20 Questions Tuesday: 127 - Interview with Lsig

This week I have done the second of my hopefully on-going series of interviews on 20 Questions Tuesday.

For this installment of the weekly show I bring to you oft questioner, lsig. She is known by many names one of which is

nqllisi

on

L

i

VEJOURNAL.

Her blog can be found

here

.

Lsig and I have known each other since college. She was dating my roommate and was just a simple pleasure to have hanging around in the apartment. In many ways ksig and Wifey and lsig and I are technically better matched than the current couplings, but I think that is why we four have always gotten along so well.

Anyway, the topic of this interview is loosely based around Traffic and Trafficking.

On to the questions!

1. If you had the opportunity to smuggle fresh fruit into Canada, wouldn't you? Canadians want fresh fruit too, right?

It is my understanding Canadians only want maple syrup and beer. And pie. I know a Canadian who really likes pie. She likes Skittles, too.

2. Skittle pie? That sounds horrendous.

I didn't say I liked it- I'm not Canadian.

3. What would it take for you to become Canadian? Everyone has their price, Lsig. Everyone.

Well, they'd have to cough up some fresh fruit.

4. Some fresh plums from Chili and you are singing

"Oh Canada?"

Where is your loyalty?

I still support the perpetually losing Cleveland sport

s teams, despite having moved away from northeast Ohio nearly a decade ago. I am the very definition of loyalty.

5. Speaking of Cleveland sports teams. That Lebron is something else, isn't he?

If by "something else," you mean "Lsig's imaginary boyfriend", then yes. Yes, he is.

6. Why haven't you started following more local sports franchises. You left the greater Cleveland area almost 10 years ago. One would think you would start identifying yourself more geographically with the DC area franchises by now.

Well, aside from the whole "loyalty" thing, the Redskins

and Wizards haven't been that great in the time we've been here. The Nationals were fun to root for when they first started, and as a National League team they don't conflict with the Indians for my affection, but we haven't been able to watch many games because of a television rights war going o

n here. Mostly, though, it's a loyalty thing.

7. Who really introduced you to the fan side of Cleveland sports. Granted I understand that when someone grows up near Cleveland they ate enmeshed intrinsically to the sports franchises up there, but usually there is some person who guides the young into becoming the true fans that the Cleveland area breeds.

My mother loves the Browns and the Indians, so we always had sports on at home. That said, I didn't watch sports myself with any regularity until I started dating KSig. He is certainly the reason I now watch ESPN every night in lieu of the actual news.

8. In many ways, isn't sports news more relevant than global geo-political news?

It is certainly easier to engage with it emotionally. I am equally unlikely to be able to influence the outcome of the next Cavs game and the progress of a genocidal regime somewhere around the world, but it feels a good deal nicer to worry about LeBron's bicep.

9. Back to the idea of traffic. How far is your commute to your job? Should you be envious of me because I have no commute, or should I be enviou

s of you since I have no job?

My commute is generally between 18 and 22 minutes, with an added 6 to 8 minutes to drop off the Siglette. I currently live in one of the two worst traffic areas in the country, so I am ridiculously lucky when it comes to commute times. You should be jealous of me, for this and myriad other reasons. I'm tremendously cool and interestin

g.

10. Is there a perfect commute window for you such that if you leave 5 minutes earlier or later it takes 15 minutes longer to get where you are going?

Yes, if I leave more than 5 minutes late, I am late by at least fifteen minutes. Of course, on any given day the traffic can be randomly bad even if I leave right on time, so it's always a fun adventure. Fortunately, everyone who works here is in the same boat so no one is too scrupulous about exactly when you walk in.

11. Do you ever bring fruit to the Canadians who work in your office? I know

there are Canadians there. Canadians are everywhere, and they act just like polite Americans, so you can't tell who they are... unless there is some hockey on TV.

Oh, maybe offering some fresh fruit would be a way to lure them out of hiding... I must consider this further.

12. Ever thought about selling that kid of yours? I mean really we have all thought about selling our kids, right? Heh, heh, I’m not alone is this, right?

I haven't really considered selling her...but there have been mom

ents when I'd have happily given her away for free. KSig, on the other hand, had a starting bid and a Buy it Now price selected for Ebay.

13. It is the ad write-up that you have to watch out for. If the kid is so great, why are you selling? What do you think the key selling features are for the Siglette?

This teeny wonder is in like-new condition. With big blue eyes, ten fingers and ten toes, and four, yes four original teeth, this little girl is good for all of your peek-a-boo needs. Perfect for picking up every crumb, string, or piece of lint on your carpet, the 2008 model of the Siglette has three speeds- walking, crawling, and sleep. Never worry about losing a family member under blankets a

gain- she'll find whoever is hiding! Need help taking off your glasses or the hat on your head? She has you covered!

14. Are you afraid that anyone you know might want to make the eBay purchase? I know a few who would click "Buy it Now" if Little Man or Q came up for bid.

There are a few people- most of them with some variation of the word "Grandma" in their name.

15. Speaking of "Grandma," is being away from family a blessing or a curse? I know where I fall on this issue.

Being far from my family is more of a curse. Shall we leave it at that?

Left at that, it is. It is odd, being away from my family is a blessing.

16. How often do you make the trip "back home?"

Around three times a year, before the Siglette- once in the summer, onc

e around the holidays, and then usually a long weekend by myself at some point, for a holiday or a family reunion, that sort of thing. We'll see how it shakes out now that we have spawned; the family there would certainly like us to come more often, but travel is decidedly more difficult. I suppose it will probably average out to about the same, 2 - 3 times per year.

17. How often does family travel to you?

For the first eight years that we lived here, we'd

have family visiting once or twice a year. In the last 11 months, strangely enough, we've been visited 9 or 10 times. Weird.

18. Is it for the fruit? They may be secretly Canadian?

Heaven forbid! We wouldn't want a rumour like that to get

oot

.

Out! I mean out.

19. Will you be posting this interview on your blog as well?

That's a good idea. It'll be nice to show my blog readers how famous I am.

20. Anything emblazoned on your memory about this interview?

Something about fruity Canadians?

To recap:

Still applying myself like glue

I have a pretty hideous headache at the moment

It is purely weather related

Stupid weather

For some reason this 60 degree shift has messed with my sinuses

Why hello, Fluffy

So you have the Cavs over the Pacers tonight, I see

Listening to

All Better Now

by Earl Greyhound

3 Things:

The funny thing about Mondays when you are un-employed is that they are eerily similar to Sundays just with better daytime TV.

Thing the First: I love my wife dearly. One of the main reasons that I love her is that we have never (let me repeat for emphasis) NEVER (and once with color) NEVER celebrated Valentine's Day. You read that right, boys. I gots a woman, who happens to be HAWT that doesn't give a rats ass about Valentine's Day. In fact, she detests the "holiday." I am a lucky lucky man.

Thing the Second: One of the reasons we don't care about Valentine's Day, is that we got engaged on Feb 7th. Therefore the 14th means diddley-squat. We got engaged 13 years ago this past Saturday. We decided that we did not want to be cliche and get engaged on Valentine's Day. That seems too predictable... too blah. Therefore I popped the question the week before.

Thing the Third: The cupboards are bare. We needed to go grocery shopping yesterday, but that was just not in the cards. Maybe tonight we will get some groceries.

