Vacation

The problem with posting to my blog in the evening is that I am rather burnt out by the time I get around to typing anything. All day long ideas float through my head about what I should post about, but they flit though my consciousness like a good metaphor that you cannot remember. (How is that for meta-metaphoring?)

Anywho… I am back in good old Central Ohio and happily sleeping in my own bed. The place that the fam stayed was a nice place, but, truth be told, the beds were meant to be slept on for only 3 days in a row. Everything after 3 seemed to cause mighty back aches in myself and Wifey.

This being a Monday, I feel I should invoke a number of “things” to mention to my 3 loyal readers since I have been doing “3 Things” and “4 Things” posts on Mondays for a while, but I have decided to askew that tradition and just give a quick wrap-up on the vacation that was.

The family and I went to the South Coast of Nova Scotia and stayed just east of picturesque Mahone Bay at Oak Island Resort. For the first 4 days or so, Wifey was earning the money while I school-marmed the kids. This school-marming included going to multiple grocery stores in search of allergen free foods and keeping the kids in general good spirits until Wifey could release her shackles of employed obligation and join the family on our Nova Scotian “Holiday.”

So on Wednesday afternoon with a full compliment of Family we went to Lunenburg (or Lunenverg as Little Man liked to call it) for dinner. Between that Wednesday afternoon and Sunday Morning we went to a small little beach with a friend’s kids (some of the pics from last post), the Ovens (sea caves), 2 hours of Splash Bomb with TheMikeStand and his kids (the final score was something like kids = 40 and dads = bunny, needless to say the kids won the 24th Oak Island Urn), a birthday trip for Little Man (who is now 6) on the Historic LeHave Cable Ferry, some time at Rissers Beach, and some hanging out the fam we saw on Thursday. In a word, it was awesome.

To recap:
Had a great time, but glad to be back home
Gone for 8 days and there were only 2 voicemails on the home phone
1 was a paid political announcement
We are just not that popular
Only 2 voicemails on my cell phone
1 was from my mom
I am just not that popular
20 Questions Tuesday is back tomorrow
Listening to the near constant hum of the baby monitor

Digital Thursday

In honor of Digital Thursday, I am just posting pics of the vacation. Most are from today. There will be no recap.

























Have a great weekend everyone.

2nd Dinner?

I just tried to talk with Wifey and Q started to rouse. This is the big problem of living in a hotel room with your kids. There is no opportunity for conversation about how the vacation should be going in the evening when both kids are supposed to be sleeping. To get that kind of separation we would need two rooms, and even when I was working with a paycheck we could not afford a 2 room suite.

The night time is the time when Wifey and I are typically able to de-brief about the days events in the night time. That is the time when we become a unified team and an unassailable front. Sadly, we have not had that opportunity this entire international endeavor. Hopefully tomorrow night we can have that time.

It looks like the fam will have 2, count them, 2 international play dates. Tomorrow we will potentially be building sandcastles with one of Wifey’s friends and his 2 kids. Does he have a name? Of course he does... there are those who call him Tim.

Then on Friday it looks like the Family of SRH will be spending some time with Famiglia del TheMikeStand for some awesome Lunenburg action.

Through out this entire entry writing process Little Mna has been complaining about not being able to get to sleep. Keep in mind that he has tried nothing and is all out of ideas, so don’t feel too bad for him.

To recap:
The whole family is now awake and eating a new dinner
Except for me
Now I feel hungry though
Listening to the 3 of them smack their lips like hyenas on the Serengeti
I could eat a gnu
Or even a wildebeast

20 Questions Tuesday: 140 - Vacation 2009

Here it is Tuesday again, so I guess I should come up with some questions. It is an odd process to come up with 20 questions for myself around this vacation.

So, thanks this week to me. That’s right ME! On to the questions...

1. So, how is Canada treating you?
I think I am doing just fine with the hospitality of my international neighbor (or neighbour, as it were) to the North.

2. So what do you miss most about the US?
Ok, there are a few different things. The first is US channels. Not because of anything missing in Canadian TV as much as it is about the familiarity with US TV. The second is the food brands. Grocery shopping here has been a bit of an adventure because of the different brands and more importantly, the missing brands from the US. The third things is the portion size. No wonder Canadians are typically less obese than their American counterparts. he portions sizes here just leave me hungry.

3. What has been the most challenging this so far on this vacation?
So far, I would say it is getting Q alseep without a rocking chair. I will have abs of steel by the end of this trip.

4. Seen any bears?
Do you mean the “gay guy” kind of “bear” or the “I like salmon” kind of “bear?”

5. Hey, I am asking the questions here!
Well, then, you should be more specific.

6. Okay answer both, smart guy!
You aren’t the boss of me, but I will answer both anyway. “Maybe” and “no”

7. How about moose?
How about moose?

8. Yes, have you seen any moose?
Nope, nor any mounties. In fact, I have not seen any kind of law enforcement since I got out of the airport. If it were not for the excursion to Wal-Mart yesterday I would say this is a lawless frontier town populated by really polite people.

9. Even though it was established in 1754, you think of it as a frontier town?
Well, it is kind of a frontier of the East of North America...

10. So, how long have you been an idiot?
Was that even called for?

11. Was that even called for? Yes, it was called for, you dunderhead. Frontier of the East or North America? What kind of crap is that?
I was just trying to answer your insipid question. Couldn’t you have sent an email call for questions?

12. Seriously, who is asking the questions here?
I thought you were. Aren’t you?

13. I thought I was too, but you seem to be asking a bunch as well. So, why didn’t you send a “20 Questions Tuesday Round-Up?”
I was not sure what a good topic would be, or how long I would have to write articulate responses.

14. Why should you start worrying about articulate responses now?
Har dee har har, smart ass. I always try to bring the articulate.

15. So, how is the bed time routine working out?
Horribly. LIttle Man cannot sleep because Q is not ready to sleep just yet. It is a bad situation that seems to be deteriorating.

