here’s a favorite question of mine. It’s a two-parter… If you had a superpower, what would it be? Would you be a hero or a villain?

I have never actually been asked this… I have been asked about a prehensile tail or rams horns, but not which super power I would like and if I would be good or bad.

Power: telekinesis

Good or Bad: Fairly Good, but I would prank people constantly.  Tapping on the shoulder, flicking ears etc…

Question 19: So what are you taking away from this 20 questions that you did not bring in with you?

…Maybe pulling someone’s pants down at the opportune moment? Yeah, I could get behind that. Nice choice. Me, I’d go the other direction and go for telepathy. And while I’d love to be a hero, the power to read thoughts and influence people would be really tough to use solely for good!

As for what I’m taking away from all this? I think I have a better understanding of who I am and where I’ve come from. There are influences that we carry with us every day that we don’t consciously acknowledge. Certainly not on a day-to-day basis. Heck, some of the most significant moments in our lives might even be forgotten as time marches on, even if the paths they set us on helped form core parts of our personality.

Some of your questions have made me reflect on aspects of my past that helped shape me into the person that I am today. Having time for that kind of self-reflection becomes rare as people get older and get preoccupied with the realities of adulthood. I’m really grateful you gave me the opportunity - and a reason - to do it.

Wow…  I am really touched that this actually had a moment of introspection for you. As a blogger, if I can get someone to look within themselves and get something out of it, I am ecstatic.

So, after all the introspection Question 20: What is next? Be as concrete or as philosophical as you want.

What’s next? In a word, “Fatherhood.” That great, unknown adventure awaits me in less than three months!

I’m told that everything will change, and nothing compares to the experience, so the entire prospect is both exciting and a little bit scary. I’m also told that nothing can prepare you for it, so I’ve pretty much surrendered to the fact that I won’t be ready for whatever happens. There’s a certain serenity in that powerlessness, once you accept it. So I’ll be playing things by ear, just like every other new dad in the history of the world.

That’s really my style, anyway. I try to take each day as it comes, letting the story unfold as it will. Much as I’d love to read ahead, nobody can say for sure what’s going to happen in the next chapter until it’s here. We’ll all just have to wait and see…

Thanks again for the chance to reveal a bit of the man behind my masks. I’m sure that even my closest friends have learned a few new things about me, and it was great being able to share with everyone here. Cheers!

And with that we have 20 Questions.  I want to thank Brian for being so persevering in doing these 20 questions.  It spanned a long time and required a ton of effort.

To recap:

My 4 year old becomes my 5 year old next week… what the what?!?!

My wife and I have been consuming the Marvel movies lately so we can be ready for S.H.I.E.L.D. this fall with Agent Coulson

Clark Gregg is the best

Remember that time that I asked him 10 questions?

Yeah, that was cool

This month is going to be a rough one

There may be some dropped 20 Q’s along the way

That’s how life rolls, yo!

I am just now up to 40 hours of Vacation accrual at work

… aaaaand I have a week long vacation coming up

Just in time to deplete the account again

Wasn’t one of the reasons to take a state job the amazing amounts of vacation accrual?

Have a great weekend everyone!


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20 Questions Tuesday: 245 - Unseasonable Weather

This weekend was a bit chilly… chilly for Mothers’ Day?  WTF?!??! It was stupid chilly this weekend… I was mowing our decidedly thick grass wearing a long sleeve shirt and pantaloons… not really pantaloons, but I would have worn them if I could have.  That made me think of all the different times I have encountered unseasonable weather… ergo, this week the topic of questions is “Unseasonable Weather.”

Thanks this week go to Chris Ring, Newbold, Dr B Dawg, Lsig, My Wife, and Some Other Guy.

Onto the questions!

1. I remember back in the dead of winter (early Feb.) in ‘85 or ‘86 we got a day in the mid to high 70’s. We all blew off school because of it. I think it should be a law in Ohio & PA if the temp goes above 70 in Feb. no school/work. How about it?

I like it, except I would say there needs to be some way of the kids policing themselves, because I would much rather just hang out with my wife on that awesome of a day…  The only problem is I am certain my kids would go all Lord of the Flies… Oh!  Poor Poor Piggy…

 

2. What do you think of Polar Bear clubs? I think they’re nuts … or they don’t have nuts.

These are clubs Viking have to beat polar bears to death with for assured entry into Valhalla, right? If that is the case, I am all for them…  If it is those wackkos who jump into bodies of water when it is significantly below freezing outside, thems folks is crazy.