To recap:
Resumes are out
I have not gotten any nibbles on them
It is a good resume
I gots skilz
A 20 Questions Tuesday interview is set up for tomorrow
So far we are on question 13
We need to bang out the last 7 and call it done

Digital Thursday

Well, it has been a while since I posted anything for a Digital Thursday. That is how it is sometimes. I am attempting to focus a bit more on my graphic design and art stuff whilst unemployed, so hopefully this weekly occurrence will occur weakly weekly.

Wifey asked me to illustrate some of the information that was recently gleaned by one of the groups to which she belongs. The idea is that the information that they have learned so far for this particular project has created their purpose and that the purpose is wrapped in some questions. I added the bees because I liked the idea that there are certain aspects of their jobs that "cross-pollinate" from project to project. That is why I added the bees.

Anyhoo... Here is my attempt at the harvest of the information of a meeting I did not have the opportunity to attend.
Click to embiggen

All total this was about 7 hours of work. If I knew exactly how I was going to treat the words right from the begiining, it would have been right around 5 hours. There are parts of this that I really love and there are parts that don't work that great. I am not going to spend much more time on it because Wifey needs to get it to the people who attended the meeting. If I had another 5 hours of un-interupted time I could really dial into it and tighten up the pieces that I feel are weak. Then it would be worthy of a fridge door, fo sho!

To recap:
I have sent out veritable digital boatloads of resumes
So far I haven't gotten anything back
That is my update for the job sitch
I am about to go out for a work out
Because I can
And really because I should
Listening to Fire Starter by the Prodigy
Have a great weekend, everyone

posting out of obligation

Ah, the obligatory post. You know what the obligatory post means? It means that it is Wednesday. I am thinking about boycotting the entire idea of posting on Wednesdays because I am constantly baffled for posting ideas on Wednesdays.

One would think that there are some over-riding themes going on in the SRH noggin at the moment. Well, that is true, but I do not want to bore you fine readers with the sordid details of my seedy job search. Really it is quite boring. Every morning I check the updated job listings on a myriad of sites and then apply to some and feel disdain for most others. It is a thrilling experience. Oh, if you could only be me... you lose sleep at night, don't you?

Anywho... I have some stuff I am working on for Wifey. It will be tomorrow's Digital Thursday.

To Recap:
Wednesdays are kinda boring
Maybe there is something good on TV
Ooooh Life is starting back up
Check you fools later

20 Questions Tuesday: 126 - Uemployed Edition

Well, in honor of my recent employment status, I have deemed today’s 20 Questions Tuesday to be all about getting laid off and unemployment. In fact it is soooo special it is the Special 30 Questions edition!

Thanks this week go to ACW, The Previously-Named-Lord-Pithy-Yet-No-Longer-Named-That-Due-to-Its-Length, JohnP, Capt McArmypants, Belsum, and Allrileyedup.

On to the questions:
1. What about healthcare? Cobra?
I am not sure that Cobra is an organization that has good healthcare.

2. What was the first thing you did to take your mind off of Jan 23rd?
Wake up on January 24th.

3. Job search is limitless, right? No constraints holding you to Columbus.
I love the city and really love my house, so there is a bit of a pull to stay in the ‘Bus, but I am not limiting myself to this area in my job search.

4. How long do you have to wait before receiving unemployment checks?
I have no idea. I should probably see if my first unemployment deposit has hit yet.

5. Does this mean your former company is fair game in the blog - or do you need to make should that nothing gets back to them?
No, this does not mean that the former employer is fair game. My time with them, as infuriating as it was, is over. That does not mean I will not throw in quips here or there, but as far as a rant? Nope. That place is dead to me and my soul is the better for it.

6. Are you considering taking up any new hobbies to pass the time? Are you open to suggestions?
I have my hobbies that I have been neglecting. In will be reawakening those past-times. I am not really open to other recommendations as far as past-times.

7. How temtping is it to just say, "Wifey, I think I will use this time to bond with the children. I'm going to be a stay-at-home dad from now on."?
Not very. She is a hitter.

8. What is the single most positive thing you can say about this unemployment experience?
I no longer work for that infernal company.

9. What's your favorite job research source?
Indeed.com It is like a compilation of job resources. It gathers up postings from multiple job websites.

10. If you could script the big happy ending in this movie, what would it be (as a suggestion, a big musical number is always nice)?
I would become independently wealthy and commission a musical number to take place at a mall while I was shopping there.

11. What activities will you get involved in whilst you are in between jobs?
I am going to start the exercise regimen again and a drawing practice as well as setting aside some time for some digital art.

12. What job would you absolutely not take even if the money was over the top huge?
Assisstant Crack Whore

13. Have you begun the paperwork for your TARP monies? How did you answer question 57b on form 23-10W? I listed religious affiliation as, other, Jedi.
I will get no TARP monies due to that fact that I am not a bloated overly important financial institution… yet.

14. Are you totally pissed or reflective on this as a learning/personal growth situation?
These are not mutually exclusive categories.

15. Will you allow yourself a week of sleeping in and poor grooming?
I think that is how I lost my job in the first place.

16. If you were independently wealthy would you still want to work?
Somewhat. I would not want to be employed full-time and depending on the level of wealth, I might actually work as the head of some charitable foundation.

17. If the answer is yes, what kinda job would you want?
An easy one.

18. How much money is FU money for you?
I think that I could smurf out a nice existence on 2.5 million after taxes.

19. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to ask questions about unemployment without flat out implying that your current situation really stubs toe?
This situation does suck, but it is a transition and most transitions suck to some degree. The other side of this will be great.

20. When my dad got laid off as the steel industry went bust many many years ago in the Bama, he spent a few months pretty much wandering around the house cleaning. He spent an unhealthy amount of time trying to keep the counter in the kitchen clean, confiscating everything left on the counter after he had cleaned. He would take said confiscated items be they silverware or toys or breadties and put them in a drawer. The drawer became a box and then many boxes. We moved about 8 months after that and to this day there are still several boxes of unorganized garbage / oddkins & bodkins under the new house that no one sorted. My dad went a little bonkers there, but definitely became a better man for it. What is the craziest thing you have done so far? Any predictions on the crazy for the future?
I would love to have an oddkins and bodkins drawer. I now have a mission. May God have mercy on all our souls.

21. Is this your first layoff? Did you know it was coming or were you completely blindsided?
First one. While it was not wholly unexpected, I was a bit surprised at the timing. They usually do this stuff right before Christmas…. Because they care.

22. When I got laid off I just got a local retail job and lived off that plus severance until I figured out what to do next. Any similar plan in the works for you?
Seeing as how they “gave” me 5 weeks severance for 9+ years of service, I really do not have much luxury to just live off that pittance.

23. You’re the third person I know (IRL and online) that’s been laid off since the beginning of 2009 (I’m not counting the DHL employees that found out in 2008 – that would be a LOT). How many do you know?
23 as of Friday the 23rd. The people on the bubble should just be happy that they did not wait and make it 30 on the 30th.

24. People always talk about using their time unemployed to self-educate and make those career changes they’ve always been too afraid of going for. Bullshit or sound advice?
Both. There is a goodly amount of time that one can devote to the learning and such. But looking for a new job is almost a job in and of itself.

25. If you could afford to remain unemployed and be a stay-at-home dad, would you?
I need to interact with adults at some level, so I don’t think I could be a stay-at-home dad.