16. So what are you gonna do with the rest week when Wifey is done with her 3 days of work?
I think we will still stay around on the Southshore area and look for the Oak Island Treasure. Tha treasure, she will be mine.

17. So anything that still needs to be figured out for the fam on this trip?
We just need to figure out a ferry ride for Little Man now that we aren’t going to PEI.

18. How is Little Man’s ear doing, by the way?
It looks like it will be healing up nicely. There will be a bit of scarring, but I don’t think it will be bad at all.

19. Do you need some caffeine as bad as I do?
Do bears poop in the woods?

20. Do you mean the “gay guy” kind of “bear” or the “I like salmon” kind of “bear?”
touche


To recap:
We are trying to figure out some birthday extravagances for Little Man
He will turn 6 on Saturday
We are trying to figure out how to have Q’s 2nd birthday in Nova Scotia and Wifey’s next birthday here as well
It only seems fitting
Listening to the kids finally fall asleep
I get my partner in crime back tomorrow afternoon
I define “crime” as “parenting” in this case

3 Things

So, I am up here in Nova Scotia at Oak Island Resort and Spa serving as the primary childcare while Wifey works her fingers to the bone with her Talk Fu. So a few things have happened that need to be mentioned. Three in fact.

Thing the first:
Traveling with 2 younguns is still difficult to say the least. The whole traveling part is difficult, but when you add in the 2 hour delay on the tarmac in Toronto, it gets a whole bunch hairier. An air conditioner unit needed replaced (a repair that did not show up until after the plane had been shut and the intro movie was played). Cue an hour and a half of maintenance and paper work. This was followed promptly by the flight crew realizing that they could not legally fly due to an impending overage in consecutive flight hours if they carried on with the continuation from Halifax to London. So we had to wait for 15 minutes for another flight crew to make there way to gate 140, and then another 15 minutes for them to do all their pre-flight stuff.

This delay brings up 2 questions. Question the First: Is there any way they could have done the air conditioner check prior to closing the plane up? It is much more reasonable to have a 2 hour delay in the concourse than in the plane itself. Question the Second: a 2-hour delay threw these pilots over the edge of they acceptable hours? I have circled cities for 2 hours before. How razor close was their schedule?

Thing the Second: Great googly moogly Mahone Bay is picturesque as hell! the fog lifted Sunday morning and I was pretty much dumb struck by the place. I will hopefully have some pictures later.

Thing the Third: While I am not really happy with the infiltration of the big box stores into more "pristine" retail enviornmnets, you always know what you can get at Wal-Mart. Doesn't matter where in the world you are, if you need diapers and pool toys, you know that Wal-Mart hjas your back. Now in the US you also know that you can find a cure for your low self esteem by people watching the knuckle dragging troglodytes that frequent the Mart of Wal. I am well groomed, polite, and in shape when I am at Wal-Mart... in the US!

In this Wal-Mart found in this maritime province I git none of that I am doing pretty well for myself feeling. The "dream-low" benchmark was gone. So, not only do I feel like an ass because I gave money to a soul-killing retail virus, I also didn't get the smug sense of self-satisfaction that I so need and enjoy.

To recap:
I have a blinding headache here
I think it has either something to do with the weather or the maritime
Still jobless
Little Man is about to lose one of his upper front teeth
He is insanely close to it falling out
I will do something 20- Questions-ish tomorrow
Listening to the sonorous slumbersong of my sleeping family

E.R.

Little Man cut the top part of his ear today... We are pretty sure it was doing something that he shouldn't have because he is rather tight lipped about what happened. Anyway... after 8 hours in urgent care and an ER (he somehow nicked the cartilidge) we are back home safe and sound. He is 3 stitches heavier and we are extremely tired.

To recap:
Little Man cuts his ear so no Digital Thursday for you
Listening to everyone get ready for bed
Still no job
We will be in Nova Scotia next week
So, don't expect much posting next week
I will try to do a bit of photoblogging though
Have a great weekend everyone
We are leaving on a jet plane Saturday morning

For those of you...

There are a few of you out there reading this here blog... I could probably stop there with the sentence and be accurate, but that is not the point of this post.

There are a few of you out there reading this here blog that will understand what I am about to write about. The rest of you out there will probably kind of "get it."

When you are attempting to work from home, and you have 2 kids at home... with you. The only work you get done is the laborious work aptly labeled as "parenting." (I almost typed "Patti LaBelled" but that is something entirely different, maybe we should consider it a new attitude.)

Anywho... Both Wifey and I have been attempting to get stuff done today while navigating the endless requests for lemonade and the more usual "eeeeeeeeeeengh" that is accompanied by a 1 year olds finger and unhappy stare. So I had work that needed to get out today and that did not happen. Why would you think that I would post?

Seriously, you people amaze me with your neediness.

To recap:
It is almost 9:30 and I am just now getting dinner
A healthy dinner of brats and brocolli, mind you
There is so much for me to do tonight
Some of it is looking for job related
Some is personal, so stop hounding me
Some is just sit that has to get done
All of it takes time
Listening to the blessed silence that is not kids asking for things

20 Questions Tuesday: 139 - Canada

So, in less than a month I will have been in Canada twice. How is that for weird? Therefore the questions for this installment of the ever popular 20 Questions Tuesday shall center around… I don’t know, maybe… Oh, Canada.

Thanks this week go to Sparky, Capt. McArmypants, John P, Dr Clean, ACW, and AllRileyedUp.. On to the Questions!

1. Curling or ice hockey?
Ice Hockey. Easily Ice Hockey

2. Favorite Canadian musical act?
Hmmm... there are so many good ones. The one with the biggest following is probably Rush, then there is Neil Young and Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen for longevity Bare Naked Ladies for mirth, Arcade Fire for more avant guard… there are too many to decide. For pure WTF? Reasons I will say Nickelback, because they have somehow become popular with the most derivative drivel ever put on the airwaves. Creed has talent compared to those lyrical genii.