 

3. What’s your ideal temperature for just being outside?

74 F… 23.33 C… so comfy.

 

4. At what temperature do you say “screw this noise” I’m going inside.

Now? around 20 F or -6.67 C  and on the other end of the spectrum.. 93 F and 33.89 C.

 

5. At what temperature do you say “I don’t care if I look like a redneck” and sit in the kid’s blow up pool.

I am not sure that temperature exists.

 

6. Was the coldest winter you ever spent, a summer in San Fransisco?  Me either.

Coldest winter I ever dealt with was in the beginning of 1993 in Kent, Ohio… It got crazy cold that Feb.  -20 to -30 F or -28.89 to -34.44 C.  Summers in San Fran are mild like white cheddar.

 

7. It once snowed 17 inches in April in WV can you top that?

8 inches in Ala.Fuckin.Bama.  400 miles south of WV, Bama doesn’t get as much snow as West By Gawd Virginia, so it is more remarkable. 

 

8. Also I’ve had more than one spring break feature snow, you?

Yes, one spring break, actually my senior year in high school, my mom made me go to Kent, Ohio to visit family.  WOOO-HOOO Spring Break Babay! anyhoo… why taking a tour of Kent State it snowed.

 

9. Do you prefer hot chocolate or chocolate milk?

Hot chocolate.  Chocolate Milk is nasty.

 

10. What causes the one-hit wonder? At the moment, I’m thinking of Nelly discussing how hot it is. Now??? Did he lose his mojo, was is it a deal with devil, rich enough from just one song?

I think you forget the seminal anthem which rang with the “shimmy shimmy cocopuffs.” Nelly was a legitimate 2 hit wonder. One-Hit wonders are all about cultural zeitgeist and grabbing that fleeting attention.  Think of Psy’s Gangam Style in the US.  Psy is not going to do anything else in the US ever.  Lightning in the bottle.

 

11. Can we give a shout out to sublimation?

Boom instantaneous double phase shift for the win!

 

12. Would you rather be the human torch or iceman?

Ice Man… for two words:  Snow Cones, BOOOM!

 

13. Which is worse, Texas hot or Ohio cold?

Texas Hot.  I would say that If Ohio Cold dipped into the -30’s F (-34’s C) regularly I might have to re-evaluate.

 

14. Making sure the kids are appropriately dressed is a challenge on a normal day - what is your biggest kid-dressing hurdle in unseasonable weather? (At my house it is always shoes).

For Little Man, it is wearing a warm enough shirt.  He really likes these lightweight tech fabric shirts that just do not keep him warm enough.  For Q it is socks.  That little girl hates socks.

 

15.  What is the absolute latest date that snow is acceptable in the spring?

April 28th.

 

16.  Does unseasonable weather cause spikes in the birthrate like power outages?

Not that I know of, but it may cause more infanticide as the parents, who are used to kicking the kids out to play outside.  I am sure that child death caused by parental reaction of cabin fever is a defensible stance in court.

 

17.  Is there such a thing as unseasonable Fall weather in Ohio? Isn’t everything sort of fair game in the Fall there?

All is fair in Fall and War.image

 

18.  If you could season weather, what would you season it with?

Coriander or pepper or salt

 

19.  I wonder if there is any seasonable weather in winter, it seems like an oxymoron?

I kind of like the cold.  I cannot help it if you cannot retain your heat.

 

20.  You know a thing or two about the summer solstice, it being your birthday and all, what was the most unseasonable weather you have encountered on the first day of summer?

The worst has been that it was only in the upper 70’s instead of the upper 80’s.


To Recap:

Today I am driving all over Southwest Ohio…

Jealous?

It is going to bite

At least the weather will be okay

Especially compared to this past weekend

Mothers’ Day was this past weekend

I finished watching Avatar The Last Airbender this weekend on Netflix streaming

It was delightful

The animated series, mind you, not the movie

I refuse to watch the M Night Shyamalan movie

All over Southwest Ohio

I am just sure you are jealous

You just have to be

Have a great weekend everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 243 - Potpourri... again

I got such a great response last week when I asked folks for questions that I had 20 waiting for me this week.  This past weekend, Maj McArmypants and his lovely girlfriend stayed with us for the weekend, and we found a restaurant within walking distance.  Woooo-hoooo


Without further ado, thanks to Chris Corrigan, steev, Newbold, and Maj McArmypants.  Let’s just get to it…


1.  What’s the deal with your hate on for gardening?  How do you expect to survive the apocalypse if you can’t even grow a squash?