26. What unemployed movie character do you most resemble, or want to resemble (fyi: I believe Rambo qualifies as unemployed)?
Kermit the Frog at the beginning of the “Muppet Movie”

27. Is a part of you glad that you no longer have to go back to that particular place of employment?
All parts of me are glad that I no longer have to go back to that particular place of employment.

28. If you had to be fired for doing something unscrupulous, what would have been your preferred crime?
Embezzling money for my eventual lay-off.

29. Have you eaten any bon bons since date of termination?
I am more of a bon mot man, myself.

30. I never really got into the whole shtick about bon bons. What gives? They’re not that great.
I have no idea. There are so many better foods to gorge oneself on.


To Recap:
There are a few readers out there that will get this: “Toke took Tues and I through a few rounds of the Flowgame last night.”
There was some direction
I hope to have some Digital Thursday fodder for this week
I am about 15% done with digitally coloring a pic
I am about 10% happy with what I have done so far
Which is about 80% away from what I had envisioned
Listening to The Beast and the Dragon, Adored by Spoon.

Gone, Daddy, Gone

So on Friday the 23rd of January, 2009 my employer of 9.5 years decided that my services were no longer necessary. So myself and 23 of my co-workers in the company were “let go.” We had our health insurance benefits terminated that day and were given 5 weeks severance for our service. Sure sure this layoff happened almost 3 weeks to the day that they purchased their second company in 4 months and alerted all their associate level employees that they will not be getting a raise this year. Basically, it was the cheapest shaft my former company could come up with, and they knew it.

But those are the cards that I have been dealt and now I have to play this hand. All in all it is a good thing (in the long term) because that place was killing my soul. In the last year I have gained about 15 to 20lbs and a rather unhealthy dependence on the caffeine found in the wonderous beverage Mt Dew. Due to my emotionally unhealthy work environment I was also going out to lunch almost every day of the week primarily to get the hell out of the office. It is amazing how pathological a place that starts out as merely unhealthy can become when you are there day in and day out for 9 years. That place was truly killing me from the inside out. I could go into tales, but that would just seem like sour grapes.

At the moment the fam and I are trying to figure out where exactly we will land, but the good thing is that it will not be for my previous employer. I am trying to live in the moment and feel where this will take me. The past is but a memory and the future is a fantasy.

To recap:
I ain’t gots no job
Anyone want to hire me?
I am not desperate yet, but if you want desperate, I can do that
Really I can do anything
Just hire me
Oh, God, I need a job!
Why won’t anyone hire me?

20 Questions Tuesday: 125 - Inaugruation Madness

Well, it is official. We now have a 44th President and the 43rd's executive powers have been diminished. In honor of the inaugural event I have decided to make this 20 Questions Tuesday all about our presidential inauguration. Thanks this week to A Kate From Work, The Artist Formerly Known as Lord Pith Who Seems to Have Lost Most of His Pith Thus Making Him Less Than Lord Pyithy, Wifey, and some other guy.

On to the questions:
1. Do you think the ~5,000 port-o-potties will be adequate for the ~2 million bladders (no doubt inebriated) attending?
If there inauguration were occurring at nioght I would agree that most of them would be filled with the remnants of alcohol, but since it was at noon I think they are more than likely sober. That being said .25% coverage is a bit low. If you add all the available public facilities you get to about .3%. I think there will be many a steaming puddle of smelliness.

2. Do you think the next generation will be named in honor of Obama after the reported surge in pregnancies on election day (and now inauguration day)?
Probably not. If President Obama does what he aims to do though, I think kids born 15 years from now will be sporting the moniker “Barack.”

3. What is your opinion on the egregious cost of the inauguration (~$150 million), the most ever spent, versus the number of people in the US who don't have access to clean water?
Circus and Bread…. Circus and bread. Even those without clean water are probably glued to their TV sets (yes they more than likely have TV and Cable or Direct TV) and watching the event’s pomp and ceremony. Tomorrow they will complain that things haven’t changed and they still have non-safe water.

4. If you were to take a sign to the inauguration, what would it say?
Probably something like “Yea! President Obama.” If it were a MMORPG the sign would say “Woot! N00b Pres! Lolz”

5. What's your opinion on the zealot who keeps trying to have and god references removed from the inaugural oath and who is suing the two ministers who have agreed to be part of the ceremony?
Oddly zealousness is typically applied to the overtly overly religious. Interesting. If his zeal is about the separation of church and state, I believe he should be referred to as a strict constructionalist. If his zeal is about atheism instead of theism, I respect him less. Either way he is a crack pot with too much time and money on his hands.

6. In the grand scheme of things, should we really give a rat's ass about "who Michelle is wearing"?
We should not care at all… yet pea soup green? Come on!

7. If I were being sworn in as president I would want to use the Big Little Book "Popeye, Danger Ahoy." What would you use?
I have no texts that are especially sacred to me.

8. How funny would it be if just as he was about to place his hand on the Lincoln Bible, Barack suddenly jerked back and said, "Nah, just kidding." and walked away.
I don’t think that would be funny at all. In fact I think that would be the opposite of funny. It would be un-funny.

9. How cooler would it be if just before Barack were to place his hand on the Lincoln Bible for swearing in, the former President W. Bush ran up crying and wrapped his arms around the podium screaming, "I'm not leaving I'm not leaving I'M NOT LEAVING!!!!!"
That would never happen. The grammar is too correct. Replace “I’m not” with “I Hain’t” and you’ve got yourself comedy.

10. I want to design the china for the First Family. What do you want?
China to balance its currency and stop subsidizing the entire country to level the economic playing field.

11. Why aren’t we there?
I will answer this question in two parts:
Part the first: I have no vacation in reserve. There is no way to have gone to DC and get paid by my employer
Part the second: Sweet Jeebus! It was cold. There were 2 million people there in the freezing cold since before dawn this morning. Not to mention every hotel was booked from DC all the way to Pennsylvania. Granted we would have attempted to stay with McArmypants, but that doesn’t solve the “where would we eat” issues.

12. President Obama?
Yep.

13. No, Really?!?
Yep, really.

14. Seriously? President Frikkin-Obama?!? No fuckin way!
Fucking way.

15. Get the fuck out of here!
I know. I know.

16.Do you think television should change its terms to keep people from having a heart attack everytime the newsies say, “Looks like Obama has just been shot…. By the photographers on the East Lawn.”
Now that you mention it, yes, yes, I do.

17. I couldn’t think of any questions that weren’t dorky.
Par for the course for most of the readers. Sadly, I would expect nothing better… or worse. Then again what is a dorky question about inaugurations?

18. Favorite Inauguration event?
The parade! Everybody loves a parade!

19. What is for your Inaugural Dinner?
It looks as if the family will be having Colcannon for inaugural dinner. Mmmmmm potatoes and ham.

20. Can we change “Hail to the Chief” to the “Theme from Shaft?”
I would like nothing better.


To recap:
Let’s all hope that the 44th is better than the 43rd
I was actually busy today
Woot!
Tonight I will work on a map that I have been neglecting for the Cartographer's Guild
And I might draw Rom the Spaceknight as well
That is just how I roll
“My role is to roll”
Thinking about that as my tag line
I am in the process of growing a full beard
Because I have gotten even lazier about shaving
Listening to the Faders No Sleep Tonight

3 Things

There are 3 things to chat about from the weekend and today.