3. Molson’s or Moosehead?
Moosehead

4. Will you partake of any poutine?
I will not be up Quebec-way, so, No. I will be again traveling to Nova Scotia with a side trip to Prince Edward Island likely happening. Little Man is excited by the idea of a ferry ride.

5. So would Curling over take Hockey as the most popular sport in Canada if they just instituted full contact rules similar to those in "The Game" as played in the blockbuster hit "Blood of Heroes"? On a side note: When Dog-Boy says "NOO! No one carries Dog-Boy!" Don't you tear up just a little?
Umm… “no” and definitely “no.”

6. So how do those Tauro-tans as they are called keep Toronto so clean eh?
They all do what they can which collectively is a whole bunch. If they could use that power more for good than cleanliness imagine the outcome!

7. So will Canada and the US ever become one giant nation? I read an article in the 90's that stated 70 something percent of Canada assumed one day they would be American citizens. When are they just going to give up and become another one of our states?
After having been to Canada a few times and talking to many a Canuck, I have determined through my colloquial information gathering techniques that they do not, in fact, want to be Americans. They are quite proud of their Canadianness.

8. Do you think they would get more tourism dollars if they dropped O'Canada as the national anthem, changed the name of the country to Can-NAaaY-DEE-YAH and let Bryan Adams take a crack at writing a new one? .....THAT GUYS IS A WORDSMITH I TELLS YA!!! A WORDSMITH!!!!!!!!!!
I am not quite sure how to answer this. We all know that Bryan Adams is quite the wordsmith, but shouldn’t the Canadian National Anthem be penned by Corey Hart?

9. STOP SENDING US YOUR COMEDIANS DAMMIT!!!!......but somehow read that as a question........?
Some of them are funny though... Well, if you are into that kind of thing.

10. Canadian bacon, can it only come from Canadian pigs?
Sadly, yes. That is why it is so rare in the US. We have to live with crappy “ham” when we could be dining on the delectable deliciousness that is Canadian bacon.

11. What other Canadian delicacies do you know of (maple syrup doesn't count)?
The Cruller. Mmmmmm doughnuts….

12. Will it freak you out to see speeds listed in Km? I liked it not one bit the last time I was there!
Speed in Km is kind of fun. I feel all rebellious going at such a high numerical rate of speed in town.

13. Quebec keeps trying to become independent through referendums voted on by those who live in that providence. If Quebec really wanted to become independent wouldn’t it just be easier to have a referendum in the rest of Canada and ask them to vote them out?
I think you maybe onto something, but that would be a bad precedent to start because I could easily see the states latching onto the idea of “voting out” and forcefully succeeding Alabama, Arkansas, and Mississippi.

14. In Canada they have big signs warning that “Fatigue”, “Tailgating” and “Drunk Driving” all KILL! How does anyone have the courage to leave their damn house? Then again is it just me, or are the big signs along the 401 that say “Fatigue Kills!” just cooler in French,,, "La Fatigue Tue!”
“La Fatigue Tue” is oddly both cool and un-cool at the same time.

15. Why didn’t we stop Celine Dion before she crossed over? Can’t we deport her?
Sadly Celine Dion is at least 1% of the United States GDP at the moment with her Vegas show. It is hard economic times indeed.

16. Have you been to the Canadian area of Epcot Center?
I have indeed. I feel sorry for the guys dressed like Mounties in Orlando, Florida in August. Yikes.

17. Any chance of the MLS title going to a team from Canada?
Toronto is a real contender this year. With the addition of Gerba on their front line and the potential signing of Julian DeGuzman to upgrade a midfield that already has Guevara and DeRosario… They could be the real deal.

18. Best Canadian sports team?
The Canadian National Hockey Team

19. I keep spelling Canadian "Candian" -- what do you think Candian should mean?
I am not absolutely sure what Candian should be, but it should definitely have something to do with licorice.

20. Have you ever heard a Canadian myth about bears and if so, what was the name of the bear?
I have not and I am sure the name is not Shecky.


To Recap:
The weirdest thing about Canada is just how eerily similar it is
Little Man is supremely jazzed about the trip
He gets to ride on Air Canada and everything
I am not using my cordless keyboard at the moment because it needs new AAA batteries
Therefore it is not typing so well. I am not sure I like this other keyboard too much though
It is kind of “springy”
I have stuff I need to do, but I need to find my pencils to do them
They are somewhere in the house…
I can’t narrow it down more than that
Oddly, I am still un-employed
Listening to Flagpole Sitta by Harvey Danger

10 things

Ooh, 10 things... are you worried, I usually only bring up 3 things, but I am going hog wild here.

10 things I have had to "take care of..." if you know what I mean...

Thing the First:
Camel Crickets... they were in the basement of the childhood house.... ewwwww

Thing the Second:
That slow chipmunk from yesterday... don't try to cross 5 lanes of traffic unless you mean it

Thing the Third:
7 mice (4 this weekend)

Thing the Fourth:
Spiders... I hate them, I fear them, yet I have to take care of them

Thing the Fifth:
Fire Ants.... those bastards can take over a yard and hurt really badly when they bite but they seem to be susceptible to relocation due to matches and WD-40

Thing the Sixth:
A rattle snake

Thing the Seventh:
Chipmunks... it was because of me the show was cancelled

Thing the Eighth:
I short tubby dog that ran into my rear tire... I was saddened by this one greatly

Thing the Ninth:
Yellow Jackets

Thing the Tenth:
Nedly and Pirky

To recap:
I have become Shiva, Destroyer of Squirrels
i love that quote!
Still jobless in Ohio
That should be a new Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie
20 Questions Tuesday is up for tomorrow
How about Canada as a topic?

Digital Thursday

So here is how it went down. It is Sunday evening late, it is the day after I got home from Canada, I have a proposal due Wednesday for some web development that I have never attempted before, and the lovely and amazing Wifey says to me, “I need you to make a map for me tomorrow.”