What I can do and what I dislike doing are vastly different circles in the venn diagram of life.  I don’t like gardening because of the gardening chores surrounding it.


2.  If you were to totally change the subject of your art what would you start drawing?

Well, my art is a bit different from the sketches I do while I am in meetings at work.  The sketches I do are predominantly comic book characters, but part of that has to do with the medium.  I am drawing small sketches without any studies on notecards.  That typically limits itself to single characters that are oddly cropped.  My “art,” which admittedly, I have not done much of recently really is more eclectic.  


3.  What’s missing in your life?

Professional contentment


4.  What do you have in your life that everyone should have?

An awesome support system filled with love and generosity headed by a love that knows no bounds.


5.  OH-?

ugh… I-O


6.  Have you ever seen or even believe in ghosts?

Yup, but that is a tale for another time


7. What’s your favorite Disney movie?

Tron… but not the second one, it’s pacing and use of the users was pitiful.


8. Who is the most underrated Star Wars character?

Nien Nunb


9. You may have seen those Febreze commercials where they put a stick-up thingy in a stinky place. Do you think they would do any good in the event of a zombie apacolypse?

Nope, Zombies are attracted to vibrations not smell…  They are, in effect, the T-Rex in Jurassic Park


10. When you put toilet paper on the roller does it go over or under?

Yes…  It goes over or under pending on how I put it there.  It is a random assemblage for me.


11.  What’s your biggest failure?

A moment on the evening of my 19th birthday… that being said, I would not be the person I am today without that event occurring… was that cryptic enough?


12.  What’s your biggest success?

My family.  It has been work, but it has been well worth it


13.  If family/pets are safe, what do you go into the burning house to get?

My cpu and a back-up hard-drive… It has many a picture on them.


14.  What motivates you?

Sadly, “fear.”  I am trying to change that to “excitement.”


15.  100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck, pick one to fight and say why.

100 duck-sized horses.  I feel I could take some of those with me, while I would not be able to do much to the horse-sized duck… that bastard can fly.


16. Define time.

The perceived propagation of moments forward and backward.


17.  Ever consider getting back into fencing?

Nope… wanna buy a watch?


18.  Read anything good lately?

I had to read The Cuckoo’s Egg by Cliff Stoll.  It wasn’t bad.  It is about a hacker getting surprisingly far into computer systems in the mid 1980’s.  I was surprised at how connected stuff was in 1986.


19.  So Tax Day has come and gone, it never felt more like a shake down.  Your thoughts? (To be clear I do not oppose an increase in taxes in exchange for reducing gov. expenditures.)

Taxes hurt this year, they hurt real bad… anyone wanna buy a sketch for $10?  Contact me and we can figure out how to do it.


20.  Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.  Pete fell off who stayed on?

Repeat…


21.  Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.  Pete fell off who stayed on?

The guy called Repeat…


22.  Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.  Pete fell off who stayed on?

You know who it was.  It was Repeat…


23.  Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.  Pete fell off who stayed on?

Sweet Mother of God and All that is Holy, this isn’t funny.  You know it was Repeat who….


24.  Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.  Pete fell off who stayed on?

ugh… Repeat


25.  Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.  Pete fell off who stayed on?

Not Pete.


To recap:

It was good to see Maj McArmypants

We ate like kings

Big, fat, gluttonous kings

I was not glutenous though

I would have been if we had gone to this one pizza place

I can put up with the bloat for a day and a half for that pizza

Here is the Thor I drew yesterday


He’s Thortastic

I am not feeling Thortastic today

Today I feel just a little off

For one of my classes I need to do “paid political ads” for and against SSD’s and HDD’s

Just feeling a bit under the weather… the gorgeous, gorgeous weather

Have a great weekend everyone




20 Questions Tuesday: 242 - Potpouri Free-for-All

image

So today I could not think of a good topic so, I went with Potpourri…  This is a free for all, any of the people who ask me questions can ask me anything… woo hoo!  After a weekend of boatloads of homework and house cleaning, it is time for some questions!

 

Thanks this week go to: Lord Pithy, JHP, the Wife, and Chris Ring… I got questions from a bunch of other people as well and will save them for next week.