Thing the First:
Q got something like 17 vaccinations and a good 12 inoculations on Thursday. So this weekend has been especially fun since she went “all cranky and shit” on Saturday night. Saturday night and Sunday night were not easy nights (especially for Wifey who is the only person in the universe whom Q allows to comfort her.) Usually we can trick Q into thinking it is mama who is comforting her by having me rock her in a rocking chair in a dark room, but this weekend the 7.5 month old was onto us. She is wily beyond her lack of years. Saturday night and last night I would just about have her in my arms before she woke up inconsolable due to my lack of motherness. To sum up quite quickly, Wifey and Q are rather tired folk.

Thing the Second:
I am not sure who fed him such lies, but I have my bets. Little Man is afraid of “sleeping the day away” and therefore will not sleep past 7 a.m. in fear that he will not have time to play with his trains. Sunday morning (despite groggy logic dispensed by yours truly) Little Man was away and ready to go by 7 am. Through much cajoling his attempts to go downstairs were rebuffed until 7:30-ish, and through sheer will and determination by Wifey, downstairs was not achieved until around 8 a.m.

Later during conversations about general tiredness and the concept of sleeping in, Little Man explained that he was afraid of sleeping all day and not getting to play. We assured him that we would wake him up before the day was slept away, and waxed eloquently on the joys of sleeping in.

This morning he did not wake us until 8:10. Small victories.

Thing the Third:
The problem with most federal holidays that are not strongly associated with a particular religious sub-context is that when you work for a consulting firm, they do not technically exist. So here I am, sitting at my desk at work, whilst all of my regularly-employed-friends are sitting at home watching Maury Povich (who’s the baby daddy? I don’t know). Today IS a holiday to commemorate the trials and tribulations of the late Dr King, but here in consultant world, instead of referring to this as MLK Day, we call it Monday.

None of our clients are working, because they are all government employees, yet they have given us tasks to accomplish before they come back to work tomorrow. Alas and alack, I have job.

There are 3 things to chat about from the weekend and today.

To recap:
At work and bored
I have about 3 things to work on around Louisville, Ky
I am waiting for review by others for all 3
We had to get new cell phones because Q slobbered all over our other ones
One of the problems with having a baby around
We didn’t have to baby proof the house much for Little Man
Q will be a different matter entirely
I have 1.5 books in my queue to read
Unless you consider the 2 books in the “Aloud Rocking Q Reading Queue”
I typically don’t consider them
I need to clean my desk at work
I am afraid of the dust disturbances of such a cleaning venture
Listening to Fa-Fa-Fa by Datarock

In a stream...

I am not sure why I am fighting the need to “do laundry” at the moment, but sure as shootin’ I do not want to spend one moment of my time doing laundry. This abhorrence to laundering is fast being replaced by a need of clean pants. Stupid pants always uncleaning themselves. That and Little Man is running out of socks. Well, to be clear, he is running out of clean socks. The ones we keep putting him in are starting to gain sentience and smell like vinegar which makes me wonder why his is sweating out rice wine from his feet. If it is rice wine from his feet, I have no idea what the hell he keeps farting. Sweet Jesus on a cracker, the boy’s ass has been stanky for about a week now. There has been a constant stream of methane effervescing from his ass. I am sure if we had captured that methane, we could be heating our house with it. The house would be warm but quite appallingly smelly.

No one wants a warm yet smelly abode. What they want is warm and cozy, not warm and smelly. By the transitive property we can safely deduce that smelly ≠ cozy. While smelly is not an absolute opposite of cozy it definitely is not in the set of cozy descriptors even part of the time. Smelly and cozy are 2 mutually exclusive categories, and really if categories cannot be exclusive, what can? Who’s with me? Anyone?

You know what is mutually exclusive? Self-pity, that’s what. Sure everyone can have self-pity, but they can only have self pity for themselves. Have you ever seen someone have self-pity for someone else? Nope you haven’t and if you answered “yes” you are either a bald-faced liar or quite possibly a mad idiot (the worse kind of idiot) with poor personal boundaries. When someone rhetorically asked you, “What kind of idiot do you think I am?” You should respond, “A mad idiot, the worst kind.” Self-pity, now that is very exclusive and quite mutual.

The problem with self-pity is that you don’t get that warm fuzzy feeling of being better than the person you are in the process pitying. And really, what is the point of pity if you cannot feel better about someone. Seriously, the best way to feel good about yourself is to feel bad for someone doing/being/saying something you would not because you know better. There really is no better way to feel better than to sit there and think, “Man, that poor bastard. If he were only a little more like me, I would not have to pity him so.”

So when you see me with slightly dirty pantaloons and a stinky footed child, I am only doing it so you can feel better about yourself. I am self-aggrandizing that way.

To recap:
Laundry will be done tonight
The white death is upon us
Looks like it will be the path through the Mines of Moria on the way home
Stupid snow
I will most likely be heading home a bit early due to the crappy drivers
That way I can pity them and feel better about my own driving prowess
Listening to All Better Now by Earl Greyhound

20 Questions Tuesday: 124 - Interview with Capt McArmypants

In accordance with the idea that I should attempt something new this year with the blog, I have decided to turn 20 Questions Tuesday on its ear from time to time and become the questioner and ask one of my loyal (not you fickle bastards who come and go as you please) readers/questioneers 20 Questions loosely surrounding a topic of my choosing.

This week Capt McArmypants has received the dubious inaugural honor of being asked some stupid questions. And for him I have chosen the topic of memories.

A little background to my association with the mediocre captain. He and I have known of each other since kindergarten. It was there that my allergy to chocolate allowed me to have orange cream-sicles (sp?) instead of crappy chocolate ice cream. that is where he started to hate me. It was not until 7th grade that I got back in his good graces. Since then we have been best friends. He is more family now than friend. He is Little Man's uncle and should have been the best man at my wedding, but that is a story for another day.

On to the questions:

1. In the Broadway musical Cats there is a song called

“Memory”

but only one verse of the song is actually about Memory. What’s up with that?

I have observed that people only pay attention to the first part of any communication. People are lazy, but their minds are even lazier. I mean why learn the content when ... and since no one is still reading. I just wanted to say that I never cared for

The Godfather

or anything written by

Tolstoy

.

Citizen Kane

is over-hyped and similarly

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

must have a different versions, because the version I read SUCKED!! Furthermore, I would like it noted that the Oscars have been absolute nonsensical crap since the early 60's and that people still watch them gives me little hope for the future. Finally for the record, I think people who revere

Che Guevara

and/or wear

T-shirts with his visage on them

(NOT to be ironic)

are uninformed morons!!!! Also, sometimes I cry because I had a dog named Chewy once and she had one ear that pointed straight up like a fennec fox and one ear that flapped over like a hound dog. She was adorable, she died about a decade ago and I miss her....whew well it certainly is good to get that off my chest. Also. SRH I have never forgiven you for recommending that I see

Red Scorpion

.

2. Ummmm.... That was odd. Really? You have never forgiven me for recommending

"Red Scorpion?"

It has Dolph Lundgren in it as well as some fat character actor... what is not to love? PS. Shorter answers please. The 5 people who read my blog don't want stream of consciousness novellas.

O.K. in all fairness it does have Dolph Lundgren in it. How can you not respect a guy who can say "He's not human. He's like a piece of iron." and not crack up. Of course I never saw the outtakes on

Rocky IV

, but even if he did it once, I have to give him the mad props.