Really, tomorrow, Honey? You know all that I have to get done and I am still a bit travel stunned, right? Oh well, it is something to do at least. She determined with my lack of vocation that I had ample time to accomplish my tasks. She was right.

She outlined to me what she needed for a women leaders in non-profit organizations (a very small population) meeting. She wanted to look at the path that the previous meetings had taken and thought a landscape would be a fun way of doing it. I put my Tolkien hat on and here we go

Click to embiggin and then click it some more.

Been a while since I had a “Digital Thursday.”

To recap:
Wifey just got the 15in MacBook Pro
It is all shiny
Got a free iTouch with it
Go her!
She is so close to making one of those “Make the Switch” commercials
Isn’t there a joke about Born Again Christians and Mac Switchers?
Listening to Fern by Zoe Keating
4 posts in a row
Eat that!
Have a great weekend everyone

The End of an Era

The problem with hating hippos and yetis is that there is not that much opportunity to hate them directly… Yes, I typed ‘opportunity’ on purpose there. Much like love you must practice hate, and, in this case, it has been a long time since I have practiced hate for the river horse and our hairy brutish mountain dwelling cousin. There just has not been much reason to seek out the hippo or taunt the yeti.

You see, even though the hippo is the most dangerous of the mega-fauna that are left inhabiting out world, the animal itself is rather pitiful in its dangerousness. It is territorial in the water and sunburnable in the air. It is aggressive in the water, but tires quickly on the land. The limits of its “comfort zone” seem to be a riverine environment and a riverine environment alone. Get past the riparian vegetation and the hippo is just an overweight, sun-burning, pig that cannot see very far.

The yeti is a daunting enemy to say the least, if you are in Nepal, but if you are not one of the 10 people in the world considering yourself Nepalese and you don’t climb mountains for a hobby, then you are never going to meet up with a yeti. Do yeti exist? Sure they do. Do people really care? No, Not really.

Herein lies the problem with hating the hippo and the yeti. Both creatures are more pitiable than loathsome. It takes effort to hate and it takes reminders to give effort. Without constant reminders there is no consistent effort and therefore no hate.

I find it sad to say but the bilious vitriolic fervor with which I vomited distaste for the hippo and yeti has subsided over the past year to a dull apathetic ache that is meekly rotting away somewhere in the twists and curves of my small intestine where the beginnings of poop reside.

To recap:
The hate has washed out of me do to apathy
Most things wash out of me due to apathy
Could I hate them again?
Sure, if given the right stimuli
I am not sure if the right stimulus exists though
Fare the well, yeti and hippo hate
It was a nice run while it lasted
Vacuum.... Nature abhors you and so do I!
Listening to Critical Hit by No More Kings

20 Questions Tuesday: 138 - Assumptions

Here we go with the 20 Questions Tuesday. The idea behind this day’s 20 Questions is all about assumptions. You all (the 3 of you who still read here) have assumptions of what I was doing whilst not posting. The questions today revolve around your assumptions.

Thanks this week go to All Rileyed Up, Wifey, and some other guy.

On to the questions:

1. How many diapers did you change?
I would say on average 2 or 3 diapers a day. So I was off for 28 days that means around
56 to 84 diapers. Some of which were poopy.

2. Were you busy commemorating the death of Michael Jackson? Or Farah Fawcett? Or Ed McMahon? Or had you still not gotten over David Carradine? How many people asked you a question about Michael Jackson?
Sadly, I was not commemorating any of the celeb deaths… I was in Halifax when MJ died so I got to hear the Canadian version of his retrospective. It ended in “eh.”

3. Read any good books?
Reading a good one right now. It is the first in a 3 book series by Brandon Sanderson called “Mistborn.” Some really good writing and character development.

4. Did you see Transformers 2, Up, or Ice Age 3 in 3-D? I'm considering all three and wouldn't mind an opinion from someone who has seen them. I feel T-2 might be worth seeing on the big screen for the FX, Up will be great since it's Pixar, and Ice Age would be enjoyed on the big screen because of the 3-D but all those movies and the cost of tickets these days and my lack of a job... it just doesn't add up for me. So, um, what was my question... oh yes: have you seen any of them?
I have not seen any of the 3 that you referenced, but I have heard many things about 2 of the 3. Transformers 2 is an art house movie of incongruity and the study of FX over story. The reviews I have read about it seem to indicate that if you like Megan Fox and Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, there are about 50 seconds of film that will make you happy. Up has had better reviews, but the review from Wifey is that it is brilliant until the inclusion of the villain. Ice Age 3-D has not hit the SRH household’s collective consciousness.

5. Are you concerned about the number of celebrities who died while you were on blog hiatus? I suggest you not try this again.
Suggestion noted.

6. So when you meditated for 6 days straight with over 200 people what were you thinking?
Umm… oh, I mean “ohm.”

7. Why the obsession with breakfast meat?
I don’t quite understand the question. Breakfast meat is glorious.

8. So how many people realized it was your birthday on Sunday June 21st?
The Canadian Customs official noticed the similarity in the date on my customs page and wished me a happy birthday. Other than that I was surrounded by people who knew me, but didn’t really “know” me.

9. So have you noticed the correlation between turning 35 and your ankle dying?
It took 2 weeks for my body to realize that I was 35, but when it did… so I guess that means my reflexes are slowed as well. Great.

10. So why did you do it?
I didn’t do anything. You can’t prove anything. No one saw me… I have said too much…. Did you like what I did?

11. Really? 6 days with the ‘rents?
That is not really about the hiatus. It is still on-going… they leave tomorrow morning. At least I have been getting free meals from them. It is a horrid feeling having your parents buy groceries for you when you are 35, and if it is not a horrid thing, then you aren’t a good person and you are free loading off your parents, you make me sick.

