Pine Marten in the House

Why can’t the weather make up its damn mind? I’m talking to you Mother Nature. Choose a course and stay with it for a while. I am tired of the 65°+ degrees in November (18.33° C for my metric friends and 291.4833 K for the physicists in the room). If I wanted this kind of crappy weather for a winter, I would never have left Alabama. I mean come on we had a high of 28° F 4 days ago (-2.22° C for my metric friends and 270.9278 K for the physicists in the room).

My head cannot take this shit. Since the temperature spiked back up into the balmy 60’s my head has been throbbing like I just read something by L. Ron Hubbard. I am fine with some variation in the weather, but this wild shifting crap is slowly killing my poor little head.

Secondly, could we ratchet back the wind just a bit? My Jetta involuntarily changed lanes yesterday on the way home from work. I am not saying that a Jetta is a car with the most amazing aerodynamics, but sweet mother of mercy, it is a fairly low to the ground sedan. I am glad I no longer drive and Isuzu Trooper. That piece of crap was a frikkin’ sail in the wind.

Let me be clear for all of you dedicated readers out there (I think there might be 4 of you), I do not mind weather in the 60’s or weather in the 20’s, I just feel there should be more transition between those temperatures than just my paltry 15 minute commute to work. Did I mention that my head hurts? I swear to God something is trying to claw its way out of my cranium through my forehead. There are easier ways, Thing-in-my-Head. There are easier ways….

It helps if I close my eyes and breathe deeply and cease conscious thought, so, at least I got that going for me. Actually if I could just turn off the light and close my eyes, the blinding pain in my head would go away. Sure I would be sleeping, but that is just a plus. As God as my witness, there is some heavy construction occurring on my brain cavity, and none of it has to do with me getting any smarter.

On a side note: tonight we are going to attempt to have Little Man sleep in the Big Boy Bed. It is time. Wifey and I are a bit odd in our choice of bed size. We have defied the common tradition and only sleep in a full sized bed. No queen sized for us. We do not have a California king sized bed. We have a measly full-sized bed.

The full sized bed has suited our purpose very well prior to the invasion of Little Man. For the most part it has worked fairly well, even with Little Man, but recently, he seems to have gotten larger. This has resulted in my not being able to have both shoulders on the bed at the same time for about 4 months. This lack of being able to square my shoulders has caused all manner of aches and pain. Yesterday, I was not able to move my right elbow without it hurting until about 3 in the afternoon. I also have been having some pain shooting down my left leg, oddly enough where the sciatic nerve tends to run. I think this pain has a direct link to my poor sleeping conditions as well.

In the past few weeks, I have been getting awakened by Little Man placing his knee or elbow or foot forcibly into the small of my back. It is time for him to be on his own for at least part of the night. We are not expecting him to leave the family bed cold turkey, but we should at least get a few hours of non-contorted sleep. At least I am hoping.

To Recap:
The Pine Marten in my head is tired of being cooped up

It has decided that jack-hammering a hole in my forehead is the best route of escape
L. Ron Hubbard is a nutcase
Or is it actually a Thetan in my head?
Maybe he was on to something?
Damn you Xenu, Damn you to Hell!
Big Boy Bed, meet Little Man
Little Man, meet Big Boy Bed