3. Since this is supposed to be about memories, what is your favorite memory of food?

Er... I forget. No wait!!! Red Onions.

4. Why Red Onions? is that a veiled jab at

"Red Scorpion"

again? I was 15! Gimme a break!

Do you mean why scientifically? or why Personally? Furthermore, the fact that I can remember with such ....uh... intensity your recommendation of

Red Scorpion

20 years ago is a testament to the effectiveness of Red Onions.

5. I mean "why personally" do you consider Red Onions your favorite food memory? I will choose to ignore your slams on

Red Scorpion

.

Mainly because you can't sauté Blackberries. believe me I have tried. Also, red onions have an added antihistamine effect so it clears AND de-oxidizes......mmm anti-oxidizing.

6. Aren't anti-oxidants supposed to be good for memory? Did you like how I brought it back on topic? I am a master interviewer!

Yes. I subscribe to the theory that anti-oxidant content is what makes it a "brain food" My favorite 2 high in anti-oxident content foods are black berries and red onions. However, I gave 1st place to Red Onions because of the sautéability and the antihistamine effect that seems to make me a little sharper short term. and you are a master interviewer! I however am a terrible interviewee. Unless you change your stance on the whole stream of consciousness novella then I am the best interviewee ever!!! Did I mention my contempt for

Che Guevara T-shirts

?

7. Why do you hate the Che T-shirt so much? Please answer this question in the form of a memory

(true or otherwise)

Ahh yes I REMEMBER the day. I am a slow man

(often out of the loop on Pop Culture)

, I had seen the face for years, but in Spring 2001 I saw a fellow law student wearing a I...Che T-shirt, but this one actually said "Che" on it. That was the first time I realized that the Goatee Face guy on all those T-shirts was supposed to represent Che Guevara

(yes swift as eagles I am).

I thought to myself. Che was a brutal fascist of the highest order. He sent hit squads out to kill people who deserted his cause. This guy was

Robspierre

on crack. I mean hello

CASTRO

thought he was too radical!!!! Then I thought does the wearer of this T-shirt support pogroms and the murder of people with differing ideologies? So I asked him. Turns out he was just a moron

(which I assure you is very uncommon in my profession)

. Anyway, I don't hate the T-shirt. It just annoys me as it is a reminder that people are lazier, but their minds are even lazier. ....ahem. How does

Dr. Phil

have a TV show!! ....Did you know that

Stalin

was just voted 3rd most popular leaders of Russia ever?

8. What is the first thing you remember when you wake up?

Sadly, the first thing that pops into my head is the page number of the last page I read before I went to sleep. This is followed with some bits of the dream from the night before. Then I remember I am not a child and I have a job and HAVE to get up. It all takes about 10 seconds

9. So what was the last page you read and of what did you read?

Page 88, Some book on alternate house building

(Alternatives like: using solar or making a house from Adobe.)

So far all I have learned is that we have a pretty good thing going with our traditional model.

10. Speaking of houses… what is the oddest memory of your childhood home?

hmm at the bottom of the steps there was a knot in the wood panelling that looked kinda like a profile of Elvis.

11. Is that your favorite memory of Elvis?

I REMEMBER I saw this one

Elvis

movie about 25 years ago where he plays a Carnie and these two "toughs" give him a hard time about driving a Japanese motorcyle and then there is a fight and he beats them up using SIMPLY AWEFUL!!!! karate chops

(like they detracted from his acting ability type bad).

Anyway, then he is asked where he learned that stuff and he says something like. "It comes with the bike." Everynow and then it just pops into my head and I chuckle a little.......

12. What is your favorite mnemonic device? Pneumatic device?

My favorite is my first. I read something in the library that was a mnemonic device for the metric system in 4th grade and slowly I forgot all the words and replaced them ad hoc to make this bizarre nonsensical mnemonic.

Karen Had Dyed My Dress Creme Maroon.

To forestall your next question. I have no idea, but I think Karen is from the original mnemonic.

My favorite Pneumatic device is of course the Bolt Gun. Just because I often wonder how something like that gets invented. I imagine the "Chocolate/Peanut Butter" scenarios are surreal.

13. Anything especially memorable for you in the past 4 years? And damn you for taking my follow up question away. Damn you to hell.

If I take your question correctly, I spent a year in Afghanistan. I don't imagine I will forget that anytime soon. Mainly because if I missed anything on one day, I had a day exactly like it to catch up. Followed by another day just like that....and so on.

14. So, for you, monotony is memorable?

Tragically for me, EVERYTHING is memorable. I have been working on that, but right now I can still tell you a little too much about the 3 people who got off the Metro with me this morning.

15. What is your favorite memory of me?

Skipping the sappy and/or profound, my absolute favorite memory would be you sweeping a large amount of spilled cat litter into the A/C vent in your old apartment. It was the done with such contented apathy and economy of motion. Truly a thing of beauty. Like a

Mentos

commercial only slower in pace.

16. Favorite memory from college?

One of my favorite memories for college would be when I filled out a scantron for a final exam without reading the questions to prove that the teacher had taught us nothing, that the class was useless and that none of it really mattered. I turned in the test in the first 10 minutes of a 3 hour exam. It is not a favorite memory because I made an A in the class, or because I think I demonstrated what nonsense this class was, or because only 3 people in the class made a higher score than me, or because when I stood up as started walking towards the Prof there was an actual gasp from several other students (

You would have thought I was heading out to face

Liberty Valance

.)

but because I can look back on that day and be both amused by my behavior AND simultaneously want to go back in time and bitchslap some sense into me. .....mmmm bitter sweet.

17. I would have gone with the “Benzene? Great, just what we need more Benzene!” comment during your internship interview, but I was unaware of your 10 minute final story so it would not have been all that informed of a decision. Favorite memory from High School?

Other than the general simultaneous ease and fullness of life, if you want a specific memory, then a personal favorite would be that time we walked out of Pizza Hut and the line getting out of the parking lot was not moving so I just drove over the concrete barrier in the Chevette. I mean was that car powered by stupidity or what?!

18. In your esteemed and informed opinion, does stupidity affect memory?

Esteemed and informed...quite. Yes it does. I have always seen stupidity as not using the brain power you were given. When you get lazy in your thoughts, you are far more likely just to accept someone else's recollection or conclusions.

19. Do you use multiple log-in names and individual passwords on your various computer/internet log ins or do you use the same one as much as possible only altering if they make you so you don’t fill your memory with password gibberish?

I use a combo of both I alter only when forced for commercial and personal stuff and gibber away for Government. The Government uses long passwords with multiple symbols and case changes required. I have them all memorized with various "pneumatic" devices. My minds is filled with password gibberish. This is not the norm sadly. I could probably walk through the building at 5:01collecting post-its on monitors and have about 20 passwords tonight. You would think someone would try and fix that. In fact, the last 10 audits

(All publicly available) (Did I mention people are stupid?....hmmm I thought I did.)

have said our Fed and State systems are inadequate for any serious cyber attack, but until some attacking foreign power brings it all down around us I guess we will ignore the problem and claim ignorance later.

(GOD I hope it is a foreign power and not a bunch of bored middle school students. That is going to be sooo embarrassing.)

20. Anything emblazoned on your memory from this interview?

I was surprised how hard it was to come up with stuff from High school. Actually accessing that stuff was harder than I would have thought.