12. After meditating with over 200 Buddhists, do you feel peaceful, happy, and free?
I more felt trapped, fraudulent, and self-conscious. Self-conscious could be considered more self-aware, yes?

13. So while you were internationally gallivanting around North America, who did you miss most, from the Internets?
Hmmm… I assume you understand that my Wife and I actually Skype with each other pretty regularly (and that is not a euphemism, we have 2 kids and 0 euphemisms). So my wife is the cyber prescience I missed the most.

14. How many jobs did you have to turn away?
What a nice and friendly assumption, but I am still jobless. I have broadened my search categories though. I am sure a job is just around the corner.

15. What did you miss most about the US while you were trapped in Canada?
My family... and breakfast meat.

16. What do you miss most of Canada now that you are back in the boring old US of A?
The foggy mists and cool weather.

17. Did you think I would not find out about what you said?
I had hoped.

18. So, why did you almost complete a sketch about a garbage can?
Well, it was the most prevalent thing in the view.


19. Gone for almost a month, I bet you don’t even have anything done for Digital Thursday.
That isn’t even a question. That is a comment. And it is an incorrect comment at that. Boo-YA! You are gonna have to wait ‘til Thursday to see it though.

20. You were gone for 28 days, right? So are you cleaner and soberer?
Quite the opposite. I drank more and bathed less.


To Recap:
I’m back
And I’m ringing the bell
Tomorrow will be something about renewing old themes
They need new blood
And new blood they shall have
It will be like a reunion of sorts
But in a good way
Listening to Veronica by Elvis Costello

5 Things

So I have been away for a while and I offer no apologies to the less than 10 people who read this here corner of the Internets. I am un-apologetic and a bit sassy, I could be the female lead of a sitcom with those attributes.

Here are 5 things that happened whilst I was away from the Internets.

Thing the first:
I turned 35, since then my back has hurt and I have been hobbled by some affliction on my left heel. I think it is the ankle cancer, but my wife seems to think it is Achilles Tendonitis. It seems to be feeling better with Motrin and ice and keeping it elevated, so kudos to those three methods of ankle cancer treatment.

Thing the second:
I am still sans employment. This is a craptastic economy for looking for a new career or looking within an existing career. It is all about who you know and my previous employer kept me under a rock.

Thing the third:
I had a lovely dinner in Halifax, Nova Scotia with theMikeStand from Speak into the Mike. I guess it was a better time for me since I am writing about it, but to be fair he seems to be on a summer hiatus from blogging as well. He grilled out some steaks, and we had asparagus, potatoes, sweet potatoes and Mississippi Mud Pie. It was lovely. I drew 2 pics for his kids and had a great conversation with him and his wife about the most deplorable children’s names. It was glorious.

Thing the fourth:
I went to Halifax, Nova Scotia for a conference/institute/hoot-nanny called The ALiA institute. It was really a great thing for me. It was the first time I had been away from the fam on my own for more than 3 days since Little Man was born. It was a good time for me to focus on me. The problem is that the time I took to focus on me has made me into a megalomaniacal force of nature. This is me, hear me roar!

Thing the fifth:
I just talked my wife into getting an iBook with the inheritance money from my techno-phobic grandma. Yes, the grandma whose next to last words to me were, and I quote, “Do you have a job yet?” Miss you grandma. Wifey has been angling for an iBook for quite some time now. Angling so much that she has been slowly degrading her current laptop’s USB ports and causing the machine to overheat with her hawtness. Laptops cannot handle teh sexsay.

To recap:
Don’t call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers and putting suckas in fear
Makin the tears rain down like a MON-soon
Listen to the bass go BOOM
Glad to be back in the saddle
20 Questions Tuesday is back tomorrow!
Listening to That’s Not My Name by the Ting Tings

Transcription

Here is an email conversation between Dr B-Dawg, myself, and a third party who wants to remain nameless due to the graphic nature of this conversation. The conversation was spurred by the un-timely death of David Carradine.

The conversation for a set of emails was simply entitled "David Carradine:"
Dr B Dawg:
Let us bow our heads in a moment of silence. The only thing i heard about his death is that they found his body in a bangkok hotel. At least he went out the way you'd expect him too. no doubt filled to the top with thai hookers and opium.

SRH:
They found a "chord around his neck and body" Autoerotic-asphyxiation anyone?

3rd Party Who Wants to Remain Nameless:
Here here. As of himself in death as he was in life. .....sigh. Hopefully this will spur Hollywood to do the much needed Kung Fu remake.

DBD:
I’m going to buy a poster of him this evening and add it to my special shrine room.

SRH:
You have too many rooms

3PWWRN:
I had the same thought. He clearly pulled a Bob Crane.

DBD:
So off the top of my head, to rank the autoerotic-asphyxiation club members: 1. David Carradine 2. Bob Crane 3. Michael Hutchens

3PWWRN:
Wow that is a pretty high caliber list, that may be the most rarified air Karate Dave ever got to breathe in his whole life.

SRH:
I think you should add Val Kilmer to that list... eventually

3PWWRN:
Apparently he [Val Kilmer] lives like 2 miles from this building. Now that I think about it I can't image why I have not set aside a weekend to stalk and strangle him to death and make it look like AEA. I mean who DOESN'T think he will be on this list soon enough. No alibi required. What?.....HE SHOULD PAY FOR BATMAN FOREVER!!!! .... it is about balance really.

DBD:
I have to disagree with that one, a woman [Val Kilmer] would never let that happen to her.

SRH:
Oooooh burn!

3PWWRN:
Fair enough

So who should play Kwai Chang Caine for the remake. I recommend some one who looks even less Asian than David Carradine, as it will send a strong message to China that we don't need them!!

DBD:
Christian Bale will do it. He’ll do anything.

SRH:
Sean William Scott

DBD:
That is brilliant.

SRH:
Be like The Bullet Proof Monk in the old west

3PWWRN:
You bill it like that and I don't see how you could lose.