 

On to the questions!

image

1.  Are you a Gleek? Why or why not?

Nope, I cannot and never have been able to get into musicals… the final straw was when it was shown that the show lifted a musical arrangement from a musician I enjoy and did not give compensation or credit for the arrangement.  Jackasses.  

 

2.  If you could recolor the nation’s highways, what color would you choose?

Cobalt Blue

 image

3.  Is vinyl truly final?

Vinyl is final, but brick is where it’s at.

 

4.  I like coffee, and I am always right. Defend your dislike of coffee.

I will use an analogy you will understand, Mr Pithy.  Coffee smells like a warm hug from Colin Farrell, but tastes like tastes like Rowan Atkinson’s bath water… stale and bitter.

 

5.  Do you think people are ready for flying cars?

Most people are technically not ready for cars, much less flying ones.

 

6.  This year’s Super Bowl winner please. I want the point spread too just in case!

Next year is San Francisco’s year, by 7.

 

7.  What makes the Magic Eight Ball so magic?

Ask again later

 

8.  Next big tech innovation? I don’t want to get left out like I did with Google.

MakerBot

 

9.  How would you and the family spend the perfect weekend or vacation morning?

Screw the family, I get to sleep in like everyone should on a vacation/weekend morning… other than that  hiking and just hanging out while someone else cooks.

 

10.  Alien autopsy real or not?

Most definitely not real.

 

11.  If you has to guess, what are the future careers of our children?

Little Man: Engineer, if he has his druthers, a lego Engineer

Miss Q: Something in advertising

 

12.  If you have to guess, what’s your future career?

That is a harder one, because I have lost the ability to dream and think big.  I would love to do something with this User Experience Design education that I am doing right now, because it intrinsically makes sense to me on a cellular level, and I am really good at it.  That being said, something that is more fulfilling than looking at holes in the ground.

 

13.  How can Steak’ums smell so good but taste so bad?

I used to love them as a kid, but I made one just a few weeks ago and the amount of just straight up fat was disturbing.  They smell good because they are steak cooking on a skillet, but they taste like grease.

 image

14.  Please give the mathematical equation for marital happiness.

We can’t just give that secret away.  You and I have worked so hard for it…  I will give one of the variables and a coefficient though, and maybe someone can backwards engineer it.  Entropy and the number 7.  Get at it math nerds!

 

15.  What’s going on in the car of someone who buys a hanging air freshened?

Lots and lots of beans consumed, processed , and waste product released.

 

16.  What is man’s greatest invention?

Fire starting kits… they have evolved over the millennia but

 

17.  If you had to flee the country, where would you choose to live?

Canada… I have friends there.

 

18. All superheroes & villains put in a giant thunderdome, who comes out victorious?

The Atom… He goes sub-atomic and waits it out, and then takes down who ever did “win” while they are exhausted from a crazy donny-brook.

 

19.  When does 1+1 not equal 2?

In a binary number system.  1 + 1 = 10 in binary

 

20.  What goes up but never comes down?

Your age.. not mine, mind you, I have plateaued.

 

To recap:

This Boston stuff sucks

Really that is about the extent of it

The wife is pretty messed up about this because she is a runner

I am pretty messed up about this because my wife is a runner

This weekend was crazy busy

I have significantly less homework to do this week

I am back down to a single class for the rest of the semester

But I am kicking ass and taking names in the course right now

That makes me happy

Everyone hug a loved one today

If you are not in the same town as that loved one, get word to them that you are hugging them from afar

But not you stalker people, you people just need to walk away and leave your targets alone

Stalkers… sheesh, always with the inappropriate desire to hug… and potentially capture and preserve in amber

Have a great weekend everyone

20 Questions Tuesday: 241 - Changing Seasons


This weekend was the first truly beautiful weekend that was not followed immediately by snow and ice. In fact, this week has held up as being pretty good weather as well… I think we may have turned the corner.  It may, in fact, be spring now.  So, I feel it appropriate to have today’s topic be “Changing Seasons.”


Thanks this week go to themikestand, Nadolny, lsig, and some other guy.  On to the questions!


1. What signals the “change of seasons” for you Ohioans? When I lived in the prairies, winter ended when it stopped snowing, the sun came out and melted away all the snow and it got warm. On the coast, it rains until what snow we may have melts, and until everyone grows mold, and then the sun comes out in June and dries us up.