To recap:

Hope you enjoyed the interview

Hey, ladies, Capt McArmypants is single…

And clearly crazy…

So avoid him if you can

We will be back to our regularly scheduled 20 Questions Tuesday format next week

Q is having some difficulty with jet-lag

Therefore Wifey and SRH are having difficulty with jet-lag

Clearly, SRH is also having difficulty with first person pronouns

Yes, yes he is

I took the trash out today

It was smelly

Hopefully it will make the house less smelly

Not listening to anything but the commercial jingles in my head

3 Things

Happy New Year and that jazz. Three things have been afoot.

Thing the First:
The Wife and kids and I went down to Austin, Texas to see one of my best friends ever (Dr B Dawg) get himself married. We flew down to Texas on New Year’s Day. The wedding was beautiful and Little Man and I were both groomsmen. Little Man did great, even though he got a bit bored during the ceremony. I think he would have been a trifle less bored if he did not have to get to the site so early for pictures. We asked a bunch from a 5 year old and got a bunch back in return. He really did do great.

The wedding was a beautiful event and one of the few weddings I have ever been to without a list of people not allowed to be at the wedding. It was bizarre to not have the groom instruct the groomsmen on what to do if so-and-so shows up. (Quote from an actual pre-wedding groomsmen meeting, “If the bride’s sister shows up, please ask her politely to leave. If she reaches in her purse when you ask her to leave, take her down.”) Everything went smooth as silk at this wedding (for example the groom was not drunk, there was not a bet to see how long the marriage would last, the cake and catering made it without a hitch, the groom’s father did not storm out of the rehearsal dinner and miss the wedding, etc…) and everyone could not be happier for the bride and groom.

The happy couple is honeymooning in Belize and Guatemala. When they get back and have wedding pics, I will post shots of Little Man and I all dressed up like grown ups.

Thing the Second:
When the wedding trip was over and done with Little Man and I went to the airport and headed home whilst Wifey and Q went to San Jose, California for Wifey to get some work done. It is an odd feeling going different direction than half the family in an airport. I don’t like it overmuch.

Wifey and Q were in California for 4.5 days and did not get home until late Friday night/early Saturday morning. There was much rejoicing.

Thing the Third:
It was really nice not having to think about posting anything for a time. In fact, it was very difficult to come back to posting today. What exactly does that mean? I am not quite sure, I just know it was nice to get away for a bit.

To recap:
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions Tuesday will be a departure from the norm
For tomorrow’s questions I shall interview someone
The shoe is on the other foot
The circle is now complete
When last we met, I was but the learner;
Now, I am the master
Pulled pork sammiches for dinner tonight
Roasted sunflower seeds a much better than non-roasted
I hate it when people don’t think it through for their problem solving methodologies
I also hate it when people cut me off while driving
There are many things I hate
I am not listening to anything at the moment
I probably should be, but I am not

New Year's Eve

It is New Year's Eve and we leave for Texas tomorrow morning at 6:45 am. There is sooooo much to do prior to us leaving on a jet plane.

To Recap:
To do list = very big
Time to complete To Do List = very short
Have a happy and safe New Year's
I will be taking a hiatus for a while
Mainly because I am out of town for a bit and then unavailable for the posting for a while
Cheers

20 Questions Tuesday: 123 - New Year's Resolutions

Well, the new year is almost upon us. 2008, we barely knew ye. Anyhoo… along with a new year come New Years resolutions. I resolve to answer these 20 Questions today.

Thanks this week go to the erstwhile deceased yet back from the grave Lord Pithy, Capt McArmypants, John P, and some other guy who time has forgotten.

On to the questions!


1. If you had the power to make a new year's resolution for someone else, how cool would that be?
It would not be all that cool, because there is no repercussions if New Year’s Resolutions do not come to fruition. People barely keep their won resolutions, much lesss the ones imposed upon them by others.

2. If you had the power to make a new year's resolution for someone else, who would it be for, and what would it be?
It would be for Little Man and it would revolve somehow around his ability to get to sleep.

3. 2009 is the Year of the Ox. What animal is more deserving?
I think the Llama wanted it more but lacked the talent.

4. Since this is just an aribitrary moment in the orbit of our planet about its primary, couldn't we start a movement to move the New Year to a warmer time of the year?
Got a frog in your pocket? Who is this “we” you speak of?

5. Will you be continuing your tradition of getting totally wasted and assaulting sidewalk benches this year?
For the 34th consecutive year I will be assaulting sidewalk benches in a totally trashed state… by proxy. When you see someone assaulting a sidewalk bench who is potentially wildly inebriated, they are my minions doing my bidding.

6. Does anybody actually keep those things?
Some people do, I have never met one of those people, but supposedly they exist.

7. NY Resolutions a bad thing? I mean doesn't breaking promises to yourself without consequences erode your likelihood of keeping future ones? Maybe people should be forced to bet on their resolutions in Vegas. I realize this would involve a very cost-intensive monitoring process, but I think this could totally revamp reality TV in a good way. "So Mr. Contestant no more drinking on weekdays huh? Well looks like somebody is going to lose their house now."
I am pretty sure they occasional drinking is not what made Mr Contestant lose his house in these troubled economic times, but I don’t find whimsy and flights of fancy to be a bad thing.

8. Shouldn't Boston just make Green Beer and dyeing the river part of every drunken holiday? I mean why just St. Patty's Day?....er got a little off topic there. I meant to say shouldn't Boston resolve to make Green Beer and a green river part of every drunk celebration?.......smoooooooth.
You are smooth. Umm… I thought it was Chicago that did that.

9. Any unique resolutions there for yourself?
Unique ones? Not especially. The time honored resolutions of getting in better shape, eating healthier, etc… but nothing significantly different.

10. Wouldn't yearly resolutions be more appropriate on your birthday?
Why would the populace of the world resolve to be a better place on my birthday? Was it that dark of a day? Really?

11. Have you ever been successful keeping a New Year’s resolution longer than say 3 weeks?
Yep, I think I made it to June with one resolution one year.

12. New Year’s resolutions: Aim high, sky is the limit or low-ball it to guarantee success?
Guarantee the success. There are enough things that I fail to do in my life. Why set myself up?

13. Is this the year to complete your plan for world domination? You know it should be easier now that there are online worlds to conquer.
There are people out there who eat sleep and drink my computer gaming hobby. I would have to pry the online worlds I so desire to rule out of there clammy ham-hock pale Cheetos dusted hands, and I don’t want to see their hands much less use prying implements on them.

14. Do coworkers annoy you with their resolutions? Do you annoy them with yours?
You could have stopped this question at “you.” The answer is “Yes” to the truncated question.

15. Will you list for us the family’s resolutions?
I am not sure I could list for me the family’s resolutions.

16. Since people don’t ever keep resolutions, why don’t they resolve to do unhealthy things and then “fail” to follow through with those resolutions and thus become healthier?
Interesting questions. Basically you want people to trick themselves into better lifestyles. This might have some legs to it. That being said, there is a good possibility the resolution (for example) to eat at McDonald’s 3 times a week could actually happen.

17. This year I resolve to_________
Be more healthy. That is vague enough and easy enough considering just how unhealthy this year has been.

18. How did the idea of New Year’s Resolutions ever come to be?
You know what? This year I resolve to research into the phenomenon of New Year’s Resolutions and learn the intricacies of the practice’s history.