SRH:
I am nothing if not market savvy.

DBD:
The Rock could be his master.

SRH:
You are genius. Let’s be clear though, the Rock is everyone's master. Can you smell what I’m cookin’?

3PWWRN:
Spoken like two people who have not seen the new Race to Witch Mountain. Can YOU smell what I’m cookin’? Scorpion King RoCKs!!!

SRH:
Why in god's name would you see Race to Witch Mountain?

3PWWRN:
uhhh... The Rock. duh!

DBD:
"Let’s be clear though, the Rock is everyone's master"--SRH He didn't have a choice.

3PWWRN:
So rarified air then? News sites confirm it [auto-erotic asphyxiation]!

DBD:
That is why you should always have a safe word. It is interesting that Fox News went with “penis” and the AP report used “genitals.” That makes his funeral a fun event now right. It is hard to weep for someone after that. Unless it is from laughter.

SRH:
Yet the laughter weeping is easy.

3PWWRN:
In this case it is more than easy it is almost uncontrollable.

SRH:
I heard the laughter is funnier if you choke yourself while laughing.

The conversation went on a bit after this, but it was mainly about them allowing me to format this and post it.

To recap:
What a way to go
Friday was National Doughnut Day
Here is the evidence of Little Man partaking in the festivities
20 Question Tuesday is up tomorrow
Listening to Little Man watch some Penguins of Madagascar on the DVR

20 Questions Tuesday: 137 - Q is Turning 1

Here it is. My second kid’s birthday week. Yikes. She is going to be 1 in 2 days. AAACK

Today’s 20 Questions is about this momentous occasion. Thanks this week go to ACW, Capt. McArmypants, Riley, Dr B-Dawg, and Some Other Guy. On to the questions!


1. The kid’s school year has passed by so quickly – much quicker than usual. Do you think it might have something to do with the other distractions we have in our lives (work, activities, news stories etc)?
I think it has to do with pure percentages. One year to me is only about 2.86% of my life where when I was 10 it was 10% or a whapping 20% when I was 5 or 100% when I was 1. As I get older, the perception of time speeds up.

2. It’s amazing how the kids can get older and you don’t – isn’t it?
It is a pretty interesting phenomenon at that.

3. “What a difference a day makes” – lame slogan or what?
I am intrigued… I will go with the "or what?"

4. NO STRAWBERRIES!!?
’Tis true, she is allergic to strawberries now.

5. What about blackberries?
Haven’t tried them yet. We are avoiding most multi-seeded fruits right now due to the strawberry thing.

6. Talkin yet? Any first words? Likely candidates for first words?
Tonight she said “mama” much to the delight of a certain mama.

7. What would she want as a birthday present if she could talk?
She is into taking things out of one container and putting them in another container. So two wide mouth jars and a collection of something she cannot choke on. But that is what i am getting her, so you are on your own.

8. What is the biggest personality difference between her and Little Man?
She is way more independent. Way. More.

9. Do you get annoyed at how often people say things like “Oh, wow, is she already hitting the big day??? Where does the time go?”
It is a bit annoying, just because it reminds me of the events that are never going to happen again.

10. Biggest difference between her first year and Little Man's first year?
We have another child to deal with as well. When you only have one, you can sleep when they do in the early days.

11. Any expectations of her second year?
I have decided to not expect anything, except to have a job. I will have a job, Damnit!

12. Do you plan on getting a present for Little Man on her birthday so he doesn't feel jealous/left out?
He is super excited for it to be HER birthday. I think he might get a bit flummoxed if we tried to give him anything significant. That being said, I think we are going to try and give him his favorite foods in celebration of her birthday.

13. Did you know June 4th is also Old Maid's Day? What do you make of that?
Well, Q can be pissed at the OB-GYN who scheduled her birth then.

14. How many different of sizes of clothes does a 0 to 1 year-old pass through?
Typical kids will go through 4 to 7 different sizes. Q went through premie, newborn, 0-3, 3-6, 6-9, and is in 9-12. Most kids are larger than Q and would also be in the 12-18’s but most likely skip the premie.

15. How disappointed is Q by the fact that she has not seen the advent of the flying car in her lifetime?
She has a lot of lifetime left and is not giving up hope. She is just sooo naive.

16. Are you surprised by Q's aforementioned high expectations of how fast technological innovations should be occurring, despite being only one year old? That is a lot pressure your daughter is putting on society already. I don't want to tell you how to raise your child, but you might want to work on that. Seriously.
If you don’t push society it will only stagnate. You should be happy that she is un-happy with the status quo. If we have taught her anything it is to keep the fork out of her eye, but if we teach her something else, it will be that the status should not be quo.

17. So, why didn't we let the car companies fail?
Because so many ancillary industries depended on their existence.

18. What do you see in the upcoming year for the family?
Lots and lots of poopy diapers.

19. Explain 1 in set theory.
This is from my faulty memory of a class I did not get a stellar grade in. Well, it all goes back to the null set. The set that has no members. 0 is described as the null set and 1 would be the power set of the null set which is the null set and a set containing the null set. Therefore a set that contains the null set and another member ergo 1. QED. It is a bit circular, but much of set theory is.

20. Sheesh! I was kidding. You are a freak. I weep for your children.
I weep for them when they have friends over. So will they...


To recap:
1 on Thursday
Wifey’s Mom gets some surgery tomorrow, so positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated
Nothing scary, but necessary
I have some work to get done before a meeting tomorrow
It might get me some contract work, so’s I got’s to get
Listening to The Beast and the Dragon, Adored by Spoon

3 Things

There are 3 things to go over today.

Thing the First:
Q is turning 1 on Thursday. It seems like just yesterday that I got to meet Q, so how can it be that she will be a whole year old on this Thursday? People who have mentioned how fast one’s perception of time increases when they have more than one child are woefully inadequate at the description of the bending of space and time around multiple children. It is hard to concept that Little Man has been around long enough for us to pay off a 30 month loan much less that the new kid in the house has been here long enough for her lease to go month-to-month.