Ohio is in the confluence of 3 major weather systems in North America.  So for us, weather changes rapidly and often with little warning.  For me and other denizens of Ohio to consider a season change, it requires about a solid week of consistent weather.

2.  What is your favourite song featuring the word “season” in any of its forms?

Anything by Salt-n-Pepa… Fun fact, my favorite of Salt-n-Pepa was Spindarella.

3.  Has outdoor soccer started yet, or is all spring soccer on artificial turf?

Yep, it just started around here for kids.  Little Man is not part of it.  He does not seem all that excited about playing soccer.

4.  How do you feel about Daylight Saving Time being changed to include six more weeks of daylight? Would you just prefer to do away with DST altogether?

One of my friends, often times a person who sends me questions on the regular, the affable Lord Pithy, has posited the question of why not just bump the clocks by 30 minutes and leave it there year long?  He is a sweet man who is meant for pretty more than smart, but he speaks sooth.

5.  Do you have seasonal flooding with the spring thaw in your area? (not a euphemism)

Nope, although I wish the question had been euphemistic… a whole bunch. (answer would still be “no.”)

6.  Do you guys garden? What do you grow?

We would like to, but we have a deer problem and they eat everything under the sun

7. Favorite seasoning? Why?

Salt, it is very versatile.  It is a flavor enhancer.

8. Why does a young mans fancy turn to love in the Spring?

I think it is because things that young men fancy start wearing less in the Spring.

9.   ”Seasons Change” by Expose. Thumbs up or down on this late 80’s classic?

That song was horrible… even for the 80’s.

10.  Nice weather < or > spring allergies?

Nice weather > spring allergies… greater health through chemistry… antihistamines for the win.

11.  What one thing makes you think, “Ah-ha, now it is summer”?

When the light changes from a soft buttery yellow into a strong gold color in the early afternoon.

12.  Same question, but for Fall

Turning leaves, but not the crappy wine.

13.  Which is your favorite Ohio season? (Mine is “football”)

Wintmer.  It is the unseasonably warm weekend we get every January.

14.  How do you season a cast iron frying pan?

Never use soap.  

To season a pan, preheat your oven to 300°F (150°C).  Preheat the pan on the stove top.  When warm, coat the inside surfaces of the pan with vegetable oil or lard.  I prefer vegetable oil for its higher smoke point, although some people claim that it leaves a sticky finish.  Continue to heat just until you see ripples appear on the surface of the oil.  At this point, pour off any excess oil, give it a quick wipe with a folded paper towel held in a pair of kitchen tongs, and then put the pan into the oven for 45 to 60 minutes.  Remove the pan from the oven and allow it to cool to room temperature.*

15.  Is there a seasoning you cannot stand?

Corriander… it knows why

16.  Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme?

Nope, not going to Scarborough Fair.  You are gonna have to get there yourself, mate.

17.  How many seasons should there be?

8, there should be shorter transitional seasons between the big 4.  That way the kids would not be pissed when it is still cold on the first day of spring, or when it is seriously cold before it is the first day of winter… Northern Hemisphere only.  These mini-transitional-seasons should be called “when my sinuses are effed-up.”

18.  Equinox or Solstice?

Solstice, baby!  Especially Summer Solstice FTW.  Equinoxes can suck it.

19.  Why does the Earth have seasons?

It has to do with the tilt of the earth’s axis and the angle of incidence for sunlight hitting the surface of the planet… or maybe it is because people who live in LA really need something to make themselves feel better about living in a smog filled snarled road rage hole, and only having 1 really nice season all year round allows them to feel better.

20.  When is Snake Season in Australia?

What. The. Fuck?!?!  There is a snake season?  Holy shitballs, Captain Amazing!  There is a season for snakes?  That is the worst thing I have heard ever.


To recap:

Woooo-Hoooo nice weather is here again!

This week is the last week of double classes this semester

I only have 17 things to do this week for school

The wife is out until tomorrow morning

So tonight we are having fauxsagna

Just like lasagna but with garden rotini instead of lasagna noodles

So…. nothing like lasagna

I can’t have any of it due to the whole gluten thing I am dealing with

Did I mention I am off of caffiene for a few weeks now?

Oh, God, I miss Mt Dew

Soooo, tired of salads with grilled chicken

so, so tired of it

Have a great weekend everyone



*from here