19. Do people ever create resolutions with the intention of breaking them (not so much like question 16, but out of self destructiveness)?
I think that is pretty self defeatist and I am not sure anyone would actively set themselves up for that kind of action. (Just an FYI, the answer to number 18? Yeah, I have no intention of following through with that one).

20. Is there a resolution you have for the blog?
Yes, I resolve that the blog, Under Construction, penned by yours truly, shall have more color commentary and less play by play.


To recap:
Q was not a good sleeper last night
Neither was I
The problem was that when I was capable of being a good sleeper, she was not
I am amazingly tired
The fam leaves for Dr B Dawg’s wedding on Thursday the 1st
His wedding isn’t until the 3rd
Little Man will be the ring bearer
Keep it secret! Keep it safe!
Listening to the broken melodies in my mind

4 Down

The Christmas Holiday was great. Little Man was out of his mind happy. Q was suitably impressed with the comings and goings. Wifey was pleased with the events and their happenings. Mim was excited by how much love and warmth there was around the household. I was grateful for all the thought and energy that had gone into the gifts that I received. We were all basking in the glow of Christmas love and affection.

It was amazing. By the end of Christmas Dinner, the house was not in bad shape. We had most (aside from 2 baking sheets) of the dishes clean. This includes the Christmas Eve meal dishes and the dishes necessary to make the feast that was Christmas Dinner. The recyclables had been gathered together and still take up waaaay too much of the office. Most everything was ready to be put away where its awayness belonged. All was pristine and well within festive Chez SRH.

Then the vomiting began. It has been an amazing weekend at Casa Del SRH. I did not realize just how bad it could get with 4 people ill at the same time. Wow… The fam is slowly recovering. It seems that Little Man had a bug of some sort on Tuesday of last week which got worse on Christmas Evening and then again Saturday morning. Friday and Saturday was all about Wifey and me being ill, and the entire time Q was fussy and difficult. We think Q was spared the brunt of it because Wifey was steadily feeding her antibodies and allowing her to leech any and all vitamins and minerals from her already depleted system. Go Wifey!

The fam is still a bit under the weather. Our bellies are all starting to be less ungracious to hosting more food.

Needless to say, it was a great holiday season.

To recap:
Saturday’s weather was beautiful
High of 67°F (19.4°C) in late December?
WTF?
Wifey and I both enjoyed it by staying inside and shivering under blankets and running to and from the bathroom
That’s how we roll in Casa Del SRH
Tomorrow’s 20 Questions will be about New Year’s Resolutions

'Twas the day before Christmas

Twas the day before Christmas, And all around the cubes
Not a creature was stirring, But PTO-less rubes.
The lights had been turned off by workers who were green
‘Causing the cubes to be bathed in the light blue of monitor sheen

The managers were celebrating with rummed egg nogs,
While dozens of workers realized they were no more than cogs.
And associates in their suits, and I in my business cas’
Had just settled into our bored routines at long last.

When out in the parking lot there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my Aeron Desk Chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I ambled without much haste,
And slowly I looked for more time to waste.

The lot was dreary, devoid of Christmas Cheer
Reminding me that I was stuck working here.
When, what to my wondering eyes should show near,
But the IT staff with crates and boxes of gear.

With a network admin atwitter and twitch,
I knew in a moment it was a server switch.
More boxes and cables off the truck came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name!

“Now, 80211G! now, Servers! now, RAID and WAN!
On, Bluetooth! on, Cat 5! on, Switches and LAN!
To the network room! to the conduit in wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As individual pages of multiple copies do fly,
When admin assistants trip as they go by ,
So fly IT Techs with work to do,
Laden arms of cable and other gear too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard in MY space,
The scraping and clicking of cables out of place
As I moseyed back to the place of my work
I saw the IT Tech unplugging my PC with a smirk.

He was dressed in a network humor shirt un-funny.
His hand was inside my desktop un-running.
A miasma of cables atop of my desk
And a gutted PC chassis laid out in a mess.

His eyes-how dead to the world I could not see
His complexion was wan as moon reflected on sea.
Stringy long hair and glasses to boot,
Un-dated? Un-washed? Those questions were moot.

The can of Red Bull held tight in his fist
And crumbs of past Fritos alit on his chest.
He had a broad girth and ill-fitting clothes
The rode up in places that should not be exposed

He was stuffy and standoffish, offensive and dreary
Talking to him while he worked made me feel weary
A dull unhappy look and curse of BSG “Frak!”
I was sure that my net access was not coming back.

He quizzed me on Stargate, while bent at his work,
And derided my sci-fi knowledge, the odious jerk!
And laying his finger inside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the nasal chimney it rose!

He wiped his finger on pants quite abhorrent,
And away he filed past me in a nerd huffy torrent.
I heard him exclaim under his breath as he passed,
“You should have saved early and often you pompous dumbass”



To recap:
No IT professionals were harmed in the bastardization of this poem
It is clearly forced in some areas, but what can you do?
Happy Holidays everyone
Especially the IT pros out there
Listening to the last dregs of the worker cogs get ready to go home for the holiday
This post is posthumously dedicated to Lord Pithy
Yes, posthumously... come up with a less grandiose name, Lord Pithy takes too long to type
Since I am not posting on Christmas
Have a great weekend as well



20 Questions Tuesday: 122 - Christmas Cards... The Revenge

Here it is:

Twas the 20 Questions before Christmas
And all through the blog
Not an author was posting
Drunk on Egg-Nog

Anyhoo… This post is the extension and, shall we say “culmination?” of last week’s 20 Questions Tuesday concerning Christmas Cards. Thanks this week go to John P, Nadolny, Atmikha, and Wifey.

Onto the questions:
1. What is your market share at this time vs. Hallmark?
I have 0 shares of Hallmark or against Hallmark.

2. What is the appropriate amount of time to keep a Christmas card before you can discard?
12 Days.

3. Is Little Man at the stage of signing his own name?
He loves to write his own name. It is pretty cool to watch

4. Do you have joint input with Tuesday for this year’s card or is it pretty much up to you as the designer?
There was more permission granted than input. She did get the editorial duties though to make sure that it looked correct, and she always retained veto power.

5. Will you be releasing a collector’s series of Christmas cards in the near future? Maybe a where’s Waldo type version?
Probably not. We have only been doing Christmas cards like this for about 5 years now. IT would be a pretty short book to say the least.

6. So e-cards or snail mail? (I know the lazy factor bends towards email)
Honestly, with how few people actually care about the physical manifestation of Christmas cards, we really feel that e-cards are the way to go. If more people treasured the gift of a physical card we might be more inclined to print them out and mail them, but in our small survey of friends and family, no one kept Christmas cards, even the ones that they found clever or especially poingiant.

7. Do you think e-cards are more impersonal?
I think e-cards are no more impersonal than physical cards that do not have a personal note scrawled in them. E-cards are no more impersonal than any mass copied Christmas letter stuffed into mass produced cards.

8. Holiday letters. TMI? Anyone you'd like a little more info from?
I think holiday letters can be lots of fun. They either need to be general enough to be mildly informative or focused on a single detail enough to be entertaining. I think they become a bit cumbersome when they lie betwixt those two categories. There are always people that I want to have more info about… but there are some I want no info about at all.