Thing the Second:
Did I mention that my second child has been in this world a year on Thursday? I mean really, it was just a few days ago that she started to like me. How can she be a year old? Seriously. How could there have been duration of 289,898,835,498,720,000 periods of the radiation corresponding to the transition between the two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the cesium 133 atom? “How?” I ask you?

Thing the Third:
No, Seriously. The girl is going to be 1 in less than 3 days. WTF? I have a near 6 year old and a near 1 year old. What is up with that?!?!? If it were not for the calendar we would be celebrating her 100 days of being in Casa del SRH. Sure she would be mighty advanced for a 3.5 month old, but that is the amount of time that she has been here. So shut up.

To recap:
Time is a fickle harlot
Q took her first steps on Friday
Pretty advanced for a 3.5 month old
She is also on the verge of speaking rather coherently
20 Questions Tuesday will be about the passing of a year
Listening to Little Man whine about not getting to watch Youtube vids

Ice Cream Man

As a kid I remember the jingle in the air and the odd tune coming from afar and running to my mom for any loose change to run screaming for the Ice Cream Man! The Ice Cream Truck would slowly amble up the hill and my neighbors and I would run out for out bomb pops and ice cream sandwiches. We would all jostle and maneuver for our place in line and wait at the window of the Ice Cream Truck for the Ice Cream Man to offer us frozen goodies in exchange for cold cash.

Truth be told, I was allergic to dairy for most of my childhood, so the Ice Cream Truck didn’t hold a super amount of appeal for me. That being said on more than one occasion I would line up for some kind of popsicle treat with the neighborhood kids (even the weird kids who lived across the street and didn’t talk to us). Since the Ice Cream Truck was not a super sacred memory of mine I feel like I can say with all sincerity and without much of the Golden Age glasses effect that many people reminiscing about the past, our Ice Cream Trucks were better. They were usually modified solid white or solid yellow delivery trucks that were relatively clean and relatively well maintained. The stickers and advertisements on the sides were usually just the menu of treats associated with the truck’s inventory and maybe if the truck was beholden to a specific frozen treat distributor.

Today’s “trucks” mainly seem to be modified conversion vans of dubious maintenance. They are clearly “used” vans that have crudely cut out “service windows” with the unauthorized likeness of licensed characters badly hand scrawled in tempera paint adorning their rust covered hulls. I am unimpressed by your squishy looking SpongeBob with decidedly non-squarepants hastily painted over the former van owner’s delicate yet powerfully airbrushed wizard and castle. Your attempts at hawking my kid your “Tastee Frozen TREETS” have fallen on deaf ears. Even worse your over-powered Midi blasted Muzak bothers my kid enough that we left the park today to get Vanilla Frostys at Wendy’s.

To recap:
It is still Wednesday somewhere
Why won’t the kids go to sleep
It isn’t both of them at the same time though
When Little Man goes right to sleep, Q is up until 11
When Q goes down quickly, Little Man is up 3 or 4 times that night
I think they are conspiring against us
Listening to Sweep the Leg by No More Kings

20 Questions Tuesday: 136 - Conversation Killers

So, I was out of commission for a week and a half. Big deal. Truth be told I was waiting to get enough questions to glean 20 for today’s post.

Here is the premise… Every phone call with my parents inevitably ends with my dad and I discussing weather. We could be in the middle of a very interesting and engaging discussion about any number of family topics, but I know the conversation is soon to be over when my dad brings up the weather. When weather comes up I know that in 3 minutes I will be off the phone. I have timed it. When I need to get off the phone with him, I ask about the weather and then 3 minutes later, BAM! Conversation is over.

So my topic for this week is "conversation killers."

Thanks this week go to John P, Capt McArmypants, Wifey, and Some Other Guy. Onto the Questions:


1. What, besides the weather, is the best conversation killer in your repertoire?
Bad puns. Usually will end a conversation immediately with a groan.

2. What is the best conversation killer you have heard either directed at you or while involved indirectly?
This one was overheard, “Yeah, I sooo gave her that rash.” That one was said in one of those conversation lulls, it killed many a conversation. The guy went on to explain loudly that it was a "poison ivy rash." Whatever,dude.

3. Does a blank stare and no response for over 2 minutes still qualify as a conversation killer even though it is nonverbal? I haven't implemented yet but feel it may be useful especially at parties but only if you have a drink from which to sip for those 2 minutes!
I think it would be more effective if you did not have a drink and kept checking you wrist for a non-existent watch. Definitely conversation killer.

4. Is it appropriate to be direct and say "I really don't enjoy talking with you, good day!"
More than appropriate, it is now required, but I would add another, “I said, ‘Good day!!’”

5. Is it appropriate to stop a conversation by telling the other person, "I totally disagree with you and can't believe you are that stupid." This works best when someone is discussing the weather and comments on what a beautiful day it is or how they like baby polar bears.
Again, I think you my be a bit too caught up on appropriateness, but that’s a very clever way of stopping the elevator/Wal-Mart conversation.

6. My favorite conversation killer is TMI. Which form of TMI do you think is the biggest show stopper? Sex life? Mental Disorders? Sharing your personality quirks in a vain attempt to validate them? (I met a lady who within 10 minutes of meeting her for the first and last time told me that she thought dogs were so gross that though she had
one that she allegedly loved dearly that she could only touch it with her foot as opposed to petting it with her hand. How did I meet her you ask? She was a receptionist. so Good hire there guys!!!) Venereal Disease? Family issues?
Mental disorders for the win!

7. Which form of TMI SHOULD be the biggest show stopper?
Sex life, but some people are REALLY into hearing about that.

8. Have you ever intentionally pulled a conversation killer to stop a conversation?
Of course I have.

9. While far from the greatest offender, should quoting tv shows be a conversation killer? I am torn on this.
It depends on what TV show and where. The TV show would have to be easily recognizable and It would need to be woefully incongruous with the place where the conversation was taking place. Those two criteria are necessary to make sure that it s a true conversation killer and not just a complete non sequitor.

10. For a man with kids, you seldom pulled the “You don’t have kids, so you just would not understand”. Kudos to that. So many are quick to pull out the: you are not a woman, you are not a man, you are not a Catholic, you are not married, you are not old enough, you are too old….. so you can’t understand. I consider this a total conversation killer, because if person A can’t now or ever understand the complexities of the issue and person B will discount all clearly ludicrous non-experienced based comments from person A, why did person B bring it up? And yes person B always brings it up. Agree or
disagree? I should warn you that if your answer does not coincide with my own view of the issue I will of course attribute your inability to understand the question and the obvious answer to some identifier you are lacking.
You have never blogged, so you wouldn’t understand this answer.

11. To further hypocrisy, I just realized as I typed that last question that on occasion I discount the words of young people because they are just too young to understand. I will endeavor to stop telling them that I am discounting their words as naïve gibberish with no practical application, but I don’t think I can actually NOT discount their words. What do you think? Discount them or not?
Young people are morons meant for the discount racks.

12. Sooo… you gonna marry the black chick? Converstion starter or conversation killer, you decide…
Well… I would go with killer, since it effectively ended my relationship with my grandma.

13. Why is starting a question with the word “why” a conversation killer? Why?
It automatically sets people on the defensive. Try using the more bumpkin-ish phrase of “hows come.” Then people will be put at ease by your unassuming speech pattern.

14. Has your wife, mother, youth minister, or best-friend killed conversation with you?
Mom the day before my wedding: I am still the most important woman in your life, right?
Me: Noooo… you are the most important woman in this car right now though.
Conversation = over

15. Was it intentional to get out of talking with you?
Oh, I don’t think it was intentional. Effective but unintentional.

16. …. Ummm… what were we talking about again?
Conversation killers… oh, I get it. Not funny.

17. Huh? No speaka dee english. Effective or non-effective as a conversation killer?
Effective if and only if you hop from one foot to the other while saying it in a horribly non-locatable yet offensive accent.

18. Have you ever pushed through an obvious conversation kill-shot and had a good conversation?
If I recognize that a kill shot has been made, I will gladly end a conversation. I don’t like people enough to slog through an unwanted conversation.

19. Is there a more technical name for “conversation killer?” I mean, that is a bit blasé.
Dialogic Homicide.

20. Sooo… how’ the weather in your neck of the woods?
And this post will be over in less than 3 minutes.


To Recap:
It is difficult top post when I have no real schedule
My keyboard is acting really funny
I will leave the next line of the recap uncorrected
Tequickredfjumped over thelz brow dg
It is supposed to read:
The quick red fox jumped over the lazy brown dog
I am hitting the keyboard like I am typing on one of those VAX machine terminals from the early 90’s
I will not be surprised if I get a noise complaint from the neighbors
Allergies are better
Listening to the baby monitor

3 Things

Okay, it has been a bit of a break from posting for me, but since Wifey posted something, I feel like I need to get back on this horse.

Three things that seem topical to me today for the post...

Thing the First:
My allergies are off the charts right now. I am praying for rain, not because the flowers need it, or because we planted a vegetable garden. I am praying fervently to the rain gods to wash the pollen away. With the pollen count being all gigantic right now I have been using Zyrtec in the morning and Claritan in the evening to double up on the anti-histamines. The cottonwood trees have deposited enough of their fluffy death to have the pollen equivalent of snow drifts. So, on Saturday I had some yard workish stuff to do which exposed me to tons of leaf mold and required cutting the grass. Leaf mold and grass are two of my favorite allergies.

Then on Sunday it all went south for me. After spending a goodly amount of time cleaning in the kitchen, my right eye decided that it had had enough and decided to close up shop. The area around the eye just kept on swelling with allergenic love. So in addition to the Claritan and Zyrtec I am now Benadryling every 4 hours.... So at 4 AM this morning I decided to go to the ER and get some help. 3 hours and some eyedrops later, I am feeling much better. I would have added a picture, but that is just plain icky.

For the record: Zyrtec, Claritan, Benadryl, and eye drops. Finally I can see again. The thing about anti-histamines is that they dry you out, causing you to pee, so you have to keep yourself hydrated which makes you pee. I am seeing a bunch of the bathroom today. It needs cleaned too (and not due to my lack of binocular vision and peeing).

Thing the Second:
I finally have a better understanding of what Wifey does for a living. She is a snake-oil salesmen and a charlatan. She hawks goods too the un-informed and ill-advised. She is a huckster, a liar, and a thief... and I am all the more proud of her because of it.

May 14th through the 17th I was in one of Wifey's Art of Hosting Meaningful Conversation trainings. It is amazing seeing her in action. She truly is a badass with her black belt in Conversation-Fu.

Thing the Third:
Happy Memorial Day. I know that I do not appear to be the most fervently patriotic person, but let me tell you there is a quiet deep patriotism that runs through me that is fierce in its nature and vehement in its application. I just do not publicize it too much. Thanks to all the people past present, future, alive, and dead in the US armed forces.

To recap:
Been a while
Tomorrows 20 Questions Tuesday is about conversation killers
It should be fun
Should be, but I only have 10 questions so far
Anyone want to send in a few to me?
Use my email on my profile page
The official topic is "Things that kill off a conversation"
Thanks in advance
Listening to Little Man ask me questions about the Pop Tarts I am about to eat

Sick Baby

Okay, Q is snuffly and all congested, so I will not be giving any attention whatsoever to 20 Questions today. I know it is hard to deal with, but, please persevere as best you can.

To recap:
Q being sick = short non-interesting post
Just a normal everyday ailment
Nothing swiny or fluey about it
Hopefully I will have more to post tomorrow
That is, if she is not even more sick