9. How many realllly late xmas cards do you get?
About 5 or 6.

10. At what point should folks say, well crap, I missed this year, no reason to send them out now?
As long as they acknowledge how late the card is, they could send it in July for all I care. Christmas cards are a simple way of showing others that you are still alive.

11. Do you prefer photos or artwork?
Depends on the photographer and/or the artist. For example our card this year was photography and art, at the same time.

12. Tastefully displayed, or hastily piled?
A little of Column A and a little of Column B

13. Should people who send Thanksgiving Cards be punished?
Nope, I think they should be commended.

14. Are holidays like Valentine's Day, and Secretary's Day invented by Hallmark?
Valentine’s Day: No
Secretary’s Day/Boss’s Day/Sweetest’s Day/etc…: Yes

15. Newsletters: Yes? No? No (but secretly yes)?
Why not? (Secretly, I especially love the self-delusional newsletters.)

16. Christmas cards - do you even care? I mean, you're a boy...I'm the one who reads the ones who come in...I'm the one who makes you design one each year for our family...I'm the one who is apparently a little bitter...
I don’t care too much, no. See how much I love you?

17. Garfield Christmas cards: is Garfield in a Santa hat any funnier?
Is he eating lasagna?

18. Do you send any Christmas cards for obligation not for love? Who to? Why?
Yes, to many of the fam, because they are fam.

19. Tell me about the Christmas "letter" folks - are they trying to update us or brag on their fat cat lives?
I think they are most likely bragging… but I have seen their kids and they are not that cute and their cats are not that funny either. Bunch of blowhards, the lot of them

20. Is there anything you wish you had done differently for the Christmas Card 2008?
Yes, the gutters between the images are a bit wide, and I think I would have liked to splice the pics into the text a bit more and make it a bit more storylike.


To Recap:
Not nearly as cold today
Left overs for dinner tonight
Because tomorrow starts the Christmas Feasting 08
Any preferences on the capitalization of the word “recap?”
To recap:
Or
To Recap:
Which do you like?
Probably should have asked before year 3+ of blogging
I have 2 things left to get for a stocking
Some people have suggested a severed human foot
For the irony… of course
I am also afraid they may have a few extra laying about
Tomorrow will be the Christmas Eve blogging service
I hope you are not afraid of candles or Stille Nacht
Listening to Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee

2 Things

In a feeble attempt to not haphazardly post when I feel like it, I have decided to post my typical Monday Morning Musings in my very typical 2Things fashion except I have 4 things….

Thing the First: It is difficult to plan meals out prior to the holiday feasting that takes place for the Christmas Holiday. It is both difficult and necessary. Wednesday and Thursday’s meals are already accounted for, but tonight and Tuesday need some thought. The issue is that we don’t want anything that might potentially interfere with the gastronomic success of the holiday mealings, but we don’t want to attempt a survival quest of merely bread and water either. It is a delicate balance… a delicate balance indeed. So for dinner tonight… something that doesn’t completely suck, yet isn’t too good. Sounds almost like a lunch at Arby’s…

Thing the Second: The e-cards are away! Many of fine reader has received their email card as of last night. So far I have only had 2 bounce back but that was before we lost…

Thing the Third: …our Time Warner cable bundle. Yes, we are without cable, internet, or phones. The bundle package is nice when things are going well, but when they go bad, they really go bad. Wifey is stuck at home with a little girl who is a bit snotty and a stir crazy 5 year old boy with now Diego… Sometimes, going to work is not so bad.

Thing the Fourth: Holy Shit! It was cold last night and this morning!

To recap:
Sweet Jimminy Christmas Cakes on a pine box, it was cold this morning
Did I mention cold?
I go home in a few minutes
A home with a sick infant
A home with a hyper 5 year old
Yippee?
I have re-initialized the iPod
But I have not completely reloaded the music on it
Therefore I am not listening to anything

Digital Thursday (Happy Holidays Edition)

The idea behind this year’s Christmas Card had to revolve around the concept of “four.” The SRH clan grew to that quaternary number this year and the card needed to reflect that. Since Wifey deep-sixed the idea of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalyspe” a search for other four motifs was in order. We thought about the 4 humors (blood, yellow bile, black bile, and phlegm), the cardinal directions, classical elements (fire, air, water, and earth), seasons, card suits, the Beatles (who would want to be Ringo?), etc… We setteled on The Fantastic Four.

The card was done in Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator. The primary image work being done in Photoshop with the typography and final design layout in Illustrator. I have not changed the names on this to protect the innocent.

It took about 1 hour to do the Mr Fantastic piece. Of all of them it took the least work. I had to modify my shirt to look like a FF costume and then make a bendy neck. Easy-peasy lemon-squeezy.

The Human Torch was next. That piece took about 2 hours to get together. The final file had over 10 layers with multiple effects and transparencies. Even though it took a fair amount of time and effort, it was still pretty straight forward as far as what needed to be done.

Next up was the Thing. This one took some smurfing out. What I wanted to see in the final version was pretty clear, but what steps were necessary to get there was a different story all together. This one took about 2 hours as well.

The final image to be worked on was Wifey’s Invisible Girl…. What do you do to depict someone as being invisible? This one took about 3 hours mainly because many paths taken did not lead anywhere but ruin.

The typography and design work was 2 more hours. All in all, this card is the culmination of 10 hours of diligent work.Click to embiggen

Accompanying the card will a one page letter updating folk on the family. Many of you intrepid readers will be receiving this email, so please act surprised when you click on the image.

To recap:
Nearly done with the Christmas shopping
I have not re-initialized the iPod yet
The company Christmas party is happening this afternoon
I am not going
Not sure what will be for dinner tonight
I have learned not to predict
If you would like a copy of the email and card, please email me from the contact information on my profile page
Listening to people chat at work
Have a great weekend everyone

Would you like to come up for a recap?

Just a recap today…

To recap:
The card is done and ready for Digital Thursday
My intention is to have the card emailed out prior to posting
Again, if you are interested in getting a card and I do not have your email
Send an email to me using the contact information supplied by my profile page
Taiwan is an independent country that is completely separate from China
I know this because as a kid my GI Joe action figures has “Made in Taiwan” stamped on their asses
Not “made in China” like some of my other toys
This blog is now illegal in China
Yet, soon to be wildly popular in Taiwan
I also had toys that said they were made in Hong Kong…
I miss the idea of Hong Kong
I think the British miss “their” Hong Kong” as well
My iPod randomly reset itself today
That makes me not so happy
I have slept a pretty good amount (for me) over the last few days
Why am I soooo tired then?
No Sausage Barley soup yesterday
Prolly none tonight as well
Little Man has discovered white chicken chili
It was a good discovery for him
I think that will be dinner for the evening
Bleck! I am not a fan of chili of any format
Mainly because I am not a big fan of bean based dishes
I do like green beans, however
Little Man, on the other hand, seems to be rather enamored of the slow cooked bean based slurries
I should write for a food magazine
Nothing says appetizing like “slurry”
Nothing
Did I mention that my iPod randomly reset itself?
That is annoying, to say the least
Now I am listening to my meager 8 gigs of music on the PC
Of course that music is old and decrepit
Much like my knees
And, sadly, my ankles
I am looking forward to the reactions to the Holiday/Christmas card tomorrow
It really should be enjoyable
By enjoyable I mean not for Q or Little Man
Wifey and I love them though
They have also been given the blessing of Lord Pithy
Listening to Never Never Gonna Give You Up covered by